*Hits next*
I groan as I hear Taylor Swift's Blank Space' blast through my ears through my headphones. I hit next again and another song came again from her 1989 album. I hit next one more time and another one of her break up songs started playing into my ears.
"What the hell!" I groaned in frustration as I threw my phone at the other side of the bed and watched bounced softly, nearly falling off the bed.
Why the hell was I hearing Taylor Swift's songs playing through my phone, I was definitely not a Swiftie.
Yes, because last night you downloaded a whole playlist of breakup songs to reminisce your break up.
"Seriously?" I said to myself as I recalled the painful events of last night. Forcing my mind to skip the part when Eric told me he didn't love me anymore.
That hurt, still hurts, will always hurt and I don't know if I'll ever be okay.
I remembered Nathan taking me home after consoling me and I didn't say a word to him about what transpired between Eric and I. He didn't push either because he must've gotten the message that things got worse from the way I cried. I've never cried like that before, I felt totally shattered and smashed from the whole ordeal and I really wanted to disappear from everything and everyone.
I sneaked into my room last night through the window, because I didn't want anyone to start asking me questions about why I cried and all those annoying stuff. So right now they probably think I never came back home last night, which is good because I didn't want to go to school this Friday.
The apple ringtone suddenly started playing loudly and I jolted my head up from my knees that were pressed against my chest. I saw Tyler's name clearly displayed on the screen and I waited for it to finish ringing because I didn't want to pick up and I didn't want to make it obvious that I was ignoring his call by putting it off.
I was going to send a quick text to him when my eyes caught Eric's name in the messaging app, and unconsciously I clicked on it. I felt a mixture of anger, pain and self pity as I went through our previous messages, and I could almost feel tears well up in my eyes.
Why did he break up with me suddenly?
I got so angry at the fact that I didn't have an answer to that simple question. Then why the hell am I doing this? Why am I crying and going through our previous messages? Why am I acting so pathetic? Why the hell am I acting this weak?
This is not who I am. I'm a strong girl, I was not weak and I wouldn't cry over a guy.
"I can move on and forget about him" I said to myself with some sort of fake determination.
For a moment, it felt like I saw a nebulous silhouette of myself sitting in front of me. It was all my subconscious and my stupid imagination but I didn't push it away.
"I can forget about him" I said trying to make myself believe it.
"But you can't forget about him, he was your everything. No matter how many times he put you in trouble, he was always there to rescue you"
"But he's not here right now so it doesn't matter. We never existed and I really don't care about him anymore"
"He saved your life remember, he made you do the things you never thought you'll do. He made you smile remember? Eric is your lifesaver, the least you can do is to wait for him. Maybe something's not right"
"Then he should've told me and not push me in the dark. I want to move on and not sit behind sulking about why Eric left me"
"Stop being a selfish bitch, Eric nearly risked his friendship to go out with you. You just want to forget about him because things are not right....."
"Stop" I yelled, frustrated at my own thoughts.
"He said he didn't love you anymore? So what? At least for that little moment you guys had, he loved you sincerely. Why can't you be satisfied with that? You want to forget about him? Go ahead, and let's see what is left of your happiness"
"Shut up! Shut the fuck up" I yelled angrily throwing my phone at the wall and I watch it fall to the floor and the screen cracked in an unbearable manner.
"Fuck!" I cursed at what I had just done but I couldn't care less about the phone, my heart was more cracked than that. But then it dawned on me that I really couldn't forget about Eric and I couldn't even try. He was the south pole of a magnet and I was the north pole. Somehow, I was always attracted to him.
I jumped down from my bed, and picked up my broken phone. I placed it on my desk before heading to the bathroom to take a long shower. Since I was the only one at home and I had zero experience in cooking, I just made some cereal for myself.
I had been a walking dead for the past two weeks and I had missed on lots of studying and schoolwork, the least I could do right now was to study and get all my homework and assignment done. I was looking forward to being a senior.
I took out all on the contents in my schoolbag and for the next few hours, I was studying with in between distractions like doodling on the side of my notebook, or my mind drifting off and imagining weird stuff, at some point I even dozed off and by the time I woke up.....it was already evening and I could hear shuffling in the house.
I was definitely looking forward to senior year. Note my sarcasm.
I was hungry and I definitely needed something good to eat, I hadn't eaten properly for sometime now because of everything that had been going on. I was so in the mood for a nice grilled turkey.....
While I packed my books and extra weird stuff back into school bag, I noticed an envelope that wasn't sealed with a folded paper inside. From the looks of it, the envelope had never been sealed. I took out the folded paper and opened it to find a letter written in Tyler's handwriting.
That was when I remembered how I got this envelope, it dropped from his bag one particular day that he came to my room but I forgot I had picked it up since then. So I decided to read it, like I was going to throw it away without reading it.
Cheryl,
I don't think you know about this already, but our parents are getting married and I have to leave the city not only because my mom is forcing me to leave but because it hurt so much to see you as my sister when I really like you.
I'm sorry I couldn't deliver this to you person, so I told my mom to give you instead. You probably don't know her but she's a really nice person.
By the time you're reading this, I'll be on a flight to New York and I don't know if I'll be coming back.
I really like you and I hope you'll always be safe and happy.
P.S. I'm sorry.
Tyler
He knew, Tyler fucking knew that our parents were getting married. That was why he told me that if I wasn't sister he wouldn't have left.
Then why was I just getting this now, why didn't I receive it three years ago as it was dated in the later. He said his mother was supposed to give this to me, but I found it with him.
What the hell was going on right now?
"I don't know where she...... Oh she's right here" I heard Tyler's voice as he barged into my room while I was still trying to fix pieces on this puzzle in my hand. My life was a puzzle with just a missing piece, meaning it was never going to be solved.
"Where have you been? You didn't come home last night, you weren't at school either. What's going on?" He asked me with concern laced in his voice.
I looked up at him holding the paper out in my hand for him to see
"What's this"
"What's that?" He took the paper from me and when he looked through, his expression rippled with shock.
"How did you get this?"
"I don't know, it fell from your bag a few weeks ago. But why didn't I get this since, was this what you meant when you said if I wasn't your step sister you wouldn't have left"
"Oh God!" Tyler groaned running his hands through his hair "You were not supposed to see this anymore"
"Then explain it to me, I'm tired of people not giving me explanation about stuff. Why didn't I get this earlier, why did you make me believe you just abandoned me?" I half yelled but seriously needing answers.
"It's not my fault ok, my mother never gave it to you. Why did you think I was surprised at all the hate you threw at me when I came back, and that's when I discovered that you never got the letter. Besides you never let me explain"
"Then why didn't Juliana give it to me?"
"Because she was marrying your dad for his money and she didn't want anything to ruin especially something like teenager's immature love"
"What!" I said suddenly after what Tyler just told me.
"But I think it's different now" Tyler added but his first words kept ringing in my ears.
His mom married my dad for his money.
"Cheryl calm down" he moved closer to me and touched my shoulder but I pushed it away the moment I felt it contact.
"You guys destroyed my family!" I yelled at him "Your mum destroyed my family, my mom is in rehab and I have a really bad relationship with my dad and you tell me it's different now"
"Cheryl....."
"Fuck you!" I screamed my voice nearly breaking at the fact that it felt like I was crying. "How could you guys ruin someone's family just like that, don't even tell me it's different now because it's not"
"Get out!" I pointed at the door because I really didn't want to talk to him anymore.
"Cheryl......"
"Just leave me alone ok!" I yelled louder and Tyler hung his head low as he walked out of my room.
I took in several deep breaths trying to calm myself down but it wasn't working. The thought of my mom in rehab really made me go mad. We were supposed to be one big happy family but then someone's greed took all that away. How do you expect me to forgive that.
My mind ran through all the misery and unhappiness I went through because of the divorce, all the times I ignored my mom because I thought she didn't do anything when she actually couldn't do anything about it.
And I hadn't even called her once since she left.
"Well she hadn't called me either" I tried to console myself but now I knew I really needed to get in touch with her. But right now, I needed to get my mind off things.
I wanted to get drunk and forget my problems, for at least just this night. If I started listing my problems, I'm going to find another reason to kill myself and there'll be no Eric to save me.
I looked through my drawers for a fake ID I made sometime ago, because seriously who doesn't have a fake ID. I took out my old iPhone which probably doesn't have any number saved in it, but I took it anyways. Dressed in a black mid thigh dress and with my car keys in hand, I climbed out of the window and headed straight to my car before driving to a club.
I didn't talk to anyone, I didn't plan on talking to anyone. I came here to solely drink a lot and get drunk that I wouldn't even be able to walk, and it was working quite well. The waiter there was sort nice and we had small talks while he filled my glass with Tequila and vodka shots. The club was noisy, well what club wasn't noisy anyways but it was nice. It made my head whirl even faster.
It was almost 1am when I managed to walk out of the club to where my car was parked. That was the most I could do because I had great difficulty in opening my car door, so in frustration I fell to the floor and sat down like a complete lunatic.
I couldn't drive myself home and I badly needed a designated driver, but I didn't have my phone with me. There was no number saved in the phone that I had with me that moment so I was pretty much busted.
But I knew only one number and even in my drunken state, I didn't think I had any difficulty in reciting it. But I was sort of scared in calling that number and asking him to drive. There was a fifty fifty chance that he might ignore me and I didn't want that. I didn't want to look pathetic by getting drunk so I could talk to him.
But it wasn't my fault, my phone was broken and I needed to get home somehow. I really don't care, this could just be my little excuse to see him one more time, I might as well grab it before someone else grabs me.
I quickly dialed his number and he picked on third ring.
"Hello?"
Hey guys!
I was in a bit of a hurry when I wrote this chapter so some part might look rushed and I didn't proofread. If you can, please point out the mistakes and I'll try to correct them ASAP.
I hope you enjoy this chapter.....
Please check out my other book 'High School WAGS'
I guess I need a lot of feedback on it.
Thanks.