Chapter 8: The Kiss
Mika
The feeling of Allen's lips against mine was a feeling I never expected to feel. I'm not going to lie, I've thought about kissing him before, but actually doing so was so much better than any kiss I've ever had before, better than my imagination.
I never wanted the kiss to end, but I ended up being the one to break it. I looked at him, probably mirroring the confusion that was all over his face. "Why?" I asked hesitantly. "What was that?"
Allen shook his head, looking down at the floor. "I don't know. That was..." He sighed. "Uncalled for."
"What happened to you being straight?" The question was out of my mouth before I could hold it back. But once that question came out, the rest followed without being controlled. "What about you being so desperately in love with Sarah? Why are you so hung up on her anyway? She left you like you never mattered to her. And all you can do is mope about how much you miss her while I take care of the son she left at your doorstep."
"You're wrong." His voice was low. Serious. "You don't know what you're talking about."
I scoffed, getting angry, even though I had no idea why I was. "Oh really? I've sat in this house all day, every day, for the last two weeks. You don't think I haven't noticed things?" I walked to the other end of the kitchen, running a hand through my hair before facing him again. "You have probably a hundred pictures of her just lying around this place. You would think that you'd want to get rid of all evidence of the woman who broke your heart as soon as she left, not wishing for something you can't have for nearly a year afterwards. That's not fair-" I cut myself off, not knowing what I was saying anymore.
There were a few seconds of silence between us before he spoke. "Not fair? Not fair to who? You?"
I shook my head. "That's not what I said."
"Then what did you say?"
This whole thing was becoming a bigger issue than it needed to be. Why were we even arguing over this? Shouldn't we be more focused on why he kissed me? He still never answered that question. But I wasn't sure I cared about the answer anymore. This whole conversation was pissing me off even more.
Grabbing my phone off the table from where it was sitting, I shoved it in my pocket. "I'm just gonna go. See you tomorrow, Allen."
I almost made it to the door when he placed a hand on my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks. "Don't."
I didn't turn to look at him. "Don't what?" I was expected him to say one of two things. Either he wanted me to stay, or never come back. Honestly, I wasn't sure which one I wanted to hear more at this moment.
There was no answer, and I didn't face him for what felt like forever. But eventually the silence was too deafening for me, so I turned, slowly, finally deciding that I didn't want him to fire me after all. I wanted him to tell me to stay. To kiss me again. But I also knew that that was probably unlikely.
The look on my face told me what I needed to know before anything even came out of his mouth, so I didn't let him speak. "What do you want from me, Allen? First you kiss me, then you get mad at me, and now you're firing me? Do you realize how... how... Ugh." I couldn't even think of the word I was trying to say. I was just mad.
"What do you want me to say, Mika?"
The breath caught in my throat. He hasn't actually said my name since the day we met. I never realized it before, but now that he's said it, it's become so obvious at how little he's said it. And just the way it came out of his mouth made my heart skip a beat. But I couldn't let him see how much those two syllables affected me.
"I get it. You made a mistake in kissing me and now you want me out of your life for good. Fine. Let me go."
Allen let out a soft sigh, shaking his head as he looked at the floor. "You're right."
I tried to leave, but he was still holding onto my shoulder and his grip tightened as soon as I moved. "So let go of me and let me get out of your life."
He shook his head again, this time meeting my gaze. "No. You were right about the way I've focused so much energy on someone who's gone. I need to move on, and... I don't know..."
I was back to being mad again. "So you decided to go for me? Why? Because I'm here all day anyway? Because you already know I'm gay? Because you think I'm easy because I slept with a stranger last night? Because I'm not going to fall in love with you so you don't have to worry about my feelings when you use me as your rebound? Why, Allen?"
"No. Mika, no. You're wrong."
I scoffed. "I'm wrong, then I'm right, then I'm wrong again? Make up your damn mind." I finally managed to shove his hand off me. I started for the door again, but once again, his hand reached out and held me back.
"I think I might have real feelings for you," he said softly as he stepped in front of me. "I don't know what they mean, and I don't know where they come from, but seeing that on your neck this morning..." He shook his head and I put a hand over the mark, having momentarily forgotten it was there. I didn't even know the guy had given it to me until this morning after I got here. "I realized I was jealous. I... god, I feel like a schoolgirl."
I smirked. For some reason, I liked the thought of that. Of him being jealous. "Really? You were jealous?"
Allen nodded weakly, letting go of my arm. "Yeah. Alright? I was jealous because I like you, okay?"
"You, Allen, really know how to flatter a guy. But I thought I told you before, that I don't feel that way about you." I hated lying to him this, especially because the first time I said it, I knew that he was straight. Now everything's changed. "And even if I did, you're my boss. I don't get involved with my boss because that leads to tricky situations."
Allen sighed, taking a couple steps back from me. "Yeah, yeah I know. I just felt like maybe there was something on your side, too."
It was at that moment, when I saw a flash of pain cross his face, that I realized I didn't want to keep pushing him away. I did feel something for him too. And maybe that scared me a bit, the fact that I wanted him.
But I didn't want to fear that part of me anymore. So I stepped closer to him, reached around to the back of his head, and pulled him down so that his lips touched mine. The second time around was just the same as the first time. Incredible. Unbelievable. Amazing.
I didn't think one kiss could feel so good, and yet, it got better when Allen's hands wrapped themselves around my body, pulling me closer to him. My arms were both around his neck as I deepened the kiss, exploring the inside of his mouth with my tongue.
Suddenly, Allen pushed me backwards so that I was pressed up against what was probably the kitchen counter, although I wasn't bothered enough to check. I was just a little busy right now to care.
The next thing I knew, I was was pulling Allen's shirt over his head and kissing down his chest. I knelt down in front of him, not even thinking anymore. We both wanted this, that much was obvious by the bulge staring me in the face from inside his pants. I couldn't resist sticking my face right up against it, wanting to get past the barrier that were his pants, but also not wanting to rush this moment.
As I was breathing in his scent, feeling his hardness against my cheek, I heard him let out a soft moan as I pressed down. It was big and thick, I could tell, even through his clothing. I ran my hands up and down the back of his legs, feeling them shaking with the same anticipation that I was feeling coursing through my blood.
He must not have been able to take it any longer, because he unbuttoned his pants and started sliding them down. Inch by inch, I watched, time moving too slowly for my liking.
But just as I was about to reach up and yank the stupid pants all the way down to Allen's ankles, the baby monitor that was sitting on the counter by the sink jumped to life with the sound of Sam's crying, breaking whatever force was propelling me and Allen to do this.
He quickly buttoned up his pants again as I awkwardly got to my feet. "Uh, well..." I started, staring down at the floor as I scratched the back of my head.
"I should go check on him," Allen muttered before rushing out of the room.
I wasn't sure what had just happened. Did it actually just happen? Me and Allen? It was practically a dream. I didn't dream that, did I?
Turning around, I saw Allen's shirt crumpled on the floor where it had been tossed only minutes prior. Definitely not a dream. That actually just happened. I was about to blow Allen. Woah. Never thought that would happen in a million years.
What was I even thinking? How could I almost have sex with Allen? We probably would have, too, if Sam hadn't started crying. He was my boss. I may not have had a great history with keeping jobs, but never once have I ever breached the employer/employee sexual barrier like this before. Granted, none of my other bosses have ever been as attractive as Allen. God, nobody has ever been as attractive as he is. That was obviously getting to my head, his attractiveness.
What was I even going to say to him when he came back in here? I could hear him murmuring to his son down the hallway, probably changing his diaper or something. It would be a couple more minutes before he returned.
I didn't want to be that guy, but I was considering just leaving before we could have this conversation. Maybe I'll figure out what to say by the time morning came around.
Taking one more glance down the hallway, I let out a sigh. Tomorrow we'd talk, definitely. I just hoped I'd have the right words to express whatever I was feeling about this whole thing. And maybe the break from each other right now is what we both need.
Without waiting another second, I walked out of his house.