Quick Note: I am really nervous about this chapter. I find these parts and type of writing difficult. The photo on the right is of Jerry the song came to me last night as I am writing it and oddly feels right for the chapter in a really deranged way. If you haven't go check out my Message Board to find the game I posted last night if you want a sneak peak at the cover of the sequel 'On the Bench'. Love you all!! I will be writing more tonight as well because there is no way I can leave you all hanging for long with the next few updates.
*
*
The soft ‘ba-bump’ rhythmic sound stirred me to consciousness. Slowly opening my eyes, the first thing I see looking up is the red cables of the golden gate bridge in the dark of the night passing by. That’s what the sound is, the bridge.
My head throbbed. As a reflex I lifted my hand to rub my temple, but both my hands came up instead. I could see the duct tape tightly bounding them together and the stickiness and edges from the amount used stabbed into my wrists.
Everything in my memory hit at once. My eyes widened, the fear came crashing back down on me like a ton of bricks. The weight of it felt as if I would be pressed into the backseat of whatever car I’m in.
Jerry has kidnapped me. Automatically, I look towards the front of the car and sure enough he is there driving. I had hoped it was just a dream. The stench of a cigarette wafted in the air and I became more alert to my environment. The vehicle looks used and bits of garbage and empty water bottles littered the floor. He hasn’t noticed that I have woken yet.
I tried to move my legs and feel that they are bound together with the duct tape as well. I curse to myself. I half expected my mouth to be gagged and blindfolded but I’m not. So that tells me he has something to say and he will want a response.
Cringing, I try to reach into my pocket. Yes, my phone is still there. I didn’t dare attempt to retrieve it yet, the bounds are too tight. Oh no, I hoped no one would try to call. I didn’t think they would be that stupid, that is if they even realized I still had my phone. Why hasn’t Jerry realized it yet?
My eyes stung as a few tears fell down my face. I couldn’t imagine what Evan and my friends must be thinking or doing right now. How did he know where to find me? Being in this situation answered some of my questions. He has resumed his stalking of me, but how? I guess it doesn't matter he has me.
I had to get out of here. I tried to twist my hands in the duct tape. The sticky thickness bit into my skin.
“You won’t get out of that,” I freeze, fearful to look up at him. “Happy New Year Sonja darling,” his tone is mocking and thick with cruel intentions.
I reign in my fear and set a determined look on my face. I look up into the blue-gray eyes of my ex-boyfriend that I have not seen since that final court date. Luckily, I don’t get the full crazed stare as I can only see his face through the rear view mirror as he drove. Still, just his eyes have a disturbing haunted glow to them.
How do I handle this? I close my eyes and feel a tear run down my cheek.
“Don’t cry we are together again at last,” he comments and it’s so chilling, I involuntarily shiver.
Opening my eyes again I see he is paying attention to the road instead of me. From what I can see I am laying in the backseat and can barely move. Jerry looks thinner, but muscular. His hair is short but what I saw in his eyes disturbs me. Something is off, more so than before and also in his voice. It’s as if he’s gone stir crazy. I realize he has probably spent the last year in jail obsessing.
Thinking in this manner scared me even more. Fight or flight response started to kick in. I had to get out of here. My mind buzzed as thoughts raced through, trying to figure a way to get away from him as well as the memories of the past flooded in. I quietly tried to loosen the duct tape as I let them wash over me trying to find which ones he would play out this game with.
The first time he hit me came to mind. A back handed slap across my face because he had been stressed out with something to do with his job. I had disagreed with him and I couldn’t even remember on what. I tried very hard to eliminate Jerry from my life. Now he is back and there is no way to tell what he will do. He’s lost so much and I’ve gained a life again. For a split second, I feel pity for him.
Squirming slowly but surely I feel the phone in my pocket. An idea strikes me. Glancing at Jerry he is still looking straight ahead. How do I keep him distracted in this dark and get to my phone while my hands are bound? Again, I wonder how he didn’t notice it in the first place while I was unconscious.
My heart clenches in my chest at the thought. Did he…touch me or do anything unsavory while I was out? I shiver in disgust. More tears silently roll down my cheeks. I long for the safety and strong protective arms of Evan around me. Did they have any idea where I am? I was positive he knew who took me and I almost lost hope as he had no idea where or how to find me.
Which is why it is important and I must be careful that Jerry does not discover I still have my phone. Talking might keep him passive for a time. I notice he has begun to tap his thumbs on the steering wheel. Either in anticipation or agitation I can’t be sure. I didn’t want to know.
The aura he is giving off kept my body tingling and hyper aware of the danger he presented. Staying calm and attempting to be clear headed is key to my survival with him. It would buy me some time, I think.
“Where are we going?” I ask keeping all emotion out of my voice as much as I could.
“And she speaks,” he chuckles.
I freeze all movement as I see him look at me through the rear view mirror. Above me I can see we are no longer on the bridge. The ‘ba-bump’ sound has abruptly and eerily stopped. All I can see is the night sky and the sounds of traffic in the early hours of the morning. What time is it? I can tell he has been driving north unsure if it is back into Sausalito or not.
“Where are we going?” I ask again more angrily.
“Oh you have developed an attitude in my absence…that will need to be broken soon,” he spoke that last part in a hiss and I flinch.
How much more can he break me? No. I’m not going to let him get the best of me, not this time. I have come too far. Gained so much. I have something to fight for now. I cared about my life again and he will not rob me of it.
When I didn’t respond Jerry continued. “We are going on a trip down memory lane.”
What is that supposed to mean? I couldn’t be sure if he is talking about the abuse or just in general. Either way, it did not sound like it would be pleasant. I need to keep him talking.
“You were at my mother’s house on Thanksgiving,” I accused boldly. I kept my eyes on the mirror in case he glances over so I could see his reaction.
He gives me an oddly passive stare and I can’t tell what it means. “Yes I was, I did not know you were there I should have though…” he glances at me again. Shit now he looks angry. “Or with that handsome therapist of yours.”
I hold my breath. So he does know and basically confirmed he broke into my apartment.
“Well that tells me who broke into my apartment,” I mutter.
Jerry laughs. “People are all too willing to give out information with a sappy broken heart story or when they want revenge.”
I am not sure who he means and too worried about my current predicament to care. I close my eyes and try to reign in my emotions and calm my breathing. They keep roller coasting around in my chest. My heart beat like it was trying to run for its life and leave my body hanging.
I watch the rear view mirror as I shift slightly to mask my hands fiddling with my phone in my pocket. My ears begin to pop a little; we must be climbing in altitude.
“Although I actually found your address simply by looking you up, I was quite surprised how easy it was. The first time I dropped by, your neighbor spoke to me. I was angry. I didn’t want to be seen. I almost did something I wanted to save for you. Tsk, tsk, tsk, you know how I get when agitated Sonja,” his voice lowered to a sinister whisper loud enough for me to hear.
This time I couldn’t keep the whimper quiet as it escaped and I take a heavy shaky breath. He has gotten worse. I can only imagine the things he has learned or was taught by other inmates in jail. He wasn’t in a prison, how much worse could he have gotten. I felt stupid even wondering about this laying in my current position. Much worse.
“Stop trying to loosen the duct tape,” he barks suddenly making me jump. My phone slips deeper into my pocket. Dammit. I can’t reach it without the bonds being much looser now.
Abruptly, he brakes and turns the car off.
Getting out, he quickly opens the back door at my feet. Grabbing my legs he pulls and I slide along the seat. He stands me up to lean against the car roughly and I almost stumble due to my feet being so closely bound together.
“Don’t fall my dear, I don’t want that pretty face being roughed up by anything but me.”
I swallow the moan of anguish that wants to rip from my lungs as I look around our surroundings. Its dark but something is familiar about it.
“I thought the place we spent our first night together would be poetic as our first stop on this trip,” he growls almost amusingly.
I shudder at the memory. He took us to the look out in Marin. We had gone here on one of our first dates. We had been dating for three months and at the time it was a romantic evening. On one side I am angry that he would bring me here and distort one of the only good memories I had left of him before he changed. The other side I am trembling in fear of what he will do.
He touches my arm. Instinctually, I want to jerk away. I shiver instead trying to hold my ground. This is the first time I actually feel him touch my bare skin since being unconscious. His hand travels up my arm and to my neck. I close my eyes for probably the millionth time wishing I had a shell to crawl into. Jerry touching me again makes me sick to my stomach and I want to throw up.
His hand grabs my chin jerking my face to his. “Open your eyes and watch the sunrise with me.”
I blink tears out of my eyes and my hands shook in the bindings. I fist them to still the movement. I am unsure of how long the sunrise would be as I had no idea of the time or how long I was asleep when he knocked me out.
Releasing my chin he grabs onto my hips and picks me up over his shoulder walking around to the front of the car and sits me down on the hood. Climbing behind me he sits and wraps his arms around my front resting his chin on my shoulder. My skin crawls and I begin to feel dirty. More tears fall down my face as I try to numb myself to his touch.
“Yes there is no way I could wait much longer,” he says more to himself than to me and I wonder what that means. His words come out riddle like and I can’t tell if it’s just insanity or if it has some purpose.
“How about some soft music?” He says almost affectionately.
The switches in his moods going from sadistic and cruel to almost loving are the most disturbing part. I find it difficult to gauge how to respond.
All I can think to keep myself from falling into that dark abyss that will block all this out is hope that I know Evan will be coming for me. There is no way we could have predicted this happening the way it has. I hope Evan wasn’t lost in guilt from blaming himself. I didn’t blame my friends for not going with me to that restroom…there was just no way to know and he might have hurt one of them anyway. I know Evan loves me and will come to protect me. He’s brought light back into my world. Oh how I love you Evan.
The soft melodic tune of Bill Withers, Ain’t No Sunshine began to croon from behind me. Either from the car radio or something Jerry has on him. Odd how such a lovely song and lyrics can be twisted into this strange morbid tribute to a memory.
Jerry went quiet and sat there holding me to him, humming to the music. I tried not to think about how eerie it felt. Light on the horizon out over the ocean began to rise. I know he is only bidding his time to terrify me. An attempt to break my psyche. He wants to break me mentally and then physically, again. He seems pleased with himself. Proud of his success in abducting me.
I hold onto the hope and my thoughts of Evan to comfort myself. To keep above that black abyss swirling below me that Jerry wants me to succumb to.
In a strange way it is a relief to know that all the weird instances lately are Jerry’s doing. It wasn’t a surprise and therefore he didn’t get the best of me in that way if that makes any sense.
“I missed you,” I tense at the sadness in his tone. “Unfortunately you have to pay for what you did to me and leaving me for that doctor,” he growls. “And when your broken I will break him too,” and its complete malice in his voice.
“He will come for me,” I say defiantly with a burst of confidence and bravery. The emotion raises quickly in me that how he dare threaten Evan. I’d gladly die for him if it meant saving him from this torture.
“Perhaps,” he squeezes me tightly in an embrace making it difficult to breathe. “But it will be too late.”
Tears roll down my face as the sun rises brightly over the ocean.