Have you ever been in a situation where your mouth becomes dry, your skull feels like it's balding, and all parts of your body starts to sweat? I emphasize all parts of bodies...like cracks I didn't even know could sweat on me? Well, yes, if you've felt this anxiousness before, then you'll understand how brutal I'm taking these thirty seconds before me.
Here you watch, suddenly no longer angry nor pissed. All you felt was the gas building within you, eyes narrowing when blinking repeatedly. Yup, you thought to yourself, cursing, He's real and he's coming towards me.
Watching Hoseok moving hesitantly before you, you could tell the same anxiousness was moving within his form when seeing the sadness play at his eyes. There was so much uncertainty within his gaze to the point where it started to make you more nervous.
Heart pounding and fluttering all in one go, the anger started to build up again when Hoseok's lips curled into a soft scared smile. That smile...it was aged but it was still so like the days you had fallen for him. The days where you gave him your all and he threw it all away without an even decent goodbye.
With that, you allowed your thoughts to morph your anger.
Hoseok didn't know what to say. For starters, it was unreal for him to be seeing you after years. You were aged, but you were more beautiful since the last time he had seen you...the last time he had kissed and hugged you. Swallowing harshly, Hoseok found himself to block out all the other people that were trying to talk to him. In that moment, he didn't see or hear anyone else.
Stopping at his tracks when he was a few feet away, Hoseok's eyes searched your expressionless ones. He couldn't quite read you, knowing there was anger in your stance, hurt, pain, anxiety? Everything above? Hoseok wasn't sure, but he sure as hell did feel bad if any of those above were the case. What else was I supposed to expect? I deserve this reaction.
He spoke, he finally built the courage to speak...
"H-Hi," he whispered out, eyes on you as his body slightly bent respectfully in your direction.
You didn't bend back, nor did you say a greeting back. All you managed to do was perfect the best scowl you could muster as time progressed.
Hoseok's lips pursed when seeing your face starting to harden. Smiling nervously, Hoseok moved closer to you, side glancing over at PD Nim who was trying his hardest not to look at what was occurring. Seeing as the older man seemed to distract others around so they didn't see what could potentially erupt, Hoseok simply grew more nervous at that.
"Can I uh," Hoseok moved so that he could stand right before you. Purposely moving so that you were no longer angry, and more shocked over the distance he didn't create, Hoseok let his lips bend over to your ear. "Can I speak to you out in the hall?"
Your jaw clenched at that. Knowing he was trying to smile kindly over at you after whispering in your ear, you didn't have it as you coldly stared into his eyes and nodded curtly. Five minutes.
Seeing him move his hand out for you to softly take, Hoseok was prince-like with his actions, eyes so kind and bright that it physically seemed to burn your angry soul. Giving into your anger, you slapped your hand hard into his soft one. Seeing his Adam's apple bob when you tossed out a fake smile in his direction, you noticed the slight fright graze his sight when you began dragging him from where you had just come from.
Moving out, the doors closed behind the both of you.
All BTS were eyeing the door and then each other for two minutes straight once witnessing what they were able to see from a distance. The members were beyond confused...
"Hyung knows PD Nim's plus one?" Namjoon mumbled out, forehead crinkling.
"If he does I don't think it's a good thing," Yoongi lowly added, eyes gawking over at the exit/entrance Hoseok and you had left from, "...she doesn't seem too friendly from what I could tell from here."
"Yes, she looked mad," Jimin worriedly spoke out, eyes searching for his hyung to come strolling inside again.
"Anyone want some?" a voice blurted out.
All the worried and puzzled members glanced away from the door and over to Jin who obliviously had his hand out. A spoon was filled with broth as it rested in air. The oldest hyung was trying to usher it to all the members around the table. Seeing as none responded, simply staring at him in disbelief, Jin shrugged before taking it back and sipping from it instead.
"Just tryna be nice," Jin popped out, moving to devour into his food once again.
-
"Just tryna be nice," you chimed out, anger laced with your words as you let the man's hand go the moment you were a fair enough distance from the crowding guest that were trying to get into the big hall. "I'll give you five minutes of my precious time...after that, never will you speak to me again, understand?"
Hoseok's eyes softened at that. Seeing as you were whisper yelling over at him, he glanced around the area and spotted a few eyes lingering in his direction. He tried his best to ignore it, focusing on you and nothing but you. The last thing he wanted was to irritate you more than you already were.
"I can't promise that I won't try to speak to you again," Hoseok said gently, growing awkward when you snorted at that.
"You've been doing it for 5 years now," you retorted, amused, "I'm sure a couple hundred years more won't be a bother."
Hoseok felt a full-grown lump starting to form at the back of his throat again. Noticing your lips moving so close to him, he hated that everything was just hatred in that moment. Rightfully so, he sighed mentally, Like I said before...I deserve this reaction.
"I uh—"
You didn't speak, waiting for him to say whatever he had to say.
Hoseok pursed his lips. He couldn't find words. No matter what he tried to do or say, he knew you'd turn it down faster than he could even process it through his mind. But if anything, he knew if he wanted to say something, this was the time to do so...now or never.
"I'm sorry Y/N...I'm sorry for leaving the way I did," Hoseok began, eyes soft as he stared directly into your pupils, "I-I, I'm sorry that I lied to you."
You didn't say anything, tongue poking annoyingly at your cheek as you waited for five minutes to pass by. His words came in one ear and out the other. That's how it should be, I'm old enough to realize that sappy phrases don't been shit when coming from an innocent face like his. Learned that the hard way, didn't I?
"I know that you're probably counting down to the moment where you can walk right away," Hoseok continued, voice almost begging now, "...but please, please—I know it's a lot to ask, but can you give me at least one shot in trying to make things better, I—"
You scoffed, eyes purposely making it visible that you were no longer paying attention to him, but rather the huge clock that was across the lobby.
Hoseok swallowed his words. Seeing you literally counting down seconds before him, his heart sank. Upper lip twitching for a moment, Hoseok needed this. He needed this next step he was about to pull. Hands moving over your hand instantly, the kind-faced man smiled at you reassuringly when you grew surprised over him dragging you away now.
He held you tighter but made sure not to hurt you as you tried to break out of his hold. Dragging you towards the bathroom's near by, it was a hassle in trying to make sure the stalls were cleared when pulling you in with him. Locking the main door's so no one could enter the huge space, Hoseok let your hand go the moment you flung over towards the sinks.
Your eyes looked around the bathroom, amused smile grazing your lips again, you laughed bitterly. "Wah," you chimed, hands moving to your hips over your pretty dress, "Drag me in here to make another child? Why? Too bored with just abandoning one?"
Hoseok's brow jumped a little at that. Awkwardly glancing at the stalls that were open and unused next to both of you, he tried not to revisit the night at the club during his pre-debut days as he focused at the task at hand.
"I don't want to give you excuses," Hoseok softly said, voice gentle, "Nor do I want to explain why I made the decisions I made...I just, I want to apologize whole-heartedly without making this about me. Because this isn't about me, you and our child deserve this apology—"
"My," you snapped lowly through your teeth, face composed but jaw ready to cut Hoseok.
"Sorry?" Hoseok asked, eyes narrowing a little as he moved towards you more.
You had no facial expression as you clarified yourself, "My, not our. Yeri is my son."
Hoseok noticed the slight dryness at your eyes that barley blinked. Feeling sick within him, Hoseok nodded, he nodded so quick. He was willing to do and say whatever he could to make you feel at your most comfortable. But that on its own was a long shot.
"After everything," Hoseok began, voice sad, "I can't argue with that...I'm no way close to being his father."
"And you never will get the chance to be," you said through your teeth, eyes starting to slowly water from all the anger that you were trying to control within you. "You'll never see Yer—" you cut yourself off, chocking up as you were inches away from letting all emotions run wild.
It was hard enough to see the man who deceived you, but to speak to him after all these years of bottled up frustration was hard. It was terrifyingly hard not to snap at the man.
Hoseok's eyes softened when seeing your eyes starting to water. Feeling his heart bursting within him, he hadn't seen such pain from you ever...that on its own made him feel even worse. I wasn't even there to tell her goodbye, he sighed internally, remembering how the departure between you and him had taken place. PD Nim and BangPD had taken you away with plane tickets, no last goodbye, no explanation from Hoseok...he just never showed his face again after that one day he brought you lilies and lied to your face. That was the last day his 18-year-old self had seen you.
"Y/N—"
"You picked your career over my child," you spat, "You were brutal as you sent your bosses to do the dirty work for you and have me gone forever. You wanted Yeri and I to disappear so you wouldn't be so burdened anymore...you wanted us gone and that's what happened. We're gone."
Hoseok watched you grow into an emotional mess before him. He was at loss for words all over again.
"...and we will stay forever gone," you finished, eyes softening at that near the end as a tear finally hit your cheek.
"I don't want that," Hoseok said gently. Watching you about to whimper over and cut him off again, Hoseok instantly jumped in to continue, "I don't want you to be one forever, but at the end of the day, I understand that it is your decision. Now, I'm not here to convince you to stay, or even allow me to see Yeri—even though I'd kill for that—what I'm here for is a simple apology."
You pursed your lips, the salty water that poured from your eyes seemed to now make it onto your tongue when they dripped farther down your damp face.
"I don't expect you to take the apology the way I'd please," Hoseok said softly, slowly allowing his legs to stride hesitantly over to you again, "...all I'm asking is for you to listen so that you know how I truly do regret a lot of things when it came to you and...your son."
"I've heard you," you said softly, form now simply tired and wanting to leave.
This was emotionally draining.
"Have you really?" Hoseok asked, eyes narrowing as he moved closer and closer towards you.
You eyed the ground where he feet moved, to spot his face that seemed to be coming closer as well. Swallowing when seeing him no longer stopping with every step, your once angry form became innocently drained as your feet moved back.
"I have," you softly said, eyes meeting his soft ones.
He stepped forward, you stepped back. A repeated process until your crying form moved straight into a washroom stall. Glancing around the stall awkwardly, you were about to speak but stopped when Hoseok's soft eyes glanced over at your dress.
"You're just as beautiful as I remember," he sweetly let out, continuing his walk into the stall.
You jumped a little when the back of your calves hit the toilet. Innocently staring at the man move closer to you, you tried to move around him but had your shaking breath waver when he lightly gripped your hand. Struggling gently in his grip, you didn't put up much of a fight when he slowly walked your back into leaning against the stall.
"Just like this," he said, his breath practically hitting your cheek now, "...years ago, I found a girl and did things I'd normally shy over nowadays."
Your red eyes moved to meet Hoseok's eyes that were still so kind.
"I kissed her without even knowing her name," he said gently, eyes moving over to your painted lips.
You tried to catch your breath, your chest moving involuntarily to an uneasy pattern of air. Your eyes never left his however. No longer angry, no longer upset. You were just exhausted from all the bottled up hurt.
Hoseok smiled a little as a light chuckle left him, "I uh, I made a baby that day."
"I'll call Yeri your child," Hoseok said gently, "I'll never mention myself as a father if that is what makes you sane...but the truth is that I am Yeri's father. No matter how fast you try to run away from that fact, it'll always catch up to you."
"Ho—"
"I'll always catch up to you," he finished softly, trying his hardest not to curl into a ball right after spilling those words. Although it made him want to cringe over, it was the truth. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused you."
You forced your head to be held high. Resting the back of your pinned hair against the stall, you noticed the man's dazed form slowly lean over while gawking at your lips.
"I know you're sorry," you lightly let out, jaw softly clenching, "But no number of apologies makes any of what you did okay."
Hoseok nodded, respecting that.
"I can't forgive you," you let out, eyes pained once you finally let the words you wanted to spit out since the beginning of this encounter out.
Hoseok smiled, but there was a sadness behind it.
"Okay," Hoseok said gently.
"You'll leave me alone now, yeah?" you asked gently, growing slightly uncomfortable when seeing how eager he seemed to be glancing at your lips.
"I can't," he said softly, "You may hate it, but I'm not about leaving again when I've finally found you again."
"You didn't find me," you mumbled, growing annoyed all over again, "I was lied to and brought to face yo—"
You whimpered when your words were cut off by his lips on yours. Blinking fast, instant tears sprung as your body sunk into the hard surface behind you. Trying to catch some air, you couldn't, his mouth desperately taking yours for his. Hoseok didn't hold back in that moment, his body gently pressing against yours that slowly tried to move away from him.
Something in that much-needed kiss was painful. It was painful for the both of you. Mostly because both expected for you to flinch away instantly but you didn't, in that moment, you kissed the man hurtfully back.
Hands scrunching up the dress shirt above Hoseok's chest, you squirmed against the wall, your hair growing static as it stuck to the surface your shoulder blades were pressed against. Head sinking, you whimpered gently against his lips, letting your tears fall the minute Hoseok gently moved his tongue over to your bottom lip.
The moment his tongue moved through your mouth and you felt your knees buckle from his taste, you cried. You cried hard.
Pushing Hoseok away from you, you rushed away.
"Y/N," Hoseok breathed out, in awe over what he had done as he stared at you already trying to move the lock away from the main doors of the bathroom.
"I-I—"
"Stay away from me," you snarled, anger back in place before you rushed out of the bathroom.
Hoseok pursed his lips, face scrunching as he recalled all that just happened. Swearing internally, the man moved awkwardly in the washroom, wanting to kick something in. But he didn't, he simply wiped gently at his lips before moving outside the washroom.
...it's as if nothing happened yeah?
Here he was about to meet up with the members with a fake smile on his face all over again, trying his hardest to forget your crying and rushing form that headed for the exit of the building all together.