Only once the others have gone does Grey allow himself to be sick. Ariele tries to pat his back in comfort but he shies away from her hand.
Hurt Ariele brings her hand back to her chest and holds it like it had been burnt.
Understanding dawns though when Grey heats the water to steam and jumps in and starts scrubbing. She lets the tears flow down unhindered but knows that Grey wouldn't like to see them so she climbs in her bed and goes as far over as she can.
When she can't stand to watch him scrub himself anymore she finally speaks up. "Enough Grey. You won't have any skin left if you keep it up and it doesn't work anyway. I'm sorry Grey, I knew you didn't want to do this and you did it anyway. I just never thought of it like that I guess."
Grey stops scrubbing at her words. She's right and she would know. He gets out feeling just as dirty and used as he did when he went in. "Is this how you felt all the time after..." Grey says sickened.
"At first yes. Then I was numb I guess I just felt like that all the time, felt dirty, filthy and used. At first like you I was sick after each incidence. My bath water would sometimes turn pink from the blood I would scrub so hard, but it didn't change anything." Ariele impatiently flicks away the tears.
Grey dries himself off then wraps the towel around him. He doesn't mind allowing her to see him so exposed but he's not sure that he could ever let anyone else see him like this again. He sits down on the bed and lets his head hang down.
"It gets better Grey. With time I mean. You're not in my situation. Chances are this will never happen to you again. You won't forget, it's not something you can forget, but it will soften and the hurt from the cutting edges of pain will dull. Life will get better for you again."
She truly wants to hold him but she just doesn't dare, not right now. But when Grey starts crying she knows she has to do something. So she crawls back over to the edge slow enough that Grey can decide if he wants to be near her or not.
"Grey, I'm here if you want me to be." Is all she can think of to say. And she is both shocked and amazed when he turns to her and buries his head into her shoulder and cries. She hesitantly pats his back and when he doesn't flinch she does so with more confidence. She just lets him cry himself out.
"Grey lie down here next to me. Your bed is in no condition..." Again the invitation is taken up far faster than she would have taken it had it been her. But had it been her Grey would have killed the man.
She tries to move away to give him more room but Grey protests so she stays next to him. She knows that this is no act as some men might put on to get into bed with someone. Grey is hurting she can feel it. And although he holds her to him that's all he does is hold her finding comfort in her presence.
And even though he's in her bed for all the worst reasons Grey's presence gives her even more comfort as well. She falls asleep and feels safer than ever before.
"Why are you changing behind the screen now? You never did before." Grey says still sleepy but not as filled with pain as the night before.
"I didn't want to tease you like that. It means nothing with the Aelven, but here I noticed it was hard for you. I'm sorry." Ariele says as she puts on the underclothing and chooses her dress.
"I don't mind." Grey rather liked it actually. Although he tried to be a gentleman and keep his head turned.
"If you're sure, then you can help me decide. Which dress the blue or the red?" She holds them both up.
"The blue one it brings out the color of your eyes and with your hair it looks like blue skies and sunshine." Grey says without even thinking and is rewarded with a smile as bright as the sun. He finds a little more of his pain eased and his anger lessened.
"For that you can help me. The blue dress has a thousand little buttons up the back." Ariele doesn't expect more than him doing up the buttons as quickly as possible so his caressing her shocks her.
"Thank you for last night, for helping me get over the worst night of my life." Grey says with great sincerity even as he continues to tease her as he does up the buttons.
"Grey, I will do all that I can, but it takes time to get over something like this." Ariele is finding it hard to breath. "Grey, I don't think you're ready yet."
"And if I was ready? Would you be willing?" Grey asks not sure what answer he wants to hear from her.
"You taught me that I'm special Grey. You and your cousin. I can't go back to being just one of many. I need to be special to someone." Ariele wishes with all her heart that she was special to him, but reminds herself that, that only happens in fairy tales. She walks away as she feels the last button slide into place.
Grey whispers after her "You're special to me." But he knows that she doesn't hear him and doesn't think she would believe him even if she did hear him. It's no secret that he's had many lovers and even many mistresses, but he's never cared for any of them like he does Ariele.
Ariele answers the door at the knock and accepts the note handed to her. She thanks the guard and closes the door. Reading the note she then says, "Your cousin would like for us to join her for breakfast."
As mellow as Grey had been she's not ready for his response. "She can go to hell. We aren't going to have breakfast with her this morning or if I have my way ever again." Grey is bitter and angry and lets it out.
Ariele unprepared takes it personally and starts crying even as she moves back away from him. She doesn't realize that she's gone through the illusory wall until Grey gets up and runs to it. She shrinks against the far wall as she watches Grey pound against the 'wall'.
When Ariele doesn't come out immediately and the guards come running in looking to see where the trouble is Grey calms himself down. He assures the guards and sends them back to their posts. He goes over to the table and sits down and simply holds out his hand in a silent offer.
Shaking at the violence Grey showed Ariele slowly comes forward and takes his hand. Grey frowns at her shaking and holds her close until she stops trembling. "I'm sorry. I'm still working on my anger issue."
"It's okay," Ariele responds in a shaky voice. "After last night you are bound to feel anger."
"Perhaps but there's no reason to take it out on you. You've been nothing but helpful to me." Grey says in a far more lost tone than earlier.
"I'm as much to blame as your cousin. Grey, please, she was just trying to help. She didn't know what it would do to you or make you feel. If you must take out your anger take it out on me." She pleads.
"I will not take it out on a victim innocent of this travesty. Lady Anna is the creator of this mess and deserves to receive the full weight of my hate." Grey lets out his anger with his words.
Ariele can't take it anymore and starts crying. Those two need to work together that's the strength of the castle. If there is a rift than the enemy will win, Ariele knows it with everything in her that, that is truth. She just doesn't know how to make things better. In time things might work themselves out, but they don't have time. A few days that is all.
Now Grey is angry at himself. He knows that Anna and Ariele have become close and his anger would still work against Ariele. "How do I let the anger go? I've never felt such bone deep anger and hatred for anyone before." Grey says in resignation. But still her tears keep falling.
"I should never have come here." Is all Ariele can say and repeats it over and over again. He can't calm her down and she's near hysterical.
Grey grits his teeth and goes to the door. He sends one of the guards to get Lady Anna. Then he returns to the sobbing girl kneeling on the floor. She refuses his touch and just keeps repeating the same thing over and over again.
Shortly Lady Anna knocks and enters the room. When she sees Ariele on the floor and hears what she has to say she looks angrily at Grey. Then they have a shouting match to end all shouting matches which only ends when Ariele screams out in fear and goes from kneeling to curled up in a ball on the floor.
"What happened Grey?" Anna asks in a much more civilized tone.
"I got angry." Grey doesn't say anymore than that. He can't even look at her without hatred.
"I told you to be careful about that." Anna is less calm now.
"I wasn't angry with her Anna. And she damn well knew it." Grey lets some of his anger out he couldn't stop it when he said her name.
Anna flinches but doesn't understand what she's done to earn Grey's anger this time. "So I take it I am the recipient of your anger this time?" Anna isn't too worried Grey's been angry with her before.
"I never should have come here and then none of this would have happened." Ariele says in a little girl's voice.
Anna is distracted and moves to sit by Ariele's side. "What was that honey?" She says stroking Ariele's hair.
"If I hadn't come then you wouldn't have ordered Grey to allow himself to be raped. Then you two wouldn't be angry at each other. If you two stay angry at each other the castle will fall." Ariele's prophecy sounds eerie coming in such a young child's voice.
But her words reach Anna and although she manages to keep the hair stroking rhythm going Anna looks up at Grey sharply. "Is that true? Is that what happened last night, you were raped?"
"That's generally what they call it when one doesn't wish to have sexual intercourse with the one they are with and are forced to have it all the same. So yes, I was raped." Grey can't help the anger and biting sarcasm of his words.
Anna turns white she had never considered ordering her cousin to have sex the same as forcing him would be. "No wonder you're so angry. You're right to be angry with me. I'm so, so sorry Grey, I know that's not enough. I can't undo what's been done."
"It doesn't matter anymore Anna. I'm done. Taren is now in charge of the castle defenses. When the fight is over I'll leave." Grey says.
"The castle falls and everyone dies." Ariele says in the same childish voice when Grey tells Anna his decision.
"Dammit Ariele what do you want from me?" Grey says speaking the the woman still cowering on the floor.
"Unless the breach is mended the castle will fall and everyone dies. I wish I had never come here then none of this would have happened."
"No, I'd be dead instead and the castle would still fall and everyone would still die." Grey says in frustration. He truly doesn't like what's going on with Ariele.
"What do you mean you'd be dead instead?" Anna asks in confusion and no little fear. Things have happened that have spiraled out of control.
"Last night my loving mistress placed a sleep spell on me and almost succeeded in killing me. If Ariele hadn't somehow awakened and broken through my shield I'd be dead. I have no doubt that had Ariele never come Sheila would still have tried to kill me but I most likely would have died since I wouldn't have had Ariele to save me."
"With death comes an end to the pain." Neither of the other two in the room liked how eager Ariele sounded with that.
"I'm not going to let you die." Grey vows and doesn't know how he's going to keep that vow when even his cousin saw how close to death Ariele is.
"With my death the enemy dies, the castle stands, an innocent dies." Ariele sing songs and becomes happier now that the atmosphere is no longer filled with hatred.
"Oh my gods, she's talking about you Grey. If your sword kills her it somehow slays the enemy and the castle will stand but you an innocent will die."
Grey gets angry all over again. "I won't kill you Ariele. I'll throw away my sword first."
"The castle will fall and everyone dies." That refrain is starting to irritate Grey.
"My death is imminent Grey you cannot stop that. But you alone can make my death useful to everyone else." Ariele is no longer speaking in her sing song voice. But she is so tired and it is evident to the other two.
She tries to get up but is too weak. Grey lifts her up and takes her to the bed. "Rest now little one. No decisions need to be made just yet."
She catches Grey's hand to stop him. "Forgiving is hard Grey, but living with hatred is far harder."
"It's easier said than done Ari. I'm not sure I know how to forgive." Grey turns back to Ariele and gives her a kiss on the cheek.
"Let love be your guide Grey. Love destroys hatred if given a chance. It may take time but you must try if you ever wish to live a normal life."
"According to you that's not going to happen no matter what my decision will be. All I must decide is if the people are worth sacrificing the most giving and caring person I've ever met. And I'm having a hard time believing that they are." Grey kisses her hand and sets a light blanket over her before returning to Anna.
It takes Ariele a bit to realize that he was talking about her. When she does she brings her hand up to her mouth. Tears of happiness and sadness intermix as she falls asleep.
"I'll leave you now Grey. I'll try not to bother you much." Anna says getting up slowly from the floor. She's feeling very old now. She understands that either they all die or Grey must sacrifice Ariele and die as well. "Perhaps it would be better if I just surrendered the castle to him."
"He would slaughter us all and you know it Anna. You were right when you said that Ariele is the key. And it seems like I'm the lucky one that gets to turn the key in the lock." Grey is very angry and bitter. He will have to kill Ari after all or watch everyone die.
"I'll surrender the castle. Get everyone out of here by tonight Grey. I'm not going to let you all be slaughtered nor am I going to force you to kill her. Never again will I order you to do something against your will." Anna sounds so tired but still the anger burns in Grey's heart.
"Get Taren to get everyone out. I meant it Anna, I'm no longer the Captain Commander. I'll stay with Ari until the end, either her dying as you claim she is or by the enemy's sword. After which it won't matter if I die."
"They won't leave if Taren orders it, not even with my authority backing it and you know it." Anna says.
"Then they too will die. I'm sorry Anna but I'm done. There is only one other thing I'll do and that is interrogate the damn assassins in the dungeon. You should tell Taren as soon as possible about his new assignment." Grey turns away from Anna and goes back to Ari's side.
He hears her tell one of the guards to find Taren before the door shuts. He can just imagine the guard jumping to do as she ordered. They must have heard at least part of the fight before Ari stopped it.