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I paced around the living room, sweat drops on my forehead as I held the crumbled flyer in my hand. I had to check about a hundred times that I read the text right. It couldn't be.
It can't be.
Okay, first of all I was shocked to see what I was reading; 'What to do when expecting?'. I wasn't dumb. I knew it meant being pregnant. But Ava pregnant? She was on birth control. I knew it because even I had to remind her some morning to take the pill. As fas as I was concerned I knew she never let a pill untaken. She was super careful with everything.
The second thing; 'Abortion?'. She was going to do an abortion? That was the part that made me feel sick. I was an accident myself and my mom was pushed towards abortion but she didn't want to do it. She wanted to keep me and give me a good life and it killed me to know that Ava didn't want the same. Or did she? I didn't know!
Thirdly; she didn't tell me. Why? Was she about to do an abortion without telling me first? Without even letting me talk about the subject with her? And that part alone made me so mad, too mad. I felt sick to my stomach about all of this. Why didn't she tell me?
What if it's Abbie's? What if I'm freaking out over nothing. Maybe Abbie just left the flyer here accidentally. But she already announced about their second baby so it's not hers.
I stopped to think, running my fingers through my tangled hair, wanting to kick a pillow so hard the feathers would just pop out of the fabric.
It must be Alex's. She doesn't have a boyfriend so that would be the reason to do an abortion. Easy. It must be hers.
I opened the flyer from the small crumbled ball and read it through once again. I cringed everytime I read the word 'abortion'. I wasn't against abortion but if every woman who got pregnant by accident did an abortion, I wouldn't be here myself.
But again, I wasn't sure if I was even ready to be a father. Was the baby even mine?
What the hell is going on?
I jolted very visibly when I heard keys jingling outside the front door. I panicked as I realized Ava didn't know I was here.
The door opened and Ava stepped in, soon switching the lights on after pushing the door shut. The lights flicked on and lit up the whole apartment. As soon as her gaze hit my figure, she squealed loudly almost dropping her keys on the floor.
"What the hell?" she shouted, panting completely breathless.
I didn't say anything. I was panting just as much as she was, only it was because I was furious. I looked at her, frowning, crumbling the small flyer in my hand.
"Justin, wha- You can't just come here whenever you want. You need to call me first." she sighed, shaking her head as she put her keys on the dresser but then suddenly stopping like she had seen a ghost.
But she didn't see anything because the dresser was empty. And she knew excactly what should've been there.
"I tried to call you, at least ten times." I stated, coldly before I continued, "Looking for this?"
And then I tossed the crumbled flyer near her feet, it rolling a few times before touching Ava's toes. She looked down at the paper ball, pressing her lips together like she couldn't speak.
"Is it yours?" I asked her, trying to control myself just a little longer.
But she still didn't say anything. She just stared at the floor, absolutely speechless.
"Is it yours?!" I raised my voice, clenching my fists so hard my fingers almost went through my hand.
"I was going to tell you..." I heard her mumble, her voice shaking.
"So it is yours, huh?" I spoke, pursing my lips together.
She squirmed as she turned to look at me, anxiety written all over her face. I wasn't supposed to make her feel anxious or even scared. But if the flyers were hers, so was the baby. And the baby was also mine, I hope. I was too furious. How could I keep it calm underneath the surface if this situation included me also?
"It was just a flyer, nothing-" she started, still speaking quietly, but I couldn't listen to her excuses.
"Is it yours or not?" I repeated the question because I never got te clarification from her that I desperately needed.
I needed to if it was true. If she was pregnant. If she was planning an abortion.
Her eyebrows furrowed together, her lips turning downwards as she looked at me, worried. Then, as I expected, she nodded.
"Are you- Are you pregnant?" I stuttered, pointing at her lower stomach to be precise, my hand shaking like hell.
She crossed her arms on her stomach before nodding again.
Oh my sweet baby Jesus.
I sighed loudly, letting out a quiet grunt also, as I turned away from her and started to pace around the living room again.
"I-I was gonna tell you, Justin, but I just-"
"When did you find out?" I asked her, not even looking at her.
I was disgusted.
How could she do that? Keep something like that away from me.
"At the hospital." her voice was barely a whisper.
I turned to face her like a lightning as soon as I heard that. I was sure my veins in my head were going to pop out any minute now.
"They told you there and you come and sit in my car, not telling me a fucking thing about it?! And I even asked what they said and you lied to my fucking face! That's disgusting! Do you even understand?!" I growled at her, my teeth gritting together and almost breaking.
Okay, maybe I yelled at her too harshly but I deserved to know at the same time as she did. I know I cheated but I had apologized and begged for her forgiveness almost every. Fucking. Day. I tried to make amends with her but at this moment I felt like she didn't even care about my feelings.
I looked straight into her big brown eyes as they started to glisten. My stomach turned when I saw that her lowerlip started to tremble.
"I didn't know what to do..." she whined like a baby, tightening her arms around her torso.
"So you go and plan on to do an abortion? Is that what you were gonna do, huh? Without even saying a fucking word to me?" I hissed at her.
A tear slipped down her cheek and it was like a bullet to my chest. But somehow my mouth just didn't stop talking.
"Huh? Are you gonna even explain?" it was a taunt.
"I didn't know what to do. We had just argued and then only an hour later they tell me I'm pregnant. What was I supposed to do? Play happy family with you?" she sniffed, wiping her tears away from her cheeks.
"I don't care. You should've told me the minute they told you. If I even am the father to that baby." I spat, those words rolling off my tongue like venom.
Her expression flinched, turning into a confused but angry one. Her sadness was long gone by now. And so were the tears, for now.
"What the hell? I'm not the one who cheated, Justin. It was you. You should be worried about having a baby with two different women." she argued as she pointed at me with her finger.
I closed my eyes to calm myself down since what she just said was about to light up a fire inside of me. Of course I had used protection when I... Did it with Scheana. But I didn't want to think about that. It was in the past and I was still super ashamed for what I did.
"That's why I fucking went to visit that Abortion Clinic!" she added, raising her voice while she kneeled down to lift up the crumbled flyer.
"You don't get to choose that. It's my baby too so you don't have a say in this." I warned her, keeping a strict eye contact on her even though she wasn't even looking at me.
But soon she was as she lifted her gaze up and took a few steps closer to me, decreasing the space between us.
"Oh I'm sorry." she faked an apologetic face, placing her hand on her chest, "I'm sorry for not wanting my baby to have a fucking miserable life just because she doesn't have a dad!"
She was wrong. Oh, how she was wrong.
"You're gonna take her away from me? You're gonna be that fucking selfish and heartless?" my voice was low and harsh while my whole body was ready to smash a plate or a vase.
Or even a wall.
"I might as well because you would be a shitty dad anyways." she lowered her voice too, staring straight into my soul.
But that sentence escaping her lips felt like a stab into my heart. I went speechless. I never thought she was going to say something like that to me. Never ever. And it hurt like hell.
"That's it." I stated and coldly walked past her towards the front door, pulling my hoodies hood on.
I was hurt. And it took my whole energy to not cry in front of her. But God damn, it was hard.
"W-Wait! No, I didn't mean that. Justin!" she was hasty to take back her words but they had already did their harm.
I didn't listen to her as I unlocked the door, pulling it slightly open.
"Justin, please don't go. I'm sorry!" Ava sobbed, her voice braking.
I stopped on my tracks, still holding the door knob. I didn't see her since she was facing my back but I could hear her breathing and quiet crying. She regretted her words.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." she said it once again but more quietly.
I sighed, dropping my gaze to my feet and pushing the door closed until I heard the klicking sound.
This needed to stop. This continuous arguing. Even though it was about serious subjects. We both had been hurted by each other now so we were even. Our trust had been shaken to the core. But we both were just absolutely exhauste to this. I knew she was too from the look on her face every time we raised our voices to each other. If we wanted our relationship to work, we needed to talk not argue. Arguing wasn't going to take us anywhere.
I turned around on my heels while pushing my hands down my jeans's pockets.
"Do you believe me? I didn't mean it. It's not true." she sniffed, hoping that I would listen to her.
I watched her as she stood there, a few feet away from me in her work out attire, I realized this was as good as it could get. Her, I mean. I didn't want to argue with her. We never argued, not before I cheated on her. But why would I want to ruin something like that again. I didn't. So I needed to do something to make it better.
"And I was gonna tell you about... the baby but I was too scared and exhausted by our situation. I needed a break." she spoke softly, her words caressing my skin like never before, "I'm sorry for not telling you."
She placed her hands over her lower stomach as we both just stood there in a quiet apartment while the sun was setting outside.
"I'm sorry for everything. And I mean everything." I cleared my throat since it had closed a few moments ago, "Ugh, what I said to you earlier, I'm so sorry."
Ava nodded slightly, shifting from one leg to another, popping out her hip. At first she took a small step towards me as a request for a hug.
"Come're." I whispered and soon had her arms around my upper body.
Her scent filled my nostrils and I realized how much I had missed her. And loved her.
"You don't have to stress about the baby alone. I don't want you to, okay? And I promise you, I'm going to do everything I can just so that she can have a good life because she does have a dad. I'm right here." I spoke against the top of her head, kissing it briefly.
A small smile crept up to my lips when I heard her sniff and felt her nodding against my chest.
"You're not alone." I whispered as I rubbed her back slowly and softly.
This was the first time I had hope for our future in a very long time.
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finally <3 ah im so happy
but dont take this chapter for granted... u dont know whats gonna hit u
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