Unedited.
I woke up gasping for air, a million thousand-watt light bulbs blinking above me. They were supposed to be stars, I knew they were supposed to be stars, but they were so much brighter. Someone was holding me in their lap but the second I started moving, it freaked them out. I knew I did. If it were me, I’d be freaked out too. They let me roll off their lap and even moved a good distance away. I laid still against the folded cornstalks as I grappled with being back in my body, with being able to breathe fresh air.
It all felt different, more vivid and in my face. Loud.
“What—Tally?”
For now, I ignored them and what the sound of their voice did to me. My body felt foreign, much different than the floaty, unanchored feeling of being dead. It was like I was a frozen pork chop saran wrapped to a porcelain plate with extensive freezer burn.
I had to get up.
Very slowly, I propped myself up, first on my one elbow and then my hands until I was able to shove myself to a sitting position. I stared down at my forearms, opening and closing my hands to double check they were working. When that came back ok, I felt at my neck, my fingers and palms coated in my blood and sliding on even more of the stuff. It was a detail, for some reason, that wasn’t bothering me. Maybe I was in shock. Maybe…
My breathing was labored and I could feel my lungs trying to expel some of the blood that had made it down my throat as I died. I started to hack it up and within seconds, my body was ridding itself of the intruding substance.
That only had to freak them out more. There was swearing and stumbling as they tried to move further away. I couldn’t blame them. I would do my own swearing and shuffling away if I was able.
“Tally?”
“It’s not her! It can’t be her!”
“She’s dead!”
“Stay away…”
“Her body’s been possessed!”
I wanted to yell back that it was me and for them not to worry but there was just…too much.
Carefully, I raised myself up on one leg and then the other. It felt like the first time my father had taken me out on a boat and I hadn’t gotten my sea legs yet. I was unsteady for a few seconds before I got the hang of it and only after I was certain I could stand without falling over, did I spit out the remaining blood. Yes, it was unlady-like but I had to get it out. The taste was deplorable. My hand rose to wipe at my mouth but then I caught sight of my hands and lowered them instead.
Gross.
I took several deep breaths and then looked up, meeting a pair of familiar blue eyes. Getting trapped by that gaze was reaffirming, life anchoring. The look in them triggered the emotional linkage I hadn’t gotten back yet and it had me tearing up.
Knowing who they belonged to was a knowledge rooted deep inside and for a second, I got a brief flash of them evolving. From the dark, unknown color given at birth to the strange color change as he got older, to the way they would smile without his mouth reflecting the action. To sympathy and compassion melting into an all-knowing understanding of who I was. To being surrounded by dark circles caused by the Sickness and the way they would bore into me the years that followed, lifeless. Hard. Cold.
They were far from cold now as he didn’t understand what was going on. They were filled with anguish and suffering.
“Cecil.”
First thing I said after coming back and my voice actually sounded like mine, just a little softer. I was expecting a rasp or maybe gaspy but not my actual voice.
I looked down at myself, the parts of me I could see anyway, and tried to wipe my hands on the horrible dress I was wearing. But the blood was sticky and clotted and it wouldn’t come off. It felt permanent and engrained. Like it would never go away.
“Cecil.”
The second one was definitely meeker, more panicked, and it must’ve tugged on his heartstrings because whoever was holding him back couldn’t do it any longer. He maneuvered across the short distance between us but finished approaching me with caution.
The only one brave enough to get close.
“Tally?”
I looked up from my hands and I couldn’t help the two tears that leaked out. They slowly trailed down my face and I was about to wipe them off with the back of my hand when Cecil gently caught my arms and kept me from touching my face.
“Don’t.”
He let go of one of my arms and wiped away the saltwater with his own fingers. Fingers that stayed on my face, begging for this to be real and not imagined. For me to really be here, alive.
“Cyrus…”
I knew what they were going to say even though they didn’t finish.
“It’s me,” I whispered and glanced up at him. I didn’t let myself linger on his face in case he didn’t believe me. “Cecil…”
“I know.” He was quiet but his words were firm. “I know it’s you. I can see it in your eyes.” He was gripping both sides of my face so tightly I thought he might crush me. “It’s you.”
“Cyrus, don’t…”
“It’s her,” he shot to the person who’d been objecting. “Don’t ask me how I know, I just do.”
“No one comes back from the dead. Not even the Oracle. There are no exceptions.”
I glanced nervously over at the crowd of people. No Gods or Goddesses, just Elite. It made me nervous what they might do if they didn’t have solid proof it was me. So I started backing up, away from the crowd and sadly, away from Cecil who was more than reluctant to release me. I didn’t want anything to happen to him if they decided killing me first and asking questions later was the best way to handle this.
“Tally…” he pleaded.
My head shook. He needed to stay there. I would run. It was my only available option until someone important declared it was actually me. Then they could send someone into the fields to find me. I started nodding to myself, thinking that would be best. But as I turned around to flee, a pair of arms wrapped tightly around me. Whoever caught me rocked back a little to absorb the minimal amount of momentum I’d been able to build up.
“It’s her,” Kells’ rather masculine voice rang out. “And that’s all you need to know.”
I didn’t lift my head as he began backing us away. He would protect me, of that I was certain.
“You can come, Cyrus,” he said. “Or you can stay here with your fellow Elite. Same with you, Lycaon.”
“Andy…”
That was Caroline and I didn’t blame her for her reluctance. In fact, if I was in her shoes…
“Get everyone back to the Schola. I’ll keep you posted on how things progress.”
Kells was keeping my head down so I wouldn’t see what was going on behind me, not that I wanted to. To glimpse the looks of disbelief on their faces would ruin being back. I needed to focus on something other than them and how strange everything felt, smelt, the overall experience.
It was all different. I chanced a look up at the sky and I had to quickly bury my face back against Kells’ chest. The stars were still mega-watt light bulbs turned on high. Everything was beginning to sink in, however, that shock wearing off. My trip to the Underworld wasn’t a long one but I’d adjusted to being down there.
Now that I was back topside…
“Shh.” Kells cupped the back of my head and held me tightly against him. “It’s ok. We’re going to the Agora. Logios is already there waiting.”
A bright light flared up behind him and my eyes snapped shut. Dots appeared on the back of my eyelids like I’d been staring at the sun for too long.
“After you,” Kells said to who I assumed was either Cecil or Andrzej.
We remained still for a few heartbeats before moving again, going through the portal. There was a quick whoosh, something I never noticed before, and the bright light was gone along with the smell of corn and stale blood. The sound of the fountain met my ears, each water drop hitting the surface of the pool easily discernible. But the light was bearable when I opened my eyes.
“Did it go smoothly?” Logios’ voice was gentle and even.
“Your hermai had a bit of a problem believing it was her,” Kells commented sharply. “Same with the Assarions.”
“I’ll handle it. Mine will be following along shortly and I’ll speak with them.” I heard him sigh. “Get her upstairs and stay with her. I imagine this is all a bit overwhelming. Coming back from the Underworld is never an easy experience…”
Someone knocking woke me up. If I had to wager a guess by the amount of light after I opened my eyes, it was an hour before dawn. Neither of Andrzej nor I had gotten much sleep and I suspected it had something to do with not only the place but what was coming. It was a sixth sense that was more intensely felt in the Between for some reason. When I was supposed to be sleeping, I was going over everything and doing my best not to give in to the Particular. It had cost me most of a night’s sleep and that snippet of memory was proof my subconscious was restless as well.
When we emerged from the caravan, there was a young woman sitting on the steps waiting. The one who ran upon seeing us when we arrived. Andrzej seemed to know who she was as his back straightened and the grip he had on the handles of his weapons bag tightened.
“Do you need a minute?” I inquired quietly.
He muttered something under his breath, his eyes still glued to the back of her head. Clearly she wanted to talk to him alone; otherwise, she would’ve turned around and said something to both of us.
“No, I—”
I put a hand on his arm, stopping the objection before it started. “I’ll give you a second. Try to be nice.”
“I am nice.”
I scoffed and headed down the other set of stairs. “Sure you are.”
I had to jump to meet the ground but I managed it ok. A small dust cloud rose up to about my shins before disbursing. I really was looking forward to a hot shower and not just a chilled bowl of water to wash my face. My hair felt heavy and like a grease ball had taken up residence. Not to mention the feeling of a layer of oil on my skin.
When I passed in front of the girl, I got a brief look at her. She was every guy’s idea of a Romani beauty from the dark hair to the dark soulful eyes. She’d probably broken a few hearts along the way and I wondered for a moment if Andrzej’s had been one of them.
But then I compared the morose, stone face she was projecting to Andrzej’s annoyed “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me” expression and I began to think it was the other way around.
I gave her a brief smile before heading in the direction everyone else was, not bothering to look back. For the first time since stepping through the portal in the woods, I was alone. It felt odd and foreign, like being by myself had never happened before. But it gave me a second to consider a few things without my partner around.
Andrzej’s family was murdered. The people he relied on and grew up with hadn’t helped or protected them. No wonder he had such a problem with people and why trust wasn’t one of his strong suits. I began to wonder if the only reason he trusted me was because I was the Oracle. What would’ve happened if I was the Past Time Twin instead? Would he have trusted me just as much?
“Your head is spinning. I can see it.” I stopped and looked to my left. Fiance was sitting on the steps of her caravan smoking a pipe. Such an odd thing to see since I’d never seen a woman with a pipe before. She blew out a puff of smoke and smiled at me. “You’re interesting for a gadzo.”
I shrugged. “Better to be interesting than boring.”
She went back to puffing on her pipe and studying me. There were a couple of packed bags on the stairs next to her. “Going somewhere?”
She raised an eyebrow. “What makes you ask that?”
“Just the obvious.”
“Mmm. You could say I’m going somewhere. My house will be burned down soon.”
That shocked me. “They’re burning down your house. Why?”
Andrzej had said he burned his family’s caravan down but I’d assumed it was because his family was dead inside.
“We burn things here when someone dies. It’s a form of cleansing that needs to be done.”
“Where will you go?”
“I’ll camp with my oldest son from now on.”
“It’s nice your family will take you in.”
I hadn’t meant it as an insult but I watched the change in her eyes as she took it as one.
“You’re judging me. Gadzo are always quick to judge.”
“Why would I judge you? Have you done anything wrong to deserve it?”
“You’ll judge because it’s how you were taught…”
“My mother taught me to be open minded. I’m not the one that’s judged you, Fiance.”
She put down her pipe and clasped her hands, her elbows propped on her knees. “I see those lines shifting. Yours move more than any Elite I’ve ever seen and the mark of the Gods is strong on you. Just like my Andrzej. My sister always said his destiny was bigger than we could imagine.” She stood up and approached me. “Who would’ve thought he’d become a Lycaon Guard to the new Virgin Oracle?” I just stared at her, not wanting to stir the pot even more than I had. There was no good way out of this conversation and I was tempted just to walk away. I wanted to walk away but something kept me rooted there. “You’ll either save us all or damn us.”
“Funny how that works,” I said. “You can either be one or the other but never both.”
“Which one will you be?”
“Why do you care?”
“My nephew’s life is involved.”
That pieced a few things together for me. “What about your sister’s life or your niece’s? Did they not mean as much? Or was it just the Lycaon you didn’t want to save? The one you let scream out in the woods until the enemy cut off his head.”
“You speak of things you don’t know of.”
“So do you. Only difference is, I really, truly, care about what happens to Andrzej. I would and will protect him. I’ll stand next to him and face anything that’s coming. I will be there for him no matter what happens. The Lycaon legacy means nothing to me. It never has. Can you say the same?”
“You really don’t care? You don’t care that when he’s a wolf, he becomes a bloodthirsty animal.”
“No, I don’t. We’re all bloodthirsty animals at some point. But it matters to you and to all these people, doesn’t it? That’s why they’re all cowering in fear from him. Have you seen him as a wolf, any of you? Been around him?”
“Lycaon wolves don’t carry any of the aspects of the human counterpart. They’re feral beasts…”
My anger was simmering. “Andrzej isn’t a feral beast and neither is the wolf part of him. And before you think I’m naïve, I’ve seen him as a wolf. He saved me. As. A. Wolf. More times than I can count and it was his choice. It has to be his choice. That’s how the Lycaon wolves are. It’s all about choice with them. They have to choose to be feral beasts. They have to choose to be redeemed. They have to choose to protect above all else. Both man and beast, not just one or the other. And because of who Andrzej is, what he’s been through, he made that choice. He chose to be a Lycaon Guard. He chose redemption. So the next time you decide to judge someone on their legacy, maybe you’ll realize you’re just as bad as the gadzo you so openly despise.”
“You have a smart mouth.”
“Didn’t expect it coming from a blonde, huh? I get that a lot.”
I turned on my heel and walked away, really hoping this trip would be over sooner rather than later. This place was weird and the people were weirder and not welcoming. Not that I expected them to be. Andrzej didn’t like them and had warned me. He didn’t like anyone but there was something else about this place, these people. It brought back memories for him and now that I knew what it was, I understood it.