Disclaimer: This story contains sensitive topics (for instance, self harm.) Reader discretion is advised. Read at your own risk.
— ✽ —
Chiara
Diretso ang tingin ko sa blade na hawak-hawak ko.
Here I am again, stuck in this situation wherein I get to decide if I really want to end my life or not.
Wala namang kwenta at saysay ang buhay ko so, why not end it, 'di ba? Nagsasayang lang ako ng oxygen, this world is over populated, dadagdag pa ba ako sa problema ng gobyerno?
On the other hand, this situation isn't the first time.
Ilang beses ko na bang pinagtangkaan ang buhay ko? Isa? Dalawa? Tatlo? Apat— apat na beses ko ng pinagtangkaan ang walang kwenta kong buhay but for Pete's sake, look at me now! Still alive and barely breathing.
Ewan ko ba kung ba't 'di pa ako mamatay-matay. Sabi raw nila, kapag nagawa mong makaligtas mula sa isang life and death situation, maswerte ka raw at hindi mo pa oras.
Marami ka pang dapat gawin sa mundong ito but in my case? No one in this world gives a single damn about my existence, ano pa kaya ang maaring gawin ko sa mundong ito? Cure cancer? Stop global warming? I don't know.
Tinignan ko ulit ang pulsuhan ko at hindi ko maiwasan ang hindi mapangiwi upon seeing a couple of stitches. Both of my wrists have stitches that's why I spend almost half an hour every morning just to cover them up.
Napairap na lang ako. Kung ano-ano pa kasi ang iniisip, papatayin na nga lang ang sarili, madami pang satsat. Stupid Chiara.
I was about to push the blade unto my bare wrist not until I heard numerous knocks coming from the door of my room, making me groan in frustration.
Sinasabi ko na nga ba! Just like I expected, there will be an intruder. How nice, insert 360 degree worth of sarcasm.
"Chiara, open the door!" I heard a manly voice yelling from the outside.
It's the great Aga Muhlach, an actor, a business man and most importantly, my Dad. But hey, he never acted like one so let's take the last option away.
"I'm busy!" I yelled back, I'm busy killing myself not until you interrupted, which is so not cool.
"Chiara Isabel, bubuksan mo ba 'tong pintuan mo o ako mismo ang sisira nito?" he screamed once more, mentioning my full name and okay; he's pretty serious but, as if I'm scared.
I exaggeratedly rolled my eye as I hid the blade under my bed sheets and stood up to open the door for thy highness.
"What?" I asked, annoyed. Nakatayo siya sa labas ng kwarto ko with his arms crossed around his chest, looking at me in disbelief.
"You're still in your PJs? Didn't I told you yesterday to fix yourself because we're going to have some visitors coming over?" wika nito and shit, oo nga pala! He told me about that yesterday which unfortunately, I forgot to do so but who cares, as if it's something really important.
"I forgot." ani ko, I should be apologizing by now but hell, that word is not in my dictionary so, never mind.
He sighed. "Then, better fix yourself right now, please lang anak, umayos ka sa harap ng mga bisita natin mamaya." pakiusap nito na may halong pagbabanta.
I want to defend myself, I want to tell him that I'm harmless but that will be in no use since he really thinks that I'm a badass witch, which is true but, still! Couldn't he be more considerate?
At saka, isa pa, why would I bother fix myself just to look well infront of our visitors? Sino ba sila, mga presidente ng iba't ibang bansa? I guess they're not so, why would I fix myself in the first place? There's no excusable reason for me to do so.
Aalis na sana siya nang mapansin niyang 'di pa rin ako gumagalaw sa kinakatayuan ko.
"They'll be here in a few so please, fix yourself immediately." utos niya sa mahinahong boses.
"No way! Masyado bang importante iyang mga bisita mo at dapat mag-ayos ako?" I asked sarcastically, arching an eyebrow.
Dad gave me glare as he crossed his arms, again.
"Mag-aayos ka o ipapasunog ko ang lahat ng sapatos mo?" seryosong tanong niya sa'kin.
Napangiwi naman ako as I sighed in defeat, okay, he won. Don't get me wrong, hindi nga ako takot sa kanya, takot lang ako sa mga puwede niyang gawin and knowing him, he takes all his threats seriously when it comes to me so wala akong ibang choice kundi mag-ayos na lang.
"Fine!" I exclaimed at padabog na pumasok sa kwarto ko, leaving him behind.
My life.... sucks!
— ✽ —
"Hey.." bati sa'kin ng pinsan kong si Eros the moment he saw me making my way towards his direction.
Nakaupo siya sa isa sa mga couch dito sa living room kaya mas binilisan ko ang paglalakad at kaagad na umupo sa tabi niya nang nakasimangot.
"I hate my Dad!" naiinis kong wika in a low tone, enough for him to hear. He let out a chuckle as he put his hands on top of my hair and tousled it.
"You bastard! Ilang minuto ko 'yang inayos at guguluhin mo lang? Walang hiya ka, pakyu, tangina." I raised my middle finger infront of him.
"Language, couz. Stop cussing, nakakabinging pakinggan at lalo na, babae ka pa naman." suway nito sa'kin, there's a hint of irritation in his voice. Cousin's advice, eh?
"Takpan mo 'yang tenga mo ng hindi mo marinig ang pagmura ko!" I suggested as I slouched my body at the couch.
Napailing na lang si Eros, sanay na 'yan sa ugali ko.
"Anyway, ano nga pala ang sinabi mo kanina? You hate your Dad? Ano na naman bang nagyari? Nag-away na naman kayo ni Tito, ano? " sunod-sunod niyang tanong sa'kin, I shrugged my shoulders as I took a glance at him.
"The usual, he threatened me that he will burn all my shoes if I won't fix myself." I explained, napailing na lang si Eros dahil sa narinig.
"Iyan, matigas kasi ang ulo mo kaya palagi kang napapagalitan ni Tito! Stubborn princess, tsk." he commented.
Like, duh! Anong gusto niyang gawin ko? Mag bait-baitan sa harap ng Daddy ko? Gusto niyang maging santa ako? Ew. So not me.
"Whatever." I said, umayos ako ng upo as I shot him a question. "Nga pala, sino-sino ang mga bisita ni Daddy at parang todo ayos talaga ang mga kasambahay namin ngayon?" I asked curiously.
I doubt that it's a business meeting, Daddy never brings his business partners here, they'll usually meet in a given place or so.
Maybe, some people from showbiz? Mga kaibigan niya ata ang dadalo rito at madaming pagkain ang nakahanda sa dining area when I passed by earlier.
"I don't know either, some people from work maybe.." sagot ni Eros and as if on a cue, may bumusinang sasakyan sa labas.
Dumungaw ako sa bintana and checked kung sino ang nasa labas, I can see Dad standing at the gate of our house. His visitors just arrived.
"They're here." wika ko at inaayos ang sarili ko, if they're really people from showbiz then, I must act cool, malay natin, ma-discover pa ako!
I always want to enter showbiz but Dad won't let me to, education first daw muna, I often tell him na kahit mag-aartista ako, 'di ko naman pababayaan ang studies ko but he never listened anyway so hanggang modeling lang ang peg ko.
Kaagad naman akong tumingin kay Eros nang maramdaman ko na gumalaw siya, 'yon pala, tumayo ang loko.
"O, saan ang punta mo?" I asked, confused on what he's up to. Tumingin muna siya sa wristwatch niya bago sagutin ang tanong ko.
"May date ako couz, o siya, dito ka lang at aalis na ako! Bye!" he uttered and before I can even react, he made his way out of my sight real quick.
Da fuk? That faggot, iwan ba naman ako rito kasama ang mga unknown visitors ng Daddy ko? Oh well, humanda lang talaga siya kapag nakita ko siya ulit!
Bumukas ang front door revealing Dad with four other people and instead of sulking, tumayo na lang ako upang batiin sila.
I may be mean pero, may respeto pa rin naman ako. My Mamita taught me to respect others at rerespetuhin din nila ako pabalik.
"Everyone, this is my daughter, Chiara. Chia, sila ang mga co-actors ko para sa upcoming movie namin." pagpapakilala ni Dad sa'kin while smiling sweetly, exposing his dimples. Pinigilan ko ang sarili kong 'wag matawa, plastic din ang isang 'to eh, ano?
Pero teka, did he just say 'movie namin'? He never told me na may bagong movie siya after years of being away from the spotlight but nah, as if I care pero, kahit na! He could've infrom his only daughter about this matter, right?
"Hello po.." bati ko sa kanila, ngayon ko lang napansin na they all looked familiar to me. Nakita ko na pala silang lahat sa TV and my, I'm lucky to be standing beside these legends.
"Hi Chiara, manang-mana ka talaga sa Daddy mo! Ang ganda mo, hija!" wika ni Ms. Dawn Zulueta as she went to my direction and gently pinched my cheeks.
Namula naman ang mukha ko dahil sa sinabi niya, not because sinabi niyang magkamukha kami ni Daddy, but because I'm flattered at pinuri ako ng isa sa mga nagagandahang mukha sa industriya.
"Hindi naman po. " nahihiya kong sagot.
"Dawn is right, you look really beautiful honey!" dagdag pa ni Ms. Regine Velazquez kaya, mas lalo akong namula, holy caramel!
Can I die now? Una si Ms. Dawn tapos, si Ms. Regine? Damn, I love her songs and I idolized her since I was a kid and now, she's infront of me saying that I'm beautiful? Ugh, I can't take this!
"Salamat po Ms. Regine, Ms Dawn." pasasalamat ko and smiled sincerely at them.
"Tita na lang Chiara, mas magandang pakinggan iyan kesa sa Miss!" natatawang wika ni Ms. Dawn or should I say, Tita Dawn.
"Sige po, Tita."
After a few chit-chats with them, I decided to excuse myself for awhile at lumabas ng sala upang magpahangin. Hindi pa kami kakain ng lunch sa dahilang hindi pa dumadating ang partner ng Daddy ko.
Ganito kasi 'yon, the six of them; namely Tita Dawn and Tito Richard, Tita Regine and Tito Ogie, my Dad and his leading lady, which is still unknown at ayaw nilang sabihin dahil surprise raw para sa'kin.
So as I was saying, the six of them are making a reunion movie together. Sikat kasi sila sa kanilang henerasyon noon, fans are demanding for a comeback movie so pagbibigyan daw nila. Isa pa, it's a good thing at makapag-catch up rin daw sila sa isa't isa. You see, they're really close back then..
Dapat, pupunta ako sa pool area but since inaayos 'yon ng mga kasambahay namin at doon daw kami kakain mamaya, I decided to go out of our house instead and make a little stroll at our village.
Dinala ako ng mga paa ko sa mini playground dito sa subdivision namin, malapit lang ito sa bahay kaya whenever I'm not feeling well, pupunta lang ako rito upang maka-pag unwind.
I occupied one of the swings, walang mga bata na naglalaro kaya ang tahimik ng buong lugar, which I found very relaxing.
I was about to close my eyes upang mag muni-muni not until a car stopped 'di kalayuan sa direksyon ko, which suddenly caught my attention.
Bumukas ang pintuan ng kotse, revealing a woman maybe at her thirties, nakatalikod siya sa gawi ko kaya't 'di ko makita ng klaro ang itsura niya.
Hmmm, sino kaya 'yan? She's not familiar so, I doubt na isa siya sa mga nakatira rito.
Pinagmamasdan ko lang siya and if I concluded it right, mukhang naliligaw nga siya.
Ewan ko kung anong masamang hangin ang nalanghap ko at napag-desisyonan kong tumayo at lumapit sa kinakatayuan niya.
Helping other people is not my thing. Pakialam ko sa kanila, wala silang pakialam sa'kin so, why would I bother help them out anyway? But, this one's different. Parang may kung anong enerhiya kasi ang tumatulak sa'kin upang lapitan ang babaeng iyon.
"Uhm, excuse me." I said to get her attention, nakatayo siya sa harap ko nang nakatalikod and the moment she looked back to face me, my jaw literally dropped upon seeing her and recognizing who she was.
"Yes? You need anything?" tanong nito sa malambing na boses, she's smiling at me and, bloody hell!
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What the actual fudge? Am I dreaming? Am I imagining things? Am I hallucinating?
Hindi ako nakasagot kaagad at na star-struck ako sa kanya. I don't know what to feel, kaharap ko lang naman ang nag-iisang Broadway Diva ng Pinas, no other than MS. LEA SALONGA!
Anong gagawin ko? Anong sasabihin ko? Teka, baka sa sobrang paghanga ko kay Ms. Lea, nanaginip lang ako at ano! I tried to pinch myself as I close my eyes pero pag-mulat ko, si Ms. Lea pa rin ang kaharap ko, still smiling at me, probably waiting for me to say a word.
Tangina, mga bes.
* * * * * *
Note: Sana magustuhan niyo itong kwento ni Chiara ♡