Okay, official chapter one. This is my first story, so be nice :)
enjoy!
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Chapter One - Grief and Goodbyes.
"Let us mourn not their deaths..." said the priest, as he continued his uninspired sermon. Easy for him to say. He never even met them, he didn't know them, wouldn't miss them; wasn't afraid of how he would never see his smile or hear her laugh, feel their kiss goodnight. I looked away, not listening anymore.
I felt Sarah, sitting beside me, squeeze my hand. I listened to the whispers of the congregation; I could feel their penetrating stares, all focused on me.
They did not care about my loss, not at all. They were here for the story, for the drama; emotional leeches that they were.
Not, I suppose, that I could blame them. After all, it's not everyday that the mysterious couple down the road gets murdered, not in a small town like this. You could practically feel the thrumming of their whispers in the air, as rumors flew and they fabricated suspicious evidence that my parents had secretly been mobsters or drug dealers or something.
Still, common courtesy demanded that they attend the memorial, and what better a place to exchange stories than the church; during the sermon with everyone wearing black, no one standing out.
Except for me of course. Always the outsider.
I wanted to run, cry, scream - to know why this tragedy occurred; I wanted answers. I needed something, anything, to relieve me of this heartbreaking grief.
Grief...
Grief is like an Ocean; huge, overwhelming, oppressing, endless. Like the deepest depths of the sea, there was no light, everything pushing in on me, and I was sinking...
Drowning...
"Adele... Adie, it's over. Come on."
Sarah's voice seemed far away, like I was hearing it through a sheet of glass. One that separated me from the past, from what was normal and this numbing pain.
I stood up, and let Sarah drag me from the room, falling behind her, not really paying attention to anything as I went by.
Skipping the reception that came after the funeral, we went straight to "our spot," on the far edge of the lake, and sat down under the old oak tree. We sat in silence, holding each other tight.
The only sounds were Sarah's heart wrenching sobs, which were shaking us both with intensity.
I wouldn't, couldn't cry; not anymore. I had already cried myself dry, night after night since my parents' murders, nightmares making sleep impossible.
I don't know how long we stayed sitting like that. Time has no meaning in the Ocean of grief.
All I know is that the sun was starting to set, painting the sky a beautiful rainbow of colors I couldn't appreciate, when Sarah finally spoke again:
"What will you do now? Will you stay here?" She asked, faint hope in her voice.
"No... How could I Sar? I have no family here, no one to stay with."
"You could stay with me?"
The words came out of her mouth not as a statement, but a question. She was silently pleading, but we both knew the answer.
"And face them? Their stares, their suspicion, their fake pity?" I asked bitterly. Sarah opened her mouth, but I interrupted, continuing ruthlessly,
"Is that what you want for me Sarah? For me to live in this place filled with grief, loss, and memories of people who I know I'll never see again? For me to wake up each morning, wondering why? Why not me too? Do you really want me to be left in this dead-end town that I can't escape?"
I was being unfair, I know. She was only trying to help; Sarah had been with me through all of this, the only one who had been there. She had my back, just like I had hers. It was what best friends were for, after all. We had been together since grade 3, and were both afraid of the imminent separation looming over us on the horizon.
"I didn't mean..." Sarah broke down, crying once more.
"Aw, geez, Sarah, don't cry. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap like that, it's just... a lot to deal with," I explained, trying to console her. She sniffed, and nodded.
"My grandparents are coming to pick me up tomorrow," I said after a pause, finally answering her original question.
"The Crazy rich ones who you spend the entire summer with every year?"
"Well it's sure not the dead ones" I said, attempting to lighten the mood, and failing miserably.
"They live so far away," Sarah complained, "I'll never see you."
We were both quiet for a minute. We both realized what this was.
"Never forget me" Sarah warned, tears swimming once again in her eyes, and this time in mine too.
"How could I ever?" I whispered
"Just promise," she choked out.
"I promise, Sarah. I promise that I will never forget you. You are the best friend that I could ever have," I said, now truly crying. We hugged again, as though if we held each other tight enough we wouldn't have to ever let go.
"Goodbye... Adele," Sarah whispered, before getting up and running away.
"Goodbye Sarah," I sobbed, too late, the words she would never hear hanging in the sudden silence over the lake.
And as the sun left the sky, the shadows turning the world to grey, I sat there, all alone, and cried.
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This chapter is in Loving Memory of Jeff Roy, who passed away of cancer the morning of April 11th, 2010.
To anyone who knew him, all that you could say about Jeff is that he was a Fighter. He was brave, caring, a truly remarkable boy.
Cancer is something that affects us all, hurts us all. And yet, sometimes, it can bring us together in our mourning. Whether you knew Jeff, or just someone who has passed away from this horrible disease, or any loved one who has passed on, stop and take a moment, to think about them, remember them, and everything that made them special.
"In a dry and weary land, Lord You are the rain.
In a sea of shattered ones, Your love comes rushing in.
You hold the world within you hands, and see each tear that falls.
Through every fire and every storm, You are always enough,
Always enough
You love is peace to the broken,
Faith for the widow,
Hope for the orphan,
Strength for the weak.
Your love is the anthem of nations,
Rings out through the ages,
And You're always enough for me."
Rest in Peace, Jeff ♥
You will be missed.
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