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@ niall.ymnn @ olivia.ymnn @ jake.ymnn @ zara.ymnn
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Picture of Jake.
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Previously in chapter 12:
A silent fell over the room. I've never showed anyone the entire song before, just a sneak peak on my Instagram. I've played parts of it for Louis and he offered to help me record it somewhere.
My heart was beating like crazy because I was nervous what she might say or think about it. And I was too scared to break the silence.
"Broken hearts come to London." She eventually mumbled. "And they wait for someone to fix them again. Sometimes they wait two and a half years, but they know it was worth it. Because you will always be worth the wait."
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Hearing Olivia telling me that I will always be worth the wait made my heart skip a beat. And it made me realise that I was fooling myself when I said I'd moved on. Of course I haven't moved on.
It's her; it's always been her.
And no matter how stupid I was for letting her go years ago, I wasn't going to make the same mistake again. No matter how cliché it is, or how much trouble I must go through; I was determined to get her back. And I wasn't going to let Marcus, or anyone else, stop me.
"I need to take a shower." I said, trying to distract myself from doing anything stupid, like kissing her.
"Should I leave?" She asked.
Don't ever leave me
"No, you can stay here. It'll only take a few minutes. Make yourself at home."
She smiled and I found myself smiling back.
I put the guitar back on the wall, grabbed some clothes and locked myself in the bathroom. Then I turned on the water in the shower to make some noise. I didn't want her to start wondering what I was actually doing.
I sat down on the toilet with a few razor blades in my hand. Normally they would have collided with my skin by now, but something stopped me. I just looked down at them, not feeling the urge to use them. It's only been a few weeks since I last touched them, letting them destroy me and the reason for that moment was that day I left her place after spending the night. I was hurt, angry and a little bit drunk.
But now I'm back to having feelings for her and couldn't do it.
"But I also stopped cutting because of you"
That's what she told me when we were at the pitch a month ago. She used to self-harm on a daily basis and I was the reason she stopped. Running a razor blade across her skin was a regular thing for her and I was the reason she stopped. She took every opportunity to hurt herself and I was the reason she stopped.
I hate myself
I got up from the toilet seat and opened the lid.
But I love her
I gathered all the razor blades I could find in the bathroom and flushed them down.
So I'll live
"Jake will keep you company tonight." I said as I pulled on my jacket two hours later. "I assume you're still going to the pub with me?"
She nodded and took down her own jacket from the hook.
"I didn't know Jake was in town."
"Visiting his brother. It's about time he moved his ass down here too, though."
"Yeah, I miss him."
Do you miss me?
"Maybe you can invite him to your birthday party." I suggested and opened the door, watching her walk out first.
"Good idea. I'll talk to him." She said, flashing me a smile, as I was about to lock the door.
And just like three years ago, her smile was still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Olivia's point of view
"Coleman! Wait, I mean Crawford!" Jake yelled as he approached us.
"Foster." I grinned and wrapped my arms around his neck for a hug.
To my surprise Niall and Jake actually hugged each other properly too, before Niall excused himself to go change into his bartender clothes.
"Niall told me you were coming, so I saved you a seat." Jake said and guided me towards the bar. I crawled up on the barstool and Jake sat down next to me.
"So, how are you?" He asked.
"Good. How's things with you?"
"Great actually. I'm here looking for apartments. It's my turn to move down here as well."
"That is great! Niall could really use a friend."
"Yeah, he's been kind of bummed out lately... or the last couple of years to be honest. I guess it started when you two broke up."
"Oh..."
"But don't think about it too much. I mean you do have a new boyfriend, don't you?"
"Yeah. Niall and I are just friends."
"Come on Olivia." He snorted with a laugh. "That shit might have worked back in high school, but we're adults now. Either you're in love or you're nothing."
"Then I guess we're... nothing."
Just when those words left my mouth, Niall came out from the back in the same clothes when I last met him at this bar. He placed his hand on the other bartender's shoulder, saying something in his ear. The other guy smiled and disappeared into the back. I guess his shift was over and Niall would take over.
He walked up to us the first thing he did.
"What can I get you?"
"Beer." Jake said.
"And for the lady?" Niall mocked and looked at me.
"What do you suggest?"
"Maybe a Cosmopolitan?"
"I trust you." I said, and he smiled before turning around to get our orders.
"I have to ask you." Jake started off, and I turned my attention to him. "The fake identity. What was that all about?"
"Do you want the long story or the short version of it?"
"I have time." He grinned as Niall placed a beer bottle in front of him, and handed me my drink just seconds later.
"Okay, so it all started when I was like eight. All of my friends started realising I got more expensive toys than them and stuff, and asked me about it. So I said my family was rich and everyone got very... excited about it. So for about six years my friends asked me to buy expensive things to them as well, because "my parents could afford it". I was sick of hearing people asking me for stuff all the time, so right before freshman year I decided to put a stop to it. That's when I came up with a fake identity. I asked my siblings to play along too, but never told my parents about it."
"Wasn't it hard to keep that from your friends?"
"You have no idea." I mumbled and took another sip from my drink.
"Niall told me your friends were furious when they found out."
"They were. It was much easier telling Niall, because we weren't even friends when he found out. So he got over it pretty quick, unlike Katelyn and the others. Zara and Casper were the only ones who understood and forgave me first. The rest came around later on."
He gave me a sad smile.
"Oh, and by the way... I'm sorry about the whole bet thing. It was all Tyler's idea and I could tell that Niall wasn't really feeling it from the beginning. He's always been good at acting. Niall really knows how to keep a poker face."
I glanced over to him, seeing him mixing drinks to a group of girls.
"It didn't take long for him to fall for you, you know. Only a couple of weeks actually."
I looked back at Jake, motioning him to continue.
"By his seventeenth birthday he was already in too deep. I remember he called me in the middle of the night one time late in September, clearly drunk off his ass, and he started talking about you and how much he regretted agreeing to the bet. That's when I knew it wasn't just a crush. He was in love with you. And don't tell him I said this, but frankly... I think he still is."
Jake's words made me think. Niall can't possibly still be in love with me, can he? I mean he's always going to have a special place in my heart, but I didn't think I meant that much to him that his best friend thinks he still has feelings for me.
"But what do I know? The closest thing I've ever had to a relationship is that fling between Zara and me." Jake then chuckled, placing the beer bottle upon his lips before taking a sip.
"Yeah, what happened there?" I asked, nudging my elbow into his arm to mock him.
"Nothing major. Just a little on and off thing thanks to you and Niall. We probably wouldn't even have talked in the first place if our best friends didn't become a thing."
"Feel free to thank me." I grinned.
He grinned back and I took another sip on my drink, catching Niall's eyes from a distance. He winked at me and butterflies appeared in my stomach.
I guess it's true what they say; you never really get over your first love.
And your first love isn't always the first person you kiss, or the first person you date. Your first love is the person you'll always compare everyone to. The person that you will never truly get over, even when you've convinced yourself you've moved on.
"Girls, you really need to go now. We're closing." Niall told the same group of girls he'd been serving all night.
"But it's only two!" One of the whined and leaned over the bar disk, probably to show him some more cleavage.
And of course his eyes drifted down for a second.
"Exactly. Should I call for a taxi?"
"Will it drive to your place?" Another girl said, and a smirk grew on his lips.
"Maybe some other time, yeah? Right now I really need to close up."
All of them walked past us, everyone except one. She remained by the bar, talking to Niall.
"I'll make sure they get home, and then we can call for that taxi to your place." She told him, and he shook his head.
"Not tonight. But I can take your number and I'll make sure that you get home to me another time, okay?"
The girl smiled and asked for a napkin. Niall obeyed and gave her a napkin along with a pen, and she started to scribble down her phone number on the little tissue.
"Now I'm expecting a call from you." She said and gave him a flirty smile, before heading for the exit to join her friends.
Jake excused himself to go to the restroom and left quickly.
"Are you gonna call her?" I found myself asking as soon as we were alone.
"Hm?" Niall looked up.
"A pretty girl just gave you her number, since you asked for it. So I'm wondering if you're going to give her a call or not."
He smirked a little and placed the napkin on the disk.
"Does this answer your question?"
He started wiping away some liquid from the surface of the bar disk before throwing away the napkin. I couldn't help but smile.
"I'm just gonna change and then Jake and I can walk you home."
I nodded and Jake came back from the restroom a couple of seconds after Niall went into the backroom.
"Where's Horan?"
"In the back." I answered and pulled on my jacket. "Oh, by the way! My birthday is next month and I want you to come to my party."
"Has it already been three years since Niall threw you that surprise party? Man, I remember it like it was yesterday."
"What, the party?"
"No, how long he planned it. He started planning the party about two weeks before your actual birthday. At first he was going to rent a place, but he was out of money at the time. So he asked Louis if we could have the party at his place."
I smiled.
"So, you're coming to this party as well?"
"Count me in." He smiled, ruffling my hair.
Niall came back and within a minute the three of us were outside and he locked the door behind us.
"Can I crash at your place tonight? I don't think my brother would appreciate me coming home drunk." Jake said, looking at Niall.
"Sure." He shrugged.
"What about you, Olivia? You up for a sleepover?" Jake then asked me, and Niall quickly looked at me.
"Sorry guys, I have plans for tomorrow."
"What could possibly be better than hanging out with us?" Jake asked laughing.
"A date with my boyfriend."
"Oh, right. You've got a boyfriend."
"We'll drop you off at your place and then I better get this drunk mess home to me." Niall said, nodding towards Jake.
About fifteen minutes later we were outside the flat. Jake leaned his back against the wall, sliding down so he was sitting on the floor instead, as I searched for my key.
"I invited Jake to my party. He said yes, so I'm expecting you to show up as well."
"I can't promise anything."
"Why not? All of my... friends will be there."
He looked over his shoulder. Jake was half asleep on the floor already.
"Because..." He looked back at me, placing his hands in his pockets. "I don't know what to get you." He said with a little chuckle.
"I'm sure you can figure something out." I smiled and pulled out my key, unlocking the door as I turned my back towards them. "Oh, and Niall?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you. For writing a song about me."
He smiled. "Goodnight, Olivia."
"Goodnight. And take care of your teammate." I said, nodding to Jake.
"I will."
Niall's point of view
"I invited Jake to my party. He said yes, so I'm expecting you to show up as well." She said and dug her hand down her pocket, probably to look for her key.
"I can't promise anything." I said.
She looked up, with her eyebrows furrowed.
"Why not?" She questioned. "All of my... friends will be there."
I bit my lip and looked away.
I don't want to bother you
"Because..."
Marcus will be there
"I don't know what to get you." I lied, forcing out a laugh.
I don't want to let her down, but I don't want to be there to witness her being happy with him when I was the reason for her happiness three years ago on her birthday.
"I'm sure you can figure something out." She smiled and unlocked the door. "Oh, and Niall?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you. For writing a song about me."
I bet Marcus never wrote you a song
I couldn't help but smile.
"Goodnight, Olivia."
"Goodnight. And take care of your teammate." She giggled, looking at Jake who was asleep behind me.
"I will."
FLASHBACK
Someone called my name, and both Olivia and I looked over to the voice. Mom was waving like an idiot and Brian picked up Jayden, so he could wave as well. It was time for me to leave.
"I guess this is goodbye then." I said, gulping to make the lump in my throat go away. I once promised to never cry in front of her, and I'd like to keep it that way.
"I guess so." She sadly smiled.
I forced another smile to her before turning away. Fuck, it was harder than I thought it would be to say goodbye to her.
But then she grabbed my wrist.
"Yes?" I asked hopefully as I turned back.
"Come visit some time, okay? Don't forget about any of us."
I had to smile a little.
"Of course I'll come visit." I assured her. "I've already promised Jake another chance at beating me at a football game and I'm going to need my teammate."
I hope she understands I'm talking about her, because let's face it; I'm always going to need her.
So I leaned down and kissed her forehead one last time. Deep down I was hoping she'd stop me from leaving again, but I also knew she wouldn't.
"Bye." I mumbled, barely making any sound and smiled a weak smile. It was so hard not to cry.
I made my way over to my mom. She hugged me immediately and congratulated me for making it out alive through school.
"And don't be sad." She whispered. "I know you don't believe in love, or second chances. But as your mother I'm going to believe for both of us. Trust me, that wasn't goodbye for you and Olivia."
"What makes you say that?" I asked, slowly letting go of her.
"Because the way you two looked at each other..." She started, glancing out on the ocean of people. From a distance I could see Olivia's father kissing her cheek before hugging her. "Let's just say she loved you very much. And I know you still love her. No matter what happens after this, you'll find a way back to each other. Whether it takes you two weeks or fifteen years, you'll find her."
"Like you know anything about love." I muttered.
"Maybe I don't. But I do know you Niall. I don't know what was so special about that girl, but I've never seen you happier than when you were with her. You've always been a stubborn kid, and once you've set your mind into something, you don't stop fighting. Do you think she's worth fighting for?"
I found myself nodding.
"Then you'll find her one day. And when you do, for god's sake; don't ever let her go."
END OF FLASHBACK
Half an hour later Jake was lying on my couch, half way into a deep slumber. I was in the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror with the shower water running behind me. Jake would probably never even consider me being suicidal, but if he only knew how often I think about running away and never return. Or take an overdose from my sleeping pills. I mean they're not working anyway.
After thinking about finding something to hurt myself with, I left the bathroom without doing anything else than turning off the water. I slumped down on my bed, reaching for my phone on the nightstand and then Jake spoke up.
"Do you still love her?"
"What? Aren't you asleep yet?"
"Stop avoiding this. You've been avoiding the subject for the past two and a half years." Jake said and sat up straight on the couch. "So answer the question."
"No, I don't love Olivia." I said, and partly it was true. "I used to love her, three years ago."
"You can lie to yourself all you want, but don't even try lying to me. I'm your best friend, and you think I can't tell when you're lying?"
"Jake." I said, looking at him. "I do not love her. There might be some feelings involved in all of this, because I will always have feelings for her. But trust me when I say I don't love her."
"What do you mean you'll always have feelings for her?"
I sighed.
"I mean that whatever happens, she'll always be a part of me."
"Oh. I think I get it."
A short silence fell over the room, and then he spoke up again.
"Why were you always so angry with Riley Hastings? What did he ever do to you?"
"To me, nothing. He dated Olivia for a few months."
"And you were jealous?"
"Not really jealous, more like wanting him dead. He tried to rape her when they were together."
"He did? Dude, was she even worth all of that? I mean I like her, but with the whole fake identity stuff, the bet and shit... was it worth it?"
"Yes." I answered without hesitating. "She was worth it."
Even though I became depressed all over again when she left
He was quiet for a while, but I knew he wouldn't shut up for a long time.
"Do you think she's happy with that guy?"
"I guess." I shrugged. "Why?"
"I don't. I've only met him once, on New Years, but he's so... formal and stiff, you know?"
"Maybe she likes stiff people."
He gave me a sceptical look.
"She used to like you, and you're not stiff at all."
"What's your point?" I sighed.
"My point is that I don't think she'll ever be truly happy again if she's not with you."
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