Chapter 7 part 2: Optical Illusions and Face-plants (Final Chapter)
A/N: I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOO *ten minutes later* SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY!!!!!!! I know I haven’t updated in weeks but I have a perfectly good excuse……… umm and I will type one up later *nervous laugh*
Well anyway this is the final chapter of this story *sheds tear*. I had a really fun time writing this story and I hoped you guys enjoyed reading this. Anyways, onto the final chapter.
Disclaimer: If you don’t know this by now, you should have your brain examined. I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER!!!!!! If I did, I would have a house full of Sugar Quills, Chocolate Frogs and heaps of Draco Malfoy clones ;) Oh and I wouldn’t have let Dobby, Snape and Fred die.
I would like to dedicate this chapter to all of my fans who have waited patiently for this last chapter<3 ….But I would also like to dedicate this chapter to some of my friends at school. They are Big Head, VoldyJoan and Brandine (who got me addicted to fan fiction in the first place), Blondie and the J Twins and Tori (because she just wanted a dedication lol), (you guys know who you are). Love u guys xoxo mwah
2 weeks later;
Harry’s POV: <----- (A/N: Finally you guys get to see what goes on in that freaky little head of his…probably thinking of chocolate frogs and hula-hoops)
Phew!!! That was close. I have three people chasing me now all because of my pranks. I mean come on; my pranks aren’t even my fault. Like a couple of hours ago, Ghouly Filch said that Big Bird and everybody that lives in Sesame Street are not real and if they did exist, they would be drug dealers and gangsters. Hey, maybe he got that idea from rapper Snapeman and Diaper King…meh. Well anyway, after I finished crying, I threw a Dungbomb at his face and picked up that feather duster Mrs Norris and ran away. But then, I saw Snapeman going to eat my fiancé. MY FIANCÉ!!!! So I chucked Mrs Norris at his face and kicked him in the shins and took my fiancé. The look on his face was priceless; even his wrinkle mountains looked angry. I could have sworn that they were going to jump off his face and eat me!
So while I was running away from Snapeman and Ghouly Filch, I ran into Pugface Parkinson. “Whazzup, Pugface? Wanna see an optical illusion?” I said. Man, she is really ugly! I think we should set her up with a pig. Ha-ha a pig for a pug; I made a funny.
“No. Now piss off Scar head,” she said as she tried to pass me. “It won’t take too long. Okay so this is what you do; point your index fingers together and bring them together slowly,” I said as she started copying me. Her eyes were too busy looking at her moving index fingers that she didn’t pay attention to what I was doing. Before her fingers met, I got my hand and hit her hard on the head. “Ha-ha! You fell for that, sucker!” I said.
“POTTER!!! THERE HE IS, GET HIM!!!” yelled Snapeman as he, Ghouly Filch and Pugface Parkinson started chasing me. So that’s how I ended up in this yucky broom closet. It’s so boring and I’m hungry and- oooohhhhhhhhhhh my fiancé’s sister is on the floor in her wrapper… I hope she tastes better than her brother that I found in the men’s bathroom.
Sometime later;
I’m bored, I’m bored, I’m bored, I’m bored, I’m bored, I’m bored, I’m bored, I’m bor- ARGHHHH SPIDER. KILL IT! KILL IT! If Ron saw that spider when he was high, he would have probably danced with it. Now, where was I? Oh yeah… I’m bored, I’m bored, I’m bored, I’m bored, I’m bored, I’m bored…
Normal POV
“I’m bored, I’m bored, I’m bored,” yawned Harry. Harry was sitting on a bucket in a broom closet, waiting for three very angry people to pass through the corridor so that he could give them one more surprise before hiding in his school trunk for the next couple of days. Harry was getting border by the minute. He was thinking of committing suicide, hell, he was even thinking of eating his fiancé that was in his pocket.
“Hola, Harry. Wanna shake the maracas and sing the Señor Dunngo Le Bunngo theme song?” said a small voice. Harry looked all around the closet for the voice only to discover a miniature and orange kangaroo wearing a large sombrero and holding some maracas.
“Whazzup Señor Dunngo Le Bunngo?” Harry said as he fist pumped his imaginary friend. “Hey Señor Dunngo Le Bunngo, do you want to come to my wedding? If you don’t want to that’s okay. Ever since the guests have found out that the entertainment is going to be Snapeman breakdancing and rapping, people have been sending back their invitations,” Harry said rapidly.
“Don’t worry Señor Hazza; I will come even if Snapeman is going to be breakdancing and all his excess fat will be jiggling throughout the performance,” Señor Dunngo Le Bunngo shuddered as a mental image suddenly popped up in his head. “Well, anyway let us shake the maracas and sing the Señor Dunngo Le Bunngo theme song.”
With maracas in their hands, they started getting a rhythm flowing;
“He’s orange and he’s small,
He likes shaking the maracas,
If he jumps he will fall,
He’s simply magnifico,
He’s Señor Dunngo Le Bunngoooooooo!!!!!!!” They sang.
Suddenly, the broom closet opened with a large bang. There stood Professor Snape, Mr Filch and Pansy, shooting venomous looks at Harry.
“AHA! There you Potter. Now, if you come with me right this instant the only thing you’re going to get is three months detention… or if you don’t obey me, I will tie you down and eat all your fiancé’s chocolate frog relatives in front of you until I puke. So what’s it going to be?” Snape asked with a smirk on his face as soon as he looked at Harry’s expression. He’s eyes were tearing and his bottom lip was trembling.
“Y-you wouldn’t d-do that. Your b-bluffing,” Harry stuttered.
“Am I?”
Harry gulped and surrendered into Snape. Professor Snape looked very happy indeed. He didn’t even care that he has scratches all over his face from Mrs Norris; all he was happy about was that he finally caught Potter. Professor Snape, Filch and Pansy pushed Harry in front of themselves and took Harry to the Great Hall so that they could prove that they had finally caught ‘Hazza the Magnificent’.
“ATTENTION ALL STUDENTS…we have finally caught the living fart bomb, Harry Potter!” Snape addressed the entire Great Hall with a yell. The students gasped as they saw Harry being pushed in front of Snape with a sign plastered against his chest ‘Captured. Beware of this Chocolate Lover’.
I really have to get out of this situation Harry thought… and I think I have a plan that never fails. Harry turned around to see if Snape, Filch and Pansy were still behind him. They were. “EAT MY DUST, SUCKERS!!!!!” Harry yelled as he stuck out his butt at the confused looking trio and let a fart rip. As Harry ran he said “Ha-ha! See ya in hell Snapeman, Ghouly Filch and Pugface Parkinson!!”
Professor Snape and Filch started gagging from the odour. “I swear to merlin that that boy is a nasty kid,” gagged Filch as he started running to the bathroom. Since Pansy has never experienced the ‘infamous’ Harry Potter fart, she fainted just as the smell reached up to her nose.
“Ha-ha they’ll never catch me alive!” Harry screamed as he ran to the portrait of the fat lady. “YOU’RE DEAD POTTER!!!” yelled an angry Snape as he was trying to catch up to Harry.
“The bat is on the move. I REPEAT THE BAT IS ON THE MOVE!!!!!” Harry released a girlish scream as he kept running to the Fat Lady’s Portrait. She rolled her eyes and opened the door for him as per usual every time he’s in a chase situation. Harry kept screaming until he was in his dormitory and inside his school trunk.
“Phew! I’ll have to stay in here and lay low for a while,” Harry said as he wiped the sweat from his forehead. He suddenly felt something furry and moving next to his leg. Oh merlin, please don’t let it be that sandwich that I left in here a couple of months ago Harry thought.
Meow. Harry lit up his wand only to find Crookshanks at his feet. “What’s up pussycat WHOA WHOA WHOAAAAA!” Harry sang. Crookshanks hissed at him and clawed at his leg and jumped out of the school trunk.
Owie! Don’t worry Harry, one day that cat will realise my obsession for it and he’ll come crawling back to me; they always do Harry thought as he closed the school trunk again.
Meanwhile; In the Head Dorms
Ever since Draco and Dracoina left two weeks ago, Hermione became a mess. She barely ate and she only attended class when she felt like it. Draco has sent her letters these past two weeks but it still wasn’t enough for her. She wanted him to be there at Hogwarts with her.
“Hermione, I got your lunch for you,” Ginny said as she knocked on Hermione’s bedroom door. She came in only to find Hermione lying flat on her stomach on her bed. “Come on Hermione get up. Just because Malfoy isn’t here, doesn’t mean you should stop your life. Now get your ass out of bed and into that shower and then I want you to come back down and eat your lunch,” Ginny said in a motherly tone. Hermione groaned and did what she was asked to do.
Thirty minutes later, Hermione came down to the Head Dorms common room only to find Ginny fussing over Hermione’s food. “Thanks Ginny for helping me out these past couple of weeks,” Hermione said as she sat down on the couch.
“Oh don’t worry about it Mione. I know it’s tough for you right now because Malfoy left but if he was here right now he would tell you to stop being love sick over him and move on with life.”
Hermione stood up “What do you mean? Like find a new boyfriend?!?! NO WAY!! I love Draco and I would never give up-”
“Whoa, easy there Hermione. No I meant to say to get on with your life like go to classes and come to eat at the Great Hall,” exclaimed Ginny as Hermione sat back down calmly.
“Fine. I’ll go to class…but after I finish my lunch,” she said as she sunk her teeth into her sandwich.
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“Hey Ron, have you seen Harry lately?” Hermione asked Ron as they were walking to fourth period Charms.
“Oh yeah he’s hiding in his school trunk again. After that incident between Snape, Filch and Parkinson, Harry will be out of his trunk in about 3 days max,” Ron replied with a small smile. “Hey Mione, I know you’ve been love sick over ferret face ever since he went; the same thing happened to me over Dracoina but I got over it with a little called…an ink bottle,” he sheepishly grinned.
Hermione looked at him as if he’s grown another two butt cheeks. “ARE YOU MENTAL?!?! No way am I going to get stoned during school hours…we’ll do it after curfew and we’ll use Harry’s invisibility cloak to sneak out,” Hermione said. Ron, who looked a bit surprised at her sudden change of decision, nodded and followed Hermione to Charms class.
#########################################
“Hey Harry, can Hermione and I borrow your invisibility cloak tonight?” Ron spoke to the school trunk. An arm reached out of the school trunk and handed him the invisibility cloak. Ron reached for it and mumbled a thank you. Ron turned to leave until he heard a cough. He turned back around to see Harry’s hand still outstretched and gesturing to say ‘bring it’. Ron sighed and rummaged through his pockets until he had found his last Chocolate Frog packet. He handed it to Harry whom withdrew his arm and closed the school trunk back up again.
“Thank you Mr Ginger Freckles,” Harry said happily from inside the trunk, munching on the Chocolate Frog.
“You’re welcome,” Ron mumbled irritably. That bloody bastard took my last Chocolate Frog! Ron mentally grumbled and walked out of the dormitory and into the common room only to find Hermione tapping her foot impatiently. “Ready?” Ron nodded and thrown the invisibility cloak over them and quietly walked out of the Gryffindor Common Room. They walked through the empty and empty hallway trying to find an empty classroom that hasn’t been vandalised by Peeves so that they could relax with a nice bottle of ink to snort. The two Gryffindors eventually found an abandoned classroom; so the second they entered the room, the sooner they get high.
10 minutes later:
Professor Snape’s POV
Urgh. Today was a really horrid day. I got clawed by that fuzz ball of cat and got kicked in the shins by the living fart bomb; we don’t know when he’s going to explode, but what we do know is that when he does… it could be deadly. Anyway, I had to take 5 showers in a row to get that stink off me. I swear to Merlin if that boy farts again in this castle, Hogwarts will become toxic and we’ll all be doomed!! So here I am patrolling the hallways of Hogwarts looking for Potter. Once I’ve finished my rounds, I am going to watch more of the pictures that I have of Lily going about in her normal life before she died (A:N That’s a bit creepy…don’t you think?). Oh my Lilykins, how I miss you.
As I was walking past the 4th floor corridor, I heard a noise that seemed to be coming from a classroom to my left. I walked over to the door and pushed it open. I was like OMG to what I saw next.
Normal POV
“MR WEASLEY AND MISS GRANGER, WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?!?” roared Professor Snape. Hermione and Ron were hunched over their 2nd bottle of black ink.
“Hey it’s Professor Snapeman! Look Ronald, its Snapeman,” Hermione smiled as she walked over to Professor Snape and gave him hug which made him look irritated than ever.
“Hey look Mione its Snapeman!” Ron exclaimed.
“Hey look Ronald its Snapeman!” Hermione repeated as she let go of Professor Snape and headed back to Ron.
“Hey, look Mione its Snapeman,”
“Hey Ron, look its Snapeman,”
“Hey Mione look its-”
“ENOUGH! Now hand me the ink bottle and nobody gets hurt,” threatened Snape.
“Why?”
“Well what do you think why? I wanna get high with my posse!” Snape said.
“…”
“Okay!” said Hermione, cheerfully spaced out, as she handed Snape the ink bottle.
######################################################
Meanwhile at Beauxbatons;
“YOU SPRAY PAINTED ALL THE ROOMS IN THE PALACE PURPLE!!!!” roared Madam Maxime in her thick French accent as she slammed her large fists on her desk. “AND YOU SHAVED NEARLY HALF OF THE STUDENTS HAIR OFF!!”
God bless, Harry. My master plan is working! I am so going to get expelled now Dracoina thought as she avoided Madam Maxime’s eyes.
Madam Maxime sighed. “Well, I guess I have no choice but to expel you Miss Malfoy.”
SUCCESS!!!! Dracoina tried not to smile. “But why, Madam? What did I do?” Dracoina asked convincingly sad.
Madam Maxime pulled out a very large folder “Well ever since you have come back to Beauxbatons Academy of Magic, you have done the following; shrunk the Professors and transfigured them in to bowling pins, shaved Monsieur Acelet’s hair off, got the winged horses neutered” - I honestly don’t know how I pulled that off Dracoina thought “-cut off all the students hair off and you spray painted all the rooms in the palace purple,” Headmistress Maxime finished as she set the large folder down.
“…and that’s a bad thing?” Dracoina asked. Madam Maxime sighed.
“I want you and your brother out of this school by tomorrow morning. I will send an owl to Professor McGonagall to notify her that you are going back to Hogwarts. You and your brother may go and pack up your things.”
Dracoina sighed and left the office, a sly grin upon her face. Five seconds later…”SUCCESS!!!” she shouted and she started dancing. I better go tell dumbass that we’re going back to Hogwarts tomorrow Dracoina happily skipped through the halls.
#######################################
Dracoina went to the boys dormitory and found Draco sitting on his bed reading a book “Yo, butt-munch, I got expelled so where gonna go back to Hogwarts. I’m gonna go pack my trunk. We leave tomorrow morning before breakfast,” Dracoina said as she chucked a pillow at Draco.
Draco stared at Dracoina. “What the hell did you do?!?!” She shrugged.
“I don’t know. Now come on dodo we gotta go pack our trunks,” she said as she turned her heel and walked out of the dormitory.
#######################################
Hermione’s POV
What the hell is that nut job doing now!?
“Hey, Señor Dunngo Le Bunngo do you want some more strawberry jam?” Harry asked as he lifted the glass bottle to the empty seat next to him. I swear to merlin I think I just saw him fist-pump the air.
So here I am, in the Great Hall eating my breakfast when all of a sudden I hear something.
“I’M HOME, MY LITTLE DARLINGS!!!!!!” shouted Dracoina, spreading her arms out. Dracoina ran up to Ron and kissed him hard on the lips. Ewww, they’re just sucking each other’s face off right in the middle of the Great- wait a minute. If Dracoina is back then that means-
“Hermione,” Draco said at the entrance of the Great Hall. Everyone from all the other houses had gone quiet, waiting for my reaction. I smiled and stood up to face him “Draco.”
He started running to me and I did the same. It was as if everything was in slow motion. I know this is cliché and all but it felt like if we were the only people in the entire world. I just can’t wait until I’m in his warm arms and kiss him with so much passion that –
WHAM!!!!!
My face collided with the stone hard floor. Urgh, do not tell me that I just face-planted in front of the entire school! Okay so…that wasn’t planned! Draco ran to me and helped me up. I narrowed my eyes at him; I could tell that sneaky, hot bastard was trying to hold his laughter. But then again, I can’t stay mad at him.
“Are you okay, gorgeous?” Draco said to me.
I smiled, “Never better.” I reached up to him and kissed him with so much passion, that I wasn’t holding back anything. Everyone around us were either saying “awwww” or they were making fake gagging noises. We both pulled apart and rested our foreheads together.
“You may be a bossy, know-it-all beaver and just overall a pain in the ass but that’s what makes you Hermione. You are my Hermione and I love you because you are the best thing in the world that’s ever happened to me,” Draco said as he looked deep into my eyes. Awwww that is the sweetest thing anybody has said to me besides the bossy, know-it-all beaver and pain in the ass comment.
“And you may be an arrogant, self-centred ferret but I love you for you. You are my Draco,” I said. The entire hall started clapping for us. I honestly forgot that they were there.
“Okay why don’t we make a toast, to Hermione and Draco,” Dracoina said as she held up her glass.
“And to Dracoina and Ron,” I said, raising my glass as well.
“And to Harry and his fiancé, Chocolate Frog,” We turned around to see Harry holding up his glass and his ‘fiancé’
“What?” Harry shrugged.
“Bloody idiot,” I mumbled under my breath.
“I can’t believe that he still hasn’t eaten that blasted Chocolate Frog yet,” Draco said to me. “Well we ‘apparently’ have to go to the wedding and watch Snapeman breakdance,” I shuddered.
“No I don’t wanna go! All his saggy man boobs are going to be jiggling everywhere. Please don’t make me go,” Draco pouted. He looks so adorable when he pouts. “I’m sorry Slytherinator, but we have to,” I said as I patted his cheek. His eyes widened “Hey! I thought you were never going to bring up that incident again. I hate you,” he playfully glared at me.
“Awww I love you too,” I said before he captured his sweet lips with mine.
THE END
Well that’s it. That was the end of the chapter and the end of the story- oh one second. What do you want Harry???
Harry: Wait what about my wedding??
Me: NEVER YOU NINCOMPOOP
Harry: P-please *sniffling and almost crying*
Me: *rolling my eyes* Okay fine! Just go get Señor Dunngo Le Bunngo and yourself ready.
Harry: YAY! Yummy, yummy, yummy I got sugar in my tummy and I feel like eating more….
Me: … okay…
Extra Chapter: A Very Delicious Wedding.
Harry’s POV;
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join Hazza ‘The Magnificent’ Potter and Chocolate ‘Yummy’ Frog in holy matrimony,” the weird guy with the funny hat continued “Do you, Hazza ‘The Magnificent’ Potter, take Chocolate ’Yummy’ Frog to be your lawfully wedded chocolate?”
“I do” I said, looking into my future bride’s dark eyes.
“And do you, Chocolate ‘Yummy’ Frog, take Hazza ‘The Magnificent’ Potter, to be your lawfully wedded human?”
“…”
“Okay, I now pronounce you husband and chocolate. You may now kiss the bride in all her chocolateyness,” the wizard dude said.
Ohhhhhhh I have been waiting for this for the past week. I am going to be so committed to this marriage that I’m not going to eat any more of my future wife’s relatives. Okay I can rarely see that happening but see what I have thought through!
I brought my lips up to the top of her chocolate head and kissed her. Mmmmmmm she tastes so delicious that I could just eat her up…maybe I should-NO! This is my wife and I shouldn’t eat her…on the other hand she does taste delicious-NOOO!!!! I AM NOT GOING TO EAT MY WIFE! I kept kissing her for about 5 seconds until she suddenly disappeared. “Where did she go??” I said looking around.
“Well Harry… you ate her,” said Ginny as she came up me. I started crying. “OH NO I DID EAT HER!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?! MY LIFE IS RUINED AND I’M ALL ALONE!!”
“Well Harry you still have-” Ginny started until I interrupted her.
“Ohhhhh look cauldron cakes and sugar quills!!! Maybe one of them will marry me. Yummy, yummy, yummy I got sugar in my tummy and I feel like eating more,” I said as I ran off to the sweets table.
Señor Dunngo Le Bunngo POV; (A: N/ OMG I can’t believe that I am actually putting it in Harry’s and mine imaginary friend POV :P)
Awwww poor little Hazza. Don’t worry I’m sure he’ll find his sweet bride someday. Okay now I have got to introduce Snapeman.
“Sigñoras and Señors. Welcome to Señor Hazza’s Wedding. Too bad he ate his wife but we must continue. Now let me introduce you to Snapeman, in all his excess fatness!” I said even though the other Sigñoras and Señors except Hazza can’t hear me.
NormalPOV;
Snape came out behind the curtain and in his usual breakdancing attire
"Yo, yo, yo,
Hazza found her at the sweet shop,
they didn't see eye to eye,
but he chose her over a lollipop,
ever since they both said no to pie,
That's right, they gettin' married,
but too bad he ate her and all her calories that she carried,
So now here I am breakdancing at his wedding,
that won't even pay for my bedding,
So this is the end of another Dramione tale,
Well cya later coz I gotta bail. Word."
THE END
OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THIS STORY IS FINALLY FINISHED!!!! Well I had fun writing this story and i hope you guys enjoy it. Once again thankyou to everyone who has read, voted and commented throughout this story.
.....
Well I'm bored so I'm going to start another story but it’s going to be PURELY of Sirius Black and the Marauders and I might make a One Direction Fan fic BWAHAHAHA anyways keep an eye out for me coz i'll be back.
Cya soon,
Dramione_97 xoxoxo
me: say goodbye Señor Dunno Le Bunngo
Señor Dunngo Le Bunngo: hasta la vista amigos!!!!!!
:)