Eyes closed, blow the candles out
Another year you're not with me, It's not time
Don't let it go, you're givin' up on the dream
Life's too short to play these games
I know deep down you feel the same
So let's escape, slip away, I can't wait another day
Zayn closes his eyes and relaxes as his head is tilted towards the window. The lyrics are his, Niall recorded it for him to hear it before he plays it in front of his class and sent it immediately when Zayn was too tired to leave his bed. He and Louis got rid of their phones before they get on the plane, but Zayn had it stored on a cloud account. Louis doesn't know he still has it on repeat because Zayn looks better and he doesn't go through his phone which Zayn's thankful for because if Louis ever found out, he'll lecture him for days.
It's been six months, and Zayn still can't find it in his heart to move on. He doesn't understand how Louis could do so, so easily, but he doesn't envy him for such thing. He sometimes worries if Louis is doing this to try mend his broken heart before it's too late, before he gets too deep, and Louis doesn't show it most of the times. Zayn would know if Louis is being hurt, he'd know if Louis still didn't get over it, but he also knows that this is Louis' way of dealing with things.
Louis didn't tell him much details, but he knew that he transferred some of Ant's money to get them a decent house, managed to even have a contact with some people here to get them jobs once they're settled down. Louis asked him if he'd want to change jobs and told him that this was completely okay, but Zayn liked the place he worked in. Anything is better than the club anyway, and he didn't want to trouble Louie more. If he wanted to he'll have his ways instead. But he works at a bookshop, and it's very calm, his co-workers are nice, the manager is nice, and the working hours are suitable.
When I look at your smile
There's more than a smile starring back at me
Then I look at those eyes
I feel like there's a lot more behind the scenes
Life's too short to play these games
I know deep down you feel the same
So let's escape, slip away, I can't wait another day
Zayn opens his eyes and notices he's almost there so he stands up from his seat, turns off the music, and makes his way off the bus. The coffee shop is right there and he is glad when he feels a lot warmer when he steps inside. It's winter now, and he approaches the counter leaning his arms on it.
"So, am I meeting him yet?"
Louis turns and Zayn smiles batting his eyelashes at him. Louis chuckles and gives him a cup of coffee along with a muffin. It's always on Louis, he'll get everything free as long as Louis works here. He tries not to do it very often but coming late before Louis' shift is over and going home with him is better than waiting by his own and allowing his mind to flood.
"Trying a bad-boy look now?" Louis shakes his head as Zayn straightens up with a smirk. "I like it" Louis smiles again, "The beanie though pushing all your hair away making your eyes pop out and it makes you cuter" His hair's gotten longer and it's brushing over the back of his neck now. He sighs and sips his coffee instead. There is a trace of mustache and beard from the last time he's shaved, he's wearing a leather jacket with a shirt underneath, skinnies and combat boots, and Louis told him it makes him look more mature, old, and sexy, but he always coos at him when his hair is down or whenever he's in a sweater. It's alright though, Louis is allowed to.
"So?" Zayn repeats his question and raises his brows. It's cute how Louis blushes slightly and goes over the counter as Zayn sits on a stool. Louis would never admit it, but there was this one time Zayn was here and a group of girls arrived here just because of Louis and they thought he was 'cute'. Louis doesn't let anyone but him mention it though and it's only between the two of them.
"In a few" Louis answers and leans back on the counter as Zayn talks about his day. They have been mistaken as a couple before, because Louis always has this fondness in his eyes and a soft smile playing on his lips whenever Zayn mentions a new book or something interesting that makes his eyes sparkle. And other times when Louis would be pissed and only Zayn is able to calm him down, take him in his arms and keeps him there for a few minutes. When Louis would kiss the top of his head as he wraps his arms around Zayn after a bad day or when Zayn would kiss Louis' check just to tease him as he runs off outside the shop.
Zayn was drunk one time, and he asked Louis why couldn't they be lovers instead, save them the trouble of heartbreaks from people they don't know, at least no matter where they go they'll always be together. He remembers how Louis laughed softly and told him how deeply he loves him and how he is sure that Zayn loves him just as much, but if they ever tried it, it won't work, because as much as they care about each other, it's not that type of love. They're brothers, best of friends, partners in crime, and each will be willing to sacrifice his soul to the other, but that's just it. Zayn smiled then.
"Already cheating on me?" Zayn still smiles now and throws his doubts away as he turns his head to the side. Louis smiles as well and Zayn knows if he wasn't wearing a beanie Louis would ruffle his hair. But Louis settles for pinching his cheeks and throwing his arms around his shoulder.
"Zayn, this is Doug. Doug, this is my sweet little bro, Zee" Zayn rolls his eyes at how Louis introduced him but he doesn't protest. The guy –Doug– smiles back at him. Zayn still has the same question over Louis' relationships but Louis would dismiss the subject now. They'd talk later.
"Cool! So this is The Zayn?" Again, Zayn doesn't really say anything. "Nice to meet ya!"
"Same" His tone is friendly, and Louis squeezes his shoulders once before letting go. Zayn notices two things. First, the guy is clearly fit, tall with broad shoulders and strong muscles. He seems nice, and Louis talked about him many times before their proper meeting face to face, and although Zayn doesn't trust people easily, Louis seems to like him. Second, and that what caught his eyes first, is that he is a brunette with green eyes.
Louis didn't get over his crush.
=====
Doug is actually nice. They stayed after Louis' shift on a table for over two hours and the guy is kind, flirty –with Louis– and seems the type that can be a gentleman but Zayn has his mind elsewhere. He wonders if Louis is really into the guy. It could be just a coincidence, he tries to convince himself that.
Doug offers them a ride home and even though it's late, the streets are a bit crowded and they're stuck at traffic when Zayn turns his head away from their conversation towards the window. A car passes, black covering its body and glass, and Zayn is normally not interested in cars but this one catches his attention.
Mercedes.
Anyone could own this car and they're miles away, but Zayn doesn't stop his mind when it wanders to Harry. He wonders if he's okay, if he'd left the club. He doesn't have to go back and Ant surely can't pressure him on staying. He's not there anymore, and Harry's reason to stay vanished. He wonders how he's dealing with his family, his studies, whether or not he's back to boxing ... Whether he forgot him or not.
Zayn blinks slowly and then they're moving again, away from the black car, but his thoughts don't rest. They never do. He's missing the conversation, but noticed as Louis sends him a questioning glance and Doug's confused one. He just shrugs at Louis' way, Doug still has this worried look on his face as he stops in front of their house. Zayn leaves first, and decides to wait for Louis inside. A couple of minutes later, when he's still in his clothes, Louis comes in.
"You don't seem to like him" Zayn looks up and sighs.
"Lou" Zayn stands up, "You're not over Harry. I know you're not" Louis blinks and rolls his eyes, "He's having the same traits, Lou ... Just talk to me" Zayn tries with his soft approach, big pleading eyes that Louis doesn't avoid this time as he stands in his place.
"He's not" Louis replies, "Those traits just happen to be my type" he shrugs, "And it's not like ... There's a whole ocean separating us, Zayn" Louis shakes his head.
But Zayn knows Louis. "Are you taking this relationship seriously?" Louis avoids his gaze again.
"I'll try" Louis' voice is quiet, quieter than usual. Zayn doesn't push him.
It's only seconds later that Louis is wishing him a good night and hopping over the stairs.
=====
"Just place them on that shelf" His co-worker, Jeff, tells him and he nods, placing the newly arrived books on the said shelf before stepping back towards the counter. Their first customer comes in and Zayn doesn't bother looking from his phone when he hears Jeff welcoming them.
But Jeff's voice startles him again, "Oh! Well, we're only starting and there's no customers still so you can go on!" Zayn looks up when he hears someone clearing their throat and raises his brows.
"Yes?"
"Just thought of stopping by" Doug smiles and digs his hands in his pockets awkwardly, "Well ... You don't seem to like me very much. Am I giving away that bad impression already?"
"I don't ... I've never said that I don't like you"
Doug sighs, "So why were you giving me all those narrowed eyes and bothered looks?"
Zayn presses his lips for a second before speaking up, "I didn't mean to. Just a bad day" he shrugs, "Why do you even care?" he frowns.
"Because you're Louis' little brother. He cares for you a lot and winning your approval means that we can go on" Doug gives him a hopeful look but Zayn doesn't know how to reply. Should he tell him he's cool with it? Why would it matter anyway? He and Louis always talk, and if it happens to be abut Doug then it'll be about Doug, and Zayn would never tell Louis to do something against his heart if Louis is considering this a serious relationship.
"Winning my approval?" Zayn repeats.
"At least get to know me first" Doug suggests, "We can hang out" Zayn blinks. It's not Doug, he's just worried about Louis' feelings being true or not. His approval of Doug isn't that hard to gain actually, he just needs to confirm whether or not Louis is moving on correctly. But getting to know Doug seems like an opportunity to see if he's indeed that man Louis thinks he is. He only got to sit with him once, and he finds himself nodding slowly.
"Okay"
"Okay?" Doug repeats with raised brows and a wide –unsure– smile. Zayn gets this feeling at the pit of his stomach again but he settles for another nod. He doesn't smile and he isn't completely sure of why, but Doug asks for his number and Zayn gives it to him. It's for Louis, he tells himself again as Doug leaves the shop.
He hears Jeff's whistle from his place as he opens the door of the shop. "Dude, you should totally come check this out!" Zayn knows Jeff by now, it's probably another hot guy passing by because Jeff's gay and single. Zayn just shakes his head with a smile as he sits on the chair behind the counter and opening a book. Reading is a good thing to do when they have no customers and it helps spend the day.
"I'm telling you, he's totally a pop star" Jeff speaks up again and Zayn chuckles.
"Yeah?"
"Totally" Jeff repeats.
"Might want to close the door and let the cold air out"
"Do you think he might be interested in books?" Zayn sighs and stands up. He's going to close the door and Jeff is going to still stare at the guy from the big glass window until he leaves. It's the same cycle but Zayn doesn't find it too annoying. Jeff is a good guy, he's just having too many crushes.
"Alright" Zayn drags Jeff away from the door. He doesn't glance out of the door to see who's Jeff looking at.
The day goes by, the shop is filled by customers and Jeff tells him it's his 'charm' that attracts people. Zayn wouldn't lie, he keeps a polite smile on his face, and the customers are nice most of the time so he doesn't need to act bitchy, and plus, he'd lose his job if he did so.
"Zayn! He's looking my way!" Zayn rolls his eyes but doesn't glance at Jeff, he's not even sure if it's the same guy or yet another new one, it's quite entertaining actually when Zayn is having a bad time. A small part of him reminds him of Niall, but he quickly dismisses that thought. Jeff often tells him to 'grab' one seeing as he's single for a long time. Zayn doesn't think it's a long time though. He rather has his heart in a box than to expose it again. It's a tiring process, and he doubts if anything fazes him anymore.
But as he looks up at the next customer, he figures that maybe the world is hating him so much, punishing him for every little horrible thing he did, no wait, every huge mistake he'd committed. Because no matter how long is the distance or how many months he spends away, it always has its way to make him suffer. It's fair, Zayn believes it is.
There's a long pause that the customer behind the one in front of him looks annoyed.
"You're not going to even greet me?" Zayn blinks and looks down at the counter, there're three books there and he quickly checks them out.
"I have a job to do, and you're halting the next customer" Surprisingly, that's all that's exchanged between them as he goes and Zayn is able to have the rest of the day without his physical presence pushing at his buttons.
"You know him?" Jeff asks after the shop is empty again.
"Sort of" Zayn shrugs.
"It's not fair how you know all the hotties" Jeff mumbles making Zayn laugh, but it's short and it quickly disappears. Zayn doesn't know where he went, and he doesn't think about how easily he left without uttering another word. He doesn't know if it should hurt or if he should be grateful they're not on good terms now.
His shift ends and he received a text from Doug asking him if he's free. He replies with a 'no' because he's totally not in the mood. The weather is getting colder than earlier and he slips on his leather jacket again. He doesn't have his beanie and he's glad his thick hair is doing the job, but occasionally brushing his face when the wind blows isn't something he quite enjoys.
"Still not going to greet me?"
Zayn closes his eyes and stops, breathing in deeply before re-opening them and turning around. "You waited all this time?"
"I have my car" he simply replies. "You really don't wish to see me that much?" he raises his brows but his tone is flat and Zayn doesn't know if it's sarcastic or honest.
"How did you know I'm here?"
"I didn't" he replies. "But it was nice to see you after half a year" Zayn opens his mouth and he's about to ask another question but figures that it's not his business to ask why he's here so he closes it again. "And yet you're not going to even greet me"
Zayn sighs, "What do you want me to say? Hi?" he doesn't answer and keeps staring at Zayn with a look he can't really figure out. "I should be going. You should too" Zayn turns to leave again.
"Wow. That was rude, even from you" Zayn knows he shouldn't be doing lots of things, but he always messes things up one way or the other, and it's not like he can choose an alternative, he is just here, and he sighs heavily before turning to face him. Again, he shouldn't be doing this.
"Sorry"
"Sorry?" He cocks an eyebrow and Zayn's shoulders slump.
"You seriously want to have this talk again?" Zayn watches as he shakes his head and pushes himself off the wall, walking in his direction. There's still space though and Zayn doesn't know if he appreciates it or not.
"I had no idea you'd be here, but forgive me for not being an asshole and trying a friendly conversation"
"No, I didn't mean it that way ... Harry, I-" he doesn't really know himself what should he do because ... Harry is still that nice guy he met long ago, and he is the asshole in this situation. But he came here with Louis to give him space, or probably give them space, in anyway, he still doesn't know how to start a friendly conversation with Harry, he knows well enough that any conversation would go towards a direction both wouldn't want. Or one he hopes Harry doesn't want. As for himself ... He isn't sure.
Please just don't make it harder than it already is.
The wind blows from behind him and he closes his eyes as his hair flies in front of him and falls on his face despite staying for a long time in front of the mirror styling it back. He doesn't hear Harry steps over the wind and he opens his eyes to see him closer now, reaching gently with his hands to swipe Zayn's hair backwards again, most of it tucked behind his ears with strays escaping to brush the side of his face. Harry's hands retreat and he pushes them inside his coat's pockets but doesn't step back, and Zayn finds himself trailing his gaze upwards. Harry's hair is nearly the same, there are no cuts in his face though or bruises that he guesses and hopes that Harry has left the club long ago. He's still in good shape, his eyes aren't tired, and Zayn is relieved.
"We can go to a warmer place" Harry suggests quietly, "A coffee shop or something" Zayn furrows his brows, "I just want to talk, Zayn. It's been a while" he smiles softly and Zayn hates himself for the way he surrenders so easily.
=====
It wasn't a black Mercedes, but Harry still has a fancy car here too that Zayn doesn't ask about anything related to it because he knows Harry's father is going to be mentioned. He is curious to know why Harry is here, or why he seems so familiar with the roads that Zayn had much trouble remembering his way home. It probably has something to do with why he didn't see Harry around before they first met.
Louis' coffee shop is actually far from the bookshop so he's glad for that, Harry chose another place for them to sit at.
"So you left the club?" It's a lot warmer, and Zayn doesn't even need his jacket inside. They've ordered and he's attempting to have a 'friendly' conversation like Harry asked. And because he's worried too.
Harry nods, "Had no reason to go back" It settles both a good and a bad feeling inside his chest.
But Harry is supposed to be in collage at this time and he can't help his curiosity either, or maybe because it's Harry and he wants to know what he'd been up to those past six months. "And the uni?"
"I still attend my classes, but it's postponed for now" Zayn doesn't say anything, but he tilts his head to the side with slightly furrowed brows and Harry knows what's on his mind. "I came for the tournament. It's international, and it just happens for my next stop to be here" he shrugs.
His next stop. Zayn allows his gaze to shift away. Harry is just here momentarily, and they're just having a friendly conversation, nothing more. He should be glad for that. Only that he isn't entirely.
What he's glad for though is that the waiter comes back with their order and once they're finished Zayn can come up with any excuse, saying Louis needs him or something. The waiter leaves and once her figure is out of the view, Zayn catches a sight of someone familiar. Harry frowns when he sees Zayn's narrowed eyes and follows his gaze.
The person tried to turn away but he's caught anyway so he doesn't. Harry takes in his appearance and his frown deepens. He just ... looks a lot like himself. He turns his head back and the person surely noticed him too because he was staring at Zayn with wide eyes. But it brings a weird sensation and he has to ask even if it's hard to get those words out.
"Is he ... your boyfriend?"
"Louis'" Zayn replies and stands, "A moment" he walks towards that person and Harry can see the confusion and worry in Zayn's eyes as he steps closer to the person.
Doug smiles when Zayn approaches him but Zayn doesn't.
"Why were you trying to hide? What are you hiding? Something you're too afraid Louis would know?" he doesn't let Doug answer the first question as he keeps going, "That definitely doesn't win my approval"
"I'm not ... doing anything wrong" Doug replies calmly. He glances behind Zayn for a second but Zayn catches it and he turns quickly to find the exact same waiter that served him and Harry turning around quickly and disappearing through the backdoor. He turns slowly to Doug and narrows his eyes. "I wasn't flirting with her. There is absolutely nothing between the two of us" he raises his hands in defense.
No. There isn't, but Zayn knows he's lying, that he's hiding something from him that he doesn't want him to know. Zayn knows that much, he wouldn't judge people for what they do without hearing them out and he'd give Doug that. Allow him to explain himself. But Doug isn't giving him any answers, just more doubts, and he wonders for the first time if Doug is the one not taking the relationship seriously.
"I'm waiting" Zayn crosses his arms over his chest.
"Look, I swear I didn't-" his phone flashes on the table as he cuts himself off, glancing up between the phone and Zayn, but Zayn reaches for it faster than him. He just sighs as Zayn opens the phone and sees the message. It's unlocked, didn't reach the timeout yet, and he suddenly finds it harder to breath.
There are photos, of Harry's car, he and Harry in front of the shop, and many others of him. It's creepy as fuck. But that doesn't startle Zayn more than the thought of why? He's supposed to be Louis' boyfriend of one month. They have literally just met days ago.
He slowly looks up from the phone and Doug doesn't seem to be bothered by the situation very much. "Since when?"
"Since I've met you at the coffee shop" he simply replies, "Didn't know Louis had such an attractive young brother" he smirks and Zayn's blood boil.
He's taller, more built than himself, but Zayn still takes a step forward glaring up at him. "What part of me and Louis are brothers you don't understand? Cause I would never do that to him" he balls his fists and grits his teeth. Dough doesn't seem to be fazed by his behavior though which irritates him more.
"Why don't we settle this outside?" Harry's deep voice startles him as his hands grips his fists hard enough to stop him from doing any move. Doug narrows his eyes slightly at Harry but the hard stare Harry is giving him is enough to make him nod slowly.
Zayn storms off first, waits for Doug to come out of the doors to punch him square in the face, but Harry still stands between them and if Zayn ever hated him, it's now more than ever.
"I don't want any trouble right now. I'm not ready to carry someone to the hospital or go to the police station" Harry gives him a warning look that he has to roll his eyes at because he's familiar with such situations and he makes himself breath in and out deeply to calm his nerves.
Harry turns to Doug then, "Don't think about coming near him because I might cancel my last sentence. And you should know that what you did can get you in trouble that I don't mind causing" He holds up a finger when Doug scoffs and looks about to mock him, "One last thing ..." he drops his hands back, "Don't push your luck" his voice gets deeper and his eyes send death glares at Doug. A small part of Zayn thinks that this is completely wrong. Harry standing up for him isn't something that he thought he'd see again, didn't wish to see again.
"You're ..." Doug narrows his eyes, "That guy" he whispers to himself and if Zayn didn't heart it, Harry heard it clearly causing him to smirk. Doug presses his lips together and huffs a breath. "I'm not scared. But I won't spend my night in a cell just because of a dude" he turns and walks away and Zayn furrows his brows. That's it? He's just running away?
Harry composes his face again, exhales, before turning to Zayn again. He sees the confusion on his face but grabs his wrist to get him inside the restaurant again.
A part of him wishes that scene never happened, just hearing 'Louis' boyfriend' was enough to give him hope, but no. Because Harry doesn't like Zayn anymore.
He remembers that day at the gym, Zayn's big eyes and his laugh as he and Louis dragged Liam outside. The restaurant incident where he invited him to 'get to know each other' and how he nodded by just looking at Zayn's eyes. When he arrived at the club and still fought his way and lost, because he did kiss Zayn once, felt how he could wreck Zayn underneath him, turn his dangerous poker face into broken pieces. Saw him later on with Louis on that couch, looking tired and soft. How scared he can get when he knows he's going to face something he can't handle, how he treats Louis tenderly and cares for him so much, how he pined after Niall for so long and probably still. How he began to see that Zayn isn't that person he saw the first time, that there's a soft side to him shadowing everything else he had to do for good reasons, how he gave up on so many up till now and doesn't let his protests show because it's for the best. How there's a certain spark in his eyes that never disappears.
Harry learned the hard way after Zayn left that he didn't like Zayn. He fell. Deep.
He felt how there's a missing piece in his heart, how he couldn't drive to Zayn's apartment anymore and just escape with him for a moment. How he knew that even if he got to meet Zayn again, no matter what he said or did, Zayn would never take him, would never open his heart fully for him. There are nights when he thought about what if Louis never liked him and Niall told him he wants to get back. Zayn would accept, he knows he would, and he knows that Zayn knows that much too. And he wonders what Niall could possibly have done to earn such position in Zayn's heart with his indifferent behavior, something that he'd never be able to do, and even if he did, Zayn would look at him differently.
He still thinks about it now, where Niall isn't present and Louis got a boyfriend. What possible barriers are keeping them apart? But no, Louis just lost his boyfriend that looks so much like him making the situation worse. Louis didn't move on, and Zayn definitely knows he didn't, and now that Harry knows it too, nothing has changed. It's fucked up. And they're back at square one.
"Would you come watch me?" Zayn's eyes look up from his cup. "My next match is due on Thursday, 7 pm"
"Um-"
"It's different from the club. No cage, there's a referee and all. A decent place where people don't have to see blood to cheer" he smiles and Zayn chuckles quietly. "I can get you in without a ticket, just call me once you arrive"
"Sure" It's a show. Harry is leaving afterwards, and Zayn wouldn't tell him no.
Harry grins, dimples are deep in his cheeks as he writes down his number to Zayn. Zayn doesn't offer to give his back, and when he drives Zayn home, he gets a thanks and a wave.
Zayn doesn't call him or even text him that night.
=====
When Louis comes home that night, he doesn't speak a word until he's in his room. He glances at Zayn when he sees him in his own room just to make sure he's okay. It's unusual, and Zayn slowly makes his way to Louis' room. Louis is wearing a frown on his face that comes and goes with a cold face, something that Zayn learned about Louis over the years, he doesn't like to over show his negative emotions. He still approaches him, because if Louis ever blocked everyone away, he'll be allowed.
"I don't even get a hi?" Louis looks up at him and sighs sitting on the bed.
"Sorry. I'm in a bad mood"
Zayn sits next to him, one arm goes over Louis' waist and Louis immediately leans closer to him, laying his head on Zayn's shoulder. "What happened?" He uses his other hand to push Louis' hair out of his face and caressing it gently.
"That douchebag broke up with me" Zayn isn't surprised, but he's glad he didn't have to tell Louis about Doug himself. He can't tell Louis he lost two men because of him, it'll be too much. Still, he wanted Louis to be the one who leaves first, he didn't want this to happen, not to Louis. "Said we're not going to last and shit" Louis picks his head up and pulls away slightly, "I was honestly trying to build something good with the bastard"
"His loss" Louis leans back in a straight sitting position again, "He'll regret ever losing you because you're the kindest and sweetest person I've ever known"
"You're my little bro, of course you'd say that" But Louis is smiling and Zayn smiles too.
"But it's true. He'd never find someone with a heart similar to yours"
Louis reaches to ruffle Zayn's hair, "Remind me again why couldn't we be lovers?"
Zayn chuckles and hugs Louis tightly, "Because we're better than lovers. We're family"
Louis' smile widens as he keeps brushing his fingers through Zayn's hair. "True"
Zayn would hate for Louis' smile to fall, so he doesn't tell him about Harry. He'll be gone after a week anyway, and it's not like they have anything between them. Louis is better off not knowing this piece of information.
=====
It's Thursday, 6:50 pm, and Zayn didn't call. He'd give him excuses for traffic or just anything else if he said so, but he doesn't even text and his trainer is calling for him to get ready. He has to put his phone away and leave the room.
The arena is big, and even if he took his time glancing around, he can't see everyone. He's distracted again by his trainer patting his back. He gets rid of his clothes, nothing but his boxing gloves and short on. It's 7:05 now, and Harry has to focus on his opponent instead. His team along with some of his friends are cheering for him from his right side as he steps inside the ring. He got to know his opponent earlier, seemed like a friendly person, and it's totally different from those times at the club where he hated anyone stepping inside the cage with him. They're more professional, way more respectful, and Harry wouldn't mind hanging out with any of them after the match is over.
But unknown to Harry, next to the entrance door at the very top, Zayn is there. He didn't call because in all honesty, he didn't know if he can make it himself. But he managed to get inside without a ticket because the guards were nice. And if Zayn used his charm to make them nice it doesn't really matter.
He can't see Harry inside the ring very clearly, but the screens make it easier, even if they chose a certain angle that isn't his very favorite. He stands there leaning back on the wall with both hands in his jacket pockets and frowns when he sees Harry's expressions. He's not fully concentrating, something that he hadn't seen him doing in his fights before. Mostly in a defensing position, and he is sure that his trainer is shouting at him to make a move already.
Something in the back of his mind tells him why, because once Harry is back in the corner, trying to freshen up, his eyes are darting through the audience instead of his team. There are barriers to stop people from crossing, and there's no way he can get to the front with all of these people are crowding. He might be reconsidering Harry's offer to call him before coming.
A sigh escapes him as the next round begins. Harry looks more focused, perhaps his trainer put some sense in his mind to get him on the offense but it works, and Harry earns some points to win.
Zayn decides to actually move closer, getting down the steps and spotting an empty corner where a guy stands there. He slips quietly between some people until he reaches his destination.
"This isn't a favorable spot" The guy smiles at him and Zayn shrugs.
"Not really, but it's close enough"
The guy nods, "Was a bit late. Couldn't make my way to the front rows"
"Same" Zayn replies. Both of their attention is drawn back towards the ring when the people cheer. Harry wins another round and goes back to the corner, his gaze shifts to them and the guy next to him grins widely before noticing Harry's gaze isn't on him. Harry smiles and Zayn gives him a thumbs up before the guy next to him turns to him with a confused expression.
"You know him?"
"Um ... A friend" Zayn turns to the guy.
"What's your name?"
Zayn furrows his brows slightly, "Zayn"
"Weird" The guy turns to Harry then back to him, "Harry never mentioned you" There are lots of reasons why Harry shouldn't mention him to his supposedly friend? Zayn guesses. "Anyway, glad to meet you" The guy smiles again, "I'm Joshua. Harry's boyfriend"
Zayn blinks and cocks an eyebrow. He doesn't know if Harry should've mentioned that to him or not. It's not his business, Harry can be with whoever he likes. And he's not bitter. He is the one who walked away, he's the one to blame for many of things that went wrong in Harry's life, and he rejected him, so it's fair for Harry to have his personal life sorted out without him being involved. Harry is only staying for a week, he came to him just because he's a good person and he might have wanted a friendly chatter with him. Only that.
Zayn isn't bitter. But he turns his gaze towards Harry, his one minute is over and he's pushing himself off the corner to get back to his match. His eyes are still on Zayn though, something that he can't quite read. He is not bitter. But he turns his gaze away, takes in a breath and presses his lips together. He shouldn't be, he doesn't have the right to, but there's a burning sensation in his chest that he can't deny.
He is jealous, and Harry must've noticed from his expression. For his boyfriend to know or not to isn't really his business.
There are two options on Zayn's mind that might lead to the same outcome and he doesn't know if he is ought to choose one of them. Joshua is having a questioning look on his face, but Zayn forces himself to focus on the ring. He decides he'd pick the second option he thought of.
Harry wins his match, Zayn doesn't mind the awkward silence that fell between him and Joshua, and Zayn waits for Harry to get off the ring. Joshua leaves his side and Zayn watches as he talks with one of Harry's team who tells the guard to let him in. Zayn doesn't move from his position, knowing too well that he won't be neglected here. Although there's a part of him that tells him he's not a priority, but Harry picks his gaze up again and meets his. Whatever Joshua was trying to say to him is interrupted. Zayn didn't mean it, but a satisfied smirk grows on his face.
"Congratz Champ"
"How did you get in?" Zayn huffs a laugh, and flips the strands of hair that fell next to his eyes. Harry shakes his head and steps back when Zayn jumps over the barriers.
Harry turns around and motions for Joshua that he'll be gone for a minute. Zayn already knows that Joshua doesn't like him. Harry walks first, leading them through the backstage. They reach Harry's room and get in.
"You didn't tell me about him"
Harry picks a shirt and puts it on, "Why does it matter to you?" The tease is obvious in his tone and Zayn wonders what Harry is exactly aiming for. "It doesn't change a thing, does it?"
It shouldn't. But Zayn is not blind. He should keep his mouth shut, he shouldn't hurt Harry more because he's the one who chose to walk away. Another thing about Zayn is that he usually does what he shouldn't.
"It wouldn't be fair for him" Harry stops and turns to him. He shouldn't ask why and Zayn shouldn't answer, it'd lead them back to the beginning and Harry hates it.
Zayn's first option was to leave. Harry knows where he works and where he lives, but he didn't visit neither during the days Zayn never called or texted. Zayn would appreciate that, he does appreciate that, because Louis is going to be near and he doesn't want to break his heart. So he picked the second option, staying and listening to what Harry has to say. That's the trick though, between leaving and staying, Zayn could choose to keep his mouth shut, let Harry move on with Joshua because he's only staying for a week. Zayn has to repetitively remind himself about that, and also about another thing. He should let go of Harry.
The door is just across the room, he can easily leave, but Harry is staring back at him and him walking away again isn't his best option. He didn't plan for any of this. Just a friendly conversation turning to raise the tension between them.
A knock on the door saves them both. Joshua comes in and by the looks on his face he is not happy about Zayn being here at all. Zayn takes advantage of his presence and manages a quick 'good bye' to Harry before he's out of the door. The week is ending, Harry would be gone in a few days, and Zayn knows he did lots of horrible things and he can at least make one thing right.
Let go of Harry.
=====
Louis's arrived before him just a few minutes ago, he's got two bottles of wine, and suddenly Zayn wants to get drunk with him as well.
"What's your excuse?" Louis doesn't turn to look at him as he fetches two glasses. Zayn knows he's trying to be organized instead of drinking from the bottle, because Zayn would tell him to slow down and might remove the bottle out of his reach when he gets super drunk, but that's not happening today. Zayn is drinking with him, and as long they're together inside their house, there's no harm.
"Don't want to leave you drinking by your own" Zayn shrugs. Louis turns to him and studies his face, and Zayn knows better than to lie to Louis so he sighs, "Had a bad day" Louis would leave it at that, because if Zayn is going to ramble about it, he's going to do it while he's drunk.
The end up on the floor next to the couch, their backs pressed to it while the bottles are set next to them, a glass in each of their hands.
"He disappeared. Vanished. No trace" Zayn hums as he downs another glass. He knows Harry has something to do with it and he wonders what power does he actually possess to make people back off like that. "What made you miserable?"
Zayn blinks, he's tipsy, probably, it's his fifth glass, or sixth, he is not counting, they've got a whole bottle to each and he plans to drink all of it. Louis' is emptier than his though and he might be worrying about Louis if he was sober. "You're miserable. It makes me miserable" It's half true, he feels down whenever Louis feels down as well, and he knows he should be cheering him up instead of drowning in sorrow with him. He is not even sure why Louis is that annoyed about Doug. He barely knew the guy.
Louis chuckles and leans his head on Zayn's shoulder. He dozes off in a few minutes and Zayn tries to carry him back to bed but fails. His attempts are too clumsy and he ends up leaving Louis on the floor but manages to throw a pillow under his head.
Louis' bottle is unfinished while his is and Zayn finds it hard to concentrate on anything. Somewhere between trying to get up or just sleep in his position, his phone vibrates in his pocket and it's a real drag to pull it out. It's Jeff, asking him to cover for him tomorrow, but he doubts if he can make it himself. Louis is having his day off tomorrow and it's probably why he chose to get drunk tonight. He's always calculating it unlike himself.
Zayn doesn't turn off his phone though, and it's surprising that he's still able to function. His eyes linger on a specific name on his contacts list and he hovers over the dial button a couple of minutes before pressing it.
Louis is passed out beside him and he lays his head down on Louis' thighs as he hears the ringing voice.
"Hello?" Zayn's eyes are droopy and he blinks slowly trying to focus on the voice speaking through the phone. "Hello?" It's a more annoyed tone and Zayn hears a sigh before opening his mouth to speak.
"Hey" He smiles to himself because it's a simple word and his tongue is heavy so he was able to get that out. There's a pause on the line and Zayn tries to speak a bit louder but he ends up whispering, "It's ... Zayn" There's another pause and Zayn blinks and turns his head to look at Louis.
"Are you alright?"
Zayn smiles again because it's always his concern first. "I don't know" he mumbles.
"Where are you? Why are you whispering? And are you drunk?!"
"Home. Louis is sleeping next to me, and ... I guess"
"Drink some water and go to sleep, Zayn" Zayn frowns. "Don't call me when you're drunk, at home, sleeping next to Louis"
"You're not hanging up on me?" Another sigh, "When are you leaving?"
"The day after tomorrow"
"Can I see you now?" There's another pause, and then a shuffling noise like he's moving around.
"You can see me tomorrow when you're sober"
"I can't sort my feelings when I'm sober" And it's probably true, he's not adding sense into his feelings right now, it's bubbling up inside of him and he just needs to let it out.
"I doubt you'll be even awake when I make it to your house"
"Probably not" He hears a chuckle through the line and it makes him smile.
"Alright. I'll try"
=====
Zayn groans as he flutters his eyes open. His body is aching from his position on the ground, he's cold and uncomfortable, but there's some warmth coming from Louis' body and he wishes he could scoot up closer to him so they can cuddle, but the hangover is making everything spinning and the curtains in their living room is not closed making the bright sun strikes his eyes. He feels Louis shifting and he groans again.
"You finished a whole bottle on your own. Fuck. Who was miserable?" Louis' teasing voice comes from above him and he tilts his head to look at him.
"I was doing your job" They both chuckle, both still unable to move. Job. Fuck. Jeff asked to cover for him. "I have to work today, Lou. Why didn't you stop me?" he whines.
"Just call it a day" Louis stretches out his arms above his head, "Give me your phone, I'll call for you. Make it more believable" Zayn finds his phone next to him and passes it to Louis. He closes his eyes again, one of Louis' hands that are not holding the phone reaches down to stroke his hair and he relaxes into it. He hears Louis making excuses that he is too sick to make it to work and he hears Louis thanking his boss later. Seems like he got the day off.
Louis hands him the phone back and the phone history is opened. He blinks a few times and sees Harry's number as the last one he called yesterday. Fuck. He can remember telling Harry to meet. Did he actually come? Or did he make the best decision for both of them and didn't? It strikes him more than the sun rays hitting his eyes or the hangover hitting his brain. He doesn't even know if he should be thankful Harry didn't show up or feel hurt that he didn't.
Louis pats his head gently as a sign of asking him to get up and Zayn does after a few more minutes. He goes for a shower and flops back on the bed. It's noon and he figures a few more hours won't harm him. At least his hangover would go away. Louis gives him a pill and a glass of water. Bless him.
=====
The house is quiet, and Zayn glances at the clock after opening his eyes to see it's 6 pm. Louis must be sleeping as well. He grabs his phone to find a text from Jeff 'thanking him' for not showing up. He'll have to make it up for him later. It's winter, and he rather be under the blanket than to go anywhere really.
The history still shows Harry's name and he remembers that Harry is leaving tomorrow. He takes time debating on whether he should let him go or call him to meet. A huge part of him tells him that calling Harry is a mistake that he shouldn't make. For once, he might be resulting to reason as he shuts his phone and closes his eyes.
But the doorbell startles him and he sighs pushing the covers off him. He passes Louis' room to find him still asleep and he's glad the doorbell didn't wake him up. He hops down the stairs and reaches the front door to answer it.
When Zayn decides to do the right thing, the universe seems to have an alternative plan to make him do the things he shouldn't. Because right in front of him, stands Harry.
"Hey" Harry offers a friendly smile that Zayn can't bring himself to do it.
"Hi"
Harry cocks an eyebrow, "You're not going to even invite me in?" Zayn turns for a moment. Louis is asleep, but what if he woke up? No. "Louis is there. Okay then" Harry replies to himself and Zayn turns back to him.
"Harry" Zayn covers his face with his hands for a second to take a deep breath and push his hair away, "Last night was a mistake. I swear I didn't mean to call you, and you must've known it too. You didn't show up, and thank you for that. But I also didn't want ... this to happen" Zayn points between them and Harry nods slowly.
"Because your feelings are more filtered when you're sober" Zayn glances up and Harry is still having that smile on his face, he wonders how he can wear it so easily in this fucked up situation. "Anyway, I didn't come for more trouble, I just wanted to have a proper goodbye considering that I might never be able to see you again"
A proper goodbye. Zayn repeats the words in his mind, it's never going to be 'proper' it's not easy despite that Zayn hopes it is. He didn't want to give either of them false hope, and Harry probably wouldn't be here in the first place if he hadn't called yesterday. A self reminder to try make Louis stop him from calling anyone when he's drunk in the future.
But Zayn doesn't have enough time to react before Harry is wrapping his arms around his shoulders and hugging him tightly. This isn't proper, he knows that much, but Harry is right, they might never be able to see each other again and he finds himself wrapping his own arms around Harry's waist, bringing his head closer to rest on Harry's chest and probably holding too tight too. Harry pulls back after a short moment, and Zayn would protest if it wasn't the right thing to do.
Harry cups his face "I want you to know that you're a good person, Zayn. And I truly believe you would open your heart eventually for the right person. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You deserve to be happy" he kisses his forehead.
"Same to you"
Harry smiles again, "Take care of yourself" he drops his hands and for the second time, Zayn doesn't voice his protests. Harry takes a step back and Zayn should speak up.
"You too" Harry turns to walk to his car, a short goodbye, and Zayn knows it's for the best, he just ... something seems off. "Good luck in your tournament" he shouts after him and Harry spins and smiles again. "And your collage. And with Joshua ... And with your family" there. Harry nods and turns to walk towards his car again.
And because Zayn doesn't want to make himself drown deeper, he closes the door instead of watching Harry go away. At least it's different for once. The pain is the same but he doesn't cry, won't let himself do it. He doesn't stay to hear Harry's car engine start and decides to check on Louis. He's been asleep for long enough, they should do something together instead of laying here weeping.
Louis is still under the blankets and he sits on the bed next to him caressing his hair gently, "Lou" he sighs as he removes the blankets off his body, "Louis" he shakes Louis' shoulders but notices his skin is a bit pale. Is he not warm enough?
"Louis" he tries again and frowns. Louis doesn't normally ignore him nor takes this much time waking up. But something else catches his attention.
Louis' body is still. There's no rise and fall from breathing.
"LOUIS?!"