Hello everyone! Sorry for the delay once again! First and foremost, welcome to the new year! I meant to have a chapter posted before the start of 2017, but the holidays, work, and closing on a house took up a lot of my time. I hope that I will be able to get another chapter up soon. The husband and I are moving into the new home here in about two weeks, which means I have to pack, so fingers crossed that I can get some writing time in!
Anyways, hope you all enjoy this chapter. Wrote it on a whim, mostly. And because I feel like this may be important later. :P
******************************************************************
"I knock the ice from my bones, try not to feel the cold. Caught in the thought of that time when everything was fine, everything was mine." ~ All The King's Horses, Karmina
A few days had passed since Audrey had that worrying conversation with Artemis. Not much had changed in those few days. The nursery had finally been finished, so at least when Scorpius finally was ready to come there was one less thing to worry about. At this point, as bad as it sounded, her son's arrival was the least of Audrey's worries at the moment.
She was honestly worried about her friend. Audrey had always known Artemis was a bit of a gloomy individual, but the day he had admitted his own existence troubled him, he seemed even more pessimistic than usual. Everyone dealt with death and stress differently, and perhaps he was just finally showing signs of his grieving process. Her friend had shut himself in his room, and hadn't really been out for an extended period of time. It was bothering Audrey immensely, but no one else seemed to be troubled by it. She was sitting at breakfast with Artemis' parents and younger brothers, as well as Narcissa who had decided to move in as well to be closer to Audrey and the baby. No one was speaking, except for the young twins who were babbling back and forth to each other. Audrey couldn't take it anymore.
"Has anyone checked on Artemis?" she asked, setting down her fork as she glanced at all the adults in the room. "He's been in his room for, as far as I know, a few days now. Doesn't that concern you?"
Artemis' mother, Angeline, and Narcissa exchanged glances before Angeline spoke. "I'm sure he's fine," she said quietly. "He goes through periods of time where he just wishes to be alone. I suspect this may be one of those times. He had breakfast brought up to him earlier this morning."
Audrey glanced at her now empty plate, and pushed it towards the center of the large table. "Well, I'm going to check on him," she decided. Without another word, she stood and removed herself from the room, making her way back towards Artemis' room.
Sure enough, upon reaching his room, Audrey found the door shut and the silence coming from the room was deafening. Audrey took a deep breath, and then knocked on the door. No one answered, so she knocked again, slightly louder. When Artemis didn't answer again, Audrey decided it was best she just enter his room, with or without permission. She needed to know he was okay, and she wasn't going to walk away without knowing that. The girl opened the door hesitantly, not sure what she was going to see.
Artemis' room was dark, the only light coming in from between the curtains on the large windows on the far wall, despite the elaborate chandelier hanging from the ceiling. The walls were dark gray and paneled, with three long, narrow mirrors hanging over the headboard of his bed. On the wall, opposite of his bed, was a small sitting area with a tall bookshelf next to a closed door Audrey could only assume led to a closet or bathroom. A dresser the same golden color of the nightstands and bedspread was against the wall next to the door, a tray with empty breakfast plates sitting upon it.
It took a few moments for Audrey to spot Artemis. He was nestled in his bed, the top of his head barely visible from underneath the golden blankets on his bed. He was facing the windows, so he hadn't seen her enter the room. Before Audrey could announce her presence, Artemis spoke.
"Just take the tray and leave me be, Butler," Artemis hissed, his voice hoarse.
"Um, it's me," Audrey responded, not sure what to expect from her friend right then. It was obvious he wasn't feeling quite right- either physically or mentally- and she hadn't seen him in one of these states before.
This caught Artemis off guard, and he shot up in bed, combing through his hair with one of his hands, trying to make himself look presentable. The blankets fell to his waist, and Audrey assumed her friend was probably still in his pajamas since his chest was bare. She blinked for a moment, not sure what to say to any of this. Artemis turned to look at her, his normally pale face flushed pink, eyes swollen and puffy. He caught his friend's gaze, and his face showed his embarrassment.
"I'm... err... sorry about all of this," he muttered, gesturing at himself, eyes cast downward. "You didn't need to see me this way. That's why I shut myself in here."
That bit confused Audrey. "You don't need to be sorry about anything. You have every right to shut yourself away and be sad, or whatever it is you're feeling," she replied. "I was just... worried about you."
"You needn't worry about me," Artemis replied, although his voice said otherwise. "I'm fine."
"You may have fooled your parents and your aunt, but you're not fooling me, Artemis," Audrey stated boldly. "You're not fine, and I'm not going to let you suffer through whatever this is alone. Please... please just talk to me."
Artemis sighed. "There's so many things wrong with me; where do I even begin?"
Audrey frowned, knowing this wasn't going to be an easy conversation. "Is it okay if I sit next to you?" Artemis merely nodded, so Audrey crossed the room and took a seat next to him on his bed. Once she had settled in, ignoring the slight cramping she had in her abdomen, she spoke again. "As for where you should begin... I would suggest wherever makes the most sense. Or simplify it into topics and then elaborate on each one."
"You're starting to sound like my psychiatrist," Artemis muttered.
"Why haven't you talked to them about it?" Audrey inquired. "Wouldn't you want to talk to a professional about whatever is troubling you?"
Artemis shook his head. "If you knew how many psychiatrists I have made scurry back to their own asylums you would be terrified of me," he explained. He paused and took a deep breath. "I guess a large portion of this mindset goes back to the conversation we had the other day. I don't feel like I belong on this planet, and it has a tendency of getting the better of me."
Audrey nodded, remembering the conversation clearly. "Why is it you feel that way? I know you mentioned it was because you should be dead, but you never told me why you should be dead to begin with."
"Technically, I was dead. For six months," Artemis replied grimly. "It's an incredibly long story, so I'll spare you some of the technical details and just say it involved some cloning and my soul being transferred." He paused, shaking his head. "Anyway, after that, I have always felt... out of place here; that was about four years ago now. I'm only here because I have friends in low places who have some incredible magic. My brain just doesn't want to come to terms with the fact that I'm alive again. Most days I feel well enough to function, but as of recent with everything going on with Draco and you it's been a lot more difficult to stay sane. I just figure if I stay in bed, it's better for all of us. I didn't mean to worry you."
The girl never would've guessed that of all reasons that that would be why he felt that way. Artemis looked completely normal on the surface, and considering the amount of internal conflict he had, it was incredible he wasn't breaking down more often. Audrey frowned, in part because of her friend's story, and also because she felt the cramping in her abdomen intensify slightly.
"You can talk to me, Artemis. Don't feel like you need to keep all of this bottled up," Audrey responded. "I'm not going to judge you for any of that. I get it; I really do."
Her friend frowned. "It's just difficult. The world once felt like it was mine; nothing was going to stop me from doing whatever I set my mind to," he continued. "And now, everything is just so taxing mentally. I don't feel like myself at all. Everyone thinks I'm so calm, so put together... when in reality my mind is a complete mess. They don't see how messed up I really am." Artemis' gaze on the floor intensified. "I feel terrible for pushing my problems onto you; you have so much riding on your shoulders already."
"Just because I have my own demons to contend with doesn't mean that I can't help you battle yours," Audrey assured, resting one of her hands on top of her friend's. "I'm serious, Arty. Friends are supposed to be there for each other, through good times and bad. You've been there for me since the day I met you, and never once switched up on me. Honestly, I doubt I would be here without you. You've always been there for me; I'm always going to be here for you."
Artemis nodded, still not daring to look his friend in the eyes. "My biggest fear is that eventually you'll see me the way I see myself," he said quietly. "A waste of space..."
That comment stung, and Audrey couldn't think of anything to say for a few moments. It hurt that her friend thought that way. She reached out with her free hand, gently lifting her friend's chin and making him look at her. This caught Artemis off-guard, his weary eyes blinked a few times as he tried to figure out what she was doing.
"You are not a waste of space, Artemis," she stated, a stern yet pained look upon her face. "And I will never think that way about you. No matter what. When I told you the other day I was going to stick with you for better or worse, I meant it."
Audrey watched the expression on her friend's face soften. Artemis didn't say anything before pulling her into a tight embrace. Audrey hugged him back, knowing how much he needed the comfort. She closed her eyes, happy that at least some progress had been made in getting Artemis back to his normal charismatic and devilish self.
"Thank you," he finally replied, his grasp on her tightening slightly.
"You're welcome, love."
Neither of them said anything for several moments as they remained in the embrace. And then Artemis said something that caught Audrey completely unprepared.
"I love you."
Audrey's eyes shot open. Those were not words she had expected to hear any time soon, let alone from Artemis. It wasn't strange to tell your close friends you loved them; hell, Nicole told her it all the time. It just seemed odd since the words had never left Artemis' lips before. She smiled, and then replied, "I love you too."
Artemis held onto her for a few more seconds before pulling away. This time when he faced her, his eyes had their familiar sparkle in them. For at least a moment, it seemed as if Artemis had forgotten about his troubles. Audrey was sure there would probably be more of these episodes in the future, but she was hoping that she at least put an end to this one.
"Now... how are you feeling?" Artemis inquired, changing the topic.
Audrey frowned. "A little crampy, but nothing too troubling," she admitted.
Artemis raised an eyebrow. "Keep an eye on them," he cautioned. "Given how far along you are, the contractions could be a sign of labor."
Audrey sighed. "I know, I know. I'm watching them," she brushed off. "Now that you're feeling a bit better, why don't you freshen up and we go find something to keep our minds busy?"
"Sounds delightful," Artemis replied. "A stroll around mother's garden sound okay?"
"Most definitely." Audrey stood, stretching slightly. "I'll let you get dressed. Come get me when you're ready."
She exited her friend's room, feeling better that she had gotten some answers from him. Things weren't perfect, but Audrey finally felt like maybe they were all on the right track to getting through their tragedies. They were on the up and up, and hopefully that was going to continue.