Chapter Ten (Nick's POV)
I felt awful.
Oliver didn't say a word to me after the movie, just murmured a quick goodbye, gesturing for Lucas to follow him. Lucas hesitated, flashed me a curious stare over his shoulder before running off after his cousin, the two of them practically vanishing in the crowd that had begun to file into the mall.
As soon as they were out of sight, I ran a hand through my hair in frustration. I just wanted to slam my head through a window- or maybe Ethan's. And of course, it only got worse when said asshole came up beside me from the theater.
"Don't talk to me." I stated. Ethan scowled at me, folding his arms over his chest.
"Fuck you. I wanna go home and in case you've forgotten, I live further out." He snapped.
"I'm tempted to leave you here."
"And your mother would slaughter you." He was right. The fact that he was right just made me even angrier. I don't understand why Ethan had to go from being an all right guy back when we were younger to the douche bag he was now. Nothing explained it. Ethan's live wasn't awful, save for the occasional trip to juvey, but only because he was stupid enough to get in trouble.
He was always doing stupid things, but never things as bad as he was doing now. They ranged from all sorts of idiocy and thinking about it didn't help. I just wanted Oliver back.
With his name in my head, my rage turned to depression as Ethan and I walked across the parking lot to my mom's silver 2012 Ford Escape. I got in the car, starting the engine as Ethan hopped in the seat beside me and we tore out of the parking lot onto the main road.
Oliver looked pretty shaken when he saw me get angry. I hoped he didn't blame himself for it. It was Ethan's fault, he'd done nothing. Of course, there was an angry part of me that wanted to blame him. Why'd he have to exist? Then I never would have fallen in love with him...
And the thought of him not existing made my chest ache. I probably wouldn't last long without Oliver. He'd been there for me when I almost snapped. I hadn't meant to spill those things out, but I felt the sudden weight of it hit me all at once. In all honesty, I wanted to wrap my arms around him and never let go, just... cry.
But I couldn't do that. It didn't matter how much you cried over something, it would never help the situation, the dilemma. It was a waste of energy to cry... But sometimes... I felt like a lot of energy being wasted on not crying.
"I don't like him." Ethan spoke up, snapping me out of my thoughts. I tensed up, my knuckles turning white as I clenched the wheel in my fists.
"Nobody cares what you like." I said past clenched teeth. Ethan glared at me for a second, then surprised me by looking uneasy.
"Nick. What the hell are you thinking? In case you haven't noticed, Oliver's a guy. Whether you guys have some thing going on or not, drop it. Just the other day you were shoving him in the hallway and now all of a sudden, you're hiding together in a public bathroom? What the hell, man?"
"It's none of your fucking business, Ethan, so let's drop it before I go on a suicide mission just to shut you up."
"Obviously I have to keep saying it. It is my business. We've known each other for more than half our lives, Nick. You're fucking everything up in your life and you're going to regret it. You're wasting your time on that brat."
"Shut up, Ethan."
"He didn't leave you a fortune just to throw it all away." Ethan seethed. I hit the brakes and we skidded on the wet road before I managed to pull off the side of the road. I whirled around to punch him in the face, but he caught my fist and shoved me back against the car door, glaring at me.
"You know I'm right," Ethan sneered, gripping my wrists tightly and digging his fingernails into my skin, "Your dad worked his ass off to make sure you had everything, you and your mother. He did his best to make sure your life would be perfect, for you and your future generations. Your sister isn't going to be able to carry on your family name like you can, Nick. And just how the hell do you plan on going through with that whole generation thing when you're in love with a guy?!"
I felt like he'd punched me in the chest as I slumped in my seat. Ethan let go of me to sit back in his seat as I rubbed my wrists, gritting my teeth.
I hated it when he did this. Why did he have to mention him? I told him that it was taboo, and so did my mother, so why did Ethan think this was a good situation to mention him? This was why this whole thing was frustrating.
My mother seemed intent on getting me a girlfriend, even though I've had a million and none of them made me feel the way I do about Oliver.
Ethan was harping on me about Oliver and I had a sick feeling in my stomach whenever Ethan said his name.
Homecoming was coming up and everyone was counting on me to win the game, to make sure I kept our five year winning streak.
I had to hide my relationship from Oliver when all I wanted to do was just hold him and kiss him and just shout it to everyone that Oliver was mine.
I pressed the heels of my palms against my eyes, bringing my knees to my chest. I heard Ethan sigh and lean forward. I wanted to smack him away, push him out of the car, beat the crap out of him, but it was hard since all my control was going to my emotions. I had to keep a tight reign on them, otherwise, I won't be what he wanted me to be. I stared at my lap, squeezing my eyes shut every so often when I saw my vision blur. I finally looked up, running a hand through my hair in frustration.
"He told me that if I fell in love, I fell in love, E. I can't help that he thought I was straight." I groaned miserably. Ethan stared at me.
"Wait, what?" He asked. I grimaced, then glared at him sharply.
"And if you tell anyone, I'll kill you." I threatened. Ethan looked horrified.
"You're kidding me, right? I was just joking before about you and... Oh my God, you're serious."
"Fucking right I'm serious. And if you ever threaten Oliver again, I'm going to make you sorry, Ethan. I like Oliver. A lot. More than a lot."
"Don't you dare say it."
"I love Oliver and if you have a problem with that, get out of my car and get out of my life. For good. And this time, I'm serious, Ethan. I love him enough to go against everything my parents wanted." I said at last, giving Ethan a hard stare. Ethan's eyes glinted with something I didn't recognize before he shifted uncomfortably, putting a hand in his hair as if he were trying to process everything.
"So... Let me get this straight. You're in love with Oliver Patterson. The kid you've been beating on since middle school. You're not going to get a girlfriend, you're not gonna have kids, you're not gonna have any sort of family after this, unless your sister decides to stop being a prude." He said slowly. I lifted a brow at the prude comment, but said nothing about it as I nodded slowly.
"Basically."
"Fan-fucking-tastic, Cooper. You've just bought yourself a one way ticket to Hell. Unfortunately, it's a one-way ticket."
"So long as I don't go there alone."
"So you'd drag Oliver down into this?"
"He won't let me go."
"And neither will you. You ever thought you might be hurting him? Cuz, let's face it. When the school finds out, and you know they will, they'll leave you alone because you have worth at our school. As for Barbie Doll, I can't guarantee his safety at all. Even if, by some miracle mind you, I decided to help you, we still wouldn't stand a chance against the entire school and staff." Ethan explained calmly.
I felt sick to my stomach now, enough so that I wanted to puke, but I didn't. I just pressed my fist to my mouth, digging my teeth into my knuckles because Ethan was right.
I was being selfish, hanging onto Oliver like this, saying we'd come out of the closet when we graduate. Sure, graduation would mean safety from the school, but what about society in general? Would they be kind to Oliver? And me? Honestly, I didn't care what they did to me. I could easily defend myself and years of building up my emotional walls kept me protected, but about what Oliver?
Sure, his sarcasm could just about kill, but it wouldn't save him against the intolerant bastards of this world. He'd be shot down in an instant and the very thought of it made my heart ache.
What should I do?
I didn't want to break up with Oliver. The thought of not holding him hurt... But should I really risk Oliver's safety because I'm selfish?
The drive back home was silent and I should've dropped Ethan off at home, but I didn't want to be alone. Otherwise, I'd think too hard about this all and stress myself out. Instead, I brought Ethan back home and we went inside, greeted by the fresh hot smell of sizzling steak that made my stomach growl.
"Nicky!" I heard my mom sing, her voice like an angel's leading me into the kitchen.
I may complain about my mom non-stop, but it was so hard to hate her when she was the woman who gave me life, who helped me keep it, who helped me through it. And she was gorgeous too.
Her hair was dark like mine in loosely curled locks that fell over her shoulders, her pale blue eyes lined with eyeliner. Her lips were painted a bright pink that I really wish she'd stop wearing, but you never told a woman she looked bad, so I gave up trying to hint her and let her have her fun.
She was wearing a red sweater and blue jeans with a blue apron on as she moved around the kitchen in this strange cooking dance she always did. It made me want to hug her and tell her everything, but I knew I'd be ruining the peace we'd finally gotten in our house.
"Oh, Ethan, you're back," My mom greeted him, drifting over and kissing him on the cheek, making him blush, "Are you staying the night? For your sake, I hope so! You need more meat on them bones of yours!"
"I think I have enough meat on my bones." Ethan said sourly, but he was smiling anyway. It was one of those rare moments that Ethan seemed to enjoy. He liked attention from my mother, probably because his mother wasn't very motherly. Not abusive, but not attentive either. She just sort of brushed Ethan off like a dog that needed to be fed, walked, bathed, and trained. She never made it to any of our games, so Ethan didn't bother looking at the stands.
No one's here to see me. Ethan would tell me before a game, giving me a slap on the back. I know he hadn't meant it in a sense to make me feel sorry for him, but it just sort of came out like that.
"Food'll be ready in an hour, so you can head on outside to play toss the football around. I'm all fired up for homecoming! I can't wait to see you boys kick some Martian butt!" She exclaimed with a grin as she referred to the team we were playing against in our homecoming this year. They'd won pretty much all their games this season, but it didn't intimidate us. We were far larger, in both size and number. It was just their speed that had me uneasy.
"Will do, Ms. Cooper." Ethan said.
"Oh, Ethan. I told you to call me Bella." My mom laughed, patting him on the shoulder. Ethan flashed her a grin before we headed into the back yard. Neither of us spoke about homecoming or Oliver or anything. Just let the exercise of chasing the ball and tackling each other fill in the gap of silence before we both hit the wet grass in exhaustion.
"You're too big." Ethan groaned tiredly after I flopped my arm on his chest. I laughed quietly, trying to roll over and get up, but I was too tired. Instead, I flopped back down and sighed, staring up at the dark wisps of cloud that cut through the purple-blue haze of the evening. The heavy scent of rain and dirt swam in the air, filling my head and making me relax.
"You remember that time your dad took us to the swamp to catch frogs?'" Ethan asked suddenly, making me blink and tilt my head to look at him before I looked back up at the sky.
"Yea." I replied quietly.
I was about seven and Ethan eight when my dad decided on a whim to take us to the swamp down the road to catch frogs. I'd never been so filthy in my life. It didn't help that Ethan kept grabbing onto me whenever he saw a frog, making faces and complaining about how gross they were. I made fun of him for it, so he just shoved me down into the mucky water. I remembered my dad laughing when we came up to him, caked from head to toe in mud. He sprayed us with the hose after and we ended up playing ball in the mud, getting dirty all over again.
It was just one of the memories that most people would see as insignificant, but it wasn't like that for me. Or for Ethan apparently, and that was just one of those reasons it made it difficult to hate him. Ethan was right when he'd said we'd known each other for more than half our lives. We met in kindergarten when someone pushed me off the merry-go-round and Ethan punched the kid in the face before helping me up.
"Don't let dummies push you around like that!" He'd snapped at me. I stared at him as he brushed the dirt off me, straightening my clothes before looking back at the kid, who was wailing from a bloody nose. All the other kids had run off crying, but Ethan didn't seem affected at all.
"Do ya talk or are you broked? I'm Ethan. What about you?" Ethan had asked me, cocking his head.
"Nick. I'm Nick."
"Well, with a name that easy to say, why'd ya take so long? Oh well. Wanna play on the merry-go-round?"
"Uh, okay."
A strange meeting, but it was enough to lead to years of troubled friendship. We got into arguments a lot and sometimes they turned into fist fights. My dad used to seperate us and make us sit in the living room and watch golf.
Probably the scariest punishment in the world.
"What're you laughing about?" Ethan asked, snapping me from my daydreams. I laughed again, more softly as I turned my head to see him looking at me curiously.
"Remember the day we met?" I asked. Ethan blinked, then snorted a laugh as he looked up at the sky.
"Fuck yea. I was such a little douche bag."
"You still are."
"Yea, well, you're still a brat."
"I aim to please."
"Evidently." Ethan retorted, making me grin. All the anger from earlier dissipated, and I know I should still be mad at Ethan, but I couldn't help it. He was my best friend, no matter how many arguments we got into, fist fights we started, girlfriends we stole, games we won and lost. We were still friends. I helped Ethan get through his first sentence to juvey, which he cried over.
And he was there for me when my dad died.
He came over every day to help around the house, make sure my mom and I were okay, and even swindled money from his parents to help us pay off the debts my dad left behind.
A grumble of thunder pulled me back to reality, making me open my eyes to see the sky darkening and rain slowly beginning to pitter-patter to the ground. Ethan and I cursed, scrambling to our feet and running to the house. My mom wasn't too happy about the mud and rain all over the foyer area around the back door, so she sent us to the bathroom to shower.
It felt nice when the hot water hit my skin and I was reluctant to leave it, but I had one thing on my mind that had been bugging me. So I hurried out and let Ethan shower as I went to the computer that sat in the corner of my room. I settled down in front of the monitor, wearing only my towel as I typed a message.
R u there? I asked Oliver. The circle near his name was green, which meant he had to be online, but he wasn't responding. It made me uneasy until I saw Oliver is typing a message at the bottom of the chat box and I breathed a sigh of relief.
If you mean, am I here, then yes. I am.
Of course. He had this thing about my text talk and I would improve it to proper English, but that wasn't my style. Not to mention, the message was sent faster with text talk.
R u ok? i didn't mean to freak u out 2day.
I'm fine. What about Ethan? I swore you were gonna kill him.
It was tempting.
Nick, I'm sorry about being a contributer.
a what?
I feel like I'm part of the reason you're stressed out. After all, your whole mood swing thing didn't start until we got together and I know it's difficult to hide our relationship.
its no problem, barbie doll. i can handle it. we'll be ok.
Are you thinking of breaking up with me?
Oh my god, where did he get that idea? I had to reread it several times before I realized what it said. It was enough to make my heart stop for a second before I quickly typed my response, feeling slightly panicked.
No! y wud u ever think that?! i love u, oliver. i told u i can handle it, stop worrying. yer acting like a girl again. just chill out. ethan's already accepting it. i don't think he'll bother u anymore.
I waited for his response, listening to the sound of Ethan ending his shower before Oliver's response came up on the screen.
I love you too, Nick.
And he logged off. I blinked, rereading his message. It was hard to tell if he was being sarcastic or not, especially over the Internet, but I suppose that'd have to wait until school tomorrow when I could ask him. Or, rather, after school seeing as no matter how much we wish we didn't have to hide it, our relationship had to stay secret.
I got away from the computer and dressed in a pair of boxers and a plain white t-shirt as I flopped on the bed. Ethan came out, wearing pajama pants and no shirt, stretching his arms over his chest and ruffling his wet hair.
"Dude. Your shower. Can I marry it?"
"Knock yourself out. Let me know how it works out." I drawled. Ethan grinned and ran over to my bed, throwing himself on it and almost crushing me. I groaned and scooted away from him with my back against the headboard as Ethan sighed, sprawling out on my bed.
"I want your bed too."
"Marry my house while you're at it."
"I need to find a priest willing to marry us. I'll let you know, because you're gonna be my best man."
"I'd be honored to stand next to your house of a wife."
"You're terrible." Ethan laughed, kicking me in the shin and I kicked him back. We grinned at each other for a while before Ethan propped himself up on his elbow, sighing comfortably again. I seriously wondered if he was being sarcastic about marrying my house or not.
"So... You didn't try and kill Lucas, did you?" I asked casually. Ethan scowled, sitting up now and sitting criss-cross.
"That's his name?"
"He has a name."
"Eugh. That kid."
"What about him? I thought he was... okay. Quiet."
"Quiet? I thought he was mentally retarded. He didn't say a single thing to me while we were in the theater. He just pretended to watch the movie and I know he was faking because of the way he looked at the screen like it wasn't even there."
"Maybe if you were nice to him, he'd speak."
"Or if I threw him a bone. Speak! Fetch! Sit! Roll over! Damn, that kid is a pain in my ass. Did you know he almost called the cops on me?"
"You deserved it."
"So what?! That's harsh, man! Juvey isn't all it's cracked up to be. Douche bags, fake gangsters, and skanks! The worst part? Half the skanks are gay."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing against you, man, but I prefer me some nice lucious lady lumps. And soft, smooth skin with perfect lips."
"I'll pretend you never said that."
"Come on, man. You can't tell me you're missing a little something when you put hands on, uh, Barbie Doll, right?"
"He has soft skin, and perfect lips."
"Not the lips I'm thinking of."
"Oh, Jesus Christ, E."
"What? And what the hell did you mean by those compliments?! Don't tell me you guys..." Ethan's voice trailed and I was surprised to see him blushing bright red to the tips of his ears. I smirked. This was gonna be fun.
"Yup," I drawled slowly, "All the way, E. I'm talking, stripped him down and took him right on his bed for hours. You know, girls squeal too much, but Oliver. No way, man. He just moans and writhes on the bed, begging for more."
"You're gross!" Ethan squeaked, covering his ears. I laughed, then cupped my hands around my mouth.
"And you know what's better than lips? A dick. And Oliver has no problem sucking-"
"Stop! You're sick, Nick!"
"Says the one who just made an awful rhyme."
"Look, a new nickname. Sicky Nicky."
"I'll play a nice gay porno I know called Hardhat Gangbang if you ever call me that."
"So, you see the new episode of WWE? Pretty sure Cena's gonna wipe the floor with that white, white guy, whatshisface." Ethan mused, looking away to avoid eye contact. I cocked a brow at him, smirking, but letting him change the subject. I'd given him enough torture and I was amused, for now anyway.
I'd get him again. He deserved worse, but I was a good guy....
Most of the time anyway.