Toni
It was starting to get late, and my mother still wasn't awake. I told Face and Vince to go home, and that I would bring Tamar home once she was ready to leave. The steady beeping of cardiometer was ingraining itself into my thoughts, and it was starting to make me feel a little insane. I stepped outside of the room for the first time in hours, automatically remembering that Janet was supposed to call me. One more thing I had to worry about. I checked my phone and saw that I had actually missed a call from her, which made me feel a little better. Hopefully everything went over smoothly between her and Wissam, and hopefully it was the end. I called her back, yet there was no answer. It was a little unlike her. But I didn't worry too much.
"Toni," Tamar's hoarse voice called from the room. It reminded me of when we were younger and it always seemed like we were on each other's side, me and her against the world. I just wish my other sisters were here to support us and Mommy. They were all deeply concerned, and Towanda was even going to try and catch the soonest flight to L.A. to be with us. I was excited to see her, but not under these circumstances.
"Yeah, Tay?"
"I think I'm ready to go home," she sighed, giving my mother one last look. She was all cried out, and that was even worse than when she was sobbing to me. We were both pretty drained. "I'll come back in the morning."
"Okay." I put my arm around her shoulder.
We both gave Mommy one last kiss before heading out of the nearly vacant hospital. I dropped her off at her own house first, then headed to Janet's just to make sure everything was okay.
Janet
"Where's that little bitch?! I want to fuck him up so bad." Jermaine (Dupri) fumed as he invited himself into my house with a nasty scowl. He was the first of the men to show up.
"I'm waiting on him to get home, I don't know where he went. But he'll be back tonight."
"How could he do this to you, J?! I thought he was cool."
"I-I did too. People just change, I guess..." I wiped my eye of one tear.
"Well he's about to get his whole face changed up. Soon as he walk through that door."
Then Jackie and Marlon came busting through my door without any warning, scaring the shit out of me. They looked around the room for any trace of him, cracking their knuckles and setting their jackets on the couch. "You guys, he's not here yet," I said. "You can relax."
Jackie ran up to me and pulled me into a tight hug. It was honestly just what I needed right now. "We are not going to relax until I see his nose detached from his face, and he is crawling away and begging for mercy."
"Jackie, don't you think that's a little harsh?"
"No, you called us over here for a reason. He deserves everything he's about to get."
"That's right," Marlon chimed in. "He messed with our baby sister, so he's getting messed with right back. That's all it is." He smiled falsely and sat down on the couch next to J.D. "Don't think anything of it."
Another door bell ring, but before I could answer it, emerged Jermaine and Randy. Randy looked like he literally was going to kill him. And I immediately thought maybe I didn't need all of them here. At the time I was desperate. But not just anyone gets blessed to have 6 older brothers, plus a great ex that is now like a seventh.
"Janet, where the hell is he. I wanna shove my foot so far up his ass-"
"He's not here yet," everybody else in the room said in unison.
"When he comes in that door, I swear to god-" Jermaine started to fume. "How the hell could he do something like that to you?! He has lost his damn mind!"
All the men started to argue about how much of a piece of shit he was and how much they were going to fuck him up, J.D and Jackie talking the most shit. But Randy just had this look in his eye... and I could tell he was going to do the most damage. Hopefully not too much.
Then there was another ring at the door bell, shutting everyone else up. I wasn't expecting anyone else. And Wissam didn't ring the doorbell to come inside. I know for a fact he wouldn't do it today.
I opened the door, and there was a red, puffy-eyed Toni, looking completely drained inside. I was elated to see her, but not like this. I started to jump to conclusions about what could have happened between this morning and now.
"Jan, all these cars in your driveway, is there a party going on? And luggage in the street?" She peeped around my shoulder at everybody, and they all waved kindly. She looked so lost. "Was this a bad time? Am I interrupting a family gathering?"
"No, Toni, come in. I'll tell you everything, just as soon as you tell me what happened to you! Why do you look like you've been crying?!" I pulled her into the kitchen and away from the boys, who had resumed their conversations. It was loud and echoing through the house.
Toni ran her fingers through her hair and sat on a bar stool. "During rehearsal today, I got a call... my mother had a stroke and has been unconscious ever since."
A shockwave of heat coursed my body at the words. "You're kidding, right? No! Toni, I'm so sorry," I hugged her tightly. "What are the doctors saying about it?!"
"They won't know much until she wakes up, but depending on the damage done to her brain she could become paralyzed from the waist down, and I just can't-"
"Oh, Toni..." I hugged her again, this time harder. "As soon as this is all over, We can have some wine, get you relaxed..."
"Oh yeah, um, Jan? What exactly is happening?"
"Oh. That's right, you didn't answer the phone, now I know why. Well... I tried to break up with Wissam today."
"You did?!" Her face brightened, but then he caught herself in realizing I might have been a little sensitive about it. I was, but, me too, Toni. Me too. "I mean, you did. And?"
"He wouldn't leave, he said no, and I said-"
"That son of a bitch is pulling up now, come on y'all." Randy yelled, and they all barreled out of the door. I had to make sure this didn't get too ugly.
"Wait, you guys! Don't kill him, please..." I tried to run after them, but it was already too late. They had formed a half-circle around his Ashton Martin, and as he stepped out looking more egotistical than I'd ever seen him, his whole body froze in something like fear. "Oh, no..." I muttered. This might have been a really bad idea.
"Janet, what the hell-oh... shit..." Toni trailed.
We watched out the window as he was pulled by the shirt away from his car by Jermaine. Everyone else re formed the circle, now in the middle of the driveway. I decided just to step out on the front porch so he could see my face one last time, before he lost his limbs. Toni hid behind me. Randy threw the first punch to his gut. I winced.
"You fucked up, Wissam," Marlon said as he crumbled to the ground, coughing. It was the first time I heard him use language like that in probably 20 years.
"Yeah, what the fuck was you expecting? Do you know who you dealing with, punk ass nigga?" J.D. kicked him as he tried to get up.
"I don't know what you guys are talking about," he responded.
"If I were you, I'd really shut the fuck up right about now." Randy kneeled down and got really close to his face, pinning his shoulders down into the concrete. "Try to pull any funny shit, and my face will be the last thing you see in your life."
He got up and stepped back.
"Get up," Jackie said. "We're not done."
Wissam struggled to his feet. Seeing his face made me want to cry again. "You guys, go easy, alright?" He and I made eye contact for the first time since he arrived, and his eyes looked a way I'd never seen them before. I had to turn my head. I felt Toni's hand rub my shoulder behind me.
"Here's how this is gonna work. We gonna finish beating the shit out of you. And you will get in your car, and if we find out you're back here ever again in this life time, that's it. You will no longer exist. All your shit is in the street, so you can get it on your way out. But you're not talking to J, you're not looking at J, and you're not even thinking about thinking about J. Is that clear?" J.D. Snarled.
"You don't scare me, little man," Wissam said with a weak chuckle.
Randy hit him in the jaw. "Is that clear?!" He yelled.
"Jan, go in the house. I don't want you to see any more of this." Marlon said to me.
"Please, just don't kill him." I begged one last time.
"As long as he cooperates. Go on, we'll talk to you in a minute."
Toni opened the door for me so I could go in. But she didn't budge.
"Toni, come on!" I said. She didn't even look away.
"I'll come inside with your brothers, don't worry. I wanna see this," she said eagerly.
"Toni Michelle. Inside. Now," I demanded. She really thought she was going to stand out there and watch.
She sulked inside. I closed the door back. "How can you just stand there and watch them do that to him?"
"I told you, Jan! I don't like him. Ever since the other night, he does not, and will not ever, sit well with me. Now, do you want to tell me why they are beating his ass in the first place?"
"Today, I told him I'd call the police if he didn't leave my house. And he choked me. And threatened to kill me," I said somberly.
"You're fucking kidding me, right? You're joking?" Toni jumped to her feet and headed for the door.
"Toni, come back, they're taking care of it."
"I'm about to take care of it too, what's up?" She took her earrings off and set them on the ledge. "Bet."
"Toni. Come on. You know you can't go out there."
"Janet! I told you I was going to kill him the other night. You told me I couldn't then. I've got plenty of reason to do it now! What do you mean he choked you?! And threatened you?! What kind of bitch ass, dick head, prick does that to a woman? To you?!"
I just hung my head down in shame. How could I let him get this far?
"I'm just glad your brothers are taking care of it, because if it was me out there, I swear to God you'd have to bail me out of prison."
"I know, I know."
"Let me see." She walked towards me and unzipped my jacket a little.
"See what?"
"Shit. It's bruising, Jan. Right under your chin." She sighed.
"Oh."
"'Oh,' my ass. Janet, let me just get one shank in. I won't use any of your good knives, and you can just know I'm doing it for you." Toni went to the window to see what was going on. "It looks like they're finishing up."
"How bad is it?"
"His face is completely swollen, that bitch ass... Fuck you, Wissam! And your mother, and your family! Rot in hell, you sick fuck!" She screamed out of the window as he limped to his car. My brothers were coming in the house now, while Jermaine made sure he left.
"It's done, Janet. He's gone," Jackie said.
They all came to give me a big group hug. I was so blessed.
"If he comes back, which I highly doubt, you know where to find us. Thank you for letting us know what was going on. You know we always got your back, little sis."
"I love you all so much. Thank you." I wiped my tears away and got everyone their jackets, then they left. Toni was on her way out too, but I stopped her.
"Ton, stay here with me? Please?"
She turned around and smiled weakly, before saying goodbye to my family. We were alone. Then she tackled me in a hug, and my eyes flooded with tears. This was a lot for one day. For both of us. There wasn't a whole lot to be said, or to be done. We were just here for each other, like we seemed to be a lot these days. I don't know how I ever lived without her. She was literally my rock.
"I'm so sorry, Jan," Toni whispered. "I'm sorry you had to be treated like that."
"It's no one's fault but his own. And I think he's learned his lesson." I forced a small laugh. I didn't really want to have to hurt Wissam. But if I wanted to live, what other choice did I have?
"He better have. Can I get some water?" She asked me, pulling away and wiping her own tears away.
"Of course, come on. Do you want Emily to make you anything to eat? Have you eaten anything today? I bet you haven't." I tossed her a bottle of water from the fridge. I knew that when she was upset, she completely lost her appetite. The exact opposite of me; I wanted to eat everything in sight right about now.
"You know I haven't, but I'm not hungry."
"Toni, you have to eat. It doesn't have to be a lot."
"Jan, I'm fine."
I got myself some ice cream and took a seat at the bar stool next to Toni's. She watched me as I ate it directly from the carton, but didn't say anything about it. Wise woman.
"I wanna come to see your mother with you tomorrow," I said after a little while of silence. "Well, I just assumed you were going to see her. But if you are, I want to come with you."
"Jan, you don't have to do that. It's really depressing, seeing her sick like that."
"All the more reason I want to be there for you." She smiled bashfully.
"Thank you. It's okay if you change your mind."
"Unlikely."
"But if you do. Just know I'll understand."
"Okay."
"Do you think the public's gonna find out about what happened between you two?"
"Someone always does, I don't know what lie I'll have to make up this time."
I didn't even think about that. It seemed all my problems were always amplified just because of who I was. This wouldn't be completely over without a good fight and a few tense interviews.
"Well, don't you worry about it. Just focus on you, and how you feel, and your own well-being, okay? "
"Right." I was so amazed as to how she always knew the right things to say to me. Always one step ahead. "Toni." I looked at her in admiration while she texted someone on her phone.
"Yeah?" She didn't look up. It had to be one of her family members, her keeping them posted on the state of her mother. She was probably so distracted, so stressed, while I had finally taken care of all my problems, yet we were still talking about me. It didn't seem fair. I wanted us to feel the same; it made our conversations flow much easier. But there was nothing either of us could do.
"Just look at me."
She finished sending the text and set her phone down with an exasperated sigh, looking me in the eyes. "My make up's probably all over the place, do you have to look at my face right now?"
"Yes. You look beautiful. But listen, she's gonna be alright. I just feel it. Don't stress. I can tell it's eating you alive, and I'm not saying not to worry, but relax a little, okay? Your shoulders are tensed up to your ears."
I stood up and got behind her, trying to massage some of the tension out of her neck. She hung her head down. "It's okay," I cooed. "She'll be fine."
"I just want her to want better for herself, you know? We tell her over and over again, the way she eats is going to kill her. And she puts herself so damn close to the edge, and I wonder if she even cares." Toni sniffled.
"Old habits are tough to break, when it's the way you've been your whole life, sometimes a health scare isn't enough to reverse all of those years."
"Yeah, I guess not."
"But she'll pull through. I know it. Don't stress. There you go, I see your shoulders are coming down." I kneaded a little harder into her shoulder blades with a couple fake grunts. She chuckled.
"Thank you, Janet."
"You're welcome." I ruffled my fingers through her hair. Then something hit me like a ton of bricks and brightened my entire mood. I couldn't believe it took this long for me to realize that I could actually be with her, for real this time. No interruptions, no guilt, no secrecy. I just hoped she still wanted the same thing.
"But guess what?" I bit my lip as a big grin spread across my face. This would either be the perfect time to bring this up, or she would think I was terribly insensitive. I was willing to take the risk.
"What?" She swiveled around in the chair, noticing I had stopped, and was not going to continue until she fully acknowledged me. I took her by the wrist and to the other counter, where I asked her to sit on top of it. "What are we doing? Why couldn't I just sit on the stool?"
"Because, when you sit here, I can stand here." I stood in between her legs, just like the first night. Except this time, it felt so much more natural and right. "I mean, maybe it's too soon, but ever since the first night we were together, I've been getting this feeling like... I don't know. I feel like this is where I'm supposed to be. With just you, explicitly and exclusively." I ran my hands down her body before hooking my fingers into her belt loops. She licked her lips and tried to hide a smile. Good sign. "I don't want to have to hide from anyone, and I don't want to have to suppress my feelings for you anymore. I wanna touch you, like this, every chance that I get. And I don't want to have to wonder if it's the right or wrong time, because to me, it always feels... right." I slipped my hands under her shirt, feeling her warm, smooth skin against my finger tips. I could feel her shiver under my touch as she took deep breaths, looking down at my hands on her body. I paused to lift her chin up to my eye level. She would see how I felt in my eyes better than anything I could ever say. "Toni Michelle, I want to make love to you. Not just have sex. I want your body to be one with mine. And I want to wake up in the morning and see your face as soon as I open my eyes. And I don't want to have to leave you for any reason at all."
She leaned her forehead against mine and locked her legs around my waist.
"More than anything, I just want to treat you like the queen that you are, 24/7. I want to give you the world. Like you said before, you're my best friend, and we've been intimate. And you were right. There's not much else for us to be, except together. So can we do that? Can we be together, Toni?" My voice barely broke a whisper now; our bodies seemed to draw nearer with every word I spoke.
Toni pressed her lips gingerly against mine, and my whole existence melted under her. This is what I needed in my life. As I was going to deepen the kiss, she pulled away. The faintest nod came from her head, and I raised my eyebrows with hope to make sure I interpreted it correctly. With the way she kissed me, it had to be a yes. She nodded again, a little larger this time, and a smile broke out on her face. I mirrored her expression and pulled her by the knees closer to me into a passionate kiss. Her thighs had an iron grip around my body that, in combination with her long, deep, slow, kisses, made me want to lay her down on this counter. The thought of me now being able to do this with her every single day made it hard for me to stay in my skin.
Toni stopped to hug me tightly, and just when I thought it couldn't feel any better... her embrace was the one something I was missing from my life, and everything seemed to fall into place with her arms around me like this. The feeling she was giving me was indescribable. More than sexual arousal, it was a sort of emotional fulfillment that came with knowing she was finally mine. Thus far, nothing topped it. I was so full with the love that I couldn't wait to give her, that tears were starting to fall from my eyes and onto her clothes. She didn't know what she did to me.
"Jan, are you crying?" She asked after I sniffled. Toni pulled away and I felt cold. She wiped some tears away.
"I'm just overwhelmed with feelings, Toni. That's all."
She brought me down to her level to kiss a tear that was making its way down my cheek, then pulled my head into her chest while combing through my hair with her fingers. I closed my eyes and just felt her being near mine. There was nowhere I'd rather even think of being.
"I am exhausted, can we go upstairs?" Toni proposed after a while.
"So you'll stay the night?" I replied eagerly.
"If that's okay, I guess I didn't really think about-"
I cut her off with a peck on the lips. Some things would take a little getting used to. "Don't think about it. That's perfect."
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