*Alice's POV*
"Where are you going?" Caleb asked me as I was about to walk out the door.
"To town." I answered.
"Do you mean the mall?" Caleb asked. I walked up to him slapping him the face as hard as I could before answering his question.
"No I mean town we are still English don't start turning American on me you little shit." I was about to walk out the door again but Caleb the inquisitive pecs of faeces asked another question.
"Oh-Kay why are you dressed as Santa?" He asked.
"Because I got a job as the Santa there!" I answered, I was about to run out the door.
"Do you me to drive you there?" He asked and I smiled.
"Sure my British brother!" I shouted shoving him out of the door.
On the drive there Caleb sang a One Direction song in his most digustingest voice ever while I slammed my hands repeatedly on the window trying to capture the attention of a passer by... No passer by's looked at me and I was sad.
"We're here!" Caleb shouted but when he turned to look at the car seat I wasn't there. I rolled out a couple of minutes ago when I first saw the shopping centre. "Hey don't run away from me!" Caleb shouted after me as I ran as fast as I could- while wearing a Santa suit- towards the doors.
When I reached the igloo I was supposed to be working at there was already a line of kids waiting. I looked at the clock and realised I actually wasn't late. I sat in the chair and waited for the elves to open the rope.
"Hey Alice!" One of the elves said to me and I turned to face them.
"James?" I asked.
"Yeah dude!" He answered and I shook my head at him. He looked really excited in that elf costume.
"Why are you working as an elf?" I asked.
"Well I wanted to be Santa but you took that role and I chose the elf then..." He walked closer to me before adding in a whisper. "And I realised I didn't want to be in a gang anymore so... Here I am!" He smiled at me and I smiled back.
He stood in his position as a kid made his way through the fake snow covered path. He all but jumped in my lap blowing the wind out of me and I smiled down at him through the pain.
"Hi Santa aren't you supposed to be a boy?" Was the first question he asked.
"Um no Santa is definately a girl people just get mixed up because of my beard." I answered in a weird-what I thought was a- jolly voice.
"I thought only boys could grow beards." The boy said sounding confused.
"But that's only in the mortal world where I come from girls can grow beards too." I told him.
"That is soo cool! So Santa is actually a girl!" He said more to himself than me.
"You know I'm only Santa's helper so you never know your mummy could be Santa." I whispered to him.
"Oohhh!" He whispered sounding excited.
"Yeahh... So what would you like for Christmas?" I asked.
"A remote control car please!" The boy said smiling widely.
"I'll tell Santa but first you'll have to tell me one thing." I said in that weird voice.
"Anything!" He said jumping up and down on my lap.
"Have you been a good boy?" I asked.
"Yes!" He nodded his head.
"Well then you'll get your present for sure!"The little boy hugged me and jumping off of my lap.
"Thanks Santa!" He smiled running over to his mum asking her if she was Santa.
"Next!" One of the elves shouted.
"Yay!" A really deep voice shouted. About 20 tonnes of weight landed on my lap and I almost shouted out in shock. How big was this freaking kid?!
Whn I looked at who wa on my lap I bit my lip in anger.
"Caleb! Get off of me!" I hissed at him.
"No Santa I've been a good boy this year can I get a..." Caleb said tapping his chin in deep thought.
"You haven't been a good boy!" I whispered. Caleb started to wriggle around on my lap and I was about to push him off before I realised that the kids probably wouldn't want to see Santa beating the crap out of someone. Caleb continued to be an asshole and wriggled around on my lap some more. "What are you even doing?" I asked trying to contain my anger.
"Giving you a lap dance!" Caleb said in a falsetto voice.
"Get off of me right now!" I all but shouted. James came over with the rest of the elves and dragged Caleb away.
"I just wanted to have fun!" Caleb shouted dramatically while they dragged him away.
"Your my brother you can't do that to me!" I shouted after him.
"I can if I want!" He shouted trying not to laugh.
About 15 kids later my shift was over and I'm pretty sure about 5 of them had peed on me. I ran to the girls toilets. I quickly stripped off my Santa costume and chucked on my clothes.
"Holy shit there's a girl in the guys toilet! And she just stripped!" Someone whispered fom behind me. I turned slowly to face them and was about to attack them when I realised that there aren't supposed to be urinals in the girls bathroom.
"Did you just see me strip?" I asked slowly.
"Yes." One of them answered smiling happily. The two guys looked at each other before high fiving the other and then they rubbed their hands on each other since they realised that they had dirty hands.
"If you tell anyone about this I will rip both your dicks off and shove them in each others mouth!" I threatened before walking out of the guys toilets.
"Why were you in the boys bathroom?" Caleb's voice sounded from behind me. I spun around as soon as I heard his voice.
"Accidents happen." I shrugged.
"Well guess who I found?" Caleb sang.
"Parker." I answered.
"How... Ho- how did you guess that?" Caleb asked sounding shocked.
"I realised something a week ago. Parker seems to always show up at the most convenient of times and it creeps the shit out of me. It's like he has some kind of annoying ability that just annoys the fuck out of me beca-" I was interrupted by Parker.
"Okay I get it!" He shouted.
"Your like exactly like a book character you know that this has probably happened in lots of books like the guy just popping up at the girls most needed times and shit." I told him and he glare at me.
"I am one of a kind!" He flipped his hair.
"HIPSTER!" I shouted in a really high pitched voice.
"Shut up!" Parker pouted. I smiled at him and he narrowed his eyes at me. "Is there something wrong with you?" Parker asked and I shrugged skipping ahead.
"There is something wrong with her." Caleb tried to whisper but he doesn't know how.
"Says the one who tried to give his sister a lap dance!" I shouted over my shoulder.
"You tried giving her a lap dance?" Parker asked sounding shocked.
"Yeah I beat you to it!" Caleb said getting all up in Parker's grill.
"I was- I wasn't going to give her a lap dance." Parker said turning red in the face.
"Yeahhh..." Caleb drawled out.
**********
"How do you know I'm not a gold digger?" I asked Parker raising an eyebrow.
"Because you don't even know if I'm rich or not." Parker said smiling.
"Well are you rich?" I asked.
"Well we get b-" Parker started.
"Are you rich?" I asked.
"People mig-" Parker started.
"Are. You. Rich?" I asked slowly.
"Yes!"He shouted getting annoyed.
"Then I'm a gold digger." I announced proudly.
"Gold diggers don't normally admit to be gold diggers." Parker told me, crushing my dreams in the process.
"Well then I'm only with you for the money." I raised my eyebrows challengingly.
"That's the same as a gold digger!" Parker exclaimed.
"Am I digging for gold?" I asked.
"No..." Parker answered.
"Then it's not the same!" I smirked.
"Then you aren't a gold digger or anyone who is a gold digger isn't a gold digger!" Parker all but shouted. "Okay wait... How did this conversation even start?" Parker asked sounding really confused.
"I don't know... Wait I do know you asked for my skittles!" I giggled happy that I figured it out.
"How did our conversation turn from something normal into this?" Parker asked.
"The same way our conversations all ways turn into this. It's because your weird." I told him skipping away.
"Yeah- Wait did you just say I was the weird one? Have you looked in the mirror recently?" Parker asked.
"See this is why your the weird one, you think that people can see their weirdness in the mirror!" I stopped, waiting for him to catch up and then slapping his arm.
"Ouch! What is wrong with you?!" He screeched.
"Oh don't act like I hit you hard! If you wanted me to hit you hard you just had to ask!" I raised my hand pretending like I was going to hit him.
"No! Don't hit me! Domestic violence is illegal!" He shouted catching the attention of some people passing by. They gave him a dirty look before continuing their walk.
"Hah even though you said the domestic violence thing they still glared at you not me!" I laughed at him.
"Hey look some mistletoe!" Parker pointed at nothing in particular.
"There is no m-" I started but was cut off by Parker kissing me.
Out of nowhere Parker was ripped away from me and I looked at the person holding him in a daze.
"Did you just kids my sister?!" Caleb asked looking like he was about to kill Parker.
"No- yes- no!" Parker replied wide eyed trying to run away.
"Oh yeah Alice you have to meet your brother!" Caleb said before running away leaving Parker next to me.
"Hey wait what do you mean BROTHER?!" I shouted after him.
"I mean your brother!" Caleb shouted over his shoulder. I started running after him as fast as I could. About a minute later Caleb was on the floor and I was about to punch him in the face.
"What do. you. mean. brother?" I hissed out between clenched teeth.
"Phil's other child. In other words your brother." Caleb told me.
--------------/-///////-----------///////
A/N:
Hello oh my god it's Christmas in 2 days Woah. I remember last year when everyone thought we were going to die! Yay death. I was talking about Justin Bieber working in a stripper school and my friend working there so she could add the correct amount of 0's when charging her customers and then she started talking about how she had a kid she needed to support after I told her to give some free fun time to me(it was a joke I didnt actually want any fun time) an I said she should kill it since she ha 20 others she needed to support. (I didn't mean that either since she doesn't actualy have any kids) then we talked about how I wouldflying surfing kick her in the neck next time I saw her and said the same then I said I already won since I kicked her last before the holidays started. A flying surfing kick is a kick that defies the laws of physics because you basically kick while flying for a long period of time and we can't do it so we just stab each other in the neck with our fingers and she fell on the floor twice when I did it because I hit a pressure point.
Bye