"Woah, back up," interrupted Harry. "What's going on? Who's 'he' and what the hell has happened!" There was a moment of silence when no one spoke and Becca and I just looked at each other. Then Harry tentatively asked: "are you in a girl Mafia group in Scotland?"
"Yes," I said, "yes we are. Shh, don't tell anyone." Becca and I exploded into raucous giggles and trying to contain them with our hands, rather like we were trying to prevent vomit from flying out of our mouths whilst people were about (gross comparison, I know, but it's the best I can do).
"Are you here on a drugs thing?" Harry whispered knowledgeably, nodding his head, trying to convince us that this was the right answer. "Getting your 'stuff' from the English girl Mafia Group based here, in Devon?"
"You can't tell ANYONE," Becca whispered. "Not a soul. Otherwise..." she trailed off, placing her finger at one side of her neck and dragging it over to the other side, implying certain death if Harry told anyone about our 'secret'. Harry gulped audibly. Then he thought of something that cheered him up instantly.
"My girlfriend is a gansta!" he said, grinning. "That's sexy." Becca and I were trying so hard to contain our laughs. How could Harry be so incredibly trusting and, to be honest, just a tiny bit silly? Girl Mafia? Me? Good joke, like! "Wait," Harry ordered, holding up a hand. "Are you two serious."
"Deadly," I told him, striving to keep a straight face, but failing miserably. Becca and I looked at each other and I couldn't contain my laugh any longer. It burst forth, exploding from me like a party popper. Erupting from my mouth like a volcano. Damn, I'm good with imagery!
I looked back at Harry, saddened to find a disappointed, shocked and tearful look on his face.
"I can't believe you'd lie to me about something so important, Abi," he said quietly, not meeting my eye. "I thought we had a better relationship than that."
Wow, this is dude is MEGA serious! Less than half an hour of dating, and he's talking about the strength of our relationship - man, this guy is crazy. Or maybe Potter is insecure in relationships... curious...
"Sorry, Potter," I sighed, pulling him into a hug, utterly ashamed of myself. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or anything. It's just... I'm not good with relationships, but I want this to work out! I've got a past, and it's not a very nice, pleasant past. It's not a story you read to a child before they go to bed, put it that way."
"But that's not the REAL reason she's not telling you about her past. Is it, Abs?" Becca interrupted. I turned to glare at her. Becca's smile widened and she continued. "Abi won't tell you because she thinks you'll bail like every other guy in Dunbar did after he heard the story. Admittedly, they heard it from Cal and so the truth was bent to serve his evil purpose, but Abi is being plain stupid!" She directed the last part at me. "Harry's not like those chavs and geeks and gimps back home. He's different - he's nice, kind, cute and cares about your well being. Tell him, babe."
I smiled ruefully at Becca, glad for the brutal advice. "See you around, Bee," I said, grabbing Harry and walking him back to school. Harry didn't bother to ask what was going on. He seemed to realise I was going to tell him something really important and he shouldn't interrupt, otherwise I might change my mind. On my way back to school, I kept thinking of ways to tell Harry what my past was like in Dunbar, and I was also praying that Harry understood and accepted me.
"Is it okay with you if we ditch school?" I asked as we approached Bernie.
"Whatever you need babe. I'll need to text Liam to tell him I won't need a lift. I nodded in approval and opened my little yellow Beetle door. Harry got in the passenger side, but remained quiet, tapping away on his phone. I let out a deep sigh and started the car engine, pulling out of the parking space and heading towards the outskirts of town and to this amazing place that I knew. Once we got there, Harry looked about him and gasped in awe. "How did you find this place?" He asked in amazement.
"This isn't the best bit," I told him, then proceeded into the dark trees, walking through a path I had treaded a lot in my youth. We eventually reached a really old tree with a thick trunk and hole in the centre. Harry went into the hole and peered into the centre of the hollow tree. Then I led him to the other side, and I climbed up a ladder nailed into the tree with bits of wood and a few rusty nails.
"Is this secure enough to hold our weight?" asked Harry practically.
"Should be. I've had three people up here at once. Two adults, one me."
This satisfied Harry, and he made his way along the tree to sit on the strongest branch, his back leaning against the trunk. He let both his legs dangle over each side of the tree and gestured for me to join him. I wiggled along and sat in the middle of his legs, letting one of my legs dangle down the side, and one was bent, foot flat on the branch. Harry wrapped his arms around my body and let his head drop onto my shoulder.
"Are you going to tell me the story then?" he asked me quietly.
"I don't know where to start!" I told him truthfully.
"How about the beginning?"
"Okay, well, back in Dunbar, on the East Coast of Scotland, my life was just sorting itself out. I was starting to be accepted by all the students in my year that had resented me up into that point because I'm so gifted at English. Well, I was dating this guy, Cal, who was in the year above me. He was charming, a bit of a rebel and sexy. It's no exaggeration to say I fell for him. I fell countless times for him. He'd hit me; he'd bring me down. He was ruining my life, but I didn't see it because 'I loved him'. Love? I don't know what that word is, because it isn't what I felt for Cal, that's for sure. Sometimes, I couldn't wait until I next saw Cal. Sometimes I dreaded it. I was so confused, and I felt I couldn't confide in anyone, as they'd grass Cal up, or tell me to chuck him, and I couldn't bring myself to do that."
I inhaled deeply and continued with my story.
"So I was beginning to get a social life. I was going to parties, getting drunk, I'd smoked - hated it, but it could be ticked off my 'to do' list - and I'd even smoked some grass. I was evolving from the geek to the crazy party animal. But I was still a virgin. However, Cal intended to change that. It was fast approaching our first year anniversary of dating and Cal wanted to make it 'special'. I think you know where this is going." I waited for Harry to stop me, telling me he didn't need all the details, but he didn't. He seemed to realise I needed to tell SOMEONE and get this off my chest, so that he knew everything about me, and knew that I was damaged goods. So I continued with my story.
"On the night of our anniversary, we went out to a party. Cal got pretty drunk, but I stayed sober - I had given alcohol up for lent. I took Cal home early as he was just getting to the stage of drunkenness before the abusive and violent stage emerged and I didn't want anyone to see that. But taking him home was a mistake! Cal pulled me down an alley and started kissing me. THAT didn't surprise me; it happened after every party we went to together. What did surprise me was the wandering hands: Cal had never let his hands roam around my body so freely, even when he was plastered. It was making me uncomfortable because I wasn't ready for anything yet. However, Cal didn't understand this and it made him even angrier when I started to squirm away. But Cal was stronger than me and wouldn't let me go. He forced himself on me. I had thought he was so romantic when we first met, but the way Cal casually took my virginity and then just left me crying in a heap on the floor in a dark alley in the middle of the night made me see him for what he really was."
I heard a sharp intake of breath from behind me. "Yes," I laughed harshly, "he just left me there. I doubt he really ever cared about me. So I crawled home and tried to sleep. But I couldn't - I was plagued by dreams of him, and not in a good way. The next day I dumped him, and he understood why, but still didn't like it. I got help from my friends and eventually I settled back into my normal routine. I thought that I would be free of all things Cal related. I had settled into a chilled 'thing' with this guy Stuart, which Cal didn't like; I had cleared out my room and house of everything that reminded me of Cal, or had any association with Cal; I had deleted him from my e-mails, facebook, phone. He was out of my life."
I took a deep intake of breath again, thinking about how I would word the next stage of my story.
"So life was amazing for a few weeks. Sure, Cal was really angry, but I was protected. I had Stuart. So everyone was calling me a slut, but I didn't care. I didn't care about much to be honest, I was just glad to be in a chilled, casual relationship with someone I had liked forever, but given up on because we were friends and he'd never made a move or anything. Anyway, life progressed, and I was happy. Then I missed my period. I panicked so badly, and then went out and bought around thirty pregnancy tests. And they all came back positive. My parents found out. They found out about my crazy parties, about me breaking up with Cal and about me dating Stuart, whom they thought I was shagging. My brother told them. So Mum and Dad went ape shit, called me a slut and a whore and things like that - I think it's because they seriously liked Cal, because he only showed his good side with them. Why did my brother grass me up? He'd always been the bad boy of the family, whereas I'd always been the good girl, and my parents didn't pay Andrew, my brother, much attention. So when Andy found out I was going out to parties, he grassed me up. I got in some shit for that, my parents telling me they were disappointed. Then Andrew found out I was pregnant. He had taken to lurking outside my bedroom door, and I was on the phone to Becca, finally admitting it to her. So Andrew told my parents THAT, too," I told Harry. "And then they said for punishment, they were sending me to live away from my close family and friends. So here I am!"
"Cal has told everyone that the kid was neither his nor Stuart's, but some random that I went out on a date with once, and ended up going the whole way. So all the male population thing I'm a slut and no one wanted anything to do with me. So yeah. This is the point when you run away screaming that I'm a liar and that I actually am a slut and Cal's version of the story is the truth."
I turned to face Harry, to gauge his reaction. Stuart may have stayed with me for a bit after it emerged I had a bun in the oven, but then I started becoming VERY anti-social and so we decided it was for the best we went our separate ways. But Stuart understood I didn't want much physical contact or like sex or anything, and he respected me for that. He was just relieved I didn't push him away, I think. So now Harry was going to realise I wouldn't be able to fill his manly desires, and he'd scarper.
I hadn't told him the full truth, and I was afraid he was going to notice the little anomaly, and then he'd definitely run for the hills.
"Aww, babe," he whispered into my neck. "How long ago was this?"
"My parents found out about one and a half years ago. I'm still pretty scarred, to be honest."
"What about the baby?"
I paused. I didn't want to tell him, but I swore to Becca that I'd tell him the truth. "I've still got it. I don't believe in abortion. She's at my Auntie's now."
© Zoe A Proudfoot
----
isn't that much better :L?
okay, part8 up on thursday, most likely. maybe not though.
idunno :P:L!
xxxxxxx