Louis was cheerily whistling and playing a solitary game of noughts and crosses against himself when he heard his office door creak ominously. Instantly snatching a stack of papers towards him and sweeping paperwork across the desk to obscure his lonely and slightly pathetic way of killing time, he positioned his pen neatly on the dotted line of something that looked like a form, he started casually signing his name.
The door swung open, and a stony-faced Harry stormed inside, closing it firmly behind him. He collapsed into the chair that Louis would always fondly think of as his, and scowled darkly at the floor, pointedly waiting for Louis to ask what was up.
“Hey, you!” Louis said warmly. “What’s with the moody face?”
“Have you met the new guy yet?” Harry demanded. He paused. “Nope, hang on – you’re still in a good mood; you obviously haven’t.”
“New guy?” Louis asked interestedly, putting his pen down. “What new guy? I didn’t know there was a new guy.”
“Yeah, well, lucky you,” Harry said darkly. “He’s a – ” a tangle of expletives fell from his lips, blurring together into a stream of insults that Louis couldn’t quite make out. Still, he got the general idea; whoever the new guy was, Harry hadn’t exactly taken a shine to him.
“Well, I can tell from your face that he’s your new best friend,” Louis teased.
“I hope somebody punches him!” Harry exploded.
“Have you actually spoken to him, or does he just have one of those faces that looks really tempting to punch?”
“Now you come to mention it, he does. But it was more the fact that he shoved me across the hallway and called me a ‘pretentious arsehole’ that I took exception to. I wouldn’t mind so much if I’d done something to deserve it, but I never even said anything! He never gave me a chance to open my mouth, ” said Harry indignantly.
“Oh, he sounds pleasant.”
“Yeah, I know. But it’s not just me who hates him. Niall and Zayn want to murder him, too. He insulted Zayn’s hair and called Niall…” Glancing around, Harry leaned in and whispered.
Louis flinched. “Ouch. Jesus, that was just uncalled for!”
“Well, Niall didn’t take it well, and I think Zayn was madder for what the guy said to Niall than what he said to him. You can probably understand why.”
“Somehow I’m not looking forward to making his acquaintance. He sounds absolutely charming, but I don’t fancy starting my Tuesday morning being insulted. You’re sure he wasn’t joking and you took it the wrong way?”
With a snort, Harry said “Did you hear what I just told you? The guy takes one look at Niall and comes out with that – doesn’t sound like a joke to me.”
“Actually, you’re right. Does this guy have a name, then? Liam brought me a bunch of files this morning; I’ll look him up.”
Predictably, Harry had several rather rude suggestions as to what the obnoxious newcomer’s name should be, but eventually he relented and said “He’s Adam something. Didn’t catch his second name.”
“Hmmm…” Louis flipped through the mound of folders Liam had presented him with, searching for the name. “Ah! Here we go, this looks promising. Adam Burnsley.”
Harry craned his neck hopefully. “Come on, dish the dirt. What did he do? Thump a pensioner? Run somebody over? Steal candy from blind orphans?”
Louis laughed at Harry’s suggestions. “You’re all heart, you.”
He shrugged. “I just want him to have done something bad, that’s all. Something that means they won’t let him out any time soon.”
Pausing halfway through turning a page, Louis pointed out “You’re stuck here as well, you know. Do you really want to live in the same building as that guy for the next ten years?” He stabbed accusingly at a grainy photo of a glaring skinhead that was stapled to a sheaf of papers inside Adam’s folder.
Harry grimaced. “Ugh, good point. Okay, I hope he’s just staying overnight. Let it be minor. Something stupid, like a bunch of unpaid parking tickets.”
Tutting disapprovingly, Louis looked up from the file. “No such luck. Drug dealer. Mostly Class A. Then there’s a couple of minor offences…theft; nothing big, just a few hundred quid…drink driving… ooooh, now that’s interesting!”
“What?” Harry leaned forwards, trying to catch a glimpse of the paper.
“It says here that he’s down for GBH as well. He attacked a lollipop lady outside a school….well, that’s just charming, that is.”
“Oh, God. What kind of idiot beats up a lollipop lady? How do the kids cross the road safely now?”
“Nice to see you’re so concerned for the poor woman he assaulted, Harry,” Louis said mildly, “I’m sure the kids had a lucky escape compared to her. It says here she had to have reconstructive surgery to put her face back together after he was done with her.”
“That only makes it worse,” Harry decided disgustedly.
Louis critically examined the blurred photo. Adam Burnsley looked like exactly the kind of criminal Louis had expected to see in abundance when he had first accepted his job; the thug stereotype might as well have been modeled on him. He had huge, ugly, convoluted black tattoos all over his muscled arms, although the terrible quality of the photo had warped them out of focus so it was impossible to identify what the pattern was supposed to be. His hair was a number-one buzz cut, sharp one-millimeter black bristles poking out of his very pink scalp. On his upper lip, he was growing a lopsided moustache, although it looked more like a random collection of wiry hairs stuck to his face. He had a very large, flat nose, and mean little eyes that were too small and narrowed to see the colour of them. In conclusion, basically he looked pretty damn scary, and Louis didn’t like the idea of being on the same planet as the guy, let alone the same room.
“Is he as really creepy as he looks?” he asked, warily eyeing the photo.
“Worse,” Harry promised. “He’s more muscled in real life. Think the Incredible Hulk. Think Frankenstein’s uglier twin brother. Think Mr. Blobby gone wrong!”
“Does Mr. Blobby have a gang tattoo?”
“Oh, shut up! You know what I mean. Massive, lumpy and pink. They’d be exactly the same person if Mr. Blobby was a prick.”
Louis snorted with laughter and had to clap a hand over his mouth. “Your eloquence astounds me,” he mumbled through his fingers.
“I’ve got a way with words.” Lazily raking a hand through his hair, Harry sighed and sat up. “I’d better go; they’ll be missing me.”
Ignoring the urge to dodge around the desk, grab Harry’s hand and beg him not to leave, Louis nodded. “Go on, get back out there. I’ll talk to you later.”
Smiling apologetically, Harry vacated the chair and headed for the door. He reached it, paused, and then turned to look at Louis. They drank each other in for a few sweet moments, examining each other’s faces, Louis with a fierce tenderness, and Harry with barely restrained longing, and then a sigh wrenched its way from Harry’s chest as he tugged the door open.
“Watch out for Mr. Blobby,” he teased – and then he left, gently shutting the door behind him.
Louis echoed Harry’s parting sigh with a heavy exhalation of his own. Giving Adam’s notes another cursory glance, he noticed that stamped thickly across the top of the second page in heavy black letters were the words ‘PRONE TO VIOLENCE. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.’
Worried, Louis nibbled his lower lip and hoped that he wouldn’t get on the wrong side of the guy.
* * * * * *
Miraculously, Louis didn’t catch a glimpse of Adam until lunch time, when Liam turned up and decided to introduce them.
“I think it’s time to say hello to the new guy,” he announced cheerfully.
Louis was horrified. “Oh, God, do I have to?”
“You’re going to have to meet him some time,” Liam said with a frown, “you’re his psychiatrist.”
“I’d rather put it off for as long as possible; I’ve heard less than pleasant reports.”
Pulling a face, Liam admitted, “He is kind of…prickly.”
“Prickly? He’s obnoxious! Have you heard what he said to Niall?”
Liam shook his head. Louis sighed and leaned in to whisper, and when he pulled away Liam was slowly shaking his head, like the disgusting words had left a ringing in his ears.
“Nice.”
“That’s exactly what I said.”
“Who told you that?” Liam asked interestedly.
“Harry,” Louis replied before he realized that maybe he shouldn’t have said anything.
Liam laughed. “Well, he and Adam have certainly hit it off as well. Didn’t he call Harry something uncomplimentary as well?”
“So I’ve been told.”
“In that case, we can add Harry to the list. So far, Niall, Zayn, Hamish, Mike, James and Joe have all come to me moaning that Adam said something or other that they didn’t much like. I won’t tell you every single thing they told me, but I think Niall’s bit of abuse tops everything he said to anyone else. All I can say is that the guy is definitely imaginative.”
“What’s he got against Niall? Of all the people for him to instantly dislike, why would it be Niall? I don’t think Niall’s ever said a bad word against anyone in his life.”
“Maybe that’s exactly it. Maybe he’s figured out that Niall is the least likely to stand up to him. It’s the bully mentality.”
Louis smiled grimly. “Well, Niall might not fight back, but it sounds like Harry and Zayn have every intention of doing it for him. Apparently Zayn was ready to knock him from here to the end of next week – and I know that Harry wasn’t impressed. I’ve not seen him get that annoyed for a while.” He couldn’t help but smile slightly.
Suddenly apprehensive, Liam said worriedly, “I thought he was doing a lot better lately…he’s seemed so much happier…”
“Oh, he is!” Louis promised. “And I mean it this time. No, trust me, he’s fine in himself; he just got a bit irritated. But I don’t think he and Adam should be encouraged to spend time together, for the sake of Harry’s sanity.”
“That’s probably for the best,” agreed Liam. “If you’re sure he’s okay…”
“I’m positive.”
“Well, then, if Harry can deal with meeting Adam, so can you. HEY, ADAM!” Liam yelled.
“Liam!” hissed an agonized Louis.
On the other side of the room, a huge man hauled himself off the sofa, his wide face flushed, and slowly started crossing the room. He wasn’t fat, just frighteningly muscular, and he had an extremely unfriendly face that looked like it would break if he cracked a smile. Louis shrank back as Adam approached, knowing that showing he was intimidated would only make matters worse but instinctively wanting to get away from him. He swallowed hard as Adam lurched to a halt and scrutinized him with hard, mean eyes, then looked at Liam.
“Adam, this is Louis,” Liam said, sounding impressively unfazed by the big man towering over them. Adam must have been over six feet tall, and he looked down at them distastefully, which only added to Louis’ unease.
“Hi,” Louis squeaked.
At the sound of his voice, Adam’s lip curled in contempt, but he said nothing.
“I’m your psychiatrist,” Louis attempted bravely, holding out his hand for Adam to shake.
There was a long pause while Adam looked disgustedly at Louis’ long fingers as if he was diseased. Eventually, Louis awkwardly withdrew his hand and looked at the ground, unsure of how to react.
“I don’t need a shrink,” Adam told Liam, “I’m not mental.” His voice was toneless and grated on Louis’ nerves; it was one of the most irritating sounds he’d ever heard.
“Nobody in here is mental,” Louis said a little sharply. “I’m here as someone to talk to, not to label you as a lunatic.”
“I don’t need to talk to you,” Adam answered rudely. “And actually, there’s heaps of nutters in this place. Look at that kid there.” He pointed at Harry.
Instantly, Louis stiffened. He wasn’t sure he could stand listening to someone badmouth Harry.
“He’s completely round the bend,” decided Adam, “total psycho. He was giving me the worst look I’ve ever seen, earlier – and when I walked past him just now, he gave me a mouthful of abuse!”
Oh, Harry, Louis groaned inwardly.
Liam looked concerned. “We’ll have to talk to him about that. Nonetheless, Adam, sessions with Louis are compulsory, I’m afraid.”
Adam’s face twisted. “I’m not crazy!”
“Well if you’re sane, you won’t mind proving it, will you?” Louis said acidly. “I’ll see you in my office later. Bye, Liam.”
Before Liam could stop him, he had turned and was heading for the lunch hall, despite the fact that he’d just eaten. On his way, he spotted Harry lingering at the back of the room, leaning heavily against the wall with a brooding expression on his face, pretending to listen to Niall. Louis hadn’t seen Harry frown in weeks; the sight unsettled him. He caught Harry’s eye and raised an eyebrow.
Harry mouthed ‘What do you think of –?’ and jerked his head at the rapidly retreating Adam, who seemed to be determinedly fleeing the scene before he could be forced to talk to any more of the prison staff.
Louis pulled a face and mimed violently throttling someone. He continued to wrestle with mid-air for a good twenty seconds before Hamish spotted him and stared in horror at his wild thrashing.
“Are you having a fit?” he demanded in a panic. Seeming to decide that Louis was choking, he attempted to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre and Louis found himself being squeezed very hard by the lanky ginger man as he yelped and desperately tried to explain that he wasn’t dying.
Eventually, Louis managed to convey his message and an embarrassed Hamish quickly released him and rushed off, adjusting his shirt as he went. Louis stared after him, recovered slightly and hurriedly tried to act normal so that nobody else would attempt first-aid procedures on him. A huge grin lit up Harry’s face and he burst out laughing, much to Niall’s bewilderment. Before the blond boy could turn and see the source of Harry’s amusement, Louis slipped off and left the room, shaking his head in amusement. In his line of work, there was literally never a day where nothing ridiculous happened.