My head throbbed as I pulled it off of the soft pillow.
The window beside me was open, a light breeze blowing in. I reached out, pulling it closed.
When did I open it?
I remember climbing into bed after my mom woke me up, I remember her comforting me until I fell asleep again...
What time is it?
I leaned over, feeling around the bed for my phone. I left it here earlier...
I finally felt it, pulling it out from under my pillow. I scrolled through the few missed calls, mostly from Brooke, one from my dad.
Gross.
I had three text messages from Archer.
"What's up, Lover?"
"I hear there's drama at your house... You okay?"
"Seriously, call me or something."
I rolled my eyes, scrolling over and clicking the small phone symbol. I listened to it ring, letting it go to voicemail.
"Hey, I'm fine. There was drama, not gonna lie it was a shitty day. You don't have to call me back, just don't annoy me if you won't answer your phone," I said, hanging up.
I shoved my phone in the waistband of my jogging pants, almost slipping on the dress laying in the floor.
I bent over, grabbing the dress and several other items of clothing from the floor. If I plan on living in my room from now on, I should really clean it up.
I carried the clothes to my bathroom, tossing them in the hamper and slamming the lid shut. It didn't do anything for the pain coursing through my head or for the anger coursing through my body.
Why am I so angry?
It's like everything I look at is disgusting and old. I need a completely new room.
"I'm glad to see you up and about. Even if it is nearly noon,"
I turned around, my mom coming into view as I exited the bathroom.
"I can't live in my bed, mom. I can live in my room though," I mumbled, leaning against the wall beside my bed.
She huffed loudly, admitting defeat I guess.
"You need to go out, honey. Why don't you take that trip that you wanted to take?" She asked, sitting on my bed.
I sat next to her, pulling my legs up beside me and curling up into my comforter.
"I don't know. I always planned on doing that with Brooke and Casper. Now..." I mumbled, not able to form any words to describe how I feel.
I'm just so angry... but then I'm not. I'm sad, but I'm not. I can't decide how I feel because I can't decide if what went down between me and Casper was real, it all just feels like a nightmare. Every single time I check my phone I expect it to be Casper, sending me a message that says he loves me, that he misses me.
"You miss him. That's okay, Raeleigh. You will miss him," She said, reaching out and brushing my hair off my shoulder.
It's not okay...
I jumped up, jerking myself away from her.
"No, mom! It's not okay. Nothing is okay. Can't you see that? My life is so screwed up right now and you have the audacity to keep telling me how okay I am? How okay it is to fall apart. It's not okay, mom. It's not okay because the second I fall apart, he steps in. He comes in, vengeance on his mind- ready to piss all over everything. I would take that trip if I could. I am so ready to leave all of this drama behind, leave my crazy stalker behind. But I'm pretty sure that the second I leave he will follow, then he'll really have me cornered."
I stared at my mom now, her eyes wide and my breathing heavy and crazed.
"I... I don't know what to say," She mumbled, slowly rising to her feet.
I closed my eyes, my hand covering them even then.
"I'm sorry, mom. None of this is your fault, I'm sorry," I mumbled.
I broke up with him.
He cheated on me.
My stalker is a psychopath.
None of this is her fault, not a single bit.
I turned and ran from my room, nearly falling down the stairs. I barely landed on the last step before I threw myself toward the door, grabbing my keys from the small table I slammed the door shut behind me.
My mother stood at the door with a pleading look on her face, screaming at me not to leave.
I knew I shouldn't drive like this, I knew I should just go back inside and cry in my mom's arms, but I need to deal with this alone.
I sank into my car seat, shutting the door behind me before starting the car and pulling out of the driveway. I hit the bump on the edge of my driveway harder than I meant to. Trying to ignore the pain in my neck from being slung forward, I drove off quickly. I knew I most likely screwed up my tires, it doesn't matter though, it's not gonna matter until I need new ones and when I need new ones I'll have to go out. I will most likely have to go to the tire shop where Casper's buddies work, knowing that he will most likely be there or hear about it.
Then I'll go crazy all over again.
I pulled myself to focus on my driving, which keeps getting harder and harder as each tear falls.
My vision was blurry, luckily I haven't seen any other cars yet, I don't know how long it's been since I pulled off of my road. I don't even know where I'm going.
It doesn't take long for me to realize that my default is to drive to Brooke's... which is where I'm heading now.
I slammed onto the breaks, my heart pounding against my chest. There wasn't much traffic around but I was already on Brooke's road. I couldn't just turn around at this point. I mean, I can already see their driveway.
I slowly pulled around their house, my heart running at the thought of seeing him, even if he is just standing on his front porch.
I drive up to their driveway, my eyes scanning their empty driveway.
"What," I mumbled, pulling into their driveway.
I didn't waste any time pulling out of their driveway, following the road the way I came.
I let my mind wonder to where they are, where he could be.
It was only a matter of seconds before I came to the bridge that went over Everett's creek, the bridge that is about two minutes away from the main road.
I drove across it, glancing down at the water flowing beneath.
The memories of being down there with Brooke and Casper flooded my mind quicker than the water rushing below. The water was so cold, it didn't bother us though.
Brooke would splash Casper, then he would throw her over his shoulders and toss her in. She would always call for my help, which I would have to give, then he would have me over his shoulder as well.
We would run from him and then the fun would start over, the same thing repeating itself until it was too dark for us to see each other. We would always have to run up the path to his house, trying to make our curfew.
The best part was afterwards, we would all snuggle up on the couch, Casper always beside me, watching some scary movie that made me jump further into him.
He was always my rock, even when I didn't know it.
I've always gone running to Brooke, she's always been there, and for the same reason I now find myself running to Casper.
I pulled off of the road I was on, deciding to take the back way home, it would be quicker because of the traffic coming off the highway.
I wiped away any last tears, finally accepting the fact that I need to let him go.
It's what's best for him and what's best for me. I can't run to him anymore, that was then. That was when we were teenagers and it was romantic to have him in my corner. I've gotta learn to grow up at some point, I've gotta learn to take responsibility for my own problems, learn when asking for help isn't an option.
I've gotta learn to fight my own fight.
I pulled onto my road, pulling into my driveway shortly after.
I sat in my car for a second, letting my mind and breathing settle.
I slowly opened my door, keys in hand as I walked up to the front door of my house. I opened the front door slowly, hoping my mother didn't notice me coming in. I could use a few minutes to prepare myself before I get yelled at.
"Raeleigh?"
I stepped off of the bottom step that I made it to, my little brother coming into view.
"Hey, Jasper. When did you get home?" I asked, bending down to face him.
His smile was wide as he hugged me tightly, jumping up and down as I pulled away.
"Mom picked me up a little bit ago. It was probably like two minutes," he said, turning swiftly and running back down the hall.
I turned back, trying to make it up the stairs as quickly as possible.
I shut my door quietly before looking around my room. I took in the mess around me, realizing quickly that I let it get out of hand over the past few weeks. First, I got a boyfriend and lost all motivation to have my life together besides him. Then we broke up, my heart was broken, his was too... they actually still are.
I grabbed a few wrappers that were around my floor, mostly chip bags. I grabbed the crumpled up paper from beside my bed, taking all of it straight to the trash can in my bathroom.
My clothes basket was full, so I guess I have to take it to the laundry room. I grabbed the basket, carrying it on my hip as I walked down the stairs. I rounded the corner to the laundry room, glancing out the back door as I did so.
I could see the rain that started to fall, it fell slowly on the dry grass. Maybe it will bring some life to my backyard.
"Raeleigh?"
I set the clothes down,turning around to face my mother.
"I'm glad you're back. I was worried," She said, pulling me into a quick hug before pulling back.
"Look at what I found in my car," She mumbled, pulling my old taser out of the kitchen cabinet.
"When did you find it? I haven't seen this thing since... well before Casper and I started dating..." I mumbled, taking it from her.
I ran my hand over the smooth side of it, it felt so foreign in my hand now.
"Do you remember all of the techniques you learned at that class?" She asked, grabbing something else from the cabinet.
"Here's the charger, be sure to plug it in before you go to sleep tonight. I want you to get back to taking it with you wherever," She said, handing me the charger.
I nodded my head, completely speechless as she walked away from me.
"Hey, mom?" I called out.
She turned around quickly, her eyes curious.
"Thanks," I stuttered out.
She smiled, turning and walking back down the hallway.
I carried the taser and charger back up to my room, listening to the charger clank against the steps as I pulled it.
I kicked the door shut behind me, tossing the charger and taser on the bed from the doorway. I walked straight into my bathroom, grabbing a rag from my cabinet and turning my bathroom sink handle to hot.
I held my hand under the water for a moment, letting the hot water burn my hand for a second before turning it down a bit. I held the rag beneath the faucet, the warm water soaking the rag completely.
I squeezed the rag a bit, holding the still damp rag to my face.
I took a deep breath before holding the rag over my face for a few seconds. I wiped it down my face, trailing it down my neck. I ran it across the back of my neck, trying to wipe away the stress of the past few days.
I pressed the palm of my hands against the cold countertop. The white surface smooth and steady. I let my head droop down for a moment, rolling my neck and loosening up. I tossed my rag in the sink, pulling myself back and sitting on the edge of my tub.
I pulled my phone out of my waistband, checking my notifications.
I scrolled through the messages.
Two from Brooke, one from Archer, seven from Casper...
I read through Casper's messages first, most of them saying we need to talk, yet one caught my eyes.
"I don't care what happened between us, you will always be one of the most important things in my life. I need to see you, please call me or something."
I clicked his contact, looking at the contact picture for a moment.
It was a picture of all three of us, Brook, Casper, then me.
I was on Casper's back and Brooke was chasing me. Christian took this photo on fourth of July a couple of years ago.
I clicked the little phone, calling him for the first time in a while.
"Hello?" He answered, his voice soft.
"Hey..."
I didn't know what to say, I honestly couldn't form words in this moment, I haven't spoken to him since yesterday afternoon... when I broke up with him.
"Um.. how are you?" He asked, knowing full and well how I was.
"I could be better," I mumbled, standing up and pacing the bathroom floor.
"I know how you feel," He said, his voice breaking for a second.
"So.. why did you want me to call you? I mean, like is there something going on?" I asked.
He almost hesitated, his voice shaky as he answered me.
"I just... I really miss you. I had to hear your voice," He mumbled, taking a deep breath as soon as he said it.
I had to admit, I missed him more than anything. I wanted nothing more than for him to hold me as I cried, hold me until I fell asleep.
"I-I miss you too. I can't say I didn't wish you were here every second of last night and ever since you left," I said, my voice breaking several times.
Tears formed in my eyes, his breathing got heavy and I knew he was crying.
"Thanks, Ray. It means a lot," He mumbled, his voice shaking more than mine.
I stayed silent for a moment, trying to find the words to say.
"Look, I, um... I really have to go," I lied, trying my best to sound convincing.
"You're lying aren't you..." He mumbled.
"I-No. I mean, a little. I just... this is hard for me," I said, stuttering more than I meant to.
He was silent for a minute, probably trying to figure out what to say.
"It's hard for me too, you know," He his voice steady.
I was shocked by his sudden harsh tone.
"I-I know," I stuttered out, trying my best to remain calm.
"You don't though. You don't know. You don't even realize how much you hurt me, Ray. I am sorry that I cheated on you, I really am. I was so drunk I don't even remember it, I just- I need another chance. Please, Ray... Give me another chance," He pleaded.
The tears fell to the floor as I stood there, silently sobbing. I brought my hand to my mouth, hoping to hide the fact that I'm standing here crying like a baby.
"No, no, don't cry. Ray, please don't cry," He whispered, his voice shaky.
I knew that if I kept crying, he would. I can't handle him crying.
"I'm good, I promise," I mumbled, wiping a few tears away.
"Good. I didn't mean to upset you. I never had that intention," He said, taking a deep breath.
"I know. I um... I do have to go now, though. My mom just called me," I lied... again.
"Okay... I'm glad you called me. I love you, Ray. Bye," he said.
"Bye, Casper," I mumbled, hanging up quickly.
I glanced down at his contact, contemplating calling him back, begging him to take me back.
"Ray?" I glanced up now, wiping the tears out from under my eyes again.
"Yeah?" I asked, spotting Jasper's innocent little smile peeping around the bathroom door.
"Are you okay?" He asked, walking all the way into the bathroom.
I smiled at him, holding my arms out for a hug. He walked over slowly, wrapping his little arms around me. I hugged him tightly, trying not to crush his fragile body.
"I will be," I said, sniffling a bit.
"Good. Now will you make me food?" He asked.
I pulled back now, glancing at his puppy dog eyes.
"Sure," I answered, standing from the tub.
If there is one thing that can make me feel batter, it's my little brother.
Jasper is always the sweetest thing ever. He can be annoying when he has had too much sugar, he can be annoying when he has his friends over, but he is never just plain out mean.
I am honestly so thankful that at this point in my life, my stalker has never once bothered Jasper.
I don't know what I'd do if that ever happened, but I know I'd end up in jail.
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A//N
Kind of a dramatic type of laid back chapter. Not too much action, more of her emotions than anything else.
I really hope you liked it, comment and let me know. Please like if you did enjoy it.
Thanks so much,
xoxo, me.