Once I had her hand, i never want to let go of her
-Ottilie Weber
**************
When the night came, Arnold left behind to look after Erica while the remaining of the family return to the mansion, Erica's parents also would stay with them.
He sat there, staring at her without blinking like she would disappear the moment he wasn't looking at her.
He took her hand so tenderly like it would break if he was too rough. "This is crazy, you know!?" he talked to her. "Right after I decided to distance myself from you till I could keep my feeling in check, this had to happen. I should have known with your understanding of me, you would immediately noticed my change. I know I had promised you before, but I just... I just..." He couldn't find the right words.
"I am such a selfish useless idiot! I don't know how you could love someone like me?" His gaze fixed on her face. His eyes clearly showed how much pain he was in. "I think this was my punishment for breaking the promise. God know this would hurt me more than when the wound was suffered by my own self."
A tear rolled down his face and felt on her finger in his hand. "You have to be okay!" His voice was shaking. "I don't know how I will live on if I lose you just like this." He extended his hand to touch her face tenderly, "You have to wake up! The moment you open your eyes, I will make everything right. I will tell you properly how much I love you. I will show you how my love will fill your life with happiness. Do you hear me!?" He looked at her face with so much pain in his heart, he brought her knuckles to his forehead with both hands. " Please! You have to, Erica!" He plead.
After a while he finally calmed down, but his sad expression remained. His hand was still holding hers. He kept staring at her until he finally couldn't fight off the fatigue and fell asleep with his head on the bed while still holding her hand.
*************
As time passed, Arnold slowly opened his eyes. He immediately sat up straight and took a look at Erica. He couldn't help to feel disappointed when she didn't show any sign of waking up. He sighed and looked at his watch. It was almost six. He stood up and eyed her for a while before he made his way toward the washroom. When he got out, his mom came in with a plastic bag and few shopping bags.
"Good morning, dear! Did you get any sleep?" She asked him with a smile.
"Morning, Mum! I guess I slept for a while." He gave her a weak smile, he took a look at Erica and walked toward his former position.
Martha grabbed his arm, "You should eat something first."
Arnold paused on his step and turned to look at his mother.
When he just kept silent, she added, "Arnold! You would need to wait more than two days before she wake up when the anesthetic have worn off. There is nothing we could do before that."
"I know, Mum!" he replied weakly, "But I," he sighed and turned his gaze at his wife, "I would rather It was me laying there."
Martha grabbed a meal box from the plastic bag and gave it to Arnold, "Eat first! I won't let you go near her till you have finished!"
"Mum!" He complained, but still extended his hand to accept it.
"She is right here, Arnold!" She pointed at Erica, "It's not right she will disappear once you turn your gaze away." She then pointed at the sofa, "Sat there!"
Arnold complied with a sigh. His gaze never left the person on the bed. Martha sat down with him while he was eating. She shook her head at her son behavior.
"Are you okay?" she asked him with clear consent in her eyes.
"I am fine, Mum!" he asked softly.
"You won't be this anxious if you really are!" she argued back.
Arnold didn't reply.
"It's like you are afraid she will disappear all of a sudden."
Arnold had finished eating by now, he threw the empty box in to the trash bin and glanced at his mom for a moment before speaking up, "Mum, do you remember when Erica ran away?"
"I do remember, I didn't know what happen with you two, but you really took it hard. I never saw you that upset before. Even when Arthur teased you, you had never reacted that much."
"That time, even before I realized she was gone, I was already felt like there was a hole in my life, the house felt cold and empty. When I couldn't find her anywhere, I started panicking, I was afraid she won't come back ever again. After I found her, I could finally breath again. This time, the sense of lose is stronger. It was scary, especially when I held her in my arm yesterday in the car. It was like she would slipping through my arms and disappear forever. I don't know why, but I thought I saw farewell in her eyes right before she passed out. I thought I had long forgotten how to love someone, but she made me realized, I was just desperately trying to push everyone away because I was afraid of been betrayed again. I am sure now that I will do anything in my power to keep her in my life." His eyes fixed on his hand which intertwined together.
"Arnold! Do you know I am very grateful that Erica was willing to marry you. I never thought there would be a girl who could love you as a person. You had shut yourself off completely after you broke up with Cameron, I lost my gentle son because of her. If only we let your Grandma to look at her before you two start anything. She always had a way in judging people correctly. Like how she knew Erica was the right one for you. The moment your Grandma introduced her to us, I just felt it, like she was the only one who could accept you no matter what kind of person you are, for better or worse."
They were staring at each other.
"She always said things about you that me, as a mother hadn't awared of. It's delighted to see her care that much about you. I had been years since you became unpleasant person to be with, but she never complained. You do realize everyone have something to say everytime they had to be with you like?" She gave him a tiny smile.
He nodded at her question.
"Do you know why?"
He just kept silent and averted her gaze.
"I think you do. Anyway, it's because you distance yourself from us. You were so cold, like we are stranger. Even though we eventually grew accustomed with it, but we always felt the pain when you shut yourself off like that. So, when I saw a glimpse of the old you this couple of month. I am sure you will come back to us sooner or later."
"I... " Arnold hesitated.
"You don't need to respond to any of my words. Anyway, what I want to say is maybe this is the last encouragement from the God. You need to know how it felt to almost lose her, so you will cherish her more and appreciate us along the way." She patted his cheek. "All right, then. I should get going. Arthur said he would come later. Look like they found some lead. I believe even without my meddling, you will find the ones responsible for making Erica suffer like this." She maybe acted calm, but she actually felt deep hatred for the culprit.
"I will, Mum! I will make them pay for it heavily." He said with determination in his eyes and face.
Martha stood up from the sofa, "So, do you need me to look after her for you, while you take care of stuffs?!"
Arnold shook his head, "It's okay! Sean will take care of everything in the office. It's not like it will go banckrupt just because I didn't show up for few days."
Martha smiled at his remark. It was good to see him still able to joke a little bit despite his gloominess. "All right, then! I should be going!" She walked toward the door, but when her hand was holding the knob, she suddenly turned around, "Oh right. Have you informed Erica's employees, Arnold?"
His eyes went wide with sudden realization, he scrathed his head after he sobered up, "No, I think I forgot everything the moment she fell in my arm yesterday. I even forgot to inform you all, Thank God Alfred had done that for me."
"It's okay, Dear! Nobody is perfect, especially you are facing the fact of the possibility of losing some very important." She tilted her head, "Would you mind if I am the one informing them?"
"I could just give them calls. But I think if you tell them face to face, you would be able to assure them that she will be okay." He turned his head to look at the person on the bed at the last words.
"Then I will take the liberty." she replied cheerfully.
"Are you sure you want to do it, Mum? I don't think"
His mom cut him off, "I want to do it, let me do it. Both of you are to independent, I could hardly do things for you, let me have this honor of taking care of her trouble!" She said with serious expression. When Arnold just kept silent, she took it as an agreement, "I will go there right now, bye!" and took off just like that.
Arnold stared at the door for few second and then went back to his place at Erica's bed side. He held her hand and kept looking at it. He couldn't believe how fragile her hand felt like, but with this kind of hand she was able to cope up with anything life throw at her. How much suffering she had gone through, especially when she just married him. He really felt like he wanted kick himself for been such a bad person. How could she love someone like him was beyond his common sense, but love itself was against common sense. When he was holding her like this, he really hoped once she wake up, she won't ask him to let her go, because he would never able to do that. Even if he had to die trying, he won't let her leave him.
"Are you thinking of killing someone?" A voice suddenly transmitted from his side, when he turned his head to the door he saw a face that resemble him in every aspects.
Arnold didn't want to poured out his resenment toward himself on Arthur. So he asked instead, "Did you find anything?"
"Come on! I thought you are going to say it was your fault she was like this and all those full of emotion words." Arthur whined.
When Arnold glared at him, he smiled sheepishly, "Sorry, It had been a habit to tease you in every given moment, it's quite hard to change again." He cleared his throat.
Arnold didn't replied, but turned his attention back to his wife. But he saw something in Arthur's right hand and paused there.
Arthur suddenly awared that his twin gaze was on his hand. He lifted it toward Arnold, "One of your employee happened to pick it up. She was very sure it belongs to Erica."
Arnold stood up and accepted the bag. "It's." he replied shortly and put it on the side table.
"Anyway, we found out the one that responsible for all of this. Her target was really you and only you. When she found out the shooter she hired had shot your wife instead, she went crazy. Saying stuffs like if she can't have you, she would rather kill you than let you be happy with someone else."
"What? She? The one behind the scene was a woman. Who is she?"
"You should be able to guess."
Arnold saw a hard expression on Arthur's face. A expression that he hadn't seen for years. A name popped up on his mind, he finally said with a icy cold tone, "Cameron Biston."