Chapter 7: Not Such An Absurd Notion
Allen
Mika was late and I was starting to worry. He was never late, tending to be more on the early side than late. I didn't have the kind of time to just waste waiting for him, but I couldn't leave Sam alone.
I even tried calling Mika, thinking perhaps he overslept or something, but it went straight to voicemail. With each minute that went by, I was getting more and more worried that something was wrong.
"I am so, so sorry, Allen," Mika said as soon as he rushed through the door, almost forty minutes late.
I could tell what had happened before he could even explain. His hair looked like he had just rolled out of bed, and the fact that he was wearing the exact same outfit as yesterday, plus the addition of a rather large hickey on his neck told a lot.
"Here," I said stiffly, handing off my son. "I need to leave. He's fed already."
"Allen, I really am sorry. My alarm-"
"Doesn't matter," I spoke over him, grabbing my jacket and my keys. "I'll see you tonight."
I could tell Mika wanted to say more, probably to apologize more, but his mouth just opened and closed a couple times, but I shook my head every time it opened. I didn't want to hear excuses. I needed to leave.
*
When I finally made it into work, I was over an hour late because traffic was a bitch. This is why I needed to leave before six thirty in the morning, otherwise I'd be with everyone else trying to get to work.
"Allen!" Melissa cheered when I walked by her desk. "I was getting a bit worried."
"Why were you worried?" I asked, although I didn't stop, just pushed open my office door to put my stuff down at my desk.
She followed me though, the way I knew she would. "Because you have never once been late. Sam giving you trouble this morning, Allen? You look a bit worn out. A baby will do that to you, as I'm sure you're quite aware of by now, aren't you, Allen?"
I really did not feel like listening to her chattering to me all day, but unfortunately, I needed to, although it didn't have to be personal. "Mika was late, actually. But enough about my life." I started demanding her to grab me the files I would need for today.
I was sure she would have gotten the hint, but when she returned to my office about ten minutes later with the requested files, she started back up.
"You don't seem to be in a very good mood, Allen. It's more than that your nanny was late or Sam kept you up all night. Something's on your mind. What is it?"
I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. "Nothing. I'm fine."
Melissa sat down in one of the chairs on the opposite of my desk. "No, Allen, you're not. Talk or you're going to end up being miserable the rest of the day. Or a week. Remember when Sarah left you? You wouldn't tell anyone that for weeks, which almost sent you over the edge because you wouldn't talk about it."
Sighing, I remembered that feeling. I was so depressed back then and I didn't want anyone to know how I had lost the love of my life because she didn't love me the same way. Melissa had known I wanted to propose, so telling her we weren't together anymore didn't seem right. But, I have to admit, talking it out with her did help a little bit.
"It's Mika," I started. "He was late because he had sex with someone last night."
Melissa cocked her head to the side. "He told you this?"
"No. It was pretty obvious. Same clothes as yesterday. Huge hickey."
"And why does this bother you so much, Allen? It's not like he's having sex while babysitting Sam."
I shuddered at the thought, although I trusted that he would never do that. He just waited until his time off, which should be perfectly acceptable, until he shows up late because of it. Then it became unacceptable.
"It was careless of him. Why go out to find a stranger to fuck when he knew he had to be at my house in the morning?"
"And how do you know it was a stranger, Allen?" she asked with just as much intensity as my last statement, trying to make a point about something or other, probably. "What about a girlfriend? He could very well have one, who he has sex with regularly."
I scoffed without meaning to. "No. There's no boyfriend."
She looked taken aback for a second, but got over herself rather quickly. "So he told you he wasn't seeing anyone?"
I nodded, remembering our conversation last night. I had asked him about a boyfriend, only because I wanted to get to know him a bit better considering I realized I had no clue what he was like outside of babysitting Sam. He seemed a bit uneasy when the topic was brought up, but he answered anyway: no boyfriend. It wasn't a matter of the fact that he didn't believe in love, it was because he just didn't have the time to see people, or so he says.
Her mouth dropped open slightly. "Are you jealous, Allen? Are you actually jealous of this boy?"
I scoffed at the ridiculousness of the notion. "No," I said, the word coming out harsher than I meant it to. "Why would I be jealous? I have no energy or desire to go out and have sex with someone. Not with Sam at home."
"That's not what I meant and you know that, Allen," Melissa said quietly. "You're jealous that he's having sex with someone that's not you."
Now it was my turn for my jaw to drop. "What? No. I'm not... Get back to work."
I shook my head as I watched Melissa walk out of my office. She was being absolutely ridiculous. How could she possibly think that about me? The notion was absurd!
The complete absurdity of the thought was probably the reason why Melissa's accusation stayed in my head for the rest of the day. Every once and a while I would succeed in pushing the thought put of my head for a few minutes, maybe an hour at the most, if I'm lucky. But then it wold creep back in, blinding me with its intensity.
Am I jealous of Mika? Could it possibly be true?
Shaking my head, I stood up from my desk, stretching my back. I've been sitting there for far too long. The long hours have never bothered me this much before, not even when I would stay at work for over twelve hours when I refused to go home to an empty house.
My house was no longer empty. I had a son waiting for me there. A son I love with all my heart.
A son who was currently being watched by a man Melissa thinks I want to have sex with.
Letting out a deep sigh, I grabbed the picture of Sarah and I that I still had on my desk. I smiled longingly at her, remembering the day this picture was taken. It was our fourth date and I had brought her to a carnival just outside the city. It was a beautiful summer night and she had asked some woman walking by to take our picture in front of the carousel. We both were so happy that night.
The normal ache in my chest that I usually felt when thinking of her wasn't there. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. I definitely still missed her, so much, but I think the idea of her never coming back was finally starting to sink in.
Or maybe I found someone to fill the hole that she had torn out of my heart. Sam meant everything to me, maybe even more than Sarah ever meant because he was my responsibility. No one else was his father. No one else would be there for him the way I needed to be. The way I wanted to be.
But was Sam the only reason I wasn't missing Sarah as much anymore? Could Mika actually have something to do with it? I wasn't saying I was in love with him or anything of the like, but maybe there was something about him that makes things seem alright.
Looking at the time at the bottom of my computer screen, I thought about the work I still needed to do today. I only had about an hour left before I was going to leave, and I already knew, based on my concentration levels from the day, not much would get done in that hour.
Just as I decided to give up, placing the picture back on my desk, Melissa walked into my office, saying something about a file or something.
"I don't want to know," I said over her words, not caring how rude I sounded.
She stopped in her tracks, looking up from the paper she was reading from. "Are you alright, Allen?"
I grabbed my jacket off the back of the chair. "Fine. But I'm going home. I'll deal with that shit tomorrow."
"Are you sure you're okay, Allen? Is Sam alright?"
I shook my head, gathering the rest of my things to take home with me. "Everyone is fine. I just need a break." I walked by her, heading for the door of my office. "I'll see you tomorrow."
There was, thankfully, a hell of a lot less traffic than this morning, probably because I was leaving work before rush hour started. I made it home in just over half an hour, but those thirty-someodd minutes were spent with my mind creeping into territories I was hoping to avoid by leaving work.
The worst part was that the absurd thought that Melissa had stuck in my head was becoming less and less absurd, which was getting me more and more angry, mostly at myself. I had no problem with people liking other people of the same sex, but I had never once considered myself to be one of those people. But he also told me that he had no interest in me. He did not like me like that, he told me so directly.
When I entered the house through the side door in the kitchen, I found Mika sitting at the table giving Sam his bottle, which was just about empty now. He looked up, slightly startled by my presence, but tried to hide it.
"You're home early," he said, nonchalantly. "Everything okay?"
I didn't need him to pretend to care about me. I was going to say something like 'I had a bad day' or something like that, but then my eyes landed on that spot on his neck.
"What?" Mika asked with a smirk when he realized what I was looking at. "A little jealous?"
I shook my head, trying to clear it of Melissa's echoing words. "No. Although I'm kinda upset that that's the reason you were late this morning."
Mika's smirk fell right off his face. "Hold on a minute, Allen. I'm going to put Sam down for his nap, and then we'll talk about it. I know I have to explain."
I didn't say anything as I watched him leave the kitchen with my son. I wasn't sure if I wanted him to explain. What happened happened. That's it.
A few minutes later, Mika returned to the kitchen. I had taken a seat at the table while he was gone, so he sat down across from me.
"I'm really sorry I was late," he began. "I made a stupid decision of going out last night when I knew I had to be here early. I drank too much to remember where I was in the morning and, to make matters worse, my phone had died, which meant my alarm failed to go off. Thankfully his went off about ten minutes later than mine would have, and not a couple hours, but I still needed to figure out where I was. I was irresponsible. You don't even need to say it. I know."
I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and my index finger. I understood that things like that happen. I wasn't mad at him. I don't think I ever really was.
Standing up, I walked across the kitchen to get myself a glass of water. My mouth had suddenly felt too dry, and I needed the distraction to figure out how I was going to respond.
He chose the moment I brought the glass up to my lips to break the silence between us. "I get it if you want to fire me. Wouldn't be the first time I've been fired, definitely not the last."
My back was to him, but I heard him move the chair back an inch as he stood up from the table. Swallowing the water in my mouth, I placed the glass on the counter and turned to face him to see him setting my house key on the table.
I don't know what propelled me to do it, probably some unconscious force. But I took the two steps to close the distance between us, lifted his chin up so that he was looking up at me, and kissed him.
A/N: Happy New Year! Last update from me for 2016, so I decided to end it with a kiss. Please vote and comment! Thanks!