ayyy guys! i'm making a new story because im still kinda contemplating on where my other story's plot line is gonna go i guess
hope you like this one though, tell me if i should continue :)
iM NOT done the cover btw it's just like a random pic for now until i actually make one
~
- HARLEY'S POV -
Right now was a moment that would determine my entire future. For the good, and..Not so good. Either way made me nervous. I was really hoping for this to work, that it could go the way I want it to. But that doesn't mean it would go well.
He wouldn't want this. So why would it work? He's not normal. He doesn't want a normal life with a happy family. It takes so much just to get him to take a few days off his heists and murdering sprees. So why would he settle down for the next few years?
My hands were incredibly shaky as I slowly opened the box containing the item and it's instructions. My eyes skimmed over the paper before tossing it aside and shuffling over to the bathroom. The cold tile sent a shock up my legs, making a giggle escape my lips.
Puddin wasn't home right now. He was out on another heist with his men, so this was the perfect time to get it over with.
Just the thought of him made me nervous. I tell him everything, even if he doesn't listen all the time. I've never kept anything from him, and this was the first time. I can't imagine what would happen if it was positive. I'd be ecstatic. This has always been a dream of mine, even when Harleen existed. But that doesn't mean it would work out. We can't have a family. He wouldn't allow that, would he? I don't think he would, at least. He's been less abusive since he took me back from Belle Reve, maybe he'd be okay with it. But I shouldn't keep hoping.
J wouldn't want children.
I turned on the pregnancy test before taking a few deep breaths, shutting the bathroom door.
~ ~
- AUTHOR'S POV -
Harley twitched at the sound of the familiar squeaking of the door down the hall. Usually she'd be ecstatic, leaping into his arms by now. She slowly stood up off the bed, walking down the hall to see her lover hanging up his purple snakeskin jacket.
J turned around seeing Harley's small frame standing before him. He smiled, opening his arms before Harley walked up and hugged him. She had the familiar scent of shampoo in her hair, making J smile. Harley pecked his lips tenderly before walking down the hall to the living room.
Something was off. J noticed it the second he entered their home, not seeing Harley skipping down the hall and leaping into his arms, kissing him eagerly and begging for him to spend time with her. This wasn't his Harley.
He brushed it off, supposing it was just that time of the month for her again. She acts more tired and less bubbly during those times. But maybe it was something else.
J sighed, walking towards the living room. Harley heard the sound of his heavy footsteps as he entered the room, sitting on the couch next to her. Harley didn't make eye contact. She couldn't dare look at him knowing she's keeping a secret. The thought killed her inside.
J put his hand on Harley's thigh, making her instinctively twitch again. What was up with her? Something was definitely off.
J turned towards her, daring to make eye contact. Harley felt his blue orbs burning into her soul. She swallowed, biting her lip and concentrating on the tv, even though it wasn't on.
Silence between them was always comfortable. They both understood it. But right now was different. It was incredibly tense. It only ever felt that way in their first few sessions.
J's voice broke the silence, but it made the room feel more uncomfortable.
"Harls."
Harley slowly turned towards him, but didn't make eye contact. J sighed, putting a hand around her waist to pull her closer.
Harley did nothing, simply looking at her nails. J growled, losing his patience. He not so gently turned her head towards him, daring her to look into his eyes. She almost did, but looked at the bridge of his nose. Cute.
"Snap out of it, will ya? What are you so worried about?"
Harley stuttered, trying to say something, but shut her mouth and looked down, her ponytails swinging near her face.
"Look at me."
Harley slightly hesitated before looking up at him, finally making eye contact.
"Y-yes puddin?"
Her voice sounded so small and innocent, more than usual. He knew now she was keeping something from him. It was so unlike her. It had to be something important. But she knows better than to keep anything from him.Why would she now?
"What are you keeping from me?"
Harley's face went blank, almost more pale if possible. He knew. Oh god, he knew. She could feel the words ready to leave her mouth now. She can't tell him.
A smile spread across her face, obviously forced.
"N-nothing baby! Why would you think that?"
J growled in reply. Harley's forced smile disappeared. She kept eye contact, tears starting to fill her eyes.
"Did you think you could keep something from me Harls?"
"N-no! I'm not lying to you! I'm just - uh - not feeling too good right now. Yeah, i'm feeling kinda sick today puddin, yknow?"
J smirked. It was cute how she spoke so quickly and stuttered when she was nervous.
"Mm, is that so?"
Harley nodded eagerly in reply without thinking, before looking at her nails again. J sighed once more, knowing he wouldn't be able to get her to say anything. For today, at least.
He stood up, glancing at Harley one last time before walking out of the room. His footsteps sounded heavier.
~ ~
How dare she. How dare she keep something from me.
Angry thoughts ran through the Joker's mind as he paced back in forth in his messy office, papers spread across the floor and multiple bottles laying around.
It was a mess. That's how he liked it.
He talked to himself, mumbling ideas of what Harley could possibly be keeping from him. But then again, maybe she wasn't hiding anything. He almost believed that. But he won't. It was obvious she was hiding something too important to tell him. And that pissed him off. That's what makes him angry. She disobeyed him. She made a bad decision, that could make things for the worse.
Or even the better. But to him there was no such thing as that.
He hated her.
That's all he could think of right now.
He hated her. He wanted to hit her, to watch the light leave her eyes as she takes her last breath. He wanted to beat her until her limp, lifeless body laid across the cold concrete, no expression on her face.
But at the same time he really didn't. He couldn't let himself if he tried. He's gone softer. It makes him sick.
He finds himself wishing he didn't go after her when her body was limp at the bottom of that vat. He regretted so much, yet found himself needing her and showing sides of himself nobody else has ever seen. Harley brought out his vulnerable side.
She's broken so many walls he's kept up. He needs some kind of manipulation to trick both her, and himself, that he doesn't care. That he isn't vulnerable, nor caring for anybody. But no matter how much he tries there's always going to be times where those vulnerable sides show. Thanks to Harley.
Now why the hell did she decide to hide something from her lover? It's obvious Harley has more love and trust in J than any other living thing in the whole universe. She's never kept anything from him. Harley always tells him what's going on, even when he isn't really listening.
And when everything is fine, almost relaxing in some way, and J hasn't backhanded her recently, she decides to keep some supposedly big secret.
Just the thought set off J's rage and confusion as he slammed his fist into a wall, a deep menacing growl escaping his throat. She can't keep anything from him. She won't. He won't allow it.
Whatever it is, he'll get her to explain.
He wants her to explain now.
But of course if doesn't seem like she'll be telling him anything, even after all his affection and calm talking to get her to say something about it.
J may deserve this treatment though, as whenever he returns from a heist, bruises and miserable emotions and all, Harley always asks him if he wants to talk about it. And not once has he talked about it.
J sighed, rubbing his temples before gulping down another bottle and tossing it to the floor.
It was all a mess. That's how he liked it.
~~
HARLEYS POV
I heard another loud bang from Puddin's office, causing me to twitch and glance over. He was obviously very upset with me for being so secretive. I would have told him. I almost regret not explaining, but I can't. It's too soon. We both need some time to ourselves right now anyways.
I took another sip of a herbal tea I made after Puddin left, to help calm my senses. Not long after taking a sip I felt more comfort wash over me in waves. I don't know what it was about warm beverages and food that comforted people so well. But it was working for now, which was all I needed.
Tea was like my substitute to pills or drugs, which at extreme moments i'd find myself sometimes needing to take. I tried not to do it too often, as I knew J probably wouldn't love the idea of me taking them. Or the idea of having a family.
I sighed, sipping again before putting the white mug on the coffee table. After staring at the ceiling, thoughts running through my mind, I reached for the remote and turned the TV on for some distraction.
I found myself trying lots of things to distract myself, whether it's reading a book or practicing shooting skills or simply eating. But the guilt wouldn't leave my mind. I didn't think it would. Why wouldn't I feel guilt for lying to my lover's face? He knows I wouldn't ever keep anything from him. I was gaining his trust. Now it all had to go down the drain.
I sighed, switching the channel to cooking and wiping another tear from my cheek.
~~
AUTHORS POV
J heard the television turn on as he took one more swig, setting the bottle down and standing up. Harley must be trying to distract herself. That's what she does when she's sad or upset. She tries doing different activities to take her mind off whatever negative emotion is in her system.
J exhaled deeply, opening the door and walking down the hall to his destination. He heard a quiet sniffle as he entered the room, the television on the cooking channel on low volume. He saw the pile of blankets from the hallway, guessing Harley was all cuddled up sulking to herself.
He let out another sigh, coming into Harley's view before sitting on the couch. Harley didn't even glance, as J heard another barely audible sniffle come from the pile of blankets.
A few minutes passed, and J found his hand under the blankets rubbing one of Harley's petite feet and his body behind hers, the other hand stroking her hair.
Just because he was pissed with her didn't mean he couldn't still sit with her on the couch, right?
Harley looked up at his eyes at one point, before tenderly kissing his lips and putting her hand on his cheek. She attempted to deepen it, J responding for a moment before breaking it. His eyes shot daggers, but sparkled at the same time.
"I'm still angry with you," J said quietly, his face close to Harley's.
She paused a moment, her face showing sadness, guilt and lust at the same time before she answered,
"I know."
Throughout the next few hours the only sounds coming from the home was quiet sniffles, and the cooking channel. It almost felt somewhat normal. Harley cherished that. She knew within the next few months, this would all change. It hasn't even begun.
~~~~
sO there it is
idek if it's good hah i guess it is ?
but give me feedback or whatever because i'll be honest i don't really know what i'm doing so yknow
tell me if i should keep going with this though
it's midnight and i'm not exactly that awake so bye