Chapter 9: The Talk
Allen
The kitchen door opened just as I was walking into the room, holding onto Sam. I stopped to watch Mika close the door behind him, then turn to face me, our eyes locking onto each other's.
He had left last night without us being able to talk about what had happened between us. I wish we had talked then. At least maybe I wouldn't have been up all night. Between blaming myself for making such a mess of things, worrying if he'd even come back to work today, and trying to figure out why the fuck I even kissed him in the first place, I wasn't sure if I actually got any sleep at all.
My head was pounding, and this staring contest we had going on between the two of us wasn't making it any better. It might actually be making it worse.
"I'm sorry," he muttered, breaking the eye contact. He looked nervous and uncomfortable just saying those two words. "About last night. I-I got carried away."
I didn't know if I was willing to forgive him. I didn't even know if I wanted him to take the blame for it. If anything, it was both of our faults, not just his.
Sam started whining in my arms then. He was hungry, and I still needed to get ready for work. "Here," I said, holding out my arms. "Take him. I need to go."
"Allen," he sighed, not making any move to take my son from my arms. "Can't we talk about this?"
I shook my head. "No. I was willing to talk this out last night. Now, I'm going to be late for work if you don't do your job and feed Sam."
He still refused to take Sam. As much as I wasn't trying to be rid of my son, I desperately needed Mika to take him so that I could get to work on time. I missed too much work yesterday between arriving late and leaving early to miss any work today.
Sam's whines started turning into an actual cry. I stepped closer to Mika, glaring at his refusal to do the job I hired him to do. He eyed my son in my arms, and I could tell he was debating whether to stand his ground or give in. With a sigh, he gave in, taking Sam out of my arms.
"Thank you," I said, the words coming out harsher than I meant them to. But I didn't have time to deal with the tone of my voice. I was going to be late if I didn't hurry.
*
We never talked that night when we got home. I don't know what happened, but neither of us seemed to be in the mood for this conversation. This went on for days, us not saying any more than the absolutely necessary to each other. I hated it, but at the same time, I had no idea how to break the awkwardness between us.
Days turned into weeks, which turned into months. Not talking the way we once had became the norm. Neither one of us brought up that day again, but conversations were still a bit on the uneasy side.
One day, in early October, I couldn't take it anymore. Placing my six month old son on his blanket to play with his blocks, I looked at Mika, who was putting on his shoes and getting ready to leave for the day.
"We should talk," I said to him.
He looked at me skeptically. "Okay... What about?"
I sighed, not knowing how to say this. "About what happened between us, that day in April."
He knew exactly what I was talking about. "Why now? Why can't you just let things drop? I said I was sorry, and that it was a mistake. What else can you possibly want to say about it?"
"That I don't think it was a mistake? I don't know, but what I do know is that for the last few months, I've been thinking about how I think I might be attracted to guys, too. Which includes you, Mika. I think I'm attracted to you, and I don't want us to just forget what happened, that kiss."
He turned his back to me with a sigh, running a hand through his hair. After a moment, he faced me again. "You know, one of the first thoughts I ever had about you was how attractive you are, Allen." My heart skipped a beat. "But right after came the list of reasons why I couldn't let myself think that. You were straight. You had a kid. You're my boss. So I stopped thinking about you like that."
Even though he was saying no to my unspoken question, there was something about the way he said it that made me think that maybe he was saying yes. So I needed asked. "If I were to ask you right now if you'd go out with me, what would you say?"
He bit his lip, thinking it over. I really wanted to feel those lips against mine again. It's been too long. And as much as the thought would have repulsed me a year ago, I wanted to kiss him again, from the moment we broke apart from each other all those months ago. It was then that I knew that I really did like him.
"That depends," Mika finally answered.
"On what?"
"Your stance on the whole employer/employee thing we have going on."
I've thought about that too, definitely. But I didn't care. Sure, if things end up not working out for us, I'd probably have to find someone else to take care of Sam because of the awkwardness it would cause. I would still pay him the same rate, because he would still be doing the same work. And it's not like he worked under me at the firm and I would be giving him special treatment over my other employees. He was the only person who watches Sam, so there can be no special treatment like that.
Instead of saying all that, though, I said, "What difference does it make? I'll still pay you the same amount, because you'll still be watching Sam, right?"
He sighed. "Yeah, it's just... This is the longest I've ever held a job. I don't want to screw things up for myself by getting involved with you."
I stepped closer to him, putting my hand on his cheek so that he would look me in the eyes. "I won't let that happen, no matter what happens with us."
To answer me, Mika leaned up and placed a kiss on my cheek, catching the corner of my mouth. While it was definitely more contact than we've had in months, I still wanted an actual kiss. So I took one, firmly pressing my lips to his.
"Let's go out to dinner. Tonight," I said, leaning my forehead against his. "The three of us, because you're the only person I have to babysit."
He smirked. "Are you saying I'm only invited to watch your kid?"
"No. I'm saying I want to go on a date with you. And Sam will be joining us for dinner." Probably not the best idea, bringing your six month old son on a first date, but I didn't have any other option.
"Alright, Allen. I'll will go out with you and your son."
I kissed him again, grateful that he actually agreed.
*
The date went pretty well. I took him to a small little restaurant for dinner, which neither of us had ever been to before. I was a bit worried it wouldn't be good enough, but the atmosphere was great and the food was even better.
By the time we arrived back at my house, Sam was just about ready to pass out. I carried him into the nursery, where I got him ready for bed and then placed him in his crib. He'll be out until the morning, thankfully.
I walked back out to the living room, where Mika waited. His back was to me, so he didn't know I was here, and I took a moment to look at him. He was quite handsome, there was no denying that. I would be happy just staring at him for hours.
"Allen," Mika said, sounding surprised as he turned to see me standing here. "How long were you standing there?"
I shrugged, not wanting to tell him I had been there for probably a couple minutes already. "Few seconds. Come here."
I don't know what my plan was. I guess I was just thinking about giving Mika a kiss goodnight, then he'd go back to his home for the night. Instead, I found the two of us in my bedroom, and I'm still not exactly sure how that happened.
I backed us up so that I was sitting on the edge of my bed, all the while, our lips were attached to each other. He broke the kiss only for a moment to remove my shirt, and then his, before his lips found mine again.
Running my hands down the sides of his body, I felt him shiver slightly. He didn't seem too bothered by it as he started kissing down my neck and chest, lowering himself until he was kneeling in front of me.
The position reminded me so much of the first time we got this far that I didn't want the same thing to happen. I wanted this. I think he wanted it too, considering the eagerness behind the force he used to pull down my pants and underwear.
He hesitated before taking me into his mouth. "Yeah?" he asked, breathlessly.
I could only nod before his mouth went around me. Oh God, I've never felt anything like this before. He really knew how to do this, that was for sure. I don't think I ever wanted him to stop, he was that good. But, of course, before I knew it, he was bringing himself up to kiss my lips again. I could taste myself on him, and I craved more.
He was sitting on my lap, my member rubbing up and down between his naked cheeks. I don't know when he had gotten rid of his pants, but I was definitely not missing them right now.
I moved my face to his neck, wanting to mark him as mine. As I was sucking on his skin, I felt him push me inside of him slowly, until I was all the way inside of his tight hole.
We moaned simultaneously at the new pleasurable feeling. This was my first time having sex with a man, and I couldn't imagine how I never wanted to do this before. It was unbelievable, the feeling of being inside him.
Lifting him up, with my hands on his ass, I laid Mika down on his back, never removing myself from him. I pulled out slightly before pushing all the way back in, earning a loud grunt from Mika.
We continued like this for what felt like hours. Moving together in a lustful passion that let us explore every inch of the other's body.
When we finally finished, it was well after midnight. I quickly switched off the light before crawling back into the bed next to a breathless Mika. I pulled him close to my body, glad that I was no longer alone for the first time in over a year, as we drifted off to sleep.