« AHANA »
We were officially, temporarily, single.
It took us two huge treats- A homemade lunch by Vansh that was done previously, a restaurant treat by me; a few rounds of breakup sex until we were satisfied, a short trip down to the graveyard and a fake dispute act to kill our relationship.
“From here on, I declare us two to be independent—”
“Oi, we were already independent.” Vansh interrupted.
“Don't cut my line, idiot!” I told him, clearing my throat and raised my hand at both of us. “From here on, I declare us two as independent, lawfully, temporarily, single man and woman.”
“Thank you, your honor. I'll do my best to stick to this prestigious title for the next nine months,” Vansh swore, slightly bowing his head to me.
“Same here.” I said, thinking about the striking resemblance of the duration of his project to the duration of a pregnancy. I cleared my throat again. “Ayushman bhav! (God bless you!)” I added, sharing a laugh in return.
We walked under the umbrella of the tall trees, shielding us from most of the scorching sunlight. I raised my head to the trees, the pores of sunlight falling down on me. “So what will you do, now that you're single?” I heard Vansh ask, diverting my attention to him.
I shrugged nonchalantly. “Let's see... I'll order a tee with a label of 'I'm single' on it, for every man around my age to see. But then they will look behind my tee and see a poster of a middle finger... Just kidding!”
“You hardly look like you're kidding,” Vansh said, shaking his head in amusement. He dug his hand in his hoodie pockets. “Well, you can start by ticking off your bucket list. You know the ones you couldn't do when you were committed to me. It's a golden chance for you.”
My brows shot up. “You still remember that shit?”
He snickered. “I remember every stupid shit you listed, babe. Especially that hot beach guy one,” he paused as his face contorted to a frown. “But if you happen to kiss him then do inform me so that I can personally do the honor of burning his mouth.”
I chuckled. “I better be careful then. Oh, by the way, you called me babe again.”
He glanced at me with realization. “Old habits die hard, babe. Oops, I mean, Ahana,” he winked. “I'll remember next time.”
I nodded out of compulsion. I was habitual of hearing him call me babe too but few things had to be compromised. It was all for the tomorrow we were aiming for. Though the idea seemed suitable under our circumstances, it did little to calm my mind. I was in a limbo where I was questioning everything about our decision. It came along with lots of what if's and but's which made the situation look more bleak. But then, there wasn't any other safe alternative left, was it? It was either to remain the way we were (which was suicide) or to break off completely and I wasn't fine with either of them.
There was something I wanted to know from him first. “I'm curious—” I paused. “Curious as to how you came to agree with my suggestion? It's odd, really. You clearly disagreed at first, being afraid of the outcome. You were so against it that I almost gave up convincing you but then you called me all of a sudden, saying that you agree. Was it all because of your faraway project? Because if it is, then, I'd say it's pretty pathetic. It means that you're still against it and that you're only using our distance as an excuse.”
He shook his head in a negative. “You are wrong about one thing. I never disagreed with your suggestion. I just didn't agree to go through it.” He drew out a sigh and stopped walking to face me. “I already knew it. It was the only thing we could possibly do to save our relationship. But as I say, thinking about it ideally and doing it are two different things. I stuck with my decision but then this opportunity came along and I was forced to re- think. With the way we were going, I highly doubted we could pull off long distance. We would have crashed much earlier if we had done that. That's when I knew I was left with no choice. It's like fate had chained me just so I could choose that path. Maybe, maybe this was meant to happen,” he explained, giving away a bitter smile. I looked down, not knowing what words to say to make it right. It wasn't like I was eager to take a break. I just did it for convenience.
I felt his hand at the tip of my chin, lifting it to him. “It kills me to say this but I'm a coward, Ahana. I was scared to take action... But you see, if it meant not losing you forever then I was fine with being a coward.”
“Oh, Vansh,” I answered quietly, reaching out to squeeze his palm for a brief moment before pulling away. “You're still not going to lose me. I don't understand what's happening to us exactly but I want to believe that it's a phase that we have to pass through. We need to be alone for a while.”
“I wonder though...” Vansh trailed off, looking at our calloused hands. “How much a person can change in ten months? It's not like you'll become Ahana version four, or I'll become Vansh, the enlightened one.”
I giggled. “I believe in the saying that we learn a little something each day. If we keep on learning then I'm sure we'll learn a lot by those months.”
“Well atleast I'll know the informatics on how to design a mall and design a small portion of it. That's one thing I'll surely learn this year.”
Later on, we discussed about how to go on with it. At first I suggested to avoid contacting each other until he returned but he protested. He said it was fine to remain friends and that we can call each other whenever we liked. This way it would be genuine when either of us called and not because we were obligated to talk.
“After all friendship is one of our strongest points. It's our strength.” Vansh told me. This made me agree with him right away. Besides the idea of not being contact with him for the next ten months sounded way depressing for me.
Then one fine day Vansh popped up that question again. About what I would do about my bucket list. Especially the ones that involved someone else. I couldn't understand why he was persistent about it. It was a stupid list I made during my first year of college when I was single. I didn't feel like doing anything to be honest. Vansh was glad to hear that but then he surprised me by saying I could do it if, only if, I wanted to. There would be nothing to feel guilty about cos we weren't together now. For a guy to say that I was allowed to kiss someone else was as huge as a sacrifice. I was touched.
Then again, the thought of kissing someone else irked me. It wasn't like I would starve if I didn't kiss for the next couple of months. However if there was a one percent chance that I would (due to unforseen circumstances) then I'll tell him. It was a promise. In return, I told him to offer his, and that, there would be total transparency in our friendship. It could be anything from developing an instant crush to flirting with someone, just anything. He readily obliged. Now that we were done with this, there was only one thing left to do.
~
“So how long will you be gone?”
“Nine months... or maybe ten. It- it depends on the project.”
“I see.”
“Here, have some more cookies beta.”
“No, thanks Aunty! That will be enough.”
I covered my mouth with my hand, fighting the urge to laugh out loud. The situation had totally reversed. Now it was Vansh, sitting at my home, facing my parents. I knew it was bad timing, considering the status of our relationship but this had to happen sooner or later. My parents were insisting me on inviting him for quite a while now. Yeah, I know, shocking since they never acknowledged my relationship in the open. I had been pestering Vansh for the past year too but either something came up or he refused. This time, however, he agreed.
Vansh kept answering the questions put up by my parents while I kept humoring in between. The conversation seemed prolonged as if waiting for the main course to appear while we deal with the side dishes. If atoms couldn't been seen fighting off against each other then I could definitely feel it in the air. The odd tension that is. For some reason, the situation wasn't as environmental friendly as it was with Vansh's family. Something was wrong and I wasn't getting a goody vibe from it.
Mother and I came back after dumping the used utensils on the sink. “So Vansh Baweja—” Papa began as he made himself comfortable on the sofa by resting one arm behind the length of the sofa and crossing his leg. I had my hundred percent attention on him now. “Let me be clear about few things first. See, we are liberal parents. We knew about our daughter's affair but we never raised our voice, like many other Indian parents. From the conversation I had with Mr Baweja, I assume it's the same from your side. With that in mind, I want you answer me a question.”
“Yes, Uncle,” Vansh said, sitting more straighter now. “Ask away.”
Papa nodded in understanding while I averted my gaze from him, dreading his next words. “It's been a couple of years, yet I see that you are still with Ahana. I want to know- Do you wish to marry our daughter?”
Time really liked to mock us, didn't it?
Vansh and I exchanged a shock look before turning to my parents. It was like a bomb had been blasted into our house. Sure, we had discussed about our marriage before. You know like the menu of the catering, which people to invite, the location and other small things. Although we were on a break now but our ultimate, ultimate goal would of course be to get married. But with our twisted state of affairs, I wondered what Vansh's reply would be. Would he give a biased answer or would he actually spill out the truth? Fuck, if only I would have seen this coming, we would have rehearsed this situation beforehand. The anticipation of his reply was rattling my nerves. God, just why was he so mute now?
“I want to know whether we are on the same page or are you just wasting time with my daughter?” Papa asked, his voice becoming a little stern, causing me to flinch. The unsaid words in the air remained- Then why are you taking time to answer me?
“Not at all, Uncle. I have my best intentions in mind, I assure you. I do wish to marry her...” His eyes flickered at me for a second before reverting back to Papa again. “But I'm hoping it's in the future.”
Papa raised a brow, “And what if I tell you to marry her before you leave to Boston?”
“Papa!” I felt the need to interrupt, not liking where this was going. Mom shook her head at me, clearly not wanting to interrupt them.
I noticed Vansh taking a swallow before answering, “Uncle, it's still... too early, don't you think? We, um, both of us want to focus on our careers for now so, well, you know...” Vansh trailed off, his voice becoming smaller and smaller in the end. “Right, Ahana?” He added later, eyeing me to say something in his defense.
“H- he's right Papa. None of us are in a rush. No need to jump into the bandwagon so quickly.”
Papa nodded in understanding, making me wonder what on earth was he understanding. “It doesn't seem like you're eager to marry her but,” he paused raising a finger. “but this also shows that you won't bluff about anything in particular.”
“Okay, you can stop over analysing him, Dinesh,” Mom said, raising her voice for the first time. Then she exchanged glances between both of us with nothing but affection in her eyes. “We have only one child and since its a daughter, we want to make sure she leaves our house royal style. We want to be assured that the man she's leaving with, is the right one for her. That she leaves with that happy, mischievous smile of hers... I hope you, as a man, can understand that.”
“Oh, Mom,” I mumbled, engulfing my arms around her shoulders for a hug. She kissed my head. Damn, if she wanted to tear me up, she was very close to succeeding.
“Then again, we'll be overjoyed to get rid of this nuisance who had troubling us since day one,” Mom added, making my jaw drop. I crossed my arms, pouting.
“Yeah, I bet keeping a couple of pets will be much easier than keeping her. Son, you better think twice before taking her.”
“Papa, Mumma, stop! I can't believe you're disapproving me in front of my own... In front of him, I mean.” I quickly corrected myself and turned my face away, feeling a blush creep over my cheek.
Vansh seemed to be enjoying our silly banter the most as he kept chuckling in between. “I understand your pain, Aunty. Infact, I'm aware of her mischievous ways. Do you know that she broke a fire alarm from the mall once?”
Both my parents turned to me aghast, while I turned to glare at Vansh. “Excuse me? And who was the mastermind behind that idea. Who was it who told you to think twice about it?”
“Well, atleast you didn't get arrested.” Papa commented between his laughs.
The silence was as creepy as the screeching of the fireflies in the background. Vansh and I exchanged a look, you know the look before we turned to my parents with a smile blowing like a balloon.
“Not at all, Papa.”
“No way, Uncle.”
An entertaining hour later I was escorting Vansh outside my house. Before exiting the house though, I could swear I heard my Papa whisper these words to his wife. “Why do I get a feeling that we're giving off our devil to another devil?”
Vansh had walked ahead so he didn't hear it but I sure as hell did. I suppressed a fat smile and hurried forward.
When we were at a considerable distance away from my residential building, I stood before him raising my hands in defense. “Look I didn't knew about any of this. Hell, they never asked me about my marriage before today.”
He chuckled and patted my head. “It's okay yaar. It was fun. Although it's obvious they would pop up the marriage question since I'm supposed to be their future son- in- law, right? We should have anticipated this.” he sighed disheartened. “I just felt bad convincing your parents when we aren't even together. Your father didn't look that convinced to me.”
“Come on, you weren't lying. I mean technically, we will be together in the future.”
“You say that with such conviction.”
There was a knot in my stomach but not in a good way. “What are you implying, Vansh?”
He closed his eyes for a second, shaking his head. “Ah, nothing, nothing. I was just blabbering nonsense,” he said, his smile small. His expression was taught at the time so I chose not to say anything. Maybe he was stressed out from getting questioned by my father. That's what I hoped the reason behind his half assed answer was anyway.
~
If emotions could be depicted with a color then, I was sure this would be the moment where my emotions had no color. Either that or there were too many colors mixed together, making it seem almost black. That was how I felt as I stood near Chandigarh airport, side by side with Vansh's family, bidding farewell to Vansh.
I excused myself from his family to buy some tea on purpose. Minutes later, I noticed Vansh in my peripheral vision as he approached the corner where I was standing. He appeared all black with his black jacket, black jeans and sunglasses, pushing away most of his hair above his forehead. I captured that image in my brain as it would be the last time I'll be seeing him in a long while.
“Did you wait long?”
“Barely. It's just been a minute or two. Did you pack everything? Your shaving machine? Your bag that holds all your important files? And, uh...”
I was interrupted by Vansh loud laugh. “I thought we agreed upon becoming friends, not married couples.”
I diverted my gaze, feeling my cheeks flare up. “I was just checking on you, Mr I- do- everything- at- the- last- minute person.”
“No worries. Ma helped me so I got everything covered,” he replied, smiling. I lowered my head when I noticed a hand tugging mine. “Don't mind me this time,” he added.
I intertwined my fingers with his. Maybe out of compulsion, habit or affection in the last moment— I wasn't sure. We built a perfect picture right now, looking like a normal couple who were about to part ways. It made me wonder if anything was wrong at all. Humans were such stupid creatures. They tend to realize a person's worth only after they were gone. I was one such person too. Maybe this distance was the necessary trigger to realize each other's worth then.
“Are you listening?” Vansh snapped me out of my thoughts, “don't flirt with that co- worker too much.”
“But you said this is my golden chance. How could you?!” I said, feigning hurt.
“I just said not too much. A little... Little is okay,” he said, looking elsewhere and sulking. I chuckled.
“You too, huh. Remember what we discussed. Tell your not- so- little Vansh to be in his limit as well,” I warned him, playfully.
“You listening, buddy? Be in your limit and don't stand in attention to sexy firangi's (foreigners),” he played along, pointing out to his buddy while my mouth opened in mock surprise. He smirked back at me in response.
I was going to say something else when his phone beeped, his caller ID showing Pops in bold letters. “Yes, I'm on my way... Yeah, she is here too... Oh shut up, Pops, this is India!... No, no, you stay there, I'm coming!” he said and ended the call with a sigh. I swayed my eyes in all directions to see if in case his sneaky Pops was hiding somewhere just to surprise us. “Ahana, let's go,” he said tugging onto my hand before leaving it. Those three words struck a chord which made me freeze in my spot. This was it. “What, now?” He asked when he noticed my lack of movement.
I joined my hands behind my back. “Will you visit India in between? You know visit your hometown and all,” I asked, trying to sound casual about it but inside, I was a whirlwind.
He rubbed his head behind him. “I don't know honestly. If work permits then I'll visit, if it doesn't... I'll try somehow. Nine months does sound like a huge amount of time, doesn't it?”
“That's precisely why I asked, idiot,” I mumbled, kicking my feet on the ground.
“Hm...” For some reason, Vansh wasn't telling me to go like before. He just stood there, God knows why. I remained there for reasons unknown. For a moment we just stood there, admist the announcements, amongst the rushing crowd, in between seconds that were at their peak. We moved our heads in our direction but weren't directly looking at each other. We were confused, awkward and naive. But time was still moving and ultimately, we had to move as well.
It was his grip on my wrist that made me move. It was the affection he held in his eyes that compelled me to move further. A cloud of doubt hovered above us but it couldn't deter us away from this moment. My head touched the crook of his neck, taking in his all- too- familiar scent. His hand went behind my head, covering me while I moved my hand to his back, our upper bodies coming forth in an embrace. We held onto each other with our breaths tingling, our warmth spreading, thus sealing away these few seconds.
“Ahana,” His voice murmured softly into my ears, making my eyes open. Slowly we pulled away and I noticed few of my hairs sticking to his shirt, most probably due to effect of static electricity. Sunlight kissed him from the right, casting a bright shade to his brown orbs. “Our love, it hasn't gone. It has just lost it's way. We need to find it and place it back right here,” he said, pointing his finger to our hearts.
His words struck a chord, sending chills down my spine. He kissed my forehead away with a warm smile, causing me to smile in return. I felt like an empty can which was just filled a little. It was the most emotion we had expressed to each other in a long, long while. The day seemed ten times brighter now.
“Take care, Van,” I said with as much emotion I could muster. “I'll be right here, waiting for you. Waiting to get our love back on track. Call me when you reach, okay?”
“Sure. You too take care, An.”
After that we returned to his parents, trying our best to appear as innocent as we could. With his father and brother shooting suggestive looks at us while her mother growing impatient due to loss of time, we obviously failed. After he was allowed to enter the airport by the security guard, he bid farewell to his family members one by one. Then he turned to face my way. “Bye.”
“Bye,” I said, back while waving my hand. “Call me afterwards,” I mouted, making a hand sign of a phone near my ear. He nodded in response before going on ahead. All of us watched as he entered the airport, turned back to wave at us one last time then walked on ahead until his figure dissipated amongst the surroundings completely. I exhaled silently.
He was finally off to Boston.
Later, his mother insisted me to stay the evening for tea and snacks. I possibly couldn't say no to that, even though the idea of spending time with them without Vansh seemed daunting. After spending an awkward but a fruitful hour at their house, I left for Delhi.
Funny thing was, I didn't cry, even after I reached home. My emotions were the same color as before. I wasn't happy but I wasn't heartbreakingly sad either. Bitterness, anger, excitement, fear, hope- There were too many to put a finger on. What would the Ahana from a year back feel if it were her? She might have shed tears then. My eyes swept across the room: A four poster bed, a bookshelf, cupboard, curtains- things that a bedroom usually comprised of, stacked within the confinement of four walls. I felt exactly like this room.
'Our love, it hasn't gone. It has just lost it's way.'
I squeezed my pillow that I held in my arms and closed my eyes, holding on to those words like a prayer. It was the only thing I could do right now. Hope for us.
At the end of the evening, the next day, I patiently waited for his message or call, to inform me that he arrived. His was a thirty hour flight that stopped at two stations in between. At 11 pm, I became convinced that he wasn't going to call me. I tried to call him once but he didn't answer. Maybe the jet lag had caught him, causing him to doze off immediately. It wasn't like he was ignoring me, right?
I sighed. Something told me that it wasn't going to be easy as we planned out to be.
Thinking it was no use waiting, I fell asleep with a troublesome mind.
⚫ ⚪ ⚫ ⚪ ⚫
D e d i c a t e d t o
achudasama1 For showering so many beautiful comments in my stories and especially for that huge in- depth comment in chapter 3. (You know you had it coming after that 😜)
A u t h o r' s N o t e
It saddens me to say this but you're
not going to see them together (physically that is) for quite a while. Wish them luck on their journey.
Thoughts on this chapter. Do you have faith in them that they will reunite? Do you think Ahana will be ticking off her bucket list now? 😂😂
Don't forget to Vote 🌟 and show some love through comments 💬
PS- I might (Keyword- Might) post the next chapter early cos I'm an impatient child lol. Look forward to it.