Chapter Twenty-Four;
"We thought that it would be advantageous to have you on our side! The perfect spy – how have we not been more successful at stopping their missions? We know their names but we don't know their moves! Your information is wrong, Park! Either they suspect you, or you're aiding them!"
Seohyun heard the voice of Alecto Carrow screeching in her head as she drew, her grip on her charcoal so tight she was so sure that at any given moment, it was going to snap.
She didn't care. She couldn't bring herself to.
The conversation – or, more accurately, yelling match – had occurred days ago. Seohyun thought she had recovered, until that afternoon. Now the voices danced anew in her mind, leering and sauntering close to her, holding her mind captive.
"They're cautious!" she'd tried to defend herself. Really, her brain had been like a spinning top, trying desperately to conjure an explanation. "They change times so it's less likely someone will get caught! I tell you all that I know."
"Buck up your game, Park, or it won't be you who suffers."
It won't be you who suffers.
Seohyun thought it would mean her friends.
No.
It was worse.
Now her charcoal flew across the page without her giving much thought to the image. It was as though her very soul was controlling the movement of her hands. She gritted her teeth and paused, taking in the image.
Frustration. Fear.
The page reeked of it. She could see it in the hazy shaking, in the leering, looming figures in the background. She'd taken the beautiful grounds of Hogwarts and turned them into something terrifying. She couldn't see any beauty in her drawing.
Seohyun brought the page to her face and groaned. She was tempted to rip the page to tiny shreds.
I'm so sorry.
"Seohyun? Are you here?"
Seohyun peeped over the tip of her page. There was only one boy in Hogwarts whose white-blonde hair caught the moonlight like that.
Draco sat beside her. "I thought I'd find you up here. It's a beautiful night – unusual for this time of year.
He knows me well.
Seohyun shrugged. "I thought I'd take advantage of it."
Her words sounded flat even to her own years.
Draco frowned.
"Something's troubling you. And don't try to deny it -" He faked a scowl. "I know you too well."
"Well, I'll be. How the tables have turned."
Seohyun sighed.
"My parents sent me a letter," she whispered. "They – they're okay."
"That's good. I'm happy for you."
"No. There's a catch... My father... His position in the Ministry has changed. He's – Pius Thicknesse's assistant."
Draco groaned as he, too, understood. "Oh, Seohyun."
Seohyun bit her lip as Draco placed an arm around her shoulder. She buried her face in her chest and, for the first time that day, the tears that had been just below the surface spilled out.
She could read in between the lines. She could recognise the threat – to her – presented in the letter.
She'd been failing in her mission. The Carrows had been suffering because she hadn't been bringing them accurate information. There was no one they could punish. She was a failure, and to change that, she needed an incentive.
Namely, the wellbeing of her parents.
By placing her father in such a position, he couldn't leave England. And he was under the direct control of the Death Eaters.
If she continued to fail, it wouldn't be her that suffered for it. It would be someone completely innocent of anything. Someone she loved with all her heart, someone she loved even more than her friends, and even Draco.
"It's such an obvious threat," she sobbed. "I haven't had contact with my parents in weeks until today."
Draco tightened his hold on her.
"We – we'll figure it out. I promise. I'll think of something."
Seohyun didn't miss the waver in his words. She knew he didn't believe such a way was possible. She laughed weakly and wiped her eyes.
"You can't, Draco. I only have two options left to me: betray my friends, or let my parents get hurt. I hate either option."
"Fake being sick or something." He was desperate. "A few days off to clear your head -"
Seohyun shook her head. "Madam Pomfrey will see through it in a second."
Draco groaned and buried his face in her hair. "I'm failing you."
"No. You're doing all you can, and I appreciate it." Seohyun sighed. Her stomach clenched and her heart stopped at her next words, but she couldn't see another way. "I – I'll have to let some information be correct. Not all of them. Definitely not all of them. But one group a week – they won't be killed or sent to Azkaban for writing things on the walls. Right?"
"There's the Unforgivables."
Crucio.
The thought of her friend's tortured screams made Seohyun want scream herself.
She curled her hands into fists. "I hate myself sometimes."
"Don't!"
Draco took hold of her face and turned it toward him. His eyes were as wide as the moon, grey eyes as wild as a fierce storm.
"You had no other choice," he insisted. He dipped his head. "I – it's all on me. I dragged you into this. I told Bellatrix to take you. It's because of my mistakes that you are here."
"But if not for you, I'd be dead right now," Seohyun reminded him softly, placing a hand on the side of his cheek. "You said Bellatrix was about to kill me."
His body tensed. "The world is cruel."
"There's some light. I have you. If I didn't have you to confide in – I'd be going absolutely insane."
"I'm always going to be here for you, Seohyun." He took the hand resting on his cheek and squeezed it gently. "Whatever you choose to do... I'll be there to support you through it."
"Thank you, Draco."
+++
Two nights later, Seohyun sold out her friends for the first time.
She went to bed that night, tears flowing continuously. She thought she could hear the screams of Seamus Finnigan and Ernie MacMillan, even though she was in Ravenclaw Tower and they were in Amycus Carrow's office.
She hated how calculated she was becoming, weighing the pros and cons of every situation, having to choose one evil over another.
If this war ended and she could drop her mask, would her soul still be intact? Or would she be reduced to someone cold, unable to feel anything, someone who dealt with numbers and fact more than emotion?
Seohyun didn't know.
All she knew was that she just couldn't forgive herself.
**********
i'm sorry, guys.... i feel the angst, too.
but on the brightside: since the remaining five chapters and the epilogue are already written and sitting in my drafts ready to go, i'm going to be updating really frequently, almost all at once since i want to share the rest of this story with you!!! look out for the rest of the chapters coming soon!!