***WARNING*** The following contains violent content
Pan’s POV
Long ago…
My father had once told me that evil men do what good men only dream of.
This had always stuck in my mind.
Believing that everybody harbored violent, sadistic and brutal desires; it was just that I was brave enough to indulge in them. No one was born innocent.
My transformation sprung forth to life after my first kill.
The killing of my own father.
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I’m lying in bed with Tiger Lily in my arms. She is sound asleep. So Beautiful.
But…
All I could think of is Sawyer’s hands and mouth all over Tiger Lily. My Lily. Mine. His hands roaming and grabbing all over her body. The thought flooded me with insurmountable rage. Drawing a deep breath I tried to steady my heart rate.
Boomboomboomboomboom
I shut my eyes and grabbed at my hair and covered my ears, trying to drown out the sound of my heart beating violently against my chest and the vile thoughts of earlier.
I was tense, hateful, and bitter. Everything triggered an overwhelming desire to hurt and destroy. The need burned beneath my skin where it festered like an unfed hunger.
Conflict swirled through me; two completely separate halves still battling for control.
I gently unwound my arms from Lily and rested her head on my pillow.
Rage.Hate.Fury.Death.Blood
Darkness clouded my vision and sadistic instincts took over.
I surrendered myself to the monster within. I walk over to a mirror I hung in my room. In the reflection is a black figure staring back at me with yellow eyes. My shadow.
Kill him. Kill him. Kill him. You know you want too. You know you need too.
Grinning I say aloud, “I plan to.”
Lily’s POV
Bae’s lips were moving, making words, but everything seemed to go mute. The fallen branches beneath our feet were the only sound I could hear as we moved through the forest.
It was a moonless night and I was trying to keep my eyes focused on the path against the consuming darkness.
My stomach was twisted into knots. Each step I took felt so heavy. I hate myself so much. This is all my fault. I was a fool to believe he could be any different.
“We’re here. We have to hurry though.” Bae spoke quietly.
I nod, not being able to form a sentence. He gives me a grim look and continues leading the way.
We make it to the clearing and the sight before me sucked all the air from my lungs. Sawyer’s wrists were tied together above his head and he was hanging from a tree three feet off the ground. His face looked deformed. Blood was oozing from very orifice of his body.
Pan was walking around his body admiring his work. He delivered a punch to his gut making more blood burst from his mouth. Peter was covered in an equal amount of Sawyer’s blood. It was a horrendous scene to behold. Quiet laughter echoed from Pan. My heart was pounding into my throat, and stomach threatening to empty its contents.
The other lost boys were standing off to the side. Some shedding silent tears and others looking to the ground trying to ignore what was going on.
A choked sob escaped my lips making Peter turn in the direction it was coming from. His eyes met mine but it was as if he looked right through me. He didn’t look guilty or upset that I was there. Just empty.
“Y-You can’t do this Peter… Let him go. Please.”
He stood perfectly still and folded his hands behind his back, delight dancing in his eyes.
“He’s been sentenced to death. You did this. Tell me though I'm curious... How does it feel? Hmm?”
He steps closer, his words taunting me.
“How does it feel to be a murder? How does it feel to be just.like.me?”
My blood was bubbling with anger.
“You know what? Fuck you, you bastard! I’m nothing like you! I hate your guts!” I didn’t care about the consequences of my words. I was saying exactly how I felt. Instead of pouncing on me like I thought he would he just observed me. Silently assessing me.
“You hate me?” he asked rather calmly.
“Yes.” I whispered.
Shadows and light from the fire danced across his face, casting a menacing expression that already spoke of intense hatred and maniacal thoughts. He was no longer Peter or even the dark side of Peter. He was something else entirely. Never have I seen him like this. Nothing I said was going to help pull him back. I knew just by the look of him.
“Ready to find out why you’re here?” he asked.
“What do you mean?” I shakily replied back looking up at him.
“I asked Bay to bring you here. Ready to find out why?" He grinned at my shocked expression.
I whipped around in the direction of Bay. He wouldn’t look me in the eye. To afraid and ashamed to look up. I heard a very quiet mumble say sorry.
I turn to look back up at Peter and he stalked closer to me making me retreat a few steps back. He stood only a few feet away from me. My entire body was shaking with fear, my stomach twisting in how much worse the situation would become.
“You’re here love, because you get to decide how he dies.”
Pan moved out of my line of sight so I could see Sawyer better. My eyes traveled over his body wracking with sobs to see the wide gashes where he’d been sliced open. The bruises and deformed bones that bulged beneath his skin. His swollen lids fluttered open finally looking at me. My body broke out into even harder sobs.
I dropped to my knees no longer able to stand. I wanted to take back everything I did. I wanted to take his place. Guilt was threatening to rip me apart from the inside out.
Pan’s voice got my attention away from Sawyer.
“As you may gather, Tiger Lily, he will die a rather gruesome death. And a slow one I might add.”
His smile made me want to break his jaw. He crouched down at my eye level.
“I’m giving you a choice. Have him continued to be tortured by me or…. You can slit his throat. Or stab him in the heart, it’s your choice. End it quickly by your hand.”
This can’t be real... I had to be in a nightmare. My palms were sweaty and numb.
“I-I can’t… I can’t kill him.” I whimpered between sobs.
“No? That’s fine. We can do it my way.” He stands up about to walk over to Sawyer.
“WAIT!” I grabbed at Peter’s leg stopping him from going any further.
He crouched down once again meeting me at eye level. He picks up my hand placing his knife in it.
“Kill him for me love. Prove to me that you love me. That you are sorry for your sins against me. Show me your worth.”
His eyes looked crazed. His insanity proven no doubt. I looked at the knife and imagined slicing his throat with it or sinking the blade in his heart. Pan steps towards Sawyer and waves his hands making his body crumble to the ground. He grabs a fist full of Sawyer’s hair and brings him to sit on his knees.
“Do it now Tiger Lily.” He walks off to stand with the other boys. He goes to stand near Bay. An unspoken threat that he will kill him next if I don’t proceed.
I crawled towards Sawyer, closing the space between us. Tears fell endlessly as he looked up at me.
“I’m so sorry. I can’t let him kill you the other way.” My words were broken between sobs.
“J-Just end it. Please. It’s o-okay. I want to die.” His words were gargled from the blood in his mouth.
I could have plunged the knife in my own heart and it still wouldn’t have hurt as much as his words. He looks at the knife and back to me.
“Push deep and hard. You can do it.”
I timidly bring the knife up to his neck and hold it there. I look deep in his eyes.
“You feel no pain,” I compel. My words are slow and controlled. Tears now falling silently.
“You are going to a place far greater than this one. A place where there is no evil, no bad things and everyone is good.”
His eyes cloud over and he gives me a small smile and I smile back at him.
“Now close your eyes, and when you wake up you will be home.”
He listens obediently and closes his eyes. I allow my anger towards Peter to drive me to do what needs to be done. Squeezing my eyes shut I drag the blade across his throat hard and deep, just like he said.
I did it quickly. Blood shot out drenching me entirely. I dropped the blade in the dirt. I stared at my bloody hands and felt myself slowly breaking. Tears blurred my vision.
I could feel a presence behind me but I didn’t turn to look. I didn’t care anymore.
“I’m impressed. I didn’t think you would actually do it.” Pan spoke smugly and satisfied.
He leaned down, his breath at my ear.
“You’re now like me.” A smirk was evident in his voice, as the horrifying fact hit me full force.
I slowly wrapped my fingers around the knife once more. I breathed in a deep breath and spun around.
I plunged the knife deep inside him. His black eyes met my black eyes.
“Yes,” I agreed. “Yes we are.”