It felt like such a relief once I let everything out on Lindsay. For once we never argued. We just talked, listening to what we had to say. We take our time walking home. Before we entered inside, I hug her. It was the first hug we have given each other since we were twelve. It felt good to have her arms wrap around me.
After dinner I hid in my room. I curl up on my bed, lying there and thinking about everything. How do you make a decision, not knowing for sure if you’re making the right one? Even if Nathan is innocent and never laid a finger on Linds, how do I know if he won’t ever cheat on me in the future for real?
They say love is about taking risk. Sometimes it lasts, sometimes it doesn’t. I don’t want to be love for a short time if Nathan and I feel like we can be together temporary. I want to be with him for eternally. I don’t want to be left heartbroken. I don’t want to be like my mother. I don’t know if I’m able to handle another heart ache after the last one. It doesn’t hurt anymore, and don’t want to experience it again.
Nathan is a nice guy. He didn’t care what issues I was facing, or why I hated him. He just found a way to work around me, and to get me to like him. Every other guy would just keep a distance from me. Not Nathan. He showed how he cared about me. When he said I was beautiful, he meant it. He never joked about it. He showed me he cared by looking at me straight in the eye. He loved me even if I didn’t show him how I felt.
How is it possible to hate someone so much, and still somehow manage to fall in love with them? Or like them?
I know what I need to do now. Even if I’m terrified about getting hurt by Nathan, I need to take a risk. People come and go, but only the people who truly care about you stays. Dad may not care about me, but at least there are some people who do.
I get to school early the next morning, wanting to speak to Nathan first thing in the morning before class starts. I wait for him beside his locker, thinking of what I’m going to say to him. Would he accept my apology with the way I treated him? Would he even want to still like with me?
“Alex?”
I look up and see Nathan walking over to me. My stomach does a somersault.
“Nathan, can I please talk to you?” I ask, getting off the locker door I was leaning against.
He nods, and I lead him into an empty classroom. He watches me, which makes me feel even more nervous than before.
“This isn’t about the other day is it, Alex?” Nathan says. “If it is, I said –”
“No, this isn’t about Saturday.” I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. I can tell him this. “Lindsay explained everything to me. I’m sorry if I didn’t believe you. I should have known you wouldn’t betray me like that. I should have known Lindsay would do it. I feel like such a fool.”
Nathan puts his bag down on the table, and takes a step forward to me. “You aren’t a fool, Alex. You have every right to be mad at me. I’m the one who is a fool. I got tricked into thinking it was you. I did not realise it was Lindsay at all. She acted like you so well.”
I shake my head. “No. I shouldn’t have given you a hard time for not being able to tell us apart. Well, okay, I should because you should know. Maybe before I got this streak in my hair you wouldn’t have been able to. Linds and I can fool so many people with our appearances. The only person that could really tell us apart was our Mum. She somehow always knew who was who. We could never fool her. I got this streak so it couldn’t confuse people with who we are. Trust me. It gets tiring after so many years when no one can tell you apart.”
He chuckles. “People often get my brother and me mix up sometimes even when we aren’t even twins.”
I couldn’t help but laugh to that. I then reach over and stroke his cheek. “Nathan, please forgive me. I don’t hate you at all. I like you. Really like you.”
Nathan smiles. “I like you too.”
He grabs my hand that is resting on his cheek and holds it before leaning forward and smashes his lips against mine.