"I love you, Taylor Swift."
As soon as the words escape Harry's lips, my mind suddenly snaps back. The spell reverses as if to wake me up, to say that whatever I'll do, I'm fully aware. I cannot blame it in an imaginative spell, I cannot blame it to anything or anyone else but me.
This will cross the line, should our lips touch, that'll be me crossing the lines, fully aware and fully held responsible.
I back away with a gasp as I stare at Harry. "I'm--I'm--" I stutter for a moment. From clarity and full arrangement of thoughts to absolute befuddlement. I stand up while he remains in his place. "Sorry Hazz, w-we can't--"
Harry licks the bottom of his lips and it pulls to a smile, "It's fine, love."
I blink a few times, that wasn't exactly what I expected. Earlier, he seems to really want it, like he will stop at nothing just do it but now, he seems like it's nothing to him now. In fact, if I am not in this situation right now, the smug smirk on his face tells me like he's testing me and he's proud of his work.
For the first time in a while, Harry's confusing personality starts to creep me out. . . but I try to clear my head from that.
"I can't do that to Jensen. He's--"
Harry nods, "I know."
"I-I r-really--"
I don't know if it's a relief or not but my phone rings right at this critical moment. I calm myself down and excuse myself from Harry, then I leave the room.
In my hurry to get out of the situation, I didn't even look at the caller ID.
"Uhh who is this?" I ask.
"F*ck, Taylor. It's Leo." He mutters and he doesn't even need to say it. Once he swears, I already know who he is.
I hear people shouting and sounds of struggle from the background of the other line. It seems like someone is fighting. . . God, please no.
"What made you call?" I ask, it isn't a normal situation wherein he'll call. He hated my existence as much as I hated his. But, this doesn't sound like the casual prank call or foolish message, this is something and it starts worrying me.
"Get here, now. At that bar you know where Jensen always hangs out? At the back, we can't calm him." He says, a little too tensed. . . enough for me to believe him.
"You think I can do anything about that?" As far as I'm concerned, when Jensen is in his rage mode, it'll take a whole police squad to calm him. . . sometimes me. But I highly doubt that right now. Oh God, what do I do?
"Well, f*ck Taylor, do you think I have time to answer that? Get over here, now."
The sudden feeling of responsibility comes through me. I have to do something. I don't know what happened and I can't bring it to myself to care.
"Just give me a sec." I say and then Leo ends the call.
It gives me a split second to ask myself whether I tell my mom or not but I figure maybe I should just text her while on my way. I walk downstairs too quickly.
I shut the door quietly and head to the garage. I get in my car and drive away as quick as I can. All while sending a text to my mom,
I'll be back, promise. Don't worry.
My mind is in scrambles again. The pieces and thoughts are all scattered in a warehouse of confusion and worry. Adding the events earlier doesn't really help, if anything, it only makes it all the worse.
Of course I wouldn't kiss Harry, that shouldn't happen so I shouldn't let it. He doesn't feel bad about it anyways and he understands. . . I think? I don't know, he seems entertained.
The worst thing I have to think of right now is he might have been playing with me but I don't know. It just seems so unlike him.
And then there's Leo's call. Jensen might be in trouble, if not, then he will be because the way Leo reacted almost plains it out.
Going there is an instant decision, I didn't have to hesitate. Jensen doesn't want me to get in trouble, I get that. He doesn't want me to involved in that kind of life. But whatever because I'm already there. He cannot stop me from that. He might get mad, he might, and that's a possibility. . . I just hope he doesn't.
I call him again, making sure that for whatever reason he wants me to be there, I really, surely have to be there.
"Taylor--"
"Explain for a moment." I demand sternly. If he's joking around, I swear he's never going to see daylight. Leo is already dead to me but if this is a joke, I'll burn his corpse.
"I don't have a moment." Leo says, his voice seems to be in a hurry and seems to be running out of breath. I hear a few distant voices calling out for Leo yet I can't make up of it. The scenario inside my head just keep getting worse.
"Fine, but then again, I'm your skeptical step-sister so whatever it is--"
I hear him swear under his breath. "I told you, we cannot calm him down. He wants to get back at those f*cking jerks. They started the fight out of nothing! What do you think Jensen would do? Take that lying down?!" He yells seriously and a bit too much panicked. It only tells me how bad the situation is.
Not. He definitely won't ignore that. Who would? Someone punches you for no reason and you're just supposed to shrug it off? That's not how it works.
I blink a few times, my foot pushing to accelerate the car even faster. "Okay, can I talk to him?"
"About that." The background noises from the other line starts getting a bit unsettling. All I hear are groans, crashing sounds, struggling sounds and muffled yells. I start feeling my head ache because of the images in my head. They are in fact, enough to nauseate me.
I scoff, "Where is he?"
"Right here, kicking the crap out of that college guy." Leo says it like Jensen has done that a million times.
"Leo hurry--" there was this familiar voice from one of their friends and it's one of the clearest background statements I've heard so far.
"Are you kidding me? Stop him!" I yell. Everything is swirling inside my head, the thoughts, the memories, the feelings, just everything mixing up making recipes for disaster.
I know, it's in guys' nature to fight because that had been one of their instincts, and I accept that. What I cannot accept is someone beating the hell out of another person when it's not fair match. With Jensen, it cannot be a fair match. He's been at it since he was a kid, practically raised in too much violence. . .
"Look, that's why we're calling you. We can't!"
"How many are you guys? Your group is like six! For the love of God, how do you expect me to do something?" I raise my voice, already panicking.
The thought of Jensen doing something like that disturbs me too much even though I know he is used to it. As he says, that's his life, that's the part I shouldn't be involved in but come on! He cannot expect me to sit things out!
"Actually, we're seven. Whatever sis, just get over here ASAP. We'll hold him off."
"He'll kill you once I get there." I mutter.
"Let's just see who he kills first." He replies and then the call ends.
Once it does, the never ending thoughts starts pouring inside my head. I try and try to focus on whatever the situation is. If a group just starts a fight with him out of nowhere then they've got beef with him sometime ago. The only time I remember a group messing with him recently is the one time that their cars were wrecked but I didn't think it could go this far.
As soon as the call ends, someone else calls me up and I answer it. I put it on loudspeaker and place my phone on my lap.
"What?"
"Taylor, wherever you're going, don't go there." I try to remember who is calling and as I do, I realize it's Harry. . . what does he want me to do?
"Harry, not now." I snap and almost end the call.
"For the love of God, don't hang up on me." He says, his voice raises and I hear how it shakes, how terrified he sounds though I don't know why. "Wherever you're going, don't. Taylor, you just got out of the hospital."
For some reasons, I don't really want to hear what Harry has to say. I don't want him clouding up my already messed up sight of the world. I don't want him to stop me, besides, he can't.
"That's not enough to stop me, Hazz." I say stubbornly. "Why are you even so worried? You can leave me alone, I'm not your responsibility."
"Yes, you are!" He yells and a chill comes down my back. "Taylor, just give me a second."
I got absolutely terrified of his tone. Never once have I heard Harry so frightened and panicked as today. It's even much worse than the tone he used when he was taking me to the hospital.
I blink, "Harry, I don't have a second." I say and turn the call off. My phone rings a few times and I let it ring off the hook.
As I drive, I keep erasing the thoughts inside my head. But, as I do, it seems like after one thought is erased, ten more take its place. I cannot think clearly and I want to.
I ignore the thoughts of Harry being so worried, Harry stopping me from going. . . I ignore that. Somehow, I don't need him occupying my thoughts.
The moment I get near the bar, I park my car and rush out to the alley behind where Leo says I should go. I walk as quickly as I can, then I start hearing the noises.
The back alley is nothing but an empty space with dim lights, a small dumpster and wet floor. The walls are dark themselves, tinted with graffiti and moisture. The smell is irritating, and the temperature is at an all time low.
Nine tall silhouettes stand there, unmoving but talking. I take a deep breath before I finally get in sight.
What am I doing? I don't know. I have no idea. And pretty sure I'll be burned for this.
The idea of me going alone in an alleyway isn't the best thing on my to-do list. In fact, it's one of the top experiences that scares the hell out of me. I'm not as tough as I think I am, I cannot do this. . . still I walk on.
"Screw it." Jensen spits out in anger and that's when he catches my eyes. For that split second, I've observed a lot. His face isn't beat up but it sure is damaged. His lower lip pops up, his left eye slightly closed with a tint of dark purple around it as sweat and blood is all over is face.
He looks at me with surprise and then he looks back at his friends, all seven of them. There's another boy at the back that I don't recognize, mostly because with the way he's been beaten up, he's already unrecognizable as bruises and cuts covers most of his face.
"Who called her?" Jensen growls. "Dammit, Leo!" He says, finally the thought occurs to him.
"What? Dude, I panicked, there was no calming you." Leo reasons out. I see how the rest of their friends reacted, some take a step forward while some keenly watch Jensen and Leo. All of their eyes are alert, like predators to a prey, ready to pounce anytime if one of them makes a move.
"That doesn't mean you call her!" Jensen yells and looks at me. "Come on, we gotta get you out of here." He says and takes my arm.
I start walking with him quietly, the strong smell of alcohol starting to burn my nostrils. I try to ignore it as much as I'm ignoring the discomfort of being around them at this time.
I hear someone laugh and he turns around, the two of us stop in our tracks while I look where he is facing. . . that beaten up boy.
Somehow, he seems familiar but I really don't remember.
"That your girl, Herralds?" He asks and smiles, through the bleeding mouth and almost-shut eyes, his face doesn't cease to be weak. In fact, he has put on a tough demeanor that terrified me. "We're getting her too."
A chill runs through my spine and I swallow, absolutely scared. I feel Jensen's grip on my hand get tighter, and he swallows down too. I see the worry in his eyes and the rage within.
Jensen takes a step forward yet I take his arm to hold him back. He looks at me for a moment and I shake my head, "Don't." I say, knowing for a fact that any more beating would kill the guy.
He stares at my eyes, my eyes that's begging for him not to do it. And then he sighs, "Alright, come on." The calmness in his voice surprises me when earlier, he acted like he's a soldier, ready for war.
We start walking away. Now that it's clear, I remember that boy. He was one of the two that asked me if Jensen is any way related to me, he was the one wearing cargo pants back then.
"The storm will hit you, boy. Never mess with--"
"Shut the hell up." Someone says.
"Don't listen." Jensen whispers to me and urges me to walk faster. But it's too late, I didn't have the time to cover my ears, I already heard it.
I didn't have to see it, I just know by the sound and how the boy groaned, someone already knocked him senseless.
After, I hear a loud thud, all I can think of is a body hitting the ground. But at that moment, the tensed grasp of Jensen to my hand eased. He heaves a sigh of relief as we walk to the car.
"I'll drive." He says and I walk towards the passenger seat. I know he did not take his car with him because he's in this bar and it's not hard to guess.
We sit in silence inside the car, I half expect him to come yelling or telling me that I shouldn't have gone to the alley, that I should never have come but I don't hear any of those. Jensen remains quiet like a statue, very stiff. He probably doesn't want to talk about it.
I don't really know because Jensen is really difficult to read. The hardest time to read him is when he's almost like a robot, precise on movements, shows no emotions and remains in silence. One of those times is right now.
One thing I've learned about silence, is when everything is going bad and someone takes it calmly and quietly, they're twice as ready to explode as the ones who show what they feel. I fear that it might be the same with Jensen.
Oddly, he takes a left turn at road wherein we're supposed to turn right. I don't dare ask, but this road takes us further from home. I bite my lip, thinking whether I ask about the detour or not. . .
Not.
I lean my head back and shut my eyes, just letting calmness take over me. . . but it feels like it doesn't want to.
A few moments later, I look around. This is the part of town I rarely go to, because like any part of a country road, the place got enough to creep me out. Tall, dark trees surrounds the side of the road, old abandoned houses from here to there and flickering lightbulbs.
When we just moved here, I remember the elders telling the young people not to go here because of the spirits that lurks within but I don't really care for the ghosts. Honestly, I'm more terrified by the fact that some houses here are inhabited by gangs and the like.
I try not to worry, though. I trust Jensen, he knows what he's doing. And besides, there is one time when my dad drove here to avoid traffic as I'm going home back to my mom. Sure, it's a longer way than the main road but, it has its quirks.
"The main road was blocked." Jensen finally speaks up after a moment of silence.
I nod, "I know."
I don't want to stare, but I end up doing so as I see the blood coming down from his cut on the forehead, the bruise on his left eye and lower jaw, then the entirety of the damage caused.
"It'll heal up, Tay. Don't you worry." He says, and then I start feeling like he can read my mind. I don't reply because I'm still trying to think of the words to say. Needless to say, I'm just blank.
Jensen looks at me for a second and then says, "You know you're so stupid sometimes. You shouldn't have gone there."
I bite my lip first but I eventually say what's on my mind, "What was I supposed to do? Leo was panicking, he said--"
"I don't care what Leo said, you shouldn't have gone there!" His voice raises at the last part.
My insides start shaking up but I hide it, I hide everything. I mask my fear and worry with a confident facade. "I did what came into my mind. What if there's something much worse going on? I wouldn't know, right? What if--"
"What if that jerk suddenly have gang and you were there?! Think for a moment."
I stay quiet. With the tone of his hoarse and deep voice as it vibrates with rage and worry, my insides turn to nothing but thin air. I cannot bring it to myself get mad because somehow, I'm at fault. He's right. . . but not fully.
"Does he?" I ask.
He shakes his head, "A frat, close enough." He answers through gritted teeth. He says those words as if he's tasted something vile in his mouth.
I sigh, "I'm sorry."
He doesn't say anything after that. I only cross my arms and look out the window to prevent myself from thinking awful thoughts.
I check my phone and see a couple of missed calls and a few text messages from my mom. Most of them are worried, most asking where I am so I reply,
I'm going home, might take a while. Sorry.
As soon as I end the text, someone calls up and my blank mind didn't have time to understand or even read who is calling.
I have a wild guess, though.
"Hello?"
"Would it kill you to pick up?!" I get surprised by the tone of his voice. Never once have I heard Harry's voice so near hysterical and out of his normal, cheerful tranquil self.
"What's going on with you?" I ask, I don't even remember doing anything for him to get worried like that. . . well, except for leaving the house just earlier but the way he exclaims his sentences, it sounds way worse than that.
"Where are you?" He asks.
"On my way home." I answer. I almost hang up until he asks another question, one I really didn't expect.
"Is Jensen there with you?"
"Wh-What?"
"Are you with Jensen right now?" He asks, making his voice sound clearer and I almost feel like I'm talking to a grown-up, a real adult that is so unlike him.
"Y-Yes, why are you--"
"Put him on." He orders.
"Huh?" Just right then, my thoughts run wild inside my head. It's like a head council debating over a thousand issues all at once.
"Give him the phone, Taylor." Harry says sternly. His voice had gone lower than the earlier and as I've said, it's like I'm not talking to the Harry I've known.
I take a split second to decide whether I should give my phone to Jensen but I still do anyways.
"Jensen." I call and reach my phone out to him.
"Who is it?"
"Harry." I answer. "He said he wants to talk to you."
"What for?" He raises an eyebrow.
I shrug, "I don't know."
Jensen sighs, he takes the phone from me and all I do is eavesdrop.
"Dude, I don't need any driving advice." He says, my eyebrows meet instantly. Seriously?! Harry would demand to call for a driving advice?
"Try me."
"Mentioned but -- hold on, how'd you know about it?" His eyes widen for a moment. Harry talks from the other line and Jensen shows an expression that signifies that he's hearing something unbelievable.
"Whatever." Jensen mumbles and then turns the call of. He hands me my phone back.
I guess, I don't really want to ask what they talked about. I put my phone back inside my pocket as I wait for the main road to show itself again.