I woke in a cold sweat. I jerked trying to pull my hands away from the knife. As reality hit me, i fell face first into the floor. I rolled onto my back and groaned rubbing my face. I didn't brake anything, that was the good news. But the nightmare replayed in my head over and over. I mercy killed Lazarus. Was it really the future? Maybe i could prevent it. But who would take her? The empire was on my side, i don't remember having powerful enemies...
I slammed my fist on the floor feeling the wood bend under my palms. I tried to calm my self. Remind myself i wasn't there, i was here, in the guest room of a pirate ship. That by itself was enough to give me doubts this was even reality. Maybe it was all just a dream? Why the hell was i helping the empire any ways? this must be some cruel joke.
I closed my eyes, listened to my heart beat trying to focus on just that and not what was real. My heart pumped as if i was fighting. I took a few deep breaths and that successfully slowed my heart down.
I then sat down on the floor leaning my back against the wall and looked at my hands. I had a splinter in my right palm. I rose my left hand and attempted to pick it out but my hands shook to much. After my fifth failed attempt i just used magic to pull the wood from my skin.
I sat back with a sigh. The room was completely black, my eyes had adjusted well to the darkness. The hammock rocked above me to the sway of the ship. The side table to my right, my journal still opened and laying there. I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. I leaned my head back hitting it against the wood as i closed my eyes once more.
"She's still alive" i spoke to the empty room. I repeated over and over. She was still alive. I had to find her. Make sure what ever was going to happen to her doesn't. That would mean leaving Jordan and her crusade to save her empire. Was Lazarus worth more the the population of the empire. Ha, easy question. Yes. most empirals were dicks anyways. Except Jordan... and hex... maybe drag..
Shit. i couldn't just leave them. But lazarus... i still love her. Do i fight for freedom? Or do i fight for my lover? These were things i had to answer. I was helping Jordan for my freedom. Yet i could just abandon ship. It would be easy too... leave in the middle of the night. No one would notice... wait, Jax would. She would know by morning. That didn't give me enough time. Yet we weren't that far from port. I could swim back. Better yet just teleport.
I got up off the ground and walked to the door. By memory i navigated the wooden tunnel passage between the guest quarters to the captain's room. I knocked at the door. I waited. It felt like more than a minute passed and there was no response. I was about to knock again when the door knob turned quietly.
Jax stood in her signature boots and a long blue coat with a long white shirt underneath that played the role of a skirt as well. Her hair was neat and her eyes fully aware, she hadn't been sleeping. "You look like shit" she commented and i stiffened and shifted uncomfortably as i tried to think of a way i could ask this of her.
"I need to leave, i don't know if i'll be coming back" i said as my eyes stayed locked on hers. "What?" she asked completely confused. "Look, i just need you to tell Jordan i'll meet her at Erisen. There's something i have to take care of back in the empire" i told her putting my hand against the door frame as i leaned into it. "What in Oblivion do you have to take care of back there?" she asked. Now i broke eye contact looking at the floor instead. "It's... personal" i said looking back up to her eyes. They were watching me like a hawk. She seemed to stiffen a bit at my confession. She seemed torn between something. Finally after the brief silence and she shook her head.
"Fine, i'll cover for you but i expect something in return" she said a bit elusive. I wasn't sure what she could possible want but i tried not to think about that. "Thank you" i breathed and stepped back away from the doorway. "I'll see you in Erisen" i said as i turned on my heel to leave.
"Fang" she spoke soft yet commanded my full attention as i looked back at her. "Don't do anything stupid" she warned me and i smirked "Don't worry, it'll make for a great story over some rum" i lied through my teeth with ease. I was getting better at it. That probably wasn't a good thing. Fuck it, i had to save Lazarus from whatever future awaited her.
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I took my journal with me, tieing it to the mid of my back. Straps keeping it held in place. I'm sure i would write about this trip, yet how would it start, better yet how would it end?
I left Jax's ship at midnight. Teleportation, was what i used. A simple spell really, anyone with the power to actually cast it meant you could do it as easy as breathing. One second i was on the ship the next i was at the edge of Hadies. It was raining when i got there so my walk to Lazerous' house left me drenched. I knocked at her door, in the dead of night.
I half thought her father would answer and give me some kind of shit about leaving his daughter. Or for the fact that i was with his daughter.
I was saved from that conversation as it was Lazarus who answered the door. "Can i come in?" i asked. She stared at me for a moment, i could see all the raw emotions in her eyes. She was going to cry. Maybe its because she thought i came back to her. She then nodded opening up the door wider for me. As i walked in i dared not step any further. She stood to the side of the door as my eyes raked over the place.
Every piece of this small house had memories. The front room was rather simple, a small fire pit with built in benches around the pit in the ground. Currently a low fire eating away at the wood.
I looked back to her green eyes. The tears fell as she knew i wasn't here for the reason she hoped. "What is it then?" she asked crossing her arms. She didn't want to hear lies or excuses... she never did. Something i admired her for. "I saw the future" i confessed and she tilted her head a bit waiting for the rest. "I... you were being... there was so much blood laz... i just had to see you" i stuttered out.
She just stared for a moment. My eyes pleaded for her to understand but she had already shut me out when she stepped back. She knew exactly what i was talking about. I told her many times about my dreams. The ones that involved blood and me a stuttering idiot were the scary ones.
"Were?" She asked looking to the floor now. "I don't know" i answered with the raw truth then she shook her head. "You don't just get to come back into my life after leaving" her voice broke a bit at the end pulling at my heart. Everything in my body begged to go comfort her, to wrap my arms around her and tell her I wouldn't leave. But that would be a lie. I couldn't lie to her. I could never lie to her. "Laz, you're not safe here. It could be my mother who comes for you. She would... She would make me do things to keep you safe, i don't want to be her pawn anymore" i begged her stepping closer. She backed away shaking her head. "What do you want from me?" She suddenly sneered with anger. Her fist were clenched and she glared at me. I deserved it.
"I want you to be safe" i confessed stepping closer again, now as she took another step back her back hit the door to her room. "Then let me go" she begged she now stepped closer to me breaking the invisible wall between us. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and rested her head on my collar bone. I wrapped my arms around her small frame letting my body relax against her. It felt so natural, like I've been missing this piece of myself, and just now was I reconnecting.
"I don't want to" i whispered into her ear and pulled her just a bit tighter. "You have too" she mumbled into my skin. Her arms drew back and she grabbed the collar of my jacket pulling me down closer. For a moment i thoughts she was going to kiss me. My heart jump started on overdrive. Yet she moved and kissed my cheek instead. "Do it for me" she begged pushing me back so i could lock my eyes with hers. "You're in danger" i cried and gripped her shoulders hoping she could understand that someone was going to hurt her. And here she was telling me to leave her. My eyes began to water, i didn't want to leave her.
"Go, Fang. Please" she said now her hands on my shoulders pushing me back. I walked back, continued to walk back as she pushed forward and i was out the door. "Goodbye" she whispered to me and shut the door in my face.
I wanted to yell. To tell her she was being insane. Should get out of here even. Another side of me just let me step back. I turned on my heel and began to walk away. She didn't want me. I told her what i saw, it was up to her to consider going into hiding, to run away even. Gods be damned she could have come with me! That would have been better that what i saw.
I continued to walk. The sun was just coming up and the rain finally let up. I used what remained of my power to teleport me back to the ship.
I knocked at the captain's door once more. It was only two hours ago that i had last spoken to Jax. When she opened the door it was a lot faster and she looked like she was going to shout but when she saw it was me stopped, exhaled the breath that would have been used to shout. "I didn't expect you'd still be here" she admitted leaning against the doorway. "It didn't go as planned" i told her and she looked me up and down. Our eyes meet each others once more. "Drink?" She asked. She spoke my language. For once i didn't have to force the smile i gave her. She smirked back taking a step back and gesturing for me to enter.
About a bottle of rum later, i was nursing my cup. Jax had her feet kicked up on the table, legs crossed. "You're a shit liar" she accused with a smile. I laughed "i thought i was getting good?" I asked. She shook her head. "I know a liar when i hear one. You are by far the worst I've met, I live with pirates so i know a lot" she told me and i laughed.
"So if it wasn't a story to be told over a bottle of rum what was it?" she asked. I grimaced and looked at my cup. "Oh it was nothing really. Just involved a whole lot of emotions, you know, the ones we're not supposed to have?" i said with a smirk.
She laughed "You know, i never said we couldn't be friends. But i have to say, whatever it was, must have been damn important if you gave up your crusade for freedom for an hour" she remarked. "Two hours" i corrected then leaned back in my chair. "When you're plagued with magic, you get these dreams. Dreams that come true. You can stop them sometimes. Other times it just plays you..." i told her then i downed the remaining contents in my cup and put it down on the table. She moved to grab the bottle but i waved her off. I was done drinking. Pleasantly buzzed and needed nothing more than that.
"So what do you do? Is there a way to make the dreams stop?" she asked and i had to think about it. I never considered that before. Stopping the dreams all together. They prove helpful sometimes. To know the outcome of events. Other times it was just painful. Watching what i couldn't stop.
Did it's helpfulness outweigh the pain that came with it? "I didn't receive any when i was imprisoned, so i guess clinging to death is a good way to stop it" i said and smirked at her. If only i could be on the brink of death every day, for the rest of my life, then my fortunetelling would be over. "That's no fun" she said leaning back and crossing her legs resting her arm on the back of the chair.
"You like gambling?" she asked out of the blue. It took me a bit by surprise so it took me a moment for my mind to process. "Gamble? Sure i do, why do you ask? Want to play cards?" i asked and she scoffed.
"With you? You'd probably change the cards, no way i can out cheat that... the point is, if you're good at it, use it. Make a deal with the devil" she said with a wolfish grin.
"That is by far the worst advice i have ever received" i groaned and brought my hand up to rub my temple. She wanted me to gamble my soul away? The soul my father gave me? It wasn't mine to bargain with in the first place.
Then there was the fact i don't even know what i'd ask for in return. A end to this plague? The plague caused by demons no less? I'm not sure the god of the underworld would like it if he had to end all the chaos he created. I'm not sure he would sign off on that. I don't think this soul is worth that much. For what good it gives me. Like... i don't know... crippling depression? When i was soulless i didn't have this fucking problem. Then again when i was soulless i never felt love. And what a beautiful feeling that was, when i had it. Now it was just another void. A void filled with pain and many empty bottles of rum.
I sighed heavily "What would i even gamble for?" i asked the question that was at the edge of my mind. She shrugged "Maybe for that happily ever after? That's what you're fighting for isn't it? Morally right thing to do... to get the girl and save the world?" she asked.
"No, Laz made that clear she wanted nothing more from me. I fight to right the wrongs i have done. Then... in the end... i don't know. Maybe i'll go back to the north. Go back to the simpler way of life. Eat, sleep, and repeat"
She clicked her tongue shaking her head. "Now that, is down right depressing. You need a new purpose to live for. I mean you're not even thinking about sex! Sex is something to live for!" she exclaimed, then sighed. "Do you need a reminder?" she asked. Our eyes locked, she rose her eyebrow in question. I stared. Did she just? Smooth. That was smooth.
"I'm too emotional distressed right now" i shut her down. She didn't even seemed fazed just smiled. She opened her mouth to say something but then stopped gasping. "I know what you can live for!" she said snapping her fingers. "More of your great advice?" i asked slowly shaking my head. I think I've heard enough by now. "Shut it, it's great advice. Live for your queen" she said. I down right glared at her. "Why in the seven plains of hell would i do that? I don't even like my mother" i scowled at her.
"No, not your mother, i'm talking about Jordan. I see the way you look at her" she said. This left be silent. The way i look at her? What was that supposed to mean? "We're friends?" i said in my defense and she sighed. "Look, call it whatever you like but think about how sad she would be if you left her at the end of this. She's going to be queen some day and i bet you're the first one she'll ask for to be her right hand" She said pointing her finger at me.
"Bullshit... she has others that she... well shit, why'd you have to go ruin my great plan" i groaned and shook my head pitching the bridge of my nose. The pirate made sense. Which was why i was hating her for it. I thought i had it figured out. Live my life in the north and forget everything. Now she gave me a damn good reason to stay. Fuck.
The pirate laughed at my expression. I groaned louder. "Oh i'm good" she laughed. "Now, how about a gamble?" she asked and i scoffed. So she was the devil i was making a deal with? "Over a game of cards, if i win, you make me admiral of the empire's fleet. If i lose you get a favor from me. Doesn't matter what it is, i'll do it, if you win" she said.
Intriguing. Having a pirate in hand could be something of great use. "Your on" i agreed and she smirked.