September 13, 2012.
10 months before Bangtan Sonyeondan debut.
Hoseok smiled a little to himself as he walked through the hallways of your apartment complex. In his own train of thoughts, all while trying so hard not to have his nose stuck in the lilies he had bought for you, Hoseok made sure to stand his ground when ringing at your doorbell.
He waited, eyes on the two lilies in his hand. Sure, it wasn't a lot, but now where he didn't have much, it was special to him to even get you a few. Waiting, he watched as the door to your apartment seemed to open.
"I swear it's only been a week and I feel like you've grown," he squeaked out, eyes soft and filled with excitement as he moved to ambush you instantly.
You giggled, excited as well. Taking the lilies from his hands like a child, you smiled when he closed the door behind himself before finally allowing his eager lips to great you. You grinned against his lips, trying to tippy toe to meet his lips, but failing as the weight of the baby bump that was excessive on you seemed to bring you down.
"I love how you bring me lilies every time you come back," you sighed against his lips, allowing his head to bury by your neck as the both of you hugged for the first time in what felt like forever.
"I can't help but want to bring something," Hoseok piped out, kissing the corner of your mouth before allowing his face to turn and meet yours.
"Bringing yourself is more than enough," you popped cutely, hands playing with the ends of his black hair.
Hoseok smiled at that, moving his lips to thoroughly kiss you again, he watched as your breath hitched against him. Lightly having his hand move from your hips and under your shirt sweetly, he rubbed over your baby bump. Leaving your lips for a moment, he loved that you chuckled when he bent down to kiss the top of your protruding belly.
"Appa's here," he mumbled, laughing a little when you pet the top of his head and squirmed to move away from his gentle grasp.
Having letting you go, you moved towards the kitchen to set the lilies into the vase that contained the other few flowers he had brought throughout the month. Although most hadn't survived, the ones that did stood high and tall in the kitchen. You were smiling when adding the new flowers mixed with the old ones.
It had been a beautiful, and nerve-wracking few months with Hoseok. He was wonderful with you...from the mood swings, to the food cravings, to the anxiety of being pregnant 7 months in now. 7 months, can you believed that? It was a hell of a ride, but an easy one because in your mind, you were lucky to have Hoseok as the caring father. Not only was he a great soon-to-be-father, he was also a very loving boyfriend.
Yes.
Hoseok and you were together. It was hard to shift away from feelings when he'd be around all the time. Showing affection, attention, and catering to responsibilities as an adult. He was ambitious and everything you hoped for in a man. It hadn't taken long for either of you to put a label on your relationship since he never seemed to want to let is hands leave you.
It was one night, right after a check up with the doctors, where you had managed to tell him how you felt. You remembered being so nervous, not wanting to tell him. All the nerves vanished the moment you were honest with him. The greatest part was when he laughed loudly in your face and nodded in agreement. Hoseok found it amusing that you were so scared to tell him, especially since he thought you knew how he felt...
You used to be weary when it came to trusted him completely. But at this point, after everything the both of you had been through in a relationship together with a baby on the way, you trusted him with your life.
He made you regret ever thinking to abort this child.
"What you thinking?" Hoseok whispered out, hugging you from behind as you were gawking over at the flowers before you still.
You closed your eyes when feeling the man's lips trail down the side of your neck. Sighing when he lightly pecked your cheek and left his chin to rest against your shoulder, his hand massaged lightly at the front of your stomach. The pattern was reassuring.
He, himself, was reassuring to you.
"Have you told your company about us?" you asked gently, curiously when remembering Hoseok promising you he'd finally make your presence obvious to the company and group members of BTS.
Hoseok's smile fell a little at that. Eyes on the lilies, his nervous form seemed to remain hugging you from behind. He was glad you didn't see his expression change from the way you were standing. Pecking your cheek again, he nodded slowly. He lied, "N-Ne, I've spoken to BangPD and he said it's alright for us to be dating."
"Did you also mention we've got a child on the way?" you popped out, oblivious and shy at the mention of the child growing healthily within you.
Hoseok felt terrible. Yet, his heart went out for you and his child. Nodding slowly at your neck, he continued to come out with lies. "Yes, I...I've told him. It might take him a while to have you introduced to the others though."
You nodded, grinning to yourself in excitement. You were tired of hiding your relationship from the other group members. You understood not wanting to tell the world, but the least that you wanted was some satisfaction with the company being aware. The last thing you wanted was for Hoseok to be in trouble because of you and this child, and if they were to approve, it was a very nice weight lifted off your shoulders.
"Thank you for telling them..."
"Hm," Hoseok said, his heart hurting.
The man was nervous, scared, and all too confused in the mind. Hoseok hadn't spoken to the management about any of his personal life, let alone the subject of you and this child. He feared of the reactions that would uphold. Heck, he hadn't even told his parents yet. That on it's own was a struggle for him since he was experiencing the happiest point in his life, but he couldn't share it with his loved ones...
It scared him. He scared what would happen if he did tell, or ask.
But he knew he had to.
He had to speak up eventually for the sake of you...
"I love you," Hoseok said softly by your ear, seeing how sweetly you seemed to sink into his touch as you lay your head onto his shoulder behind you.
You smiled at his words, nodding before kissing his cheek now.
.
.
.
September 20, 2012.
10 months before Bangtan Sonyeondan debut.
Hoseok told BangPD.
He spoke out truth to management and looked over at each crew member that seemed to be staring over at his distressed and in shock.
"How far in is this woman?" BangPD asked lowly, his voice growing harsher when realizing what was said next.
7 months. 7 months is what Hoseok replied with. This simply caused everyone to murmur and start to become anxious in their own seats. Hoseok had his head ducked however. He waited and slumped at his shoulders, hearing and taking in all the lecture that was about to be tossed his way. Tearing up a bit at the words shot his way, he understood the distress however...
Hoseok let the man that trained him down. For years Hoseok had trained to get to where he was now. A few months more 'til debut, a pro dancer, a skilled rapper, a whole talent-filled package. Hoseok was where he wanted to be and was ready for what life had ahead of him and his career.
He was lectured regarding the hidden relationship, the fact that he was about to be a father, the amount of drag this new information would have on the development of BTS as a group, and the overall disappointment of the lies. Hoseok was lectured for all of it.
Eyes meeting his boss the moment things cooled over, everything was silent. Everyone in their own minds, all while trying to come up with new solutions and propositions.
"If you're going to stay with this woman," PD Nim said, eyes on a watery-eyed Hoseok before him, "There will be a risk. There will be a risk at your career, and there will probably be a risk for her in the open."
"I don't want the public to know about her or the child," Hoseok said lightly, "I want them safe."
"That's going to be hard," BangPD said, eyes softer now that he got the utter shock off his chest, "You can hide for if you please, but eventually, the truth comes out. And when it does come out, it will get ugly."
"...and if it comes out too early in the group's schedules, your career could get effected, sure—but so will the other boys suffer," PD Nim added. "If people get a hold of this information, the whole group and management can pay for the backlash."
"So...there's a downside to both ways," BangPD said softly, "It's up to you now. Do you want this part of your life hidden, or do you want it exposed as soon as you and your group are introduced to the world?"
Hoseok didn't say anything. On one side, he was confused over not being able to function with his thoughts. He wanted you, and he wanted the child. He wanted to be in your lives, present and willing to step in as a responsible father. He wanted that out in the open so no more lies needed to be told.
But on the other end, he wanted you hidden for the safety of you and the child. He didn't want you attacked, nor did he want the company and the members to pay for the mistakes he made. He wished to keep you hidden for the safety of everyone.
Hoseok was torn.
"I can't leave Y/N."
"We aren't asking you to do that," BangPD said, smiling a little when seeing how distressed Hoseok seemed to be, "We're asking which steps you want us to take now. Do you want this child to be a secret, or do you want this part of your life to be exposed to the public? Either way, you are more than willing to stay with this woman."
Hoseok swallowed harshly, eyes just as harsh as he focused on his fingers that clenched into fists.
"It's a hard decision."
"Take your time," PD Nim said, slowly allowing his hand to rest over on top of a young Hoseok's shoulder.
.
.
.
October 13, 2012.
9 months before Bangtan Sonyeondan debut.
"I have to leave Y/N..."
Sudden pairs of eyes seemed to meet Hoseok's determined and saddened ones.
"What?" PD Nim asked, brows furrowing when staring over at the boy who stood awkwardly by the corner of the door's opening.
"What do you mean Hobi?" BangPD said, eyes narrowing at the sudden conclusion stem from the man.
Hoseok's heart was aching, breaking, and tearing within him. Here he stood, wanting to throw up and gash into an instant hatred for himself for speaking out such words. Here he stood, regretting ever getting so invested in your love and the possibility of a mundane relationship with the mother of his child. Yet, he made this decision, no matter how badly it hurt, he made this decision for his career, for the band members, the company, his proud family, and your safety.
He remembered having to think about this very thought for weeks...
He'd lay next to you, watching you peacefully sleep and reach the parts in your pregnancy that scared the both of you. You were almost 8 months in.
He'd lay next to his mother when going to visit once. It had been over years when finally seeing his family. Crying and ready to tell them about you, he was muted when seeing how proud they all seemed to be. His father, mother, sister, heck, everyone was so proud of him. He refrained form speaking about you and the child...he simply stayed letting them believe in him as they were excited for his debut.
He'd lay next to certain band members, seeing how anxious they were to debut soon. They were always tired and working their hardest to achieve something out of this small company and group. Did they know if they were going to be successful? They didn't know, but they were excited to see what was in store for the future. They were all young and starting off their careers as a group—a brotherhood. They were ready to combine forces and show the world what they had. A small group, a small company. All of them were ready to start proud and held high.
Everyone he laid next to taught him different things. He struggled to come to conclusions and here he was, with a conclusion. He hated what he came about, feeling cowardly as he spoke up and told them everything. From his reasoning, to his decision-making. The two before him were held in surprise and slight hurt for the pained Hoseok standing before them.
"I'm sorry Hoseok-ah," PD Nim said softly, not knowing what to say.
"Are you sure about this?" BangPD asked, "This is your family we're talking about..."
Hoseok took a while but he nodded.
"I'm sure," he said slowly, "I'll leave Y/N and our child for everyone to be successful and safe."
BangPD pursed his lips in a tight, straight, and tired line.
.
.
.
October 19, 2012.
9 months before Bangtan Sonyeondan debut.
You were smiling as you moved slowly towards the door. Seeing it ring after a week, you had in mind the face you expected to see behind the door. The face that always brought home lilies for you after a long absence from you. Grinning, you were ready to add on to the empty vase that had been sitting around for a couple of weeks. You were ready to see the man you cared for so dearly again.
Hand on the top of your stomach out of habit, the fact that you were a balloon about to pop was nothing big for you any longer. Sure you were nervous, but you were more excited than anything. You were excited to start up the new and improved life with Hoseok.
Happiest expression on your face as you had the door swing open. You were about to sing out Hoseok's name cutely only to stop in confusion when seeing unfamiliar men on the other end.
The men stood uncomfortable, eyes soft and smiled quivering before you.
"Who—"
"Hoseok picked a beautiful one," one of the men said, smiling gently over at you before bowing in a slight 'hello'.
You awkwardly bowed back before moving your lips to ask them who they were.
"For sure," the other man sadly sighed out, moving to stick out the envelope he was holding in his hands.
"What's this?" you asked, taking the envelope into your hands the moment the man lightly wiggled it within his fingers.
"Plane tickets."
"Plane tickets?" you asked, confused and trying to open at the envelope.
But your curiosity seemed to take over you.
"Who are you two?"
"We're Hobi's management," the man who handed over the envelope said softly.
"...He's the PD, and I'm the company's lead," BangPD said softly.
Your eyes widened. Bowing more respectfully, you couldn't help but smile hugely again. You were the one nervous now. Staring over at your stomach, you smiled nervously when noticing that they clearly saw your state.
"Hello, I-I, don't know what to say...w-would you like to come in?" you were struggling and adorable.
This simply made the two before you have their faces sink in instant hurt.
Your stomach dropped, not understanding the envelope in your hands, the entrance of these two men, and now the thought that something off may be occurring. The look of sadness in their eyes made your pregnant form want to explode.
"What's wrong?" you asked nervously, out of breath.
"We have something to tell you," BangPD said lowly, trying to grow his assertive tone.
.
.
.
.
.
PRESENT
2016.
You threw up.
You threw up consistently and disgustingly throughout most of the airplane ride. Feeling sick, your tired eyes were a little red as you moved behind the other passengers. It was evident that most of them hated your very sight since the long air flight had been disastrous for them and you. You were the one puking from fright of flying, while they were the ones having to hear and smell you going through all of it.
Flushing, you held a paper bag in your hand just in case as you moved to have your eyes try and meet for the man that was supposed to be picking you up.
Tired eyes widening when spotting the one man you were excited to meet, you found your sweating mouth to grin when rushing towards him.
He noticed your sick form and chuckled, hugging you when you moaned into his shoulder in pain. Breathing in, you cursed before bowing and apologizing for your state.
"Don't apologize," PD Nim said, laughing when you groaned and dragged your luggage alongside you as both of you started to move out and towards the location of his parked vehicle, "Just be glad I've brought some medicine for you in the car."
"You knew I'd be sick," you piped, chuckling when knowing this wasn't the first time this man had seen you in such a state.
"Yes," he asked, sighing when noticing the missing fact the moment you had come to see him.
You hadn't brought Yeri along.
"Didn't bring Yeri?" he asked gently, feeling slightly bad that Hoseok was expecting to see his son as well. But, not much PD Nim could do at this point...
"No," you said softly, thanking PD Nim as he moved to open your door for you to stay seated in the passenger seat. "He wanted to go out with my friend instead. They went to a wedding."
PD Nim nodded, loading up the rest of the luggage before moving to sit in the car himself. He chuckled when spotting you were already groaning and digging into the medicine. "Ah, I hope you feel a little for tonight...rest when you get home," he ordered sweetly, moving to start the car to drive.
"I can't believe you're leaving," you said lightly, "I couldn't miss this farewell party for you...plus, it's about time I meet the staff that had done so much for me in my time of need. I never really realized how much I missed this part of Korea."
PD Nim swallowed, slowly starting to move out of the parking lot of the airport and onto the crowded streets near it. "About that."
You glanced over at the man, head tiredly rested against the car seat.
"The party tonight isn't a farewell party for me."
Your brows furrowed, "Then what party is it?"
You felt uneasy since that was what was said on the invitation. Instead of questioning, you simply waited for the man to continue letting you know more about what he was talking about.
"It's an album release party," PD Nim blurted out, turning a corner as he got onto the main road. He positioned his sentence well and in time so he could pick up speed with his car and start driving away.
"What?" you asked, brows jumping. Sudden panic stemmed at your stomach. You felt the need to throw up again.
"It's a—"
"PD Nim," you snapped, eyes cold as you felt your voice growing sqeakier in surprise, "What's going on. Be straightforward and tell me."
PD Nim swallowed at the sound of your nervous tone of voice.
"Did I mention how much I missed you?" he tried.
You didn't say anything, nose practically flaring as your stomach turned and produced more juices to spit out.
"Shoot."
PD Nim sighed, swearing as he stopped at a stop light. Timing himself to speak as the light was about to turn green, he made sure the car was slowly starting to move again once he spoke.
"I sent you a fake invitation so you'd come down and see Hoseok," he blurted out, everything out in the open.
Your eyes were wide, mouth gaping open.
Sighing, PD Nim felt terrible, yet he felt like this was necessary. Moving to turn a little at his steering wheel as the light turned green. The car was moving and accelerating. Turning his head casually to meet your eyes, his practically popped out of his head as he did a double glance.
"Y/N!!"
You were jumping out of the car.