9.
Of course Amy tells him when he has just taken a long, refreshing gulp of his diet lemonade. He splutters, showering them both with liquid, whilst desperately trying to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand. When he is finished coughing, he wipes his streaming eyes and looks across the table at his girlfriend.
“Are you... what... you’re...?”
He tries to speak but it’s like his mind has stopped working. He remains stock still, lemonade still dripping down his chin. He coughs again and Amy hastily hands him a piece of disintegrating kitchen towel.
“I think Oliver needs to sit down...” Becca says from her position by the sink when she and James arrive half an hour later to make sure Amy has actually told her partner and not chickened out at the last minute. She throws the roll of tissue at James’s head and curses when she misses. James bends down to retrieve the tube and upon straightening up, he says,
“Oliver is sitting down.”
Amy glares at her two friends, before taking his hands in hers and looking imploringly into his face, searching for any indication of how he might feel upon hearing this news.
“Oliver...?”
“How?” Oliver finally demands, his eyes still as wide as saucers, sounding slightly dazed and confused.
“Oh, come on Oll,” James chimes in, “really? Didn’t you have the talks at school?”
“James!” Amy exclaims, turning to face her friend, “please! If you have nothing helpful to say, then don’t say it at all.”
James puts his hands up and shrugs, as if to say, ‘just saying!’ before draining his tea like a shot of vodka and banging the empty mug heavily down on the counter.
-x-
Oliver comes to accept the fact that Amy is pregnant. In fact, he does more than accept it; it has given him something new to live for, something really, really special. He is having a hard time believing that he has helped to create new life... he finds the whole concept of it simply mind blowing.
Of course, every time he looks at James he sees a hint of sadness in the eyes of his friend; he knows full well how he feels about his girlfriend, but nothing is ever said about it. James accompanies Oliver to tell Nancy, Alice and the rest of their colleagues- Nancy squeals and attempts to hug Oliver to death. Jonathan and Anthony clap him on the back and Oliver sheds tears of happiness with Alice as she congratulates her friend. Becca is ecstatic. She is desperate to start buying toys and clothes and is already scouring the internet for different paint colours and room designs.
Of course, with all the attention drawn to his girlfriend and his baby, Oliver starts falling back into bad habits. He grows to rely on apples and diet lemonade, eating perhaps one decent meal a day. Nobody notices- they are too caught up in a flurry of excitement. He happily eats dinner with his family and friends, so nobody suspects anything... he doesn’t even suspect anything himself; everything goes on as normal and nobody bats an eyelid.
He gradually starts to subconsciously change his routine- waking up at the last possible moment, leaving him only enough time to shower and dress before leaving for a hard days filming, let alone eat breakfast. Once on set, he would grab a quick cup of tea to keep him going until lunch. However, whilst the other cast members troop off to the canteen, Oliver wanders down to the town to grab some lemonade and some fruit. Then he fills the rest of the lunch break rehearsing lines or on the phone to Amy who frequently asks after his health. He answers with a typical,
“Yes... of course I’m eating.” Which isn’t entirely a lie.
After lunch, it is straight back to filming. James makes him endless cups of tea- so many, that Oliver often has to tip them into the bushes.
When they return home for weekends or at the end of each month, Amy and Becca often exclaim things like,
“Oliver! You’re looking skinny again!”
When they bombard James with questions, he always has to desperately try to think if Oliver has been eating meals or not... he is often present, laughing along with the group, so it makes it hard for him to remember if the Irishman actually consumes anything or not.
Although he eats more regular meals at home, Oliver’s weight stays roughly the same. Whenever he says this to Amy after stepping off the scales, she beckons him over to the bed, where he curls up in her arms.
“I’d rather it stayed the same than kept dropping,” she tells him softly, “we’ll get there Oll.”
He often falls asleep after that; filming takes a lot of energy out of him, both physically and mentally and he is secretly overjoyed when they finish filming the second series.
In October, he takes Amy up to Ireland, where he breaks the news of the baby to his parents. His mother is overjoyed and it is suddenly very clear to everyone where Oliver gets the genes which enable him to cry so easily on demand. Oscar seems somewhat surprised, but he hugs his brother to him and ruffles his short, dark hair fondly. It is only Oliver’s father who doesn’t seem to approve. He shouts for a long time about how it will ruin his 'excuse for a career,' and how he can’t even look after himself- how is he going to look after a baby?
Oliver’s tears rapidly change from ones of joy to ones of misery and he is vaguely aware as he storms out of the kitchen of his mother screaming at his father and he hears the slap and his father slamming his way out of the house.
Oliver and Amy curl up on Oliver’s bed, crying quietly. He will never forgive his father for saying such terrible things, but there is nothing he can do about it now. Amy tries to tell him that it’s okay, but he knows that it isn’t- it is so not okay that it fills him with anger every time he thinks about it and for the first time in his life, he feels the feeling of pure hatred towards another human being; his father, no less.
They leave three days later, but Oliver doesn’t eat a single meal for the rest of their trip.
-x-
Oliver is halfway through his week of preproduction meetings when Amy nearly caves in. She is sitting with her mother in her- no, she corrects herself, in James’s flat.
Amy’s mother, Evie, has taken the news of the baby remarkably well and upon hearing it had immediately rung up the Haydon’s in Northern Ireland to gush over the events with Oliver’s mother, both of them, ‘oohing’ and ‘ahhing,’ exclaiming things like, ‘oh, how exciting!’ and ‘they simply must get married!’ in turn. The two women had teamed together and had set themselves the goal of forcing (“we aren’t forcing dear, we’re simply... making our opinions heard.” “Mother! You are forcing us into wedlock!) their children into marriage; the thought of which made Amy groan, Oliver cringe and caused James to hoot with laughter. They managed to go on for a grand total of three and a half days before Oliver put his foot down, claiming that they would marry when they wanted to and not when it suited anybody else and if they weren’t careful, neither woman would be invited to the ceremony. To his surprise, James backed him up, although he couldn’t help the sinking feeling in his gut when he had nearly walked in on James curled up in Amy’s arms, whispering words of, “please don’t leave me, don’t leave me, please don’t go,” again and again.
Now, Evie watches as Amy runs a hand through her hair. She looks tired, the makeup not hiding the bags under her eyes and her whole being seems to be slowing down. Evie clears her throat.
“Are you okay?” She knows her daughter finds the question stupid and pointless, so she isn't entirely surprised when Amy simply nods an automatic and silent answer to the question that she doesn’t have the words to answer. She can feel her mother watching her as she carefully eases a glass off one of the top shelves and fills it right to the brim with water. However, as the liquid rises closer to the top, she is unable to control her hand as it shakes.
“Amabelle...”
Amy shakes her head as Evie tries yet again to push past her barriers.
“Have you fought with Ollie? Or James? Or is it Rebecca?”
Amy makes a face and gulps down some of her water.
“I have other friends you know mum,” she says, desperately trying to lighten the mood. Evie puts down the newspaper that she has been reading and looks carefully at her oldest daughter.
“I do worry about you,” she says finally, looking at her with sympathetic eyes. Amy shrugs and drinks down the rest of the water. They sit in silence and suddenly Amy is only too aware of the over expensive furniture and the bright sunshine that is pouring through the glass wall which looks out over the city. As she looks at the miniscule figures on the streets below, she knows that she has to tell her. She knows that she has to tell her about what she did with James.
“I...” she starts, but cuts off, letting her eyes flutter closed. Her mother doesn’t say anything; simply sits and drinks from her coffee cup, rustling the newspaper as she rearranges the crumpled pages on the table.
“I... did something. Something that I’m not proud of and something that I know I shouldn't have done.” She stops to take a deep breath:
“It’s about... I mean it’s... when...”
She looks up and sees Evie looking at her, expecting more. But she can’t do it. There is no way that she can look at her mother and tell her that... she shakes her head.
“It’s nothing,” she concludes, forcing a smile, “really. Anyway... I have to go out; I said I would meet Becca somewhere before her lunch time meeting.”
“Amabelle...”
“I’ll see you later mum.”
With that, she ducks forward to brush a kiss on her mother’s cheek, before grabbing her coat and dashing out the front door, leaving her mother sitting at the kitchen counter, coffee growing cold in her tight grasp.
-x-
Amy calls Oliver as she’s in the lift on the way down to the ground floor. He picks up on the third ring.
“Hey, you,” he says fondly and just the sound of his voice makes her breath catch guiltily in her throat.
“I love you,” she blurts out- no hello, no nothing. “I really do.”
She doesn’t have to see his facial expression to know that he is taken aback.
“Um... I love you too,” he says slowly, “but what’s this about? Has something happened?”
Amy actually shakes her head.
“No, I’m fine,” she says for the second time that morning, “I just miss you.”
“Oh,” Oliver says. He sounds pleasantly surprised, like his hectic day has been made just that tiny bit better.
“Well, I’m actually pleased you rang. I was gonna ring you earlier, but David and Derek are being absolutely reckless with their schedules- I’m telling you, it’s going to be so hectic, we’ve never worked so hard before...”
Amy lets him ramble, making noises of agreement in all the right places, forcing laughs when he pauses to see her reactions. He probably knows that she isn’t listening, but he ploughs on anyway; completely unstoppable. She surrounds herself with the soothing Irish brogue as she walks along the crowded street, forcing herself to focus on the words that are pouring into her right ear.
When she finally hangs up and steps into the cafe where she and Becca can often be found chattering over mugs of tea or coffee- or occasionally something sweeter or more alcoholic- she has almost completely forgotten the fact that she had been about to break in front of her mother. Almost. It is still there- the unforgiveable feeling of helplessness as she tries to stifle any memories or thoughts from the night that changed everything.