CHAPTER 2
OPEN GROUNDS
It was after dinner time when my bestfriend and I finished roaming around a mall. Dumiretso narin kagad ako dito sa usual meeting place namin nila Ethan pagkatapos kong ihatid si Rhian sa condo.
Kasama ko ang lahat ng mga kaibigang nakilala ko simula nang gawin ko ito. It was a loud and jam-packed area, just like how it normally is when two women are involved in the main match.
One of my friends, Barry, approached me and said that it was about to start in 5 minutes. He pointed at a woman with nearly the same physique as mine, but had a bit of advantage on the height. He said that she was the one I'd be messing around with. She looked alright. Not that she was intimidating or anything. I only hoped it'd be a good one tonight.
Sinabi ko sa mga kasama ko na susunod ako sa kanila, at tatawagan ko lang ulit muna si Rhian. I went to a spot where it was less noisy. Then I quickly dialed my bestfriend's number, which she answered after two rings.
RHIAN: Best?
GLAIZA: Magsisimula na kami.
She didn't reply and just sighed heavily. I waited for a response, but there wasn't anything aside from her slow breathing. So I just tried to lighten up the mood.
GLAIZA: Best, kanino ka pupusta ngayon?
RHIAN: Tigilan mo ako, Glaiza.
She only calls me by my first name whenever she is serious about something. Kaya alam kong kailangan ko na siyang lambingin. Kilala ko na siya.
GLAIZA: Ang sungit naman ng bestfriend ko. Okay ka pa kanina ah. Miss mo na kagad ako? Hahaha.
RHIAN: Glaiza. Stop it!
Her tone didn't change, so I knew I had to step back.
GLAIZA: Alright. What do you want me to say then?
RHIAN: Nothing.
It was my turn to let out a heavy sigh. Hinintay ko nalang siyang magsalita ulit. Alam ko kung kailan ako dapat tumigil.
We still have this kind of conversation every now and then, pero lagi rin naman naming iniiwasan na humantong pa sa malaking away.
RHIAN: Best, I need you safe later when you get here. Still in one piece. Still alive and breathing.
GLAIZA: Best, I'll be fine. Dib--
RHIAN: Just promise me na makakasama ko parin ang bestfriend ko mamaya.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito parin siya ka-grabe mag-alala. It wasn't like I haven't been doing this for several years now. At halos once or twice every month kung sumabak ako sa ganito.
GLAIZA: I promise, best. Tatawag kagad ako sayo kapag tapos na, para hindi ka na magworry.
RHIAN: Sabi mo yan ha.
GLAIZA: Opo. Sige na, punta na ako dun. Later nalang ulit.
RHIAN: Best...
GLAIZA: Yes, best?
RHIAN: For the record... my bet will always be on you.
That made me smile and gave me enough confidence for the match.
GLAIZA: I know.
...
I was stepping backwards on circle while looking at my opponent who was doing the same. Nakapalibot ang lahat nang nanonood sa amin habang nagbabatuhan na ng mga pusta. Their roars increased after a while, encouraging us to start the fight.
The woman that I was up against, was looking deeply into my eyes. She was ready for it. But just like every fight, I did my usual strategy of letting my opponent do the first moves. And eventually... she did.
I took a solid punch on the stomach and another on my face from her bare fist. Naramdaman ko ang sakit, pero hindi ko na masyadong ininda dahil sanay na ako rito. Hinayaan ko lang siyang sunud-sunurin ako ng mga suntok sa mukha at katawan.
I didn't intend to show people how weak I was or how early I was willing to give up; but letting myself get hurt was what always triggers the darkness inside me to come out.
My mind remembers the memories that continue to haunt me. Every touch, every word, every pain... they all invade my trapped soul. Then I become the monster that has yet to be destroyed. I become the nightmare, which even myself was scared of.
After taking a few more punches from my opponent... my vision changed. I was starting to feel numb, and everything was blurry. Then I heard a voice inside. The voice that turns my life into a complete nightmare.
I closed my eyes for a second, feeling the blood rush down my cheek; and the moment I opened them again... I lost myself.
Hindi ko na alam kung ano na ang nangyayari sa paligid ko. All I know was that, I was seeing my opponent's face change into the faces of the people who destroyed the person I once was. The people who crushed the young girl who could see the bright side of life. Those who made me forget to feel human.
It was an intense match. My opponent didn't make it easy as she fought almost as hard. Nang mapahiga siya at dumagan ako sa kanyang bewang para unahan na siya sa pagtapos ng laban ay para bang namanhid na ang buong katawan ko. In the fight, we choose when to give up. And I already saw that she was about to, based from how she could barely guard my throws.
Eventually... she did.
I got up as everyone around us cheered, and then I helped her stand up. That was how matches normally go. They were all friendly street fights. Walang mga samaan ng loob o personalan. Pare-parehas lang kami ng mga trip sa buhay kapag nagkakaroon ng ganito.
"Great match. You did a good number on me. Next time ulit?" My opponent said as she gave me a pat on the shoulder.
I knew she looked worse than me. There was so much blood on her face and her lower lip had a huge cut. She was also clinging to one of her shoulders, obviously in pain.
"You weren't so bad yourself. Yeah, next time." I smiled a bit to show concern, and returned a pat.
Nang simulan ko nang maglakad papalayo, tanging pagod lang ang naramdaman ko. I was so exhausted. I couldn't completely feel the pain of the bruises and cuts on my whole body, because they were all still numb. I didn't even bother wipping off the strains of blood.
"Another good one, Glai." Sabi ni Barry nang lumapit siya sakin at iniabot ang nakarolyong pera.
"Oh hey, Glai... wanna hit the bar tonight? Tara! Panalo ka naman ulit oh." Masayang aya naman ni Ethan.
"I can't, Eth. Sabi ko kasi kay Rhian, uuwi kagad ako after." I shortly explained.
"Edi magpaalam ka. Sabihin mo, tiba-tiba ka ngayon. Dali. Sama ka na samin." He teasingly added.
"Nah. I'm good. Next time nalang. Bawi ako." I dismissed.
When I reached my car, I immediately called Rhian. Just like what I promised. She was obviously relieved to hear my voice. Sinabi ko lang sa kanya na pauwi na ako at pinaalalahanan niya akong mag-ingat sa pagdadrive.
...
It took a few minutes more than my usual drive back to our condo, due to my bleeding knuckles, making it a bit difficult for me to steer. Bago ako bumaba ng sasakyan, isinuot ko ang aking hoodie para maitago ang mga sugat ko sa braso. When I entered the building's lobby, I kept my head down and just tried to cover the huge cut on my face with my hand, so that no one would see it.
Hindi na ako kumatok sa unit namin, and I just used my key, instead. As soon as I opened the door... I saw my bestfriend sitting in the living area. Hindi siya nagsalita nang makita niya ako. We stared at each other for a couple of few seconds, and then she stood up to go the bathroom. Sigurado akong kukunin niya ang first aid kit para linisin ang mga sugat ko, kaya umupo narin ako kagad sa sofa.
She sat beside me when she got back, holding the kit and a small basin with water. Hindi parin siya nagsasalita habang inaayos niya ang mga gagamitin. Hinayaan ko lang siya dahil lagi naman niya akong inaasikaso after every fight. She grabbed the hem of my hoodie to take it off of me. I cringed and hissed as I felt the extreme pain on my body.
Natigilan siya nang makita niya ang mga braso ko, pero hindi parin siya nagsalita. I quickly stopped her when she was about to lift my shirt to check my bare sides. She knew there was something else to see.
"Best, wala 'to. Med--"
"Glaiza." She firmly called as she threw me a look which always signals me to stop arguing with her.
And I did. So I just gave her a kiss on the forehead, hoping it would calm her down a bit.
"Glaiza, wag mo akong daanin sa ganyan ngayon. Patingin na. Isa!" She ordered. And I immediately gave in.
She lifted half of my shirt, and we both saw a large bruise on my left ribcage starting to form. Napailing siya at agad-agad tumayo patungong kitchen para kunin ang ice pack. Sumandal ako sa couch para maipatong niya ito nang maayos sa aking tigiliran.
After that, she started cleaning my cuts. Bakas sa mukha ng bestfriend ko ang pag-aalala nang titigan ko siya habang maingat niyang ginagamot ang putok sa aking mukha. Yet no one said a word even until she went on with my arms. Hindi ko nalang napigilang magsalita nang makita kong may namumuong luha sa kanyang mga mata.
"Best... you do realize that I've been doing this for years now, right? Bakit parang hindi ka parin sanay na makita akong ganito?" I softly asked as I tried to meet her eyes.
"Seriously, Glaiza?! Seriously? Out of all the things that you want me to get used to? Ito talaga ang gusto mo?! Ung makita kitang duguan, sugatan, at pasa-pasa?" Her voice suddenly rose, which startled me a bit. Tumitig siya sa mga mata ko.
Being bestfriends with her for more than 10 years, alam ko na, na hindi ako dapat makisabay kapag mainit ang ulo niya. We both knew how not to play fire with fire.
"Best, calm down. Please. Hindi ako nakikipag-away." I gently said when she went back to cleaning my wounds.
"Pero kasi... you've seen me like this so many times. Akala ko parang okay ka na. The past few fights, hindi ka naman nagkaganito." I added.
Though I realized that maybe she was acting differently from those times because I was in a worse state now. Hindi tulad noon na bahagyang mga pasa lang sa mukha ang aking natatamo.
She didn't answer and just continued what she was doing.
"Best, sana kasi sinasabi mo kung ayaw mo akong pumunta. Pw--"
"Bakit... kung sasabihin ko bang wag kang pumunta, gagawin mo? Hindi ka rin naman magpapaawat eh!" Medyo galit parin niyang sermon sakin.
"Ngayon palang, nagpapromise na ako sayo na tatanggihan ko ung dalawang susunod nilang pag-aya sakin. Okay ba sayo un?" Lambing ko para kumalma ito.
Yet she remained silent. So I decided na sagarin na ang panlalambing ko sa kanya.
"Yoyon ko." I called.
It was her childhood nickname, which she made everyone stop addressing her with. Ako nalang ngayon ang hinahayaan niyang tawagin siyang ganun. Kaya tinatawag ko lang rin siyang ganito kapag kaming dalawa lang ang magkasama.
"Yoyon ko, wag ka nang magalit. Talk to me, please. I need to know why this still breaks you." I pleaded with a soft tone.
I couldn't help but hissed in pain once again when a damped cotton touched my knuckles. My hands were only open on top of my knees. Not once did Rhian attempt to do the one thing I begged her not to do eversince I started this whole fight thing.
"Uyy, Yoyon ko. Dali na, please. Pag-usapan natin 'to." I tried once again, and then she released a heavy sigh before returning her eyes on me.
"Okay, best... here's the thing." She started when she placed down everything since she was done treating my cuts.
"The first few years, naiintindihan ko pa kung bakit mo 'to ginagawa. I know how messed up things were. You needed this. Alam ko un. Pero nung magtagal... unti-unti ko naring hindi maintindihan. Kasi best, hindi mo parin ba nakakalimutan ung nangyari? Hi--"
"Best, you know I can never forget. Kahit gustuhin ko man, alam mong paulit-ulit akong binabangungot ng nakaraan na un. And you should know how hard it is to forget. You've been there." I softly interrupted, quickly defending my side.
"I know that, but you can always choose to move forward. Tinanggap na natin na hindi na maaayos ang lahat eh. Pero best, please... kahit man lang ung sarili mo, ayusin mo." Pakiusap niya, with a sad tone on her voice.
"What exactly is wrong with me? I'm fine."
"How can you call that fine, best? Nakikipagbasag-ulo ka and you sleep with random people... tell me, how do those make you fine?" Sermon niya sakin.
I couldn't give an answer because I didn't really know what to tell her. She even had a point though.
"Best, please don't tell me na ginagawa mo 'to dahil pakiramdam mo parin na dito ka nakakaganti sa mga taong nanakit sayo noon." She softly added, and then I saw her quickly wiped a teardrop.
Hindi ko parin nagawang sumagot. I just continued looking at her, and I could literally feel myself about to break seeing her in this state. Nakalimutan ko na ang sakit ng katawan ko, dahil mas ayokong nakikita si Rhian na nasasaktan.
"Hanggang ngayon, gumaganti ka parin? Best, nasasaktan ka na nga, may nadadamay pang ibang tao dahil dyan sa galit mo. You don't have to do this. Nandito ako oh. Pwede naman kitang tulungan." Rhian continued.
"Why are you suddenly telling me all this?" I asked.
"Because honestly, hindi na kita maintindihan!" She quickly replied.
Napatitig ulit ako saglit sa kanya dahil tumaas na naman ang boses nito.
"Hindi naman kita pinipilit na intindihin ako." I unconsciously said.
Bigla ko kagad ginustong bawiin ang nasabi ko dahil hindi ko naman talaga ito sinasadya. I didn't know why it came out. But then I stopped thinking when she looked at me with the look that always assures me of everything.
"Bestfriend kita. Alam kong alam mo na ikaw ang pinakaimportanteng tao sa buhay ko. And I want to take care of you just like how you take care of me. We promised to protect each other no matter what, right?" She reminded, and it hit my conscience even more.
"I know, best. I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said." I sadly apologized.
We remained silent for a while. Nakasandal lang ako sa couch dahil ramdam ko na ang panghihina ng katawan ko. I didn't know how long it was, but eventually, Rhian started the talk once again.
"You still want to find them? You still want your closure?" My bestfriend carefully asked.
Hindi ako nakasagot kagad dahil napaisip din ako sa tanong niya.
After all these years... do I really want those? Do I really need them to be able to finally move forward? To finally be able to let go of the darkness that still invades my being? What do I need to finally be able to take full control of my life?
"I don't know what I want, best." I softly admitted.
"Okay, that's fine. You'll know it sooner or later. Pero best, please naman... you need to stop all these. You need to quit messing around."
"Wait, lahat?! Best, you can't expect me to just stop the things that have been part of my life for years. Hindi naman ganun kadali un. Alam mong ito ang escape ko." I slightly panicked from her request.
"Sleeping with other people... that I can still accept as an escape. But this? Best, ipinapahamak mo ang sarili mo eh." Patuloy niyang pag-iyak.
I wanted to wipe her tears but then I remembered why I shouldn't. So before I could even lift my hand, I backed out.
"Yon, you don't have to worry. Kaya ko naman. Alam ko kung ano ang ginagawa ko." I assured her.
"Do you?!" She abruptly threw, which shocked me.
Natahimik naman ako bigla dahil dun at pati sa titig niya sakin.
"Honestly... I don't think so. Because if you really do, then you know how this affects me. Alam mo dapat kung gaano kahirap para sakin na paulit-ulit kang makitang ganyan."
There were still tears in her eyes, but I saw something else. Like I said... I know Rhian more than I know myself. Ramdam ko kung may itinatago ko ito sakin. At alam kong hindi niya ako sesermonan nang ganito kung walang nangyari.
"Best, there's something you're not telling me. Ano un? Wag kang maglihim sakin." I said, instead of adding fuel to her fire.
And I knew I was right when she looked away. Napasandal na din siya sa couch kasabay nang pagpikit.
"Rhian." Pagtawag ko sa kanya nang hindi siya sumagot makalipas ang ilang segundo.
"It's nothing." She lied.
"You should know by now that there's no use lying to me. Sabihin mo na sakin kung ayaw mong pag-awayan pa natin yan." Sermon ko sa kanya.
Naglabanan kami ng tingin, parehong ayaw magpaawat.
"Rhian Denise." I firmly called without raising my voice.
"Alright! Something happened and something is about to happen. Pero hindi ko pa pwedeng sabihin ngayon." Agad niyang paliwanag.
"At bakit? Kailan ka pa natutong maglihim sakin? Tell me, best... why do you have to keep it from me?" I asked, still trying to keep myself calm.
Out of all the things she could do... she should know that keeping a secret from me is one of the things I hate most. Masyado na akong nabuhay sa mga lihim at kasinungalingan noon. Alam niya dapat na hindi na niya kailangang dagdagan un.
"Because it's not the right time to tell you yet." She plainly stated.
"Since when did that become an issue with us? Diba promise natin, no secrets? Eh bakit nga--"
"Because I don't want you to think na inaawat na kita dahil lang dun!" She raised her voice once again.
Hindi ko na napigilang sabayan at barahin ito.
"Bakit, hindi ba?!"
Natahimik siya bigla dahil sa pagtaas din ng boses ko. Alam niyang nagsasabayan na kami kaya pinili niya na wag munang sumagot. She took a deep breathe, calming herself down.
She looked at me again, and her soft and affectionate stare came back as well. Then she slowly went closer to me, careful not to touch my bruised skin. It was her turn to give me a kiss on the forehead, in which I immediately melted to.
"I'm sorry, best. I'm sorry." My bestfriend softly apologized as she kept her head beside mine.
Silence filled the air for a while, both of us letting the mood settle down. I was starting to feel physically and emotionally tired.
"Best, trust me when I say na may sapat akong dahilan kung bakit hindi ko pa sinasabi sayo. And please, don't think that I'm asking you to stop this just because of it. I'm asking you to stop because I want you to. Ayokong nakikita kang ganito." Her tone was only of pure sadness this time.
I didn't answer because I wasn't sure if I can promise her what she wants. Naiintindihan ko naman siya, pero sadyang hindi ko lang talaga alam kung kaya ko.
"How would you feel if our positions were reversed? Imagine kung uuwi din akong ganito, tap--" She continued, na agad kong inawat.
"Rhian, stop it! Alam mong ayoko ng ganyan ha."
"Exactly, best! See? You can't stand the image. What more nalang ako, na paulit-paulit nakikita un?" Pagpaparealize niya sakin.
Rhian was right. I could never stand that image. I could never stand seeing her in my state. The thought made me realize that I need to try. Not for myself, but at least, for my bestfriend.
"Best, I can't promise na maititigil ko kagad 'to. But I'll try. And I'll keep my word na tatanggihan ko ung dalawang susunod na pag-aya nila sakin. Can we just start with that?" I gently pleaded.
"Alright. That's fair enough for me. Thank you." She kissed my forehead to end our discussion.
"Tulog na tayo, best." I whispered because I was nearly drained and my body was begging me to rest.
Both of us stood up, and Rhian's eyes stayed on me. Nakaready lang siya na alalayan ako if ever hindi ko kayanin. She didn't touch me because she knew that she shouldn't, just like what I begged her to eversince. Un din ang maingat niyang tinupad nung tulungan niya akong magpalit ng damit.
When we reached the bed, I almost instantly fell into a deep sleep. No longer waiting for the pain killer to take effect.
It was yet another messed up day in the life of one Glaiza Castro Galura.
***********
I was supposed to start with the flashbacks after the 1st chap, but then I realized that I still have to mention a lot of additional details. Hahaha. So eto muna. At least na-tackle na natin ung mga kailangan bigyang linaw.
Oh, and I would put an (F) mark on the chapter title to let you guys know if an update is a flashback or not. Pero ayun nga, baka the next 2 or 3 chapters... flashback muna tayo. 😊
Thanks for reading! 👊