I stared in the rear view mirror at Seth who stood in his spot. I felt shame convulse my whole body. He had been so nice to me, and just when I thought nothing could ruin this, he sees what I didn’t want anyone else to witness. I could smell the alcohol strongly in the car.
When I first saw him, my heart mended. I couldn’t stop staring at him and felt embarrassed when I remembered his touch.
He was surprisingly warm.
I absentmindedly rubbed my hands together to warm them up.
I looked instantly at my father; anger fuming inside of me. I looked at his profile, feeling the anger diminish as my eyes raked over his tired bloodshot eyes.
My life was already changed and Max had everything to do with it, but for some reason I felt even angrier at him.
He was the only person I had left in my life. My mother died of cancer when I was young. I fought back tears.
I turned back towards the windscreen and closed my eyes. A tear escaped and rolled down my cheek.
“What are you crying for?” Max suddenly asked, his words slurred.
I quickly wiped it away, and felt the car drift to the wrong side of the road. “Hey, how about you let me drive?” I said.
“No, I got it” he replied suddenly defensive.
His head drooped onto the steering wheel as the car drifted to the wrong side again.
“Dad!” I shouted. I reached for the steering wheel.
His head shot up and he pulled over to the side of the road. “How about you drive?” he murmured softly.
I nodded and we swapped seats.
His head rested on the window as I drove down the road to our new house. I shook him gently. “Dad, we’re home now” I said.
His eyes opened and he slumped out of the car. I helped him up the steps and into the house.
He dropped into his armchair.
“Do you want a cup of coffee?” I asked.
“No” he said as he pushed me away.
He reached for the liquor on the table and put it to his lips.
“No, Dad” I protested reaching for it.
“Go away!” he shouted at me.
I reeled back at his sudden outburst, and then left him with his bottle. I cleaned up the house of the bottles that were littered everywhere. I raided his cabinet and emptied out all the liquor bottles down the sink.
I didn’t care if he screamed at me later or if he pushed me into the wall, as long as there was no alcohol left in the house.
When I checked on him, he was asleep in the armchair, the empty bottle in his hand. I took it from his grasp lightly, trying not to wake him and threw it away.
I hurried into the kitchen to make him dinner. I roasted chicken fillets and made mashed potatoes, knowing that he will be hungry after he slept it off.
The smell of chicken filled the air as it roasted in the frying pan. I reached for the handle of the pan and accidentally burnt myself.
I jumped back automatically and ran my hand under the cold tap.
Somehow it reminded me of Seth. His warm hands clasped around mine.
The one person who had ever payed attention to me; and for some reason I felt that I was hurting him.
I wondered why he would pay attention to me. Why me?
I was just the new girl who moved here and had an alcoholic father, so why me? I wasn’t so attractive or appealing.
At my old home I was home-schooled, so I didn’t see much of the outside world or make any friends. The only time I would socialize would be when I was working at the diner.
When my mother died of cancer when I was fourteen, I stopped the home-schooling to help Max cope. He obviously turned to alcohol and it became critical. When I was sixteen I worked full time at the diner, as well as caring for Max.
Sure, he was well known as a great businessman, but over the past few months, he’s been really losing it. That’s why we moved here you see.
Max needed to get away from the city life and I hoped that he would find himself if he was away from all the distractions.
Of course I always wondered what being at a real school would be like. I would always watch the kids come back from school and hang out at the diner.
They all came in groups of friends. I’ve always wondered what having friends would be like, since I hardly ever interacted with other people, except for today.
Seth was the only person who had ever approached me and actually wanted to know me.
I felt nervous as I thought about him, even when I said his name. I had never felt this way before about anyone.
The way he held onto my hands when I was about to leave was sweet. No one had ever done that to me before.
The way he stared at me with those dark eyes. No one had ever stared at me like that before.
The way he smiled in reassurance before I was driven off. No one had ever reassured me, or comforted me about anything before.
I felt obliged to him, like I needed him. Did he feel the same way?
Don’t be so stupid, I muttered under my breath. You just met him. You can’t possibly be in love.
I shook my head and thought about something else. But I couldn’t get the image of his handsome face out of my head.
“Violet?” A raspy voice called from the living room. I quickly dumped the chicken on a plate with a serving of mashed potatoes and gravy and hurried to the living room.
Max was awake and now lying on the couch, one hand draped over his forehead. He sat up as I set the plate on the table beside him.
“Here you go” I said.
He sighed and rubbed his head. “Thanks” he said his tone sad.
“No, problem” I replied as I slumped back to the kitchen. I ate my own dinner quickly, before retreating upstairs.
When I got to my room that was littered with unpacked boxes I lay flat on my back on my enormous bed staring up at the white ceiling.
I took a steamed shower, feeling my muscles loosen. Before I pulled on my shirt, I stared at myself in the mirror.
My eyes raked over the bruises on my arms and shoulders, the newest one throbbing purple on my neck.
I touched my neck and was drawn instantly to when Max had pushed me into the wooden table, my neck connecting with the sharp edge. I remembered feeling the air getting knocked out of me and nearly throwing up. He had gotten angry with me when I had poured all his liquor down the drain.
I remembered Max’s enraged face when I had done it. His breath was heavy with alcohol.
I hated it when he was drunk.
I had two Dads; the sober Max who was always tired; and the angry, scary Max who hurt me when he didn’t mean to.
But I know him. He’s just lost right now.
I slipped on my shirt and into bed. I snapped the light off and stared at the ceiling.
Sleeping was a problem I always had. I was always afraid of what waited for me in my dreams as well as what Max would do while I was away in unconsciousness.
I gave up on sleeping and went downstairs to find Max still stretched out across the couch.
I shook him gently. “Dad, come on, that’s not good for your neck. Let’s get you up to bed.”
He opened his weary eyes and sighed as he stood up. He tipped to the side and I supported him.
We both stumbled upstairs and into his master bedroom. He lay down on his big bed and I peeled his shoes off for him and covered him with the blanket.
A soft snore escaped his lips as I clicked the light off and closed the door softly.
I hoped he got some sleep. He needed it.
My eyes were weary as my alarm clock rang loudly at six o’clock in the morning. I got up groggily and shuffled to the bathroom.
My job was to get up early in the morning to cook breakfast, before heading out to open the diner.
As I cooked breakfast the sun rose in the sky, its light penetrating through the windows.
Max was still in bed, so I took his breakfast and a cup of coffee up to him on a tray. I left it on his bedside table and left for the diner.
I climbed into my Jeep and started the car.
As I drove along the road to town, the sun was full in the sky; the sky turning lighter. It felt nice to be alone, as if I was the only person left on the planet.
It was one of the rare moments I got to myself, and every opportunity I got, I cherished well. I had only been living here for a week, yet somehow I felt attached to this town. I felt at home here.
When I got to town, there weren’t many people about; the reservation of La Push was just starting to wake up.
I flipped on the lights of the diner and began to get to work. I swept the floors and then flipped all the chairs from the tables.
I wiped every table clean and tidied up the menus. When I was finally done and the sun was full in the sky, I flipped the ‘closed’ sign to ‘open.’
Jimmy came through the door as I was writing the specials up on the chalk board.
“Well, well, well, look who came back” he jeered. I ignored him and concentrated on what I was doing. “Now you know not to mess with me” he continued.
I rolled my eyes and scoffed.
He grabbed my arm suddenly and whirled me around. “You want me to report to the boss? Tell him you’re not doing what I told you to do?” he threatened right in my face.
“No” I replied.
He relaxed his arm but still stared at me with fiery eyes. He sneered before disappearing out back.
I breathed out in relief.
Ever since I started here, Jimmy had been so dominant.
Jimmy worshipped Max. I thought he was crazy.
The morning passed, with many customers. The smell of coffee, eggs and bacon filled the diner. The sound of sizzling and chatter was muffled as I cleaned dishes out back.
There were a lot of dishes to do now, ever since yesterday’s episode. I scrubbed at every pot and pan, my hands sore.
The woollen steel scraped at my hands. The door slammed against the wall and I jumped.
“Want something?” I asked my teeth gritted as Jimmy stood near the door with his arms across his chest.
“No, just checking on you” he said smiling.
“Well, here I am” I said scrubbing harder at the pot. The poor pot was getting the worse end of the stick as I scrubbed furiously.
I heard him mumble something then the sound of the door being kicked open. Wow, he even acted like Max.
Except the fact that sometimes Max wouldn’t just kick the furniture. Each time I was done with the first batch of dishes, another set would be dumped on the counter.
My arms began to ache and my fingers were starting to look like raisins.
I heard the door being kicked open and sighed.
“Hey, granny” Jimmy said as I pulled my wrinkle pink hands out of the sink.
I ignored him as I wiped my raisin hands.
“I have another job for you.”
I sighed heavily and that seemed to make him smile. My misery was his happiness.
He grabbed my hand and shoved a few bills in there.
“Pay day?” I said as flipped through the bills.
“You wish” he smirked, “We’re running low on ice, so I want you to go and get some more.”
“How many do we need?” I asked.
“About, five bags” he replied leering as my mouth fell open.
“I can’t carry five bags of ice. That would at least weigh ten pounds each!” I protested.
He shrugged. “Weak” he sneered as he walked out the door.
I gritted my teeth, but knew it was hopeless. I was to perform any task I was given. The good side to this was that I could get out of the diner.
A cool breeze blew through the town, and I knew the added cold I was about to endure would just make it worse.
I went down to the supermarket and loaded the trolley with five bags of ice-cold ice. I paid, and the nice shop keeper gave me a box to load the icebags into.
I picked it up and was about to drop to my feet. I huffed and puffed my way out of the store and out into the cold.
I could feel goose bumps pop up on my arms as I struggled with the box. I couldn’t see ahead of me and almost collapsed as I bumped into something stationary.
“Sorry!” I puffed as I scrambled back.
“It’s okay” a familiar voice said. I peered over the box and almost fainted.
Seth smiled at me.
“Looks like you need some help” he said as he took the box from me.
I was about to protest, but he already freed it from my hands.
I looked at his beaming face. “It weighs a ton, here let me hold some” I said reaching for it.
“No, it’s okay. I got it” he replied manoeuvring away so that I couldn’t reach it.
I studied his face to see if he was lying, but his eyes spoke the truth.
“Thanks” I said nervously.
“Where to?” he asked as he began walking.
“The diner” I replied stumbling to his side.
As I walked beside him, I felt like taking the box and running for it. I felt nervous as I walked beside him. My heart was thudding erratically.
We walked silently for a while, me trying to think of something to say, and him holding the box of ice I was supposed to carry with a big smile.
“So, what’s with the ice?” he asked.
“We’re running low at the diner” I replied.
“Oh, right” he said as if feeling stupid he had stated the obvious. “So, you were right yesterday” he added.
“How do you mean?” I asked.
“Well, you said you would be back. That as much as you want to quit, you can’t” he replied recalling my words.
“Yeah,” I replied a little amazed by his memory, “Like I said; its difficult walking out the door.”
“Especially when your father owns it” he interjected.
I sighed. “Yep” I said popping my lips. “My father is a very…emotional man.”
“He sounds like quite a character” he answered in a weary voice.
A character right out of a nightmare, I added in my head.
I felt a little uncomfortable talking about Max. I didn’t want this to be a topic at all to discuss.
I wanted to keep Max locked away until I got home.
I was about to say something, until my cell phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and looked at the screen.
Seth stopped walking and watched as I answered the phone.
“Hello?” I said nervously.
“Violet, I’m going for a drive” Max’s voice said immediately.
I knew the meaning of ‘for a drive.’ In other words, he would return as the Max I hated.
“Okay” I said, “But wait for me, will you?” I said desperately, “I’ll be there in a minute.”
“No, I can go by myself” he said his voice gruff and before I could say anything else, the phone clicked as he hung up on me.
I clamped the phone shut and realised Seth was staring at me.
“You have a cell phone?” he asked. His tone was almost disbelieving.
“Yeah, but no one calls me anyway” I replied as I took the box from him, “Thanks for your help, but I have to go.”
“Oh,” he answered. He looked defeated.
I was about to walk off, but I had no clue where to go.
“Seth?” I asked turning back to him.
“Yeah?” he replied, his voice cheerful.
“Where’s the liquor store?” I asked.
He looked at me with wide eyes in disbelief.
“No, it’s not for me. I just have to find someone…” I trailed off. “Will you please show me?”
“Sure,” he said a little disbelieved.
“I’m in a hurry” I said as I ran to my car. He followed me and jumped into the passenger seat I dumped the box of ice in the back.
“Where to?” I asked as I started down the road.
“Here, turn left” Seth replied gesturing left, “Now right. Yes, keep going down the road, okay it’s around this corner now. Yeah, here we are.”
I parked crookedly, my eyes fixed on Max’s black truck. “I’ll be back” I said as I jumped out of the car.
I ran straight into the store, ignoring shouts from the shopkeeper saying I was too young. I found Max in an aisle, three large glass bottles in his arms.
“Dad!” I said as I hurried to him. “No Dad, don’t do this” I said taking the bottles from his arms.
“Get away from me!” he said pushing me against the shelf.
“Dad, come on, let’s go home” I said still reaching out.
“No!” he shouted, “You took it all!”
“It was for your own good” I replied as I took hold of one of the bottles.
“Get away from me!” he screamed again as he shoved me back. I felt my back connect with the shelf behind me, pain shooting all along my spine as I fell to the floor. Bottles shattered down beside me.
One fell on my vacant hand, smothering it with glass. I saw Max reach out for me his eyes sorry and desperate, but I braced for cover as the shelf tipped forward onto me.
I waited for the pain of glass piercing my skin, leaving me to bleed to death. But then everything happened so fast. Seth was in front of me one second, and the next I was pulled out of the way.
The sound of shattering glass filled the air as fresh liquor ran all along the floor. I took one look at Max, who stood at the end of the aisle. He looked at me, his lips moved.
“I’m sorry” he whispered, before running out the door.
“Are you okay?” Seth asked kneeling down beside me as the shop keeper started screaming at his wasted stock.
“Dad” I mumbled as I got up and ran after him.
“Violet wait!” Seth called after me. But I ignored him as I ran out of the store. My hand was hurting, but I ignored that too.
I came in just in time to see Max zoom off in his car. I stared after him in disbelief and shock.
“Violet” a soft voice said behind me.
I turned to Seth. He had a sorry look on his face. I felt ashamed that he had witnessed everything.
“I should take you to a doctor” he said taking my bleeding hand in his warm hands.
I pulled it away. “I’m sorry Seth, but I have to go” I said fighting back the tears.
“Violet—” he said, about to object, but I walked straight towards my car.
“Violet!” Seth said again as I climbed into my car.
I didn’t want to look at him, to look at his kind eyes. I drove down the road, away from him.
I couldn’t feel anything as I drove automatically up the familiar road to my house. The pain in my hand was a reminder and I pulled over to the side.
My hand was gushing blood, a large gash on the back of my hand. I took the scarf I was wearing from my neck and wrapped my throbbing hand in it, then, I started sobbing on the steering wheel.
I sobbed until rain thundered on the windows; every drop a loud bang. Having sobbed for a long time, I restarted the car and continued home. I didn’t see Max’s car and I guessed he would be out somewhere else, knocking back a bottle.
I stumbled into the kitchen and cleaned my hand, wincing at the pain before dressing it in bandages. I was a master at first aid.
It didn’t hurt as much now, but that wasn’t what hurt the most; the fact that Seth had seen everything hurt me the most.
I lay on the couch in the dark, not bothering to turn the lights on in the house.
The house seemed eerie, especially since I was here alone. I felt a little scared.
I closed my eyes, and remembered my mother telling me to pray to my Guardian Angel, Gabriel whenever I was scared. I prayed every time I was scared, and even to this day I still do. I closed my eyes, and did a silent prayer. I felt better, with a little more confidence.
I didn’t call this house my ‘home.’ It felt more like a painful memento.
I thought my old house back in New York was bad, but this would be the worst.
It was like a new house of new horrors.
I didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere anymore, until now. La Push was like a magnet to me, attracting me to its beautiful landscapes and kind people.
Kind people like Seth.
I sighed. I felt bad for leaving him there and ashamed for what he had seen; especially when he saved me from the falling shelf. I flexed my hand automatically.
I didn’t want to face him at all, but deep down I knew I was lying. Seth was starting to rub off on me.
I couldn’t get him out of my head, even if I wanted to, I still couldn’t. Everything reminded me of him.
It was like my heart had started beating like it never had before.
It was like new blood was pulsing through my veins to my newly throbbing heart. But this was a different heart, unfamiliar yet comfortable.
Each beat was like I was being born again.
The sudden slam of wood against wood alarmed me as I sat up. The clatter of glass sounded from the foyer as I sat frozen on the couch.
A groan followed after the sound of something collapsing on the floor. I stood up and managed to walk to the foyer.
Max was leaning up against the wall, glass splattered on the marble floor of the foyer, his head facing the ceiling.
I stood with my hands tight across my chest.
His eyes were closed as he sat in silence.
“Dad, you should get up to bed” I said quietly.
He didn’t stir and I waited.
I waited and waited, until I couldn’t wait any more, and he didn’t move at all.
I breathed out slowly and turned towards the stairs. As I climbed the first step, I heard a whisper. “I’m sorry Violet, please don’t leave me…” he said desperately.
I turned around slowly. He was on his knees, reaching out for me, his eyes sorry and frantic.
I looked at him unsurely. Could I go back to him? Could I trust him?
I bit my lip in confusion.
“Please Violet, my Rose…” he whispered.
That side-tracked me. My Rose. That’s what he used to call my mother.
I remember her smile whenever he said it and him looking smug that he got her attention.
I was a million miles away, in a faint memory; a happy little family of three, all smiles and dimples.
Now I was back, Max’s face not smiling, but begging.
I felt helpless. Now that my mother was gone, he was all that was left. We both were left. I couldn’t help myself, as I stepped down from the steps and pulled Max up on his feet.
“My Rose…” he whispered touching my cheek. His eyes were calm, but they had a strange look in them. It was like he was looking at me, but not actually seeing me.
I turned my face away from him and helped him up the stairs to his room.
He flopped down on his bed and I took his shoes off for him, as I did every night.
He shivered as I tucked him into the bed. He still shivered.
I went into his closet, looking for another blanket. I snatched one from the top shelf.
A box fell out from underneath and spilled onto the floor.
I sighed and knelt down and filed through the remnants. They were old photographs and postcards.
I picked one photo up which was of a dark haired woman holding a little girl who looked exactly like her.
The little girl was planting a kiss on the woman’s nose, a smile spreading across the woman’s face.
I melted on the floor, a tear slid down my face as I realised, this was my mother. I turned the photo over and on the back it read, Violet Rose Brown, My Rose.
I picked up another photo of Max and my late mother, Violet. Dad was holding her in her arms as they both smiled for the camera.
I noticed how happy Max looked here; his face was smooth and carefree. Max’s face was different now, sad and soft yet terrifying.
“My Rose?” a voice called frantic, “Where are you my rose?”
I got up quickly, tidying the photos, but keeping the one of me and my mother, and walked back into the room.
Max was sitting up in his bed, looking around. His beady eyes lay to rest on me and he reached out. “My Rose” he said relieved.
The photo suddenly weighed a hundred pounds in my pocket.
I walked stiffly to his side and tucked him in again. “Calm down Dad. Get some sleep” I said as I spread the blanket over him.
He lay back, his eyes were confused. “Dad?” he said perplexed. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
I looked at him, confused too. “Go to sleep…Max” I said wondering if I had chosen the right words.
His eyes turned milky as he relaxed and closed his eyes. I tiptoed out and shuffled into my own room. When I was in the safety of my room, I took the photo out and stared at it.
Somehow I felt at ease, now that I had found this photograph. It made me feel her presence. As I stared, I felt proud to carry her name. Violet-Rose Brown.
I lay on my bed, the photograph firmly in my hand. I cried to myself, feeling the loss flow out.