× Mercury
I woke up to the voice of Joey Tribbiani.
The morning light trickled in through the blinds and pressed against my closed eyelids. Shedding myself of the remaining glimpses of a dream, I soaked in the warm sheets and the soft smell of laundry detergent. I was slightly aware of background sounds from the TV - the cue of laughter and scripted lines from a sitcom - but I was more conscious of the body lying next to me.
I've seen Niall in many lights. I've seen him be aggressive on the soccer field, I've seen him vulnerable when he talked about his childhood, I've seen him pissed when he caught me digging through his things, and I've seen him be protective when he took a punch for me. But seeing him lying there, the sunlight casting through the blinds and making him glow, made me see that this was really him. This was Niall Horan and all his sides.
He was on his stomach, arms wrapped around a pillow as he watched Friends. His golden hair was disarray just like the white sheets and duvet we were tangled in. His lashes fluttered against his cheek and his blue eyes were bright, the morning light exposing just a hint of golden flexes in the irises. My own eyes followed the line of freckles on his cheek down to his neck that had a scatter of blue and purple bruises, evidence that what happened last night wasn't a dream. I wanted to reach out and touch them, to see if there was a ghost of longing from the night before still lingering on the marks, but I held back, afraid that the tranquility that lay in the room would crack. Instead, I continued the trail of freckles down the crook of his neck to his shoulder, and finally down the dip of his back. Red, irritated scratches followed his ribs and spine.
"Hey."
I looked up from the sound of the sleepy voice and saw Niall looking at me, a knowing grin playing on his lips lazily. Caught in the act of checking him out.
"What episode are you watching?" I asked with a yawn.
Niall looked back to the TV. "It's the one where Rachel and Chandler eat cheesecake off the floor."
I bunched the sheets up and over my chest before I sat up, looking around the room. The digital clock on the nightstand read that it was seven in the morning and I wondered when Niall had gotten up. Everything was the same from last night - our clothes in a heap, the stack of magazines scattered on the floor. Seeing it all in daylight was bizarre, like waking up from a dream to find out that everything was real.
"Hey, look at me," Niall said.
Doing as he asked, I looked over at him just as the flash of a Polaroid camera went off, telling me he took a picture. Instantly, the Polaroid popped out and Niall grabbed it, waiting for the light exposure to reveal the image.
Niall looked at the image once it showed itself. "Beautiful."
"Trash it," I whined and attempted to grab the image from his grasp.
He pulled it away and threw it on the pile of clothes on the floor a few feet away. "I'm not throwing it out," he said with a grin. "It's been a good morning, I want to remember it."
I pulled the sheet tighter around me, suddenly feeling self-conscious. I loved taking photographs, of nature, animals, and people, but when it came to people taking picture of me, I didn't feel so confident. I'd much rather stay behind the lens.
"Put the camera away. I don't want any more documentation of my messy hair and smudged makeup."
Niall placed the Polaroid camera back on the nightstand where he had gotten it. He moved so he was on his back and grabbed my hand, pulling lightly. I lay back down beside him and captured the warmth the two of us brought together. He brushed a strand of hair behind my ear and looked at me deep in the eyes. The intensity was suffocating.
"I didn't expect you to be here," I said softly. "That's what you do, isn't it? After you get what you want, you leave the next morning without another word."
The hurt in his eyes was evident, but I knew I was right. I came to the conclusion a while ago that Niall and Bradley were two totally different people, but they were also very similar in some aspects. On more than one occasion, I had woken up in an empty bed after doing everything Bradley had told me to do the night before. I knew these types of people like the back of my hand. No emotions and no commitment. That was the point.
Maybe it was because our generation was always looking for more, looking for the quickest and easiest way out of a problem. Relationships are hard and take time and energy. We need things done fast and efficiently. One-night-stands take little time, little energy, and next to no emotional investment.
But Niall was still in my bed even after he was awake, and from the stack of Friends DVDs on the bedside table, he wasn't planning on leaving any time soon.
"You're right, that's what I do," Niall confirmed as he ran a hand through his hair. "One-night stands leave me feeling empty and cynical. It's not even fun sexually, but I do it because it's... it's just a way to avoid commitment, to feel emotionless. That's it."
Then his eyes trailed down my body. It wasn't a lusty look, like he wanted to do everything he did to me last night all over again, but he was looking at me like he honest to God couldn't believe I was actually there lying next to him.
"But you make me feel something, Lynn," he continued, his voice deep and raspy. "Do you know how long it's been since I've really felt anything? Here you come, strolling around here like you own the place, and I've got this fire in my chest as soon as I see you. It's absolutely horrifying, knowing that you can do that to me, but it's beautiful and I wouldn't trade it for anything."
I knew what he was talking about, of course. I'd felt it too. That flame he carried with him, lighting me on fire with a single look.
"You don't even know what kind of effect you have on people. You remind everyone around you that passion is real. You either love or you hate - it's always a hundred percent with you. You're human, and you're alive, and you remind other people that they're alive. That's why I haven't left. I'm afraid that will go away once I step out the door."
My head was spinning. His comment was so out of character, so far from what I knew of him, I just stared at him, searching his eyes for something that I was missing. My brain formulated no thoughts, but that didn't stop me from rolling over so I was hovering over him. Monica and Ross's voice was distantly heard over my pounding heartbeat, but the background noise morphed together as I slowly bent down and kissed him.
I'd like to think that the action was completely moved by my newly awakened mind, but deep down I knew that what I was feeling was far from my tranquil sleep. It was pure affection. No one had ever said something so nice to me before. And that it was from Niall Horan, the Irish boy who once refused to pass me the soccer ball, was on a whole new level.
I pulled away from him slightly, suddenly feeling insecure. But Niall's big hands pushed me back down on top of him before I could get very far.
"Aren't I heavy?" I asked.
Niall smirked, his lips brushing mine. "My ideal body weight is you on top of me."
I laughed as he kissed me again, his lips molding with mine. It wasn't a forceful kiss, but the intoxication level of it was enough to get me drunk. Our legs were tangled together and his hand was in my hair. The fact that I was still completely naked didn't even bother me.
I wasn't sure how far the kiss would have went, and how far I would have let it go, but it didn't matter because as I was lying on top of Niall, the knob on the door started to jiggle.
My breath caught in my throat as I pulled away from him, my eyes watching the door. It had to have been a split second, but as the two of us laid on the bed watching the door like blood was seeping through the cracks, it seemed like an eternity.
"Under the covers!" I whispered forcefully as I rolled off him.
Niall didn't hesitate as he wiggled himself down the bed and covered the duvet over him. Knowing I only had milliseconds left, I reached over the side of the bed and grabbed the closest shirt I could reach and tugged it on over my head.
Just as I was smoothing out my hair with my fingers, the door opened and Chloe stepped inside, a lively smile on her face.
"I just had the best night of my life," she said as soon as the door slammed shut. She dropped her shoes on the floor and turned to look at me, like she just noticed I was in the room. "Oh, I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"
"Uh," I said, still a little shocked from her sudden appearance and for the fact that Niall was under my covers at that very moment. "No, I was just... watching TV."
Chloe shook out of her coat and hung it up on the hook next to mine. "What did you do last night? I didn't see you at the party. Everyone from the football team was there, you know, considering it was for going into the BUSA and all."
"Coach made Niall and I go to a wedding because there would have been scouts there," I explained. "It was a long night so I just came back here and went to bed."
She looked at me like she didn't believe a word I said. "Really?" she asked. "Because as I was walking down the hall, our neighbor told me that she heard a lot of noise from this room last night, if you know what I mean."
I hoped my cheeks didn't give away the blush that was rising from my neck to my face. I tried to hide it with a fake yawn and reached my arms out in front of me in a stretch.
Chloe looked at me knowledgeably, a sly smirk on her lips. "You had sex last night."
"What? No!" I said a little too quickly.
"Then you were watching porn or something because you weren't just watching the telly."
A soft sound came from underneath the duvet and I quickly kicked Niall to shut him up before Chloe caught onto anything. She was watching me closely and I knew this conversation wouldn't come to an end until I confessed.
"You're right, I was watching porn," I said, defeated.
Chloe nodded like she knew all along and walked over and took a seat on the edge of her bed. "Why didn't you just say so?" she asked as she started to undress. "You shouldn't be embarrassed for watching porn, everyone does it. I mean, no one knows your body more than you do, so why shouldn't you get the pleasure you-"
"Okay, you're right. I'm sorry for lying," I interrupted before she could get detailed.
"Well, I only came back to change. I don't know when I'll be back but I'll text you when I'm on my way so you can stop having your 'me' time."
I clenched my jaw, getting really irritated with her company.
Chloe then went on to tell me about her night at the party as she continued to shimmy out of her sparkly dress and change into jeans and a long sleeved shirt. Apparently she met this guy named Mason and they connected instantly. She went back to his place and continued to tell me every single feature that happened after. It was the most typical hook-up story in the book, and I knew Niall was getting inpatient as he started running his hand up and down the length of my leg, his fingers trailing just a little bit too south that I had to pat down on the comforter just to make him stop.
Once Chloe was changed, she started walking over to her desk and paused. "Why are my magazines on the floor?"
A distant memory of last night flashed through my mind of Niall removing the pillow from my face and throwing it across the room.
"Maybe they just fell over?" I offered and hoped she would take the lie.
Chloe bent down and started picking up the magazines and putting them into a stack again on top of her desk. Suddenly, a magazine was thrown at me, landing on my legs and nearly missing Niall.
"Read that," she told me and went back to organizing.
I picked up the Cosmopolitan and looked at the pink cover with Zendaya Coleman striking a pose. The headlines made me cringe. Crazies Sex Moves we've Ever Tried! Break the Bed Sex. Men's Sex Secrets.
"Why do you want me to read this trash?" I asked.
"Because there's an article in there on how to get laid quickly," she said like that explained everything. "You haven't been with someone since you got here, Lynn."
I perked up, slightly offended. "That's not true! I was with Harry."
"Yeah, you were with him. That's it. You told me you two didn't even do anything. It's been three months. I know there are plenty of lads out there who are willing to take the Mercury train for a ride. You need to read that to get your mind in focus."
"You do know that sex isn't everything, right?"
"I'm aware, but it's too damn good to pass up."
It saddened me that this girl standing in front of me was my roommate. She had a lot of potential and seemed to put all her energy into sex rather than school. I agreed, it was nice to roll around with someone in bed once and a while - my proof of that was hiding under the covers - but sleeping with a new person every weekend just didn't interest me. If that was what Chloe wanted, that's fine. It's not my right to intervene nor to slut-shame. She can do whatever she wanted with her body, as long as I didn't have to see any of it.
I watched Chloe walk the room, putting things away. That was when I saw Niall's blazer hanging on the back of my computer chair, my white bra dangling on top of it. It was too far away from me to reach over and grab them, and even if I could reach, the action would have been too grand and surly alert Chloe and I really wasn't in the mood to answer a million questions. So instead, I sat in silence, my anxiety rising as every second ticked away.
While she was busy cleaning up her area and organizing her vanity, Niall decided to lift the duvet from his head and peek out at me. His hair was falling onto his face and the annoyed look was apparent. Get her out, he mouthed at me. Before I could respond, Chloe spoke up and I quickly dropped the comforter to hide him.
"Hey, Lynn," she asked, peering at the makeup in her hand and on the vanity. "Do you happen to have any contour makeup I could borrow? I'm all out."
"No, I don't."
"Oh," she said, her shoulders slumping in disappointment. "I'll go see if the lesbians down the hall have any before I-"
That was when her eyes locked on the blazer and my bra over the chair, and I knew the cover was about to be blown.
"Whose jacket is that?" she asked, looking at me suspiciously.
I glanced at the blazer and shrugged, a lie forming in my head. "I don't know, maybe it's from one of the guys you had over here. It's been there forever."
Chloe stared at it for a long time before she picked up my bra and dropped it on the floor next to the rest of Niall's clothes that I was thankful she hadn't noticed, and proceeded to slip the blazer over her shoulder.
"Well in that case, it's mine now," she grinned as she walked over to the full-length mirror on the back of the door. "Damn, I should get myself some of these; I look all professional-like."
She stepped away and grabbed her winter coat, putting it over the blazer. Taking her keys and wallet from the vanity, she stepped toward the door. She waved her farewell and left, leaving the room silent in her wake.
The second Chloe was out the door; the duvet flew off me and exposed a rather annoyed Niall underneath. The look he was giving me was probably meant to be threatening, but I had to hold back my laughter at how ridiculous the situation was.
"I should really be mad at you for keeping me under there for so long," he started as he crawled back up the bed and hovered over me. The daunting look in his eyes were different now, more bold and dangerous and just from one single look, my body was about to burst into flames. "But the way your shirt is hanging off your shoulder and how you don't have any underwear on is kind of turning me on."
"Kind of?" I asked, just as Niall lowered himself onto my body.
I didn't have any choice but to lie back down on the bed. His lips were treacherously close to mine now and the eagerness to what was to come next was driving me up the wall.
Niall's hand clasped around my jaw and forced me to look up at him as his other hand tangled itself in my hair. "You're right," he hummed. "I've been hard the second I woke up and saw you naked next to me. Also, thinking about you watching porn didn't help much."
"Oh, shut up," I said and brought the magazine between us. "No more kissing until you brush your teeth."
He grabbed the magazine and looked at the cover. From the expression on his face, he clearly had the same opinion on Cosmo that I did. Then he threw it on the ground and moved his hands to cup my face, running a thumb down my cheek and looked in my eyes. The tender touches sent shivers up and down my arms, a tingling shot up my spine, and my heartbeat picked up speed.
"Is it true you and Harry didn't do anything?" he asked.
I cocked a brow. "I don't kiss and tell, Horan."
Before I could protest, his mouth was on mine, hard and urgent, the force of it stealing my breath away. His hand slid from the mess of my hair and under my shirt, gripping my hip. As Niall shifted on top of me, a fluttery throbbing pulsed low in my stomach and grew steadily with every movement of his mouth against mine.
A growl left Niall's lips and the vibrations of it rocketed through my own chest. I could feel his muscles under my palms, his shoulder blade moving with every action he made. Then his fingers moved away from my hip and up and under my shirt until his large hand grabbed one of my breasts and squeezed, my hips thrust up against him in response. I could feel him hard against the inside of my thigh.
And then I stopped. I didn't want to - God, I really, really didn't want to - but the thought that should have invaded my mind last night finally popped up. This was wrong. This shouldn't be happening. None of this should be happening.
Niall lifted his head and looked at me. "What's wrong?"
"If you could go back in time and change anything, anything at all, would you?" I asked.
That was the big question, wasn't it? The question was ranged farther then our four months together. I was asking if he would change anything in his life - his childhood, meeting that Alina girl that left him, the mystery that was his father... me. Mostly though, I just wanted to know if he regretted me.
I watched his mouth, his pink, puffy lips, as he slowly said, "No."
I would be lying if I said I wasn't surprised by his answer. "Why not?"
"Because it would be impossible."
"To travel in time?"
"No, to change the future," he breathed. Still hovering above me, his hand found my hair again as he softly ran his fingers through the locks. The feeling sent shivers down my arms and I wanted to do nothing but close my eyes and relax into the sensation. "Scientifically, if I were to go back in time, whatever I would have changed would have already happened. People think of time as a river when we should really be thinking of it as a lake. It all exists at once."
"I'm being serious, Niall," I said, fighting the urge to roll my eyes.
"So am I," he deadpanned. "I wouldn't change anything."
"But why?"
He paused, looking at me as though I might dissolve into vapor right out from under him. "Because everything that happened led me to this, and I wouldn't change this moment for anything in the world."