I’m a disappearing act done poorly
But if I ever get it right, you’ll miss me sorely
I look like the cat that just ate the canary
Coughing up feathers
There’s a “get out of jail” card if I can think of something clever
I’ll plead the fifth on all of this
When you’re chips are down, and your drink are all gone
I’ll still be here, wishing and waiting for you to come home
Kaleidoscope eyes sparkle at the world
My emerald city, downtown girl
In the sickness of you, I’m just a white blood cell
Fighting like hell for you
*****************************************************************************
“What do you mean you think you might have gotten us signed?” Ryan asked his face frozen in shock.
I sighed and looked down at the floor, “Do you guys remember that one time when I asked if I could record your rehearsal?” The boys nodded. “I played around with that tape a little bit, recorded myself saying why I thought you guys should be signed for…”
“For what?” Spencer asked, his eyebrows rose a little. Not in anger but… in interest. I smiled at him.
“Pete Wentz’s new label, Decaydance.”
“WHAT?!?!?!?!?!” They all yelled at me again and I winced.
“You mean to tell us that FOB’s Pete Wentz wants to sign us,” Jon asked in a slow voice. Almost as if it were too hard for him to believe.
“No,” I almost laughed as all of their faces dropped. “He doesn’t know if he wants to sign you until he hears you play live. Once he does, I’m absolutely certain he will want you.”
“When does he want to hear us?” Spencer asked.
“Spring Break,” They had about 2 weeks to prepare. “He’s coming here. To Brendon’s house.”
Before I knew it heavy bodies were on me, picking me up while twirling me around in circles. I was literally getting the life squeezed out of me. I laughed at Jon and Spencer who finally set me down but almost immediately after Ryan scooped me up into his arms gently and wrapped his arms tightly around me.
“Thank you,” Was all he whispered in my ear before releasing me. That caused my eyes to water a little and I beamed at him. I looked around for Brendon. When I saw the front door halfway open. I knew that he was out there. Was he upset with me? Well… there’s only one way to find out. With a deep breath to calm my nerves I slipped out the door and sat saw Brendon sitting on the porch bench; his shoulder hunched over. Hesitantly I walked over to him and sat down quietly.
He had his head in his hands and he was breathing heavily. Tentatively, I placed a hand on his back. When he didn’t tense at my touch, I took that as a good sign and then placed my chin on his left shoulder blade. His ear was near my mouth and I whispered softly to him,
“Are you okay?”
“Why didn’t you tell me, Iz?” His voice was rough.
“I wanted to surprise you,” I could feel my voice shaking. “You have no idea how hard it’s been to keep this from you. I’m sorry.” His head snapped up and he stared at me incredulously.
“Don’t apologize,” He said firmly. “I’m not mad.”
“You’re not?” I asked in a small voice. Sighing, he cupped my cheeks in his hand and rested his forehead against my own.
“How could I be mad when I have the sweetest, kindest girl trying to make my dreams come true? Tell me, how could I be mad at that girl?”
“I guess you couldn’t,” I laughed a little and he chuckled.
“You’re right,” He kissed my lovingly and gently on my lips. “Izzy I…” Quickly I placed a finger on his lips.
“Don’t,” I whispered and closed my eyes so I couldn’t see the hurt on his face. “Please don’t say it.”
“Why not?” He asked me softly.
“Brendon,” I cupped his face in my hands as well. “I want to hear you say it almost as much as I want to say it. But I’m not ready to deal with that right now. Please say you understand.”
“I don’t understand,” He said and my eyes tightened as I felt the tears start to fall. His fingers began to brush them away and finally I opened my eyes and stared into his sad ones. “But I will try to understand. For you.”
“Thank you, Brendon.”
“Thank you for believing in me,” He said in return and I smiled.
“I’ll always believe in you, Brendon,” I said honestly. “Especially at the times when you wont believe in yourself. I do want you to do something for me though,”
“What’s that?”
“Just kiss me again,” I whispered against his lips. “Please.”
“You never have to ask.”
*----*
It had been a week since Brendon and I got together and they rumors have continued to spread. To be honest, it was getting irritating. I hated having eyes on me at every second of every day.
As soon as Brendon and I stepped into the hallway the murmurs, pointing and whispering filled the school. My eyes narrowed at all of them but they refused to avert their eyes. Seriously? Again, I overheard some of the comments and they all basically said the same thing,
How did that happen?
How did it happen? I couldn’t believe that Brendon actually liked me. It made no sense. He could have any girl he wanted yet… He chose me. Brendon may not know it but almost every girl was fawning over him. I could already feel the glares and disbelieving gazes coming from 90% of the females in the school. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel intimidated.
Brendon’s hand squeezed mine tighter for a second and a smile pulled at my lips as I stared into his warm chocolate brown eyes.
“Getting bored of me already, love?” He teased; I blushed a little at the term of endearment.
“W-what?” I stuttered. “No!”
“Calm down, Iz,” He kissed the top of my forehead and wrapped his arm around my waist. “I was just joking.” My face heated and he chuckled into my hair. “I think my favorite thing about you is your blush.”
“Well that’s my least favorite trait about myself,” I grumbled. “It’s uncontrollable and embarrassing.”
“Which is why I love it,” He gently brushed the tip of my nose with his finger.
“Spring breaks coming up,” I pointed out. “How are you and the guys doing? Sorry, I haven’t been able to come to the last couple rehearsals. My mom needed help around the house.”
“It’s okay,” He said. “I missed having you around though. We’re getting there I guess,” he scratched the back of his neck with his free hand. “It just feels like I’m going to be totally unprepared.”
“That’s just your nerves talking,” I tried to reassure him. “Panic! Is going to do great. You’re going to do great.”
“I don’t know about that,” I voice sang from my right and I looked to see Ryan smiling at me. “Because of you,” he pointed at me then at Brendon. “He has not been able to focus during practice.”
I turned around to glare at Brendon but addressed my question to Ryan, “Why what has he been doing?”
“Moping around, day dreaming, taking way too many breaks, messing up the words… You know just your every day screw ups,” Ryan said sarcastically and Brendon rolled his eyes.
“I’m not that bad,” He huffed and crossed his arms.
“Yeah, you are,” Ryan snorted.
“Hey,” I called to gain Brendon’s attention. “You need to focus in practice. This is a big shot for all of you and I want you all to do the best that you possibly can. This means as much to me as it does to you.”
Brendon smiled at me and pulled me into his arms. The warmth that radiated off of him was enough to ease away my worries and instead I relaxed into his hold while wrapped my arms around his neck. “Don’t worry,” He told me. “I’ve just been missing you that’s all.”
“You see her everyday. How can you miss her?” Ryan’s voice interrupted our moment and Brendon shot him a look.
“I miss her because I don’t get to spend any extra time with her,” He returned his attention back to me. “Sure, I see you at school and that’s great and all but I miss having you hang out with me after school. You know… couch,” He winked and my I blushed again. Couch was our not so secret word for ‘make-out’.
Ryan coughed from behind me to remind us that he was still here, “While I’d love to watch the two of you start making out… We have a class to get to.”
“Alright, dad,” Brendon joked and Ryan reached around me to smack him.
“OW!” He said loudly causing even more people to stare at us.
Great.
*----Brendon----*
I loved Izzy. I was sure of it. I knew she felt the same way and I’m just waiting for the day that she’ll be ready to say it. I’m trying to be patient, I really am but it get’s harder every single day. I want her to want me. I want her to tell me she loves me just as much as I love her. I want to show her how much I want her. But she’s not ready for that and I’ll have to learn to wait. It’s not going to be easy… actually, it’s going to be hell.
I wanted her in every sense of the word. Heart, mind, soul… body. Hey, I’m a teenage boy with hormones alright? Sue me. That’s not all I was thinking about. It’s just been something I’ve been thinking about lately. A lot. I know that we’re nowhere near that step but when the time comes, I want to make it special for her. For us. It would be both of our first times and I couldn’t imagine any one better to give myself to then her. I honestly think Izzy is it for me.
God I sounded like a girl right now.
“Dude, did you hear a word of what I just said?” Ryan asked. Coming back to reality, I turned to look at him and smiled sheepishly. He rolled his eyes and sighed. “I said, can you help me with number 16? I don’t think I’m doing it right.”
“Sure, ask the kid with ADHD to help you with your math,” I joked and he shoved me lightly.
“Hey Brendon,” A girl called to me. I looked up hesitantly. Usually, the girls would just keep their distance and wave at me shyly from afar. Or just a simple ‘hello’ here and there was the most I got. And that was great. But ever since Izzy and I started going out it seemed to switch something on in their heads. They got a lot more friendly and talkative. One of them even had the nerve to ask me out and they knew fully well that I wasn’t available. That didn’t stop them though, if any thing it encouraged them. I hated it.
“Hey,” My voice broke and Ryan snickered but kept his head down.
“I’m not sure if you know me but I’m, Nicole,” She held her hand out and, not wanting to be rude, I shook it.
“Brendon,” I introduced myself shortly and turned back to my math. Not once did Nicole ever talk to me in the past 5 months that I’ve been here. I just hoped she’d stop talking to me.
“So, are you and that girl really going out?” She said in a loud whisper. I sighed heavily.
“Depends which girl you’re talking about.”
“That Isabella girl,” She clarified and my fist tightened around my pencil. I don’t know why it irked me so much when people got her name wrong.
“Her name is, Izabel and yes I am dating her.”
“Why?”
Why won’t you leave me alone?
When I didn’t answer she continued, “I mean… she’s not that pretty. Someone like you could do better,” I was beginning to loose my temper and if she didn’t stop talking now I might just blow up in her face. I was getting tired of people questioning why I liked Izzy. I mean, it’s obvious isn’t it? She’s beautiful, funny, amazing, understanding, kind, smart… everything you could ever ask for in a girlfriend and yet… people didn’t get that. Well, at least the girls didn’t. The guys on the other hand were a different story. Izzy may not know this but she’s pretty well liked by the guys at the school. They were just all too afraid to approach her because Landon threatened to break their faces if any of them hurt her like Noah had done. He even threatened me. I’ll be honest, I was pretty much scared shitless but I’m glad that Izzy had a good friend like him. “I don’t know if you know this but…”
“You know what?” I cut her off. “I really don’t think it’s any of your business who I date and I really don’t want to hear any rumor you’ve either made up or heard from someone else.”
She looked at me shocked and I would have apologized for being mean but I was too annoyed at this point. At that exact moment the bell rang and I shot up from my seat.
Who knew dating would cause so much drama?
************************************************************************************************************
Oh, I’m just a crack, with no intent or stash
Pour gasoline on the vault just to burn the cash
I swear to God, I’d never heard a better sound coming out
Then when you’re whimpering my name from your mouth
I’ll plead fifth on all of this
When your chips are down, and your drinks are all gone
I’ll still be here, wishing waiting for you to come home
Kaleidoscope eyes, sparkle at the world
My emerald city, downtown girl
In the sickness of you, I’m just a white blood cell
Fighting like hell for you
I’ve got an insatiable desire for your insides
It’s undeniable; I’ll conspire and pull against your body tonight
__________________________
Song: Kaleidoscope Eyes by P!ATD