Toni
My dreams had lately been feeling more like hallucinations, or bad euphoric trips. I woke up in the same spot I'd fallen asleep, dried tears on my face, achy muscles, and the worst part--Janet wasn't here. I swore that I could hear her voice and feel her touch me; I could smell her sweet perfume and taste her lips. But all of it, everything I thought she said, and everything I thought she did to me, was imagined. Now, my fantasies were more like nightmares simply because it wasn't my reality. It was insane how deep my feelings for her became in the course of a few weeks, how quickly I became attached to her.
She had to know. I had to tell her how deep it was getting for me. I would never look at her the same if I didn't. My conscience would never become clear, and I had a feeling it was only going to really hurt me. As good as the sex was, and as much as I loved her company, none of it was healthy.
So I called her again. Maybe I seemed obsessed. But this had to happen. I checked the time on my phone: 2:56. She should have been done reconnecting with Wissam by that point, but with Janet, there was no telling. Surprisingly, she picked up on the third ring.
"Hey, Toni. Sorry I rushed you off the phone earlier-"
"No, I understand. I'm sorry for interrupting." I sighed. This conversation was already hurting me so badly. The thought of her being with someone else felt like a bad concussion rattling my brain.
"Toni, are you okay? You don't seem like yourself."
I wanted to cry. Right now, it felt like she had switched into her 'best friend' mode, and it didn't seem right to bring the sex into it at this particular moment. She was trying to be here for me as a sister, not a lover. It was nice, but the only issue was that I shouldn't have had to wonder about which one I was dealing with every time we talked. It was more complicated than I thought.
"Yeah, Jan. Don't worry about me."
"You know I don't like it when you don't tell me things. I can tell something is going on."
If she asked me one more time if I was okay, I knew for a fact I would begin to cry, and would not be able to stop. I didn't have anything else to say. I now regretted the phone call.
"Toni, honey, I'm coming over. You haven't said 3 words in 5 minutes. It's unlike you."
"Janet-"
She hung up on me. If I saw her face to face, I wouldn't be able to keep this composure. But she was coming over, so I had to at least try. I straightened up my house and fixed my face to look semi-presentable. I knew she wouldn't care too much, but it was something I had to do for myself.
Just like my dream, Janet came into my room unannounced, looking particularly radiant. A sharp pain hit my chest in knowing why her skin glowed like this today.
"Toni, you left your house completely unlocked, what's wrong?" Her face twisted up in a look of sympathy as she neared my bed with open arms. "What happened?" She embraced me. I fought with everything in me to hold the tears back.
"I don't want to talk about it right now, Jan. I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. Look at me."
I pulled away to finally look her in the eyes. She searched to find the answer as to why I was upset, but she couldn't seem to see how much I had really fallen for her. That hurt even more. Janet wiped one tear from my face. "It's okay."
No, Janet, it wasn't.
I just nodded my head.
"Here, let's lay down."
"You didn't have to do this." We lay on opposite sides of the bed, separated by about a nine inch gap in the middle. To me, it didn't feel right. We were meant to touch. "To come here."
"No, I can see you're hurting, and I want to be here for you."
"You left Wissam for me?" Guilt coursed through my veins. This whole thing was pretty damn selfish.
"Yeah, but it's okay. We were just watching a movie."
"Janet, I'm sorry. I know you haven't seen him in a long time."
"But I haven't been here for you like this in an even longer time. Don't worry about it, Toni. Truly. He understands."
I sighed and closed my eyes.
"Are you ever going to tell me what's going on?"
"Eventually."
"I'll be here when you're ready. Have you eaten anything today?"
"No, and I'm not hungry."
"It's nearly 5, Ton. That's not healthy."
That made two things that weren't healthy.
"I will soon. Don't worry."
"Okay."
That was the extent of the conversation. I didn't have a whole lot to say, as long as I wasn't telling her how I felt. Janet finally beaconed me to her lap where she played in my hair in complete silence. It was harmless, innocent. I wanted to doze off, but I was afraid of what I would see when I began to dream. I would probably admit something that I wasn't ready for her to know in my sleep.
"Wissam says he wants to meet you." Janet said, gently breaking our silence. Her voice was so sweet that it nearly blended into the atmosphere.
"He did?"
"Yes."
I didn't really know how to feel about it. But anything other than, 'I would love to meet him' would have been rude.
"I'd love to meet him."
"You would?"
"Yes."
More silence. It was never this hard for me to hold a conversation, especially not with Janet. I was so tense and I couldn't let my guard down for anything in the world. Maybe sleeping would be the better option, just to get out of any active engagement. All of a sudden, an unexplained chill ripped through me.
"You feel warm, Toni." Janet rested her hand on my forehead. At that particular moment, a hot flash swooped across my body. Maybe that's why my dreams felt more like hallucinations earlier, and why I couldn't eat. I wasn't completely insane. Just sick. On top of trying to finish this album, my mind had been so consumed with her that I didn't even pay attention to myself. It was taking its toll.
Janet's concern increased as I closed my eyes.
"I'm okay, Jan. Really."
"You're not. I'm staying the night. You need me. Come on, get under the blankets."
"What's Wissam going to think when you don't come home tonight?"
"Toni, don't worry about it! Are you achy? Let me give you a massage."
I just looked at her. Lord knows I wanted her to touch me, and she was really trying my patience with all of this.
"Turn over!" She demanded once more. I did as I was told and flipped onto my stomach. I wasn't going to lie, I was tense. It's what I needed.
"Jan, why are you doing this?" I groaned while she waited for me to get situated.
"Because, I can't have you all sick before we even get a chance to hit the club before I leave again! And you deserve this, Toni. You have a lot going on."
She urged me to take my sweater off before she got started. I did as I was told, and soon her hands worked their magic through my tank top.
"You've got this album, this tour to rehearse for... there's a lot of tension in here." She pushed harder. I tried not to make any suggestive sounds.
"You're on tour too, Jan. What about you?"
"I'm fine, don't worry about me! Now take your shirt off."
I craned my neck around to see her. "What?"
"I have to get deeper into your muscles. I can't do that through your shirt."
I sat up onto my knees and pulled the shirt over my head. I could feel her watching my every move as I did this, her eyes burning holes into each one of my breasts clad in a plain black bra. She was completely gone.
"Jan," I sung, waving my hand over her face. As she snapped out of her thoughts I could see her face turning bright red as she gnawed on the inside of her cheek, shifting nervously.
Now I know she wanted me. She was asking for it.
"I'm sorry. I spaced out."
"I know you did." I took my place back on my stomach. "What's going through your head?"
"Not a whole lot," Janet said while she rubbed my shoulder blades. I sighed in content. "Your skin is flawless, Toni. What do you use?" She tried to divert the conversation to anything else.
I had to chuckle a little. "Just Jergens lotion, nothing special."
Her hands moved down into the middle of my back, kneading heavily and releasing all of the knots that my muscles tied themselves into. I felt so much better already.
"That feels so good..." I whispered to myself, but I guess she heard me as she began to chuckle.
"See, I told you." She replied softly.
I could feel a deeply-rooted sexual tension rising between us more and more, the lower down my back her hands traveled. The only thing missing were her soft kisses placed intermittently on my skin as she whispered sweet nothings into my ear.
"Lower, Jan," I called after a while.
"Huh?"
"Go a little lower. Please."
"Sure."
A deep pressure pushed on my lower spine that made my eyes roll into my head.
"Right there," I moaned.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah..."
I was turned on completely at this point, wanting to turn around and kiss her so badly. But I also didn't want to interpret her gestures the wrong way and make it awkward.
I could sense her getting close to my neck, making hairs stand up and a shiver rush across me. I stayed stiff as a board, waiting for her to make a move.
"Toni," her voice was like a dream in my ear.
"Mm, yeah?"
"You're making me want to move this massage to some other places on you."
I bit my lip and smiled. This was what I was waiting for.
"Nothing is off limits, Jan."
"Maybe it will warm you up a little, no?"
"It's worth a try."
I turned around to face her, and she met my face with a smile.
"Can I sit here?" She asked, pointing to my lap.
"If you'd like."
She swung one of her legs over my torso and straddled me the way she usually did.
"I love the way you sound when you're enjoying yourself."
"I'm sure you meant when I am enjoying you."
A wide smile spread across Janet's face and her cheeks turned red at my response. I put my hands on her thighs as I bit my lip.
She leaned down, placing her elbows on either side of my head. Her eyes were glued to my lips while she murmured softly to me.
"There's something about the way your voice gets when you're aroused, that turns me on so much..." She inhaled deeply before getting close to my ear again, playing in my hair with her fingers. "So deep and smooth," Janet placed a tender kiss on my neck. "Incredibly sexy..."
The ocean between my legs grew larger as she did all of this to me. I just closed my eyes and felt her stimulate my mind and body. It was all I wanted. Janet began grinding her hips subtly on top of me, taking her time with everything. If my body wasn't achy before, it definitely was now in this moment of intense desire.
"As much as I want you right now, if I really do have something, I don't want to get you sick." I said.
"Fuck it. We'll be sick together. In this bed. I'll take care of you in every way I can."
Janet picked her head up from my ear and looked me deep in the eyes. "I don't care."
I just looked back at her before her lips finally connected passionately with mine, wasting no time for our tongues to dance. I leaned forward just enough for her to reach back and unhook my bra, throwing it to the side. A soft moan crawled from my throat as she took one of my breasts in each of her hands and squeezed. She moaned back in response.
Janet sat up straight on my lap and unzipped her hoodie. All that remained underneath was a sports bra filled to capacity with her perky breasts, the print of her jewelry coming slightly through. As she saw me staring, she took my hands and guided them around her torso, where I took it upon my myself from there to play with her nipples through the fabric. Her eyes were burning holes into my own chest.
Soon, My arms once again were taken away from me and pinned above my head while she had her way with me. Janet kissed my lips tenderly before making her way to one of my breasts, blowing hot, slow hair onto my nipple.
"Before I leave again, we're going to get this pierced," she demanded. "I want you to feel what I feel."
I nodded my head in compliance. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. It was only a matter of time. Janet sucked on one of my breasts while she fondled the other one. My breathing became shallow, and my body arched in a need for more. My hands, now free, tangled themselves into her short hair.
"Jan..." I moaned.
"Mhm," she mumbled back, her lips still wrapped tightly around my breast. Once she finished, a light peck was placed on either one and she looked up at me with those lust-filled eyes.
"Are you feeling any better now?" Janet growled. I could feel her hands making their way to my sweat pants.
Quite honestly, I didn't, but being with her distracted me from the shitty feeling. So I shook my head and pouted like a toddler, yearning for more of her.
"Well, let's try something else."
She bent down and pulled my pants off my legs. A chill ran through my body. She immediately apologized before getting me under the blankets again.
"I forgot you were actually sick for a second."
"Me too." I let out a weak chuckle.
"Well... how about this?"
Janet got up from the bed and pulled the blanket up at the foot of it. She then crawled underneath and pulled my legs closer to her, only her head peaking out through the top of the blanket. I smiled as she kissed my thighs.
"Better?"
"Better."
With that, she got to work on me the way she always did, making my toes curl and my core drenched. And it wasn't until she was laying beside me, naked except for her panties, sleeping soundly, it occurred to me that we were only making it so much worse.
This took me a long ass time y'all I'm sorry but Thanksgiving is almost here so I'll have a shit ton of time to escalate this story and make y'all hate me this week 😛 The wigs will come flying off so stay tuned as fuck 🙈