"Be not afraid of moving slowly, be afraid only of standing still." - Chinese Proverb
Words Spoken And Silent Conversations Found
It was around six in the afternoon the next that day that I heard loud banging on the front door, accompanied by the doorbell a few times. I dropped 'City of Glass' the third book in a new series I had started and looked out the window in confusion. Wes had left early in the morning to spend some quality time with his family and help in all the wedding planning. Mase and Renee had stayed over for the weekends and many other days when they could, intensively planning out everything. It was convenient that they were all too busy to notice Wes' midnight absence.
I saw the faded orange ute that Eli and I frequently rode in when we were little with Eli's father driving us around everywhere. The banging on the door continued until I descended from the third floor all the way to the front door. Eli stood in front of the door, her arm half raised to knock again just as I flung the door open.
"Did I scare off Wes?" she asked innocently, banging on the door loudly again.
"Hello to you too," I stepped aside to let her in. "Let's just hope the neighbours haven't called the police. And Wes isn't here, by the way."
"Your neighbours are miles away from this mansion," she exaggerated, walking into the living room and jumping on the couch. She threw her feet up looking at me expectantly. "SO?!"
"So what?" I told her, grabbing two sodas from the fridge and handing her one. I went back to peer into the fridge for what I could cook today, "So dinner?"
"Oh, my god," she stared at me. "You did, didn't you?"
"Wha-?" then it dawned on me, her expression was too obvious. Blood instantly rushed to my cheeks.
She turned to fully face me from the couch, laughing as I hid behind the fridge, "Welcome to the world of adult fun, Kitty."
"I- We didn't," I snapped the fridge shut.
"Nice try," she smirked. "So, how was he? Was he as good as every girl boasts about?"
"Eli, stop," I groaned as her eyes grew more excited. If she didn't stop where she was now, she'd be going on to tell me about what worked with her expeditions.
"Why? I always tell you everything!" she protested. There we go.
"Because nothing happened!" I hadn't realised that I had raised my voice. The silence rung through the room loud and clear.
Eli put her soda down, "Really?"
"Really."
"Wow," was all she said before she fell into a round of laughter.
I stared at her impassively as she continued laughing for a few good minutes.
"You just lost your invitation to dinner," I stalked out of the kitchen and plopped down onto the couch next to her.
Eli sobered up instantly, but a few giggles escaped every now and then.
"I'm sorry," Eli pursed her lips together.
"When you have the time, please indulge me about what is so funny," I popped open my soda can and took a sip.
"Wes has really fallen for you," she looked at me seriously.
"And that if funny how...?" I raised an eyebrow at her.
"Because now I'm worried for him more than you," she tried to explain. "And then I remembered that time I told you Wes was just like Tyler. So I found it funny that we were in this place right now."
"I don't get it," my eyebrows creased together. Wes was still a player. Although he had been spending a fair bit of time with me, not at parties or with other girls as far as I knew.
"It means he's too worried he'd ruin things with you if he was, you know, Wes," Eli stated matter-of-factly. "So if you really want to let him know that there's nothing to worry about, you have to take charge- initiate."
"What about you and Jordan?" I asked slowly and hesitantly. And as I had expected, Eli suddenly grew very self-conscious.
"What about Jordan?" she said cautiously. She picked up her soda can and swirled the contents carefully.
"At Julian's party?"
Eli kept looking at her soda as she replied slowly, "We actually didn't have sex."
I sighed in relief. I didn't know the extent of what had happened between Eli and Jordan at the party- only that they had reached an odd agreement that made sense only to the two of them.
"We almost did," she said quietly. "We went to a room upstairs- we were both very drunk. And I don't know, something just made us stop right before. We just-stopped- when we were close and thought about what we were doing. It was weird...that's never happened before. Usually I'd..." she trailed off, her eyebrows knitting together.
This time, I poked her brows and she visibly relaxed.
"That's actually good thing, Eli," I told her softly. "It shows you really care, you know? And imagine just how much more damage it'd have done to your friendship if your first with him was at a party, piss drunk? That would have really hurt the both of you."
We fell into silence just then. The only sound from the fizz in the soda evaporating away. I instantly recognised this silence. It was the silence that always built up to something. I just didn't know what. I often lulled Eli into this type of silence when I knew she had something to say but didn't know how. It was the silence I used to get her to tell me about her parent's divorce.
"I ran into my mom," she told me, looking only at her soda can.
"Where did you see her?" The word 'her' came out a bit too harshly on my tongue. It held the unforgotten taste of venom in my mouth. I had so much built up fury against Eli's mom. How she had just up and left out of nowhere without even telling Eli that she was running away. To top that, she had run away with a guy, a young guy who was twelve years her junior. The next time any of them had heard from her was in the mail a week later, a bunch of papers filing for divorce.
"With my dad," Eli replied quietly.
"What did she want?"
"To get back with him."
"Isn't that...a good thing?" I told her. If I had so much anger, I couldn't imagine what Eli was feeling. But Eli had been calm about the whole thing after the storm was over. During the storm she had been quiet but had intense bursts of rage when things got too much. Yet throughout the whole thing, she still loved her mom. And I know she hoped that one day her mom would come back, along with Jason. And they'd all be a family again.
"For him," she shrugged. She then raised her head to look at me, an oddly detached expression on her face. "She said she didn't want to take care of me, that I was a burden. So they're going to try again together after I graduate and move out."
"What. A. Bitch," I hissed.
"Yup," she popped the 'p'. Eli was accustomed to my anger towards her mother. But this was the first time she didn't wear an reprehensive look when I let my rage show.
"How're you feeling?" I asked tentatively.
She shrugged again, "Honestly, I couldn't care any less about what those two got up to anymore. We may be related but we're definitely not family anymore. And that's fine because they've long lost the right to be classified as family anymore. I've had a better family right here in front of me this whole time." She gave me a half smile.
"You just want to move in, don't you?" I joked lightly.
"The minute I turn eighteen," she nodded seriously.
"You know I'm always here for you," I told her earnestly, placing a hand on her arm. "And I'm moving all your stuff in here myself at midnight on your birthday."
She laughed, "Too bad Wes is going to have to learn to share."
"I'm sure you'll be too busy with Jordan to even be around."
We got caught up in the hype, discussing our elaborate plans for when Eli turned eighteen. Dad had always invited Eli to stay with us when things became rough at her family's house, even suggesting to turn half of my floor into Eli's living space. But Eli had always adamantly refused with unwavering belief in her family to heal itself. But I watched that belief slowly dying in her eyes over the years. But that didn't matter anymore. She was going to live here in a few months. And after that, we could start a new life at a college, maybe even move out together if the college we chose was too far. Now, that would be absolutely downright awesome. But something tugged at the back of my mind- a question I'd forgotten to ask.
"By the way, when did this happen?" I asked, trying to remember if anything was different about Eli in the last few days.
"Um, Friday," she said quickly. "The day of Julian's party. Right after work when I got home to pick up a few things."
"Why didn't you tell me?!" I roared at her. I suddenly remembered. She and Jan had come over after work, and Eli had an impatient and slightly annoyed look. I had just taken that as feelings towards me not telling her about the whole Bridgette thing.
"You had stuff going on with two-faced barbie," she shrugged. I couldn't stop the overpowering guilt. And I didn't want to- I deserved it. It was no wonder she had lost control at the party, over drinking and coming back home looking terrible. And that definitely explained our conversation the next day.
I cringed against the guilt. "I'm so sorry. I really should have noticed."
"It's fine, Kitty," she smiled at me reassuringly. "You know I'm one of the best actors!"
It was true. Eli was good at pretending everything was alright. I was one of the few blessed to see through it and was allowed inside enough to see her when she cracked. She knew her facades didn't work on me. This time, I wasn't so sure. I had been too caught up with Wes. With Kevin. And bloody Bridgette.
"Still, I should have been there," I pressed on.
"Jordan kept me company," she said, still reassuringly.
"Jordan?" I said incredulously. "But I should have been there! I've been so caught up with Wes!"
Then I remembered the letters and Marie knowing my mom and my dad's aloofness and his reaction when I told him about Marie and that made me feel even worse. I never told Eli those things. I had no right to tell Eli off for not telling me everything.
"I did say Wes presents me with some serious competition," she tried to joke. "But Jordan's been amazing. He's very patient and kind and considerate and to top it off, hot."
Eli smiled a small curve of true happiness upon her lips. "I love him."
I was left speechless. It was the first time I had heard Eli actually say those words. About anyone.
"I'm honestly so happy for you, Eli," I hugged her. "Just, tell him that, okay?"
It was funny how things worked. When Eli couldn't care any less about a guy, the span of the relationship would be a weekend, travelling too fast for me to remember it even happened. She'd do things very quickly and by the time school started again for the week, it was already over. But only when she truly cared about something she'd prolong it, basking and reveling in every moment of it.
"When it's right," she told me, patting my knee. "So, how about we go out for dinner instead. Up for burgers and onion rings?"
"You bet," we rushed for the door, the last one out would have to drive. A minute later, Eli was behind the wheel and I was rolling down the window to let the cold wind whip against the car, carrying us faster down the road.