🚧DISCLAIMER🚧 chapter stupid thicc (4300 words)
Janet
"Hello? Janet?"
I had finally done it. Wissam's concerned, muffled voice sounded like that of a child through my phone speaker. I was in the guest room sitting on the edge of the bed, and my hands were clammy. I couldn't believe I was actually going to end it between us. It didn't seem natural.
"Hey Wissam, it's me." I sighed.
"Baby, are you okay?! I've been worried sick about you. Where are you?"
"I'm staying at a friend's house, I'm fine. I just needed some time away from you."
"I'm so sorry, Janet. You know I love you more than anything. I didn't mean to hurt you the way that I did, I was just mad at myself for-"
"Wissam, calm down. Okay? Please, I'm--I'm over it."
"Please come home, baby. I miss you so much. I wanna make it up to you," he begged. This was going to be a lot harder than what I was bargaining for.
"I'm coming home tomorrow around noon. Can you make sure you are at the house when I get there please?" I could feel my voice detaching from him.
"Of course, honey. Whatever you want. Do you want me to buy you anything? Any food, or-"
"No, no...Just... can you be there please? I wanna talk to you." I rubbed my forehead with my palm.
"Yes, yes, I'll be there. I promise. Janet, I'm so, so, sorry."
I saw Toni's head peek through the door. She quickly moved away, seeing that I noticed her. I just smiled and shook my head. "I gotta go, Wissam. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Okay, baby. I love you so much. I love you beyond words. Please forgive me."
"I forgive you. Bye, Wissam."
"Bye, Janet."
I quickly hung up the phone. My body was sweating. I didn't know if I could do it tomorrow.
"Toni, Come in. I know you're out there."
She snuck in the room with a red face. "Hey, I would ask how it went but-"
"You heard it all, I know."
"I'm sorry. I can't help it."
"We're going to talk tomorrow."
"What are you going to say?" She sat down next to me. I didn't want to tell her I was leaving him for her. Not yet.
"I haven't decided, I'm sure I'll figure it out tonight when I'm not sleeping."
"That must be so nerve-wracking, right? I mean...yeah. I'm praying for you. And I'll stay up with you and talk about it if you want." Toni rested her hand on my shoulder.
"Thank you, Toni."
"Or take your mind off of it, too. Whatever you want to do."
I looked at her cautiously. Her words were a double-edged sword.
"What does that mean?" I cracked a side smile.
"It means--Oh, Jan. No. Not like that. Especially not after what you did earlier. Hell no. You got your nerve." She got up and left the room. I followed close behind her. "Matter of fact, you sleep in there tonight. I don't want any situations popping off."
I hugged her from behind. "No, Toni! Please! I promise I won't--I don't like to sleep alone."
She tried to pry my arms off of her, but had no such luck.
"You can even put pillows in between us, if that's what it takes. But I don't want to be in there by myself."
"You make me sick."
"Please?" I whined.
"Fine, just stop squeezing me so hard. That wine is running right through me."
I let her go and thanked her over and over. She waved me off and refilled her glass. "You just lucky I like you."
"The luckiest in the world." I hugged one of her pillows and waited for her to come lay with me. I really just wanted to get tomorrow over with. I was tired of her holding out on me like this. We both knew what we wanted, but a little thing called morals kept getting in the way.
I felt the bed sink as Toni sat down carefully with her glass. We finished the first bottle she brought up, and she moved on to the second one.
"Aren't you starting to feel that yet? We, well you, basically finished a whole bottle by yourself."
"Just a little." She squeezed her fingers together to show how little it was. "Wine doesn't hit me until I literally drink a whole bottle by myself."
"You have a problem."
"It's a great problem to have."
"Suit yourself. To each his own."
"So tomorrow--oh, shit." She snapped her fingers.
"What happened?"
"I can't go with you, I have rehearsals. I'm just gonna see you off. And you can call me if you need me after a verdict has been reached."
"Oh, okay. When is the first show?"
"Not for about 3 months. In Vancouver."
"I'll be in Europe by then," I sulked. The thought of us both being away and not being able to see each other for months at a time literally hurt my spirit. I'm not sure how we ever went ten years.
"Oh, man. When is the last show? You've been doing this one for a minute, haven't you?"
"Some time in mid-September."
"You're... kind of almost done."
"It seems so far away. It's only April."
"Just take it a day at a time, Jan. Don't worry about it. It's not your first rodeo."
"Yeah, yeah."
"What time is it?" She looked at the clock on the wall.
"Past midnight already? There is no way." I checked my phone just to make sure it was right. Yep: 12:36.
"Well, in the great words of Janet Jackson, funny how time flies when you're having fun," she sang and snapped her fingers. I rolled my eyes. "Such a wise woman, she is."
"That's the most logical thing you've said all night," I muttered.
"Aren't you tired? Don't you want to go to sleep yet? Damn."
"Nope." I smiled cheekily.
The rest of the night we talked about any and everything, and I didn't even think about what I would say to Wissam once I saw him. So I guess she did take my mind off of it. I'm sure the words would come to me when the time arose.
Morning
"Come on, Janet! You said you'd be back home by noon, and it's 11:25 now!"
I finished putting my hair in order and put on a little makeup. Quite honestly, I'd slept in longer than what I was planning, and now my whole day felt behind. It was Toni's fault; when she gets a little liquor in her veins, she will not shut up. She didn't finally pass out until about 3:30 in the morning. It was a wonder she was even up now.
"I'm almost ready."
"You're gunning for some good makeup sex, aren't you?" She leaned in the door frame of the guest bathroom and watched me. If only she knew.
"I have to wear some makeup, Toni. You know that. I'm a mess without it."
"Oh, Janet. Get away from me. You glow, honey. You glow. Now come on, I have to get to rehearsal, but I want to see you out first." She drummed a little rhythm on the wall and turned for the stairs.
"Alright, I'm right behind you." I grabbed all of my things and threw them back into the duffel bag.
"Did you want to eat something quick before we head out?" She asked me, grabbing herself a banana from the fridge.
"No, I gotta go home and get back on that Nutrisystem wagon. I've been out of control lately."
"I know, you and me both. Did we always used to eat like this?"
"I don't know, but I do know my body doesn't bounce back the way it used to." I had a little flashback to a time when I was genuinely happy with my body. It was a long time ago and only for a short while. And Wissam's snide remarks about my weight didn't make it any better.
"Me either. Come on, let's go. I don't wanna be late again."
"Okay." I grabbed my own keys and she turned the alarm on in her house.
"So you know if anything jumps off, if he tries you, you better call me, Janet. I'm serious." She looked me dead in the eyes. I nodded my head. I felt like a child leaving for the first day of school. I just knew that after this, I could run into her arms and never look back. I would finally be hers.
"I will."
"And if it all works out, let me know that too. Just call me, okay? Call me." She touched my shoulder.
"I will, Toni. Don't worry about me. Tell Kenny I said hello."
"Alright. I'll see you later."
I pulled her in for a short, tight hug before heading to my car. She did the same. I waved to her as she peeled out of the driveway, and I followed behind her for a while before she turned onto another street.
Toni
I was worried about her. She was never one to really stand up for herself. I wanted to be there so badly, just to make sure. But I had other things to do, and she was good and grown.
I definitely prayed for her. And had my fingers crossed that she would end up losing feelings for him. But I knew it was a slim chance. They'd been together for so long. At least I had the satisfaction of knowing she loved me back, yet I hated the way everything seemed to be left so unfinished. We wanted to be together, so why did something always have to get in the way of that? I didn't like to be the one to close my legs and turn my head away from her kiss, but it wasn't fair, and it wasn't right. It was no longer so complicated, just frustrating. I understood the situation completely, but it angered me to no end. I wanted her to pick a side. My side.
I pulled into a parking space and jogged into the building. I was already ten minutes late, and I could hear the band running through "Hurt You" without me. As I got nearer to the door, Face's voice could also be heard singing the chorus alone. I ran to my stool and joined in with the alternating "hurt you's" just in time. He smiled at me as we sang. I didn't know how good it would sound when it came my turn to do the bridge, because I didn't get a chance to warm up yet. But it ended up being okay.
After the song was over, Face and I took the time to do a quick catch-up while I properly readied myself for rehearsal.
"How is Janet?" He asked in a hushed tone. Memories flooded my mind of that night, the vulnerability of it all. I sighed.
"She's, she's okay now. Thanks." I made sure to keep my answers brief, knowing she wouldn't want anyone to know about what happened. "She wanted me to tell you hello, by the way."
"Good, good. You can give her the same from me."
I drank some water and sat back on the stool, and we rehearsed as normal. I was still so distracted, knowing Janet was in her house, alone with that psychopath. I was on pins and needles, waiting for her call. I knew she would call. About an hour through, my phone buzzed in my pocket and I eagerly pulled it out. I was immediately disappointed when I saw that it was only Tamar. If she just wanted to chat, it was usually a FaceTime, but a voice to voice call signified something important. I waited until we finished running through another song to call her back. She picked up in one ring.
"Toni, why the hell you ain't pick up the first time?" She went off in my ear. We hadn't been on the phone 30 seconds and I was already going to have to deal with her attitude.
"Tamar, I'm at rehearsals, you know that! What do you need?" I felt myself become annoyed.
"Mommy's in the hospital again," she said gravely. My heart dropped to my stomach.
"What?! What happened, is she okay?!" I yelled frantically.
"They say it was a stroke," her voice cracked. I could hear the hospital machines beeping through the receiver. I knew it all too well.
"Oh my god..."
"Is everything okay?" Face asked me. All the musicians were looking at me too. I wanted to hide.
"She's unconscious right now, and the doctors say there is about a 50 percent chance it paralyzed her from the waist down. They won't know until she wakes up. Toni, please come to the hospital," she sobbed on the other end. I wanted to do the same. But I was the oldest, and I had to keep it together. For the sake of her and our mother. We were the only two of her daughters in California, so she needed us now more than ever.
"Face and I are on our way. Just hold on." I hung up and grabbed by purse.
"Mommy had a stroke," I told Face as I packed up my things. "We need to go to the hospital now." He was on my heels out the door.
"Let me drive," he offered, opening the passenger side door for me. I obliged and got in, and he sped off in the direction of her hospital. My mind was in a million places, thinking of worst-case scenarios for them all and working myself up.
"Is she going to be okay?" He asked, his eyes glued to the road.
"They say she could wake up paralyzed, depending how much damage it did to her brain." Saying the words made an arrow drive itself into my chest.
"Oh, no..." he passed two people illegally on the one-lane road. "How did this happen?!"
"I don't know, it must be the way she's eating. I told her she couldn't keep cooking that Sunday Soul food for dinner every single night! I told her that." Now I was getting angry. This could have easily been avoided if she could just break some old habits. I assumed her diabetes didn't make it any better.
"I really hope she's okay."
We pulled into the hospital parking lot soon after. I practically sprinted into the emergency room, screaming at the nurse at the front desk.
"Evelyn Braxton's room please? I'm her daughter, and this is her son-in-law," I lied frantically. Sometimes they only let family in. But Face was just like family.
I stuck out my wrist for my visitor bracelet and she explained the directions to her room, warning me that we could not see her just yet. After Face got his, we ran to the elevator and it seemed like we waited forever for it. Finally it came, and of course she was on the third highest floor. We could have taken the stairs.
Down the hall, I could already hear Tamar's hysterical crying and another voice, maybe Trina, through her phone outside in the waiting area. When she saw me, she ran into my arms and sobbed into my clothes. I could see Vince behind her, giving me a somber nod as he greeted Face.
"It's okay, Tamar. She's gonna be alright."
"I can't take another scare like this from her, Toni. I just can't."
"I know, me either. Come on, sit down." I led her to the rigid waiting room chairs as she lay her head on my chest, even though she was taller than me. I tried my best to console her, but the fact of the matter is that no one knew what the outcome would be. "Y'all, come on, we need to pray. That's all we can be sure of right now. That God is with her, and us."
Everybody joined hands and Vince led us in prayer. I could see my tears falling from my face and onto the floor as I bowed my head. This was the last thing that I needed today.
When he finished, I sat back down and comforted Tamar. "What was she like before this? Was she okay?"
"We were all just watching T.V., and the color rushed out of her face, Toni. Her body went completely stiff and unresponsive. It was so scary--" she was cut off by her own sobs that couldn't be held back anymore, huddling herself into me again.
"I'm just happy you all were with her when it happened, I knew she couldn't live on her own." I shook my head at the thought. Mommy really wanted to stay in Atlanta by herself, but we all knew she just couldn't. She was so stubborn.
"Party for Evelyn Braxton?" A doctor emerged from her room. We all jumped to our feet.
"Yes, yes, is she okay?"
"We won't know a whole lot until she wakes up. But you can see her now."
Everybody rushed into her room and crowded around her. She looked pale and unlike herself. My heart broke at the sight of all the tubes and the machines that beeped around her, like she was some kind of science experiment. I leaned in and kissed her forehead, whispering an "I love you" to her. I just wanted her to open her eyes, if nothing else.
Tamar did the same, trying not to cry. It didn't last long; she quickly turned away with her mouth covered, running into Vince's arms. Face wrapped his own arm around me, making a few tears spill from my eyes. I needed her to be okay.
Janet
I pulled into my gated driveway at 12:09. My body was wired at the thought of really ending between us. Then thoughts of Toni clouded my doubts completely, and I just wanted it to be over. I was a ball of nerves and emotions.
I grabbed my stuff from the trunk and headed to the front door, typing in the PIN to unlock it. Wissam could be seen from the windows, sitting in the living room with his head in his hands. My stomach sank. When he noticed me opening the door, he ran to the foyer and pulled me inside, taking my bag away from me and squeezing my body.
"Janet, Janet, baby... I'm so sorry. I can't explain how sorry I am." He went on and on with his desperate apology, and I tried to tune it out and keep my eyes on the finish line. He knew I had a sweet spot for him, but I couldn't let it get to me today.
"Can we sit down?" I pry myself from his grasp and take a seat on the couch in the living room. He sat next to me, a little too close for my preference. I shifted. His eyes were so pitiful.
"What is it, baby? Tell me."
"Wissam, you know I love you and care for you so deeply. We've been through so much, and we've created so many memories with one another."
"Yes, yes..."
I could not look him in the face. I played with my fingers. "But what happened the other night-"
"Janet, please, I'm sorry..."
"Just listen, okay? Listen." I put my hand in his. "What happened the other night was no accident. And though you've never put your hands on me, it wasn't the first time you've tried to hurt me intentionally. And I know you're sorry, you didn't mean it. But I've put up with you bullying me for a long time, and I just--I can't do it anymore, Wissam. I can't. You're hurting me more than you can even realize." I got choked up as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"Janet, you know I would never hurt you intentionally."
"But you have, and that's what you don't see. You're passive aggressive and impatient more often than not, and that only seems to go away when we have sex. And I'm miserable."
"Janet, I don't-"
"Just listen. You never listen to what I have to say, unless it has something to do with you. You can be so selfish. You know I don't ask you for much, and I know we're apart a lot of the time, but even when I'm here, you're not here with me, Wissam. You're always in your own little world. And I can't keep living like this. I can't..."
His eyes began to well with tears too. God, this hurt. I knew he was sensitive, but this was killing me.
"Janet, I can fix it. I will change for you, baby. Please don't leave me. Not like this," he begged, literally getting on his knees in front of me. It was becoming pathetic. "I was going to propose to you. I want to marry you and be the father of your child."
I felt a waver of hesitation. I wanted to have a life and a family with him once upon a time.
"Wissam, please get up. I've already decided. I've tried to tell you this on multiple occasions, and nothing has changed. This was the last straw. You grabbing me like that was the deal breaker. That's it." I stood to my feet and tried to walk away, but he held onto my legs. "Wissam, let go of me!"
"Janet, don't make me leave. I love you! Don't you love me, Janet?! 3 years of us, and you just want to throw it away?"
"I love you, I do. But it can't be like this. It just can't. It was 1 year of us, and 2 years of me living in your world. You stopped trying."
I finally was able to kick him off of me, and I went to the kitchen to have my chef make me something. He was right behind me, still begging.
"What do you mean?! I took us everywhere, I gave you everything you desired."
"You tried to buy me, Wissam. With just things. You never gave me your full attention, unless you got sex out of it. And you know that. I'm done, and I want your things out of here by Sunday at the latest."
"You've got to be fucking kidding me, right?" He was getting angry.
"No, you asked to live here with me, and now I'm asking you to leave. I'm done. And we're done." I went upstairs and pulled out a few suitcases for him. He could have them, as long as that meant he was gone.
"No, no we're not done. You think you can just tell me when the fuck I should leave? And what I should do?"
"Don't make this harder than it has to be, Wissam! Just go!" I went to his dresser and started to pull out his stuff, throwing it haphazardly into the suitcase. He snatched the clothes out of my hand.
"Fucking stop, Janet! I'm not leaving!" He screamed. This was not what I expected from him.
"Wissam, I'm done. What part of that don't you understand?! And you carrying on like a fucking child instead of a grown man is really not helping your case," I spat back. "Get your shit, and leave. I mean it."
He silently began to put all of his things back into the drawers. It was pissing me off to no end. Why couldn't he just go?!
"Is there someone else, Janet? For you to be so sudden in pushing me away like this?"
"It's been a long time coming, Wissam. You know that. I've tried to give you the benefit of the doubt on multiple occasions. But you manage to fuck it up every single time." I wouldn't even mention the fact that there was someone else. I had too many other valid points to have to bring up my faults. I went into the closet and pulled out his suits.
"Stop packing up my shit, damn it! I'm not leaving!"
"Wissam, I'm done! Okay?! I want you out of my house in an hour, or I'm calling the police."
Just then, Wissam grabbed me by the neck and pinned me against the wall. I coughed and sputtered, but I could barely breath. "I swear to god. Don't fucking test me. If I see you call the police, I promise I will kill you. No exceptions. Do you understand me?"
My eyes were bugging out of my head and tears streamed my face. My feet barely touched the ground.
"Nod your fucking head!" He spat. I did what I was told. He dropped me on the floor, and I crumpled into a bawl, sobbing uncontrollably. "Get up, and I want all my shit put up back the way you found it by the time I get home." He walked out of the room, leaving me there to rot. I didn't think he would ever be like this. I cried so hard that I was beginning to hyperventilate. I felt lightheaded and so weak, helpless. I wanted Toni here, god I wanted her. I tried to call her, but her phone went straight to voicemail, and it only made me cry harder. As I heard the alarm system beep and his car starting up outside, I continued to pack his things up onto suitcases as fast as I could. I wasn't playing, and now more then ever.
I called up both Jermaine's, Marlon, Jackie, and Randy, telling them the situation, and to come to my house immediately. It wasn't the police, so he couldn't kill me, but it was even worse for Wissam's sake. And I wasn't usually one to need revenge to feel complete, or resort to violence, but that needed to be the first and last time he treated me like that. I wiped the tears off my face and threw the suitcases outside and into the street, feeling like I had the strength of a crackhead on steroids.