"Do you think you might have cold feet?" Lauren asked me.
"I don't know, I'm just not feeling inspired," I replied, rubbing my arms up and down.
"This one's pretty," Lauren said pointing to a white dress covered in lace.
"Yeah, I just don't see myself wearing it," I said.
"Do you remember when we were younger and we used to always dream about our weddings? You always said you wanted an extravagant wedding... what happened to that?"
I shrugged as I walked over to a nice and simple dress, "This one's nice."
"For my grandma," she scoffed, "what's wrong?"
I shook my head walking ahead of her trying to avoid her question.
"Camila what's wrong?" She repeated more forcefully.
"I don't want to talk about it, at least not right now," i said looking up at her.
"Hello Camila, how are you?" Lisa said walking up to me.
"I'm fine, you?"
"Pretty good," she said, "have you liked any dresses that you've seen?"
"No not really, I think I want a plain and simple dress," I explained.
"Okay, I'll be right back," she said walking over to the sales lady.
"Do you ever feel like you're making a huge mistake but there's no way to escape it?" I asked.
"Don't tell me you finally realize that this wedding is a huge mistake..." Lauren said.
"I don't know..." I sighed.
"It's not to late to back out Camila Im sure Xavier will understand," she said.
I'm sure he won't. Since day one he's always wanted to settle down. If I call the wedding off we'll be over for good. But i mean that's a good thing right? So I can focus on Justin and be with him instead.
"Here are a couple of plain and simple dresses what don't we take a look at them and chose some to try on," Lisa said interrupting my thoughts.
I followed her and as she showed me the dresses I picked out three of them to try on. I changed out of my clothes and tried the first one on. It was simple but big and flowed a few feet behind me. The veil was placed in my hair and I slowly walked out to look at myself in the mirror.
"Wow you look gorgeous," Lauren said as I turned towards the mirror.
I stared at myself in the large white dress. I didn't belong in it, for some reason it didn't feel like it was meant to be. I knew what that reason was yet I kept wanting to deny it.
"Can we do this another day, I'm not feeling well," I said to Lisa.
I quickly got out of the dress and rescheduled with Lisa before walking out of the dress shop with Lauren.
"Let's get something to eat," I said as I liked Lauren with me.
As we sat in the corner of the cute restaurant I explained everything that I had been feeling and everything that had happened, who Justin was and why I was feeling the way I was.
"So you basically cheated on Xavier," she said.
"Lauren that's not why I told you all this," I said.
"I know but I'm happy that you cheated on that bastard," she said.
"Jesus what has he ever done to you?" I asked.
"Nothing I just don't like him," she said crossing her arms in front of her chest, "you need to find yourself someone like my Nick, someone who truely loves you. And that might even be Justin, but if it is then you better hold on like hell and get ready for whatever's going to come."
I stared at her trying to figure out what I was going to do now. "I think I'm making this too complicated..."
"You really are, just break up with him and focus on Justin," she said.
"Pattie's not going to let anything happen between us though, I'm his nurse..." i said.
"Then stop being his nurse," she simply said.
"It's not so simple," I said.
"What isn't simple about it? Are you worried that you won't have either one of them? That Justin has autism? That you won't be able to date him? That you'll end up alone? Trust me Cam no one ends up alone but if you don't try then you'll never know," she explained.
It had been three days and it felt like an eternity. There were two days left before I had to go back and I was nervous about Justin being upset with me.
After we ate we went back home and for the rest of the day we sat on the couch watching movies.
Xavier came home around six and Lauren quickly left before she had to make any conversation with him. I made dinner and we ate in silence until Xavier started asking questions.
"How did the dress shopping go?" He asked.
"Fine," I replied.
"Did you find a dress?"
"No, I'm going in again next week," I answered.
He gave me a slight nod before he finished eating. After washing the dishes as taking a shower I went to bed and tried falling asleep.
Monday
I knocked on Pattie's front door and waited for a couple of seconds before she opened up.
"Morning," she said letting me in.
"Good morning," I replied.
"Justin's being a little hard to deal with. He's been throwing tantrums for the past three days and I'm not sure why, he's probably catching a cold," she explained as she led me to his room.
"Justin, Camila is here I have to get to work please don't give her a hard time," she said.
He was rocking back and forth on his bed as Pattie gave him a kiss and walked out.
"I'll be back soon, thanks," she said.
I walked closer to Justin and slowly placed my hand on his shoulder. He smacked it away making me flinch and take a step back.
"Justin I'm sorry," I said.
"N-no, go a-a-way," he said.
"What's wrong?"
"Y-you l-left and d-didn't come b-ba-back," he said starting to hit his sides with his hand balled up into fists.
I quickly climbed onto his bed sitting in front of him, "Im sorry Jay, your mom was off from work and she was taking care of you so there was no need for me to come take care of you."
"N-no y-you don't care about J-Justin," he cried. Suddenly he started hitting himself in the chest and in the face.
I quickly got closer to him by straddling his legs and tried holding his arms back. "Justin please stop hitting yourself," I said.
He cried louder and rocked back and forth faster, making it hard for me to hold his arms back. He was too strong for me and I was afraid that if he hit himself any harder he would leave a mark making it look like I hurt him.
I scooted even closer gently sitting in his lap as I held one arm back and rubbed his shoulder with my free hand. "Shh... it's okay," I whispered.
He hit my arm in attempt to make me let go of him and it hurt really bad but I didn't let go instead I grabbed his arm and pulled it back. "Hey, I don't like it when you hurt yourself."
"No! S-stop l-let g-g-go," he cried.
I let go and started rubbing his shoulders with both my hands. After a couple of seconds his hitting slowly stopped and he let a couple of soft sobs out before slowly ticking back and forth.
"It's alright, you're okay," I whispered.
He rested his head on my shoulder and rested his hands on my legs, relaxing his balled up fists. My hands traveled up his sweaty neck to his damp hair, running my fingers through a few strands of it.
His breathing slowed down but I could still feel his body rising up and down, out of breath.
Slowly then all at once I felt his hands move up my thighs and around my torso until his arms were wrapped around my entire body hugging me tightly.
I hugged him back, rubbing his back softly before giving a few pats.
"I-I-I'm sorry," he said.
"It's okay," I replied.
He pulled away from the hug, looking into my eyes as he relaxed. I ran my hand up his forehead removing his hair from his eyes so I could take a better look at him. My hands landed on his cheeks before he leaned forward and crashed his lips against mine kissing me hard. His kiss was filled with so much emotion, more emotion than I had ever felt from Xavier.
I gladly kissed him back pushing forward until his back was up against the head of his bed. His hands rested at my hips as I softly grinded against his body loving the feeling of him up against me.
"C-Camila," he whispered as he pulled away.
"Hmm?" I hummed before opening my eyes.
"I-i love you," he said.
"I love you too," I replied.
He smiled before leaning in to kiss me again.
"Did you eat yet?" I asked.
He shook his head and I got up, taking his hand and pulling him with me to the kitchen.
I heated up some waffles and bacon for him then watched him peacefully eat them.
"Your mom said you were being difficult," I said.
He stopped chewing and glanced up at me before looking down at his lap.
"I know I should have explained that I wasn't coming because your mom was going to be here but that's no reason for you to act up," i said, "don't feel like I'm scolding you I'm just giving my opinion. Plus you know I would never leave you, not without saying goodbye."
"G-g-goodbye?" He asked.
"Well... yeah, if your mom doesn't want me to take care of you anymore then I'll have to leave," I explained.
"B-b-but you're n-not leave-leaving right?" He asked.
"Right. I'm planning to stay for as long as I can," I smiled.
He smiled to before finishing his food. We did the usual, going over his speech, watching movies, and eating lunch before Pattie came back. I went home at the usual time and ate dinner before going to bed.
One week later
"S-T-I-N leave a space, B... no that's a V, remember the B has two sideways U's and a line in front of them," I said watching as Justin slowly spelled his name out.
He corrected the B and moved on to the I.
"E-B-E-R. Here let me help you with that," I said as I placed my hand on top of his, dragging it across the paper to spell the letter R. "There you go, good job babe."
He smiled before kissing my cheek, "Th-thank you."
"Want to do it again?" I asked.
He nodded and started all over again this time without me telling him which letter to write. After he was done he showed me and I gave him a high five before we went to his room to watch a movie while we put a puzzle together.
"Is my m-mom c-coming home today?" He asked.
"No, she's going to be out for another day," I said as I put a piece in its place.
"O-okay," he answered.
"Have you been painting anything new?" I asked.
"N-not really," he said, "I-I'm painting the E-Eiffel T-Tower..."
"Ooo can I see?" I excitedly asked.
"N-not un-until I'm done," he said.
"Okay but don't forget to show me once it's done," I warned.
"P-promise m-me that someday we-we'll see the r-real E-Eiffel T-tower t-together," he said.
"Justin I'm not sure I can make that promise..." I said.
"W-why not?"
"What if I can't fulfill that promise?" I asked.
"It's o-okay... I-I-just want to know that y-you'll try," he said.
"Okay then, I promise," I said placing my forehead against his before leaning in for a kiss. I feel him smile through the kiss before he placed his hands on my sides.
Every kiss was even more passionate than the last, no matter what I did I could myself falling more and more in love with him.
Happy new year everyone! Love you guys ♡