Lauren got back to school and found the lunch table with just Shawn and Dinah. She knew Camila should be back by now.
"Their competition is near, they're spending time with the team probably." Shawn said as he was missing Ariana as well.
"Well we can always spend this precious time we have with just the three of us, like the good old days." Dinah says, a bit more eager than both Lauren and Shawn. Lauren clearly knew why as Dinah expressed her disdain at being the sore thumb.
They catched up about how their vacation went. Shawn went snowboarding with his family in Canada and spent time with his grandparents. Dinah spent her whole Christmas near one of their houses by the beach with her entire clan. Lauren found pride in her to share that her siblings went home and that they had a decent Christmas, something they didn't have in years.
"The competition is in a month, I expect not to really see Ariana around. We'll have to stick with texting each other." Shawn said, a bit sad about it.
"Camila is probably working her ass off for the team." Lauren said, thinking of how much the girl loved the sport and her team.
"I think Mila is sitting out this time." Dinah commented. Lauren turned to her then realized that of course Dinah knew about Camila's condition as she was the one who made the comment about her rough childhood.
"How often does she compete herself?" Lauren asked, as Camila never really expounded.
"Once a year I think, that was when we were freshmen. Not really sure about now." Dinah said.
"Well, I hope Camila takes care of herself. I saw Ariana in practice with her two teammates and the stunts looked intense." Shawn said, sounding very protective. Suddenly it seemed like a lightbulb went off in his head. "Hey guys I'm going with Ashlee later to some bars and have a listen to some music. Are you up to come?"
"I baby older sister duties at home since my mom is on an extended vacation with my dad. Sorry guys." Dinah excused herself.
"I guess I don't have anything better to do. Might as well do it in the presence of good music and company." Lauren said, making Shawn smile.
--
Lauren got to Shawn's car after class as they waved Dinah goodbye.
Dinah seemed sad to miss out but Lauren knew how much of a homebody and family oriented person she was so it wasn't all that bad. Lauren rode in the backseat which Shawn found odd at first but he then realized so he didn't mind. They drove to Ashlee's apartment which was near the entertainment district of the city.
Ashlee warmly greeted Lauren and started on a story of how she made the monkeys go wild at the local zoo by accidentally dropping her pizza in the enclosure. Lauren never laughed that hard as Ashlee even told the story with sound effects. Shawn couldn't contain his laughter too so he was forced to slow a bit down.
They arrived at one of the bars which was more grungy than most and Shawn parked in the empty lot beside it. It was already dark as they took a while to get to Ashlee's so it was dark as they came out of the car.
Lauren saw Ashlee light a blunt quickly and saw that she offered Shawn one but he declined. She turned to Lauren and she accepted without hesitation. Inhaling then exhaling the puff of smoke in one go.
Ashlee smiled. "Aye, that's my girl."
The bar was a bit jam packed as there was a band performing. The bar was near empty so they all sat there. Ashlee ordered a plate of nachos as she was starving. Shawn watched the band set up and perform. Lauren closed her eyes as she finished her blunt, getting lost in the feeling.
"You seem experienced." Ashlee commented, as she finished smoking.
"I used to party a lot, smoke, get drunk, that kind of life. It's not for me anymore. Well except the weed part, I used to smoke cigs but I long stopped." Lauren said, putting her hands between her legs in the stool.
The girl nodded, "What happened?"
Lauren stared at her for a while. She realized Ashlee was the first person she met who didn't know her backstory prior to meeting her. She felt anxious for a split second. Ashlee didn't know her story, this was her chance to tell it, her way. It was scary but to her, she liked the idea of her writing her own story.
"Got into a car accident last year after partying, I survived but my boyfriend didn't." Lauren said. As soon as she said it, she felt the worry now of how Ashlee would react.
Ashlee looked serious for a bit. "Damn, that's one hell of a story. Now look at you."
She didn't expect her to just treat it like that, but rather to sympathize a lot which was a surprise to her. "Thought you would go all sappy on me for a second." Lauren said, sheepishly.
Ashlee furrowed her brows and gave a gritted her teeth. "Um that's not cool though. It's been what, a year? No need to treat it like that. The past is, well-the past. You're past from that, probably moved on. Look at you now though, I never would have thought."
Lauren smiled at her words, hitting her as she realized that Ashlee was right. She dwelled too much on what happened to her and treated it as such a colossal event, never really moving on. Reaping its effects and burden more than a year after it happened.
"Yeah I guess you're right Ashlee." her thoughts were interrupted as Shawn told them to watch as the band started playing. It was a local Miami indie rock band performed. They were greeted with audience cheers as they started their first song.
Lauren watched the lead singer quite carefully as he sang, playing his bass guitar. She blinked and then between her finished one blunt and the familiarness of her surroundings, she saw Alex with his electric guitar behind the mic.
She let her mind wander, after all she was already up there.
Lauren smoked her blunt as she watched her boyfriend take center stage with his band.
Alex puts his guitar on and approaches the mic. "Good evening, my name's Alex, these are my bandmates Vic and Sid and we are Runaway Tuxedo. This song is for my girlfriend, Lauren." Lauren found herself hooting at the crowd, getting lost with her head in the clouds.
Lauren bopped to the song as she sat at the bar, getting a shot of the colorful liquid. The riff of Mr. Brightside started playing and the crowd hyped up.
Lauren barely noticed the set end until Alex made his way up her staying between her legs, his forehead adorned with beads of sweat, his shirt sticking to his sculpted chest. "How was it?" he asked, his breath exhaling into her inhale.
"Good babe as always," she kissed his lips, his hands gripped her waist, holding her closer.
She parted their lips and put a cigarette between his parted lips. She lit it up, looking very amused. He took a drag before she grabbed it and put it on her mouth.
He kissed her cheek before getting a shot of vodka. "Want to go somewhere babe?"
Lauren perked up. "Yes, let's go."
Alex pulled up rolled up crumpled bills and placed it on the bar table. He took his leather jacket and her arm and they went away from the club.
Lauren felt her other arm being pulled. She was faced with Shaun, who looked at her with concern. "Lauren, where are you going?"
She smile and shrugged off his concern. "Chill, Shaun. Alex is just taking me somewhere."
Alex stood near the exit, lighting another cigarette. Shaun looked at his direction then back to Lauren. "I'm worried, Laur. I'm just looking out for you. I trust you take care of yourself okay."
"Yeah Shaun, you know I will." She grinned sleepily as she went back up to Alex, who put an arm around her, leading her out of the bar.
She watched him with so much admiration as he drove his old muscle car. He stopped at the side of the highway that was full of grass.
She suddenly felt his lips on her as he had his hands on her face, cupping it. She reciprocated as her hands went for his shirt. She was still high in her head to remember, all she remembered next was that they were both on the backseat, covered in sweat as he zipped up his jeans.
"Laur, why was Shaun stopping you?" he asked after silence fell upon them.
"He was just looking out for me." she said, not really thinking of what was coming from her mouth. She was still worked up.
"Does he think I'm bad for you?" his expression was suddenly serious. He sat up and made her look at him. "I'm serious Laur, I don't want to do something you'd regret. I want what's best for you."
"I think it's cause I smoke a lot and drink a lot, and when I'm with you it gives me even more reason to do it." she said, remembering what her friends had said.
He frowned at her words. "I'm serious about us Laur. You're an amazing girl and I'm glad you're my girlfriend, I feel like I'm the luckiest guy when I'm with you. You deserve the best. If it means your friends would be more at ease, let's keep out from alcohol first."
"It's fine Alex." she said, embracing him. "Just not our dope."
He chuckled at her words. "Yeah you can keep that babe."
"Lauren?" she was snapped out of her flashback as Shawn and Ashlee looked at her funnily.
She shrugged it off. "Oh I just remembered something. Don't mind me." She thought of how her eyes were dry at the memory this time. She thought maybe it was due to the smoke she had.
"Did you get one of your flashbacks." Shawn asked.
She nodded. "Though I'm not sad about it, just a bit heavy at the memory."
"You get them a lot?" Ashlee asked, more intrigued than concerned.
She thought about it. "Only when I'm doing things I used to do with him."
"He came at bars often?" the way Ashlee asked wasn't invasive at all, rather more of being genuinely curious about it.
"He was a musician, be played in a band too. I frequented places like these." Lauren said.
They listened to the music of the band as they finished their set and said goodbye, to the applause of the audience.
Shawn moved to the chair next to Lauren. He turned to her. "You sure you're okay Lauren?"
She assured him that she was, she couldn't blame him as Shawn had experienced her at one of her worst breakdowns after a flashback. "My doctor told me actually, that it's not bad to remember sometimes. And I finally get him." she said, as her two friends turned to her.
"Yeah, it's not a bad thing to remember. Maybe you'll gain new memories when you go to places you've been before and do things you used to do." Ashlee said, the idea she had on her head.
"Sounds like a good idea. You could hit me up if you want me to drive you." Shawn offered.
"Maybe that will finally get you the closure you need." Ashlee added.
She took all their words into consideration. They spent the remainder of the night eating another plate of nachos and drinking alcohol-free cocktails as it was Lauren's request.
When Shawn dropped her off home, feeling a little sleepy and tired, she fought it as she went to her vinyl collection. She whipped up the New Order vinyl, their 1987 compilation album. She put it on her gramophone and lay in bed, closing her eyes listening to the music.
It was Alex's favorite band and that album meant so much to both of them. She kept away from so much of her band vinyls because most, if not all, were gifts from Alex and she remembered too much. But that night, like how she felt the other day, she wanted to remember.
It wasn't a bad thing.
As she familiar guitar riffs and echoed out voice started singing, she felt the tears. They were involuntary, sort of like reflex. Her eyes closed, and her hands behind her head, she wasn't crying. She was smiling as she listened, as she remembered.
Her wounds were opened but maybe it wasn't a bad thing. She felt so vulnerable but maybe it was for the better. Maybe it would help her get closure. Maybe just maybe she can finally put it behind her once and for all. Her nights were full of maybe's as she remembered until she fell asleep.
--
A/N: The flashbacks have an important story of their own, I suggest to keep an eye out for them because they're not just there randomly. I want to make Lauren's character development as realistic as possible, let me know your thoughts!!
- Sofia