POV - Sarah
Warnings: Fighting, Yelling, Depression
Word Count: 2504
*Note: If you had read EVERY PART OF MY 250 FOLLOWER SPECIAL YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING IN THE PART ABOUT ELLEN AND ME! So, don't say anything about the fact that I didn't announce it because I did. In my own subtle way.
Also, a special thank you to universe_of_stars who made my cover, once again. You are amazing and I love you! Thank you so much!!!
*Updated Authors Note: January 1, 2020: So this is my New Year's Pledge, to finish all the stories that I have started. That does not mean there will be anything new unless I get inspired, but I make no promises. For now, though, I am going to focus on this story and give everyone who has been waiting so patiently the ending you have desired, (or not). I don't know how many parts this is going to be but I know what I want to do with this story. The beginning is going to be the same as I had it before, for the first few chapters anyway, it may change over time, you are just gonna have to wait and see.
So sit back, grab your tissues, say your prayers, and get ready for the torture.
-Begin Chapter-
Have you ever noticed that when you are happy, time just flies by and so do your memories? There in one instance and then gone with the next, leaving just the feeling to remain. Then when you are sad, it slows down to a crawl, the memories stronger, the sadness overtaking everything, leaving you aching. Sometimes, it is even worse. Like when everything you know and love is gone and your world is crashing down, time itself has no pace, it just...moves but it doesn't at the same time. The pain and memories overriding everything, even rational thought. It all hurts so much and it just won't go away, getting worse and worse with each second and there is nothing that can be done to stop it….
Nothing.
POV : Sarah
Time since kidnapping: 27 Days
This last month has been such a blur, bits sticking out more than others, the bad moments adding to my heavy heart and the good times just fading away. I felt like I was breaking into a million pieces but I couldn't do anything about it, I had to hold it all together, the boys needed me. I had to hold myself together so they could fall apart.
Landon, for example, has pulled himself away from everyone moved into the bedroom of the flat that was inside the Sidemen house, never coming out for anything. Every day I am at the house, I make sure that he eats something and has regular baths. I end up having to treat him like a child and actually bathe him myself. Normally, I would have been all shy and embarrassed at even thinking of the idea but I was so numb that it didn't bother me. I just knew I had to do it, I had to keep him going, for his sake. Landon never speaks to me when I come to check on him. I can normally find him lying on the bed or sitting in the chair by the window, staring blankly out at the world that kept moving by while he was frozen.
There is one weird thing I have noticed with Landon, he always has his phone near him, even though he never uses it. At least not while I am around. It doesn't matter where he is in the room or if it was his bath time, the brown-haired boy always had his phone within arms reach. I didn't understand why, I even tried to ask him about it, but the young boy always remained silent, lost in his own world of pain and suffering.
Callux and Cal had not been faring well either. Both of them were currently at the Tower, neither making any attempt to leave or do anything productive, such as making videos. Instead, they relied on delivery and Manny to get what they needed. At least I didn't have to make sure they ate and bathed as I did with Landon, they could handle that thankfully, or well, Manny made sure they did anyway. I did have to make sure they didn't kill each other though.
It wasn't even three days after Preston was taken before the fighting between them began. At first, it was just some simple arguments, disagreeing on what they should do to get their Baby Boy back, unfortunately though, the arguing ended up escalating, turning into blames on the wrong people, which, of course, was each other. In the beginning, it was just hurtful words but after a few weeks, it got worse. Every argument began to end with physical violence. It wasn't too bad though, so Manny told me, just a few punches or hits that didn't end in any serious injury but that didn't last too long. The most serious fight, and the last fight, had ended up with the two of them almost killing each other. Based on what I was able to gather, apparently Cal told Callux that he was the reason that Preston was probably being rapped by Rob as they spoke.
To be honest, I don't blame Callix for attacking Cal, that was way too far, I don't give a fuck how much he was hurting. It was completely wrong.
It took 5 people to separate the two boys. Both of them covered in blood, bruises, and fresh black eyes. Cal even ended up with a missing tooth and a broken arm, while Callux just ended up with a broken nose.
After that, it was decided that the two Cals couldn't be trusted alone with each other so they were seperated. Cal had to stay in Manny's flat while Callux stayed in their flat alone. Manny did make sure to check on him every few hours and spend time with him so he wouldn't be alone. I did my best to go and see him often as well, making sure to drop by and see Cal and Manny as well. I knew it wasn't helping either of them, but I had to try, plus it gave Manny sometime to get out of the house and go do things like visit his parents and help Little Josh with his homework.
Manny would sometimes tell me about how he had heard both Cals cry out for each other and Preston in the night during one of their many nightmares. It broke my heart and I wanted them to be able to be together and help each other but I couldn't trust them. I knew that the two would be better if they were together, taking care of each other, working together to figure out how to get Preston back but I couldn't have them killing each other in the process. It would destroy Preston if he heard his boyfriends had killed each other. I'm sure that would hurt him more than Rob ever could.
It was no better here in the Sidemen house, which was where I was currently at, cleaning up the house and taking care of the boys the best I could. It was the least I could do. After all, I did encourage them to let the boys go to London on their own.
That memory still haunts me every day. I still see their smiling faces as they exited the car, off to have what was supposed to be a great day. I had no idea of anything. I should have listened to my gut, I should have known something was wrong. My gut was always right….
As I washed the dishes, I listened to the screaming match that rang through the house, a very common feature these days. Thankfully their property was big enough so no neighbors could hear the hurtful words they said.
"OH FUCK OFF YOU FAT CUNT! I TOLD YOU! IT WASN'T MY FAULT!"
"YES, IT WAS JOSH! YOU SHOULD HAVE PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN AND TOLD VIK NO, THAT HE COULDN'T GO INTO TOWN WITHOUT US! YOU SHOULD HAVE FUCKING STOPPED HIM! NOT GIVEN INTO HIM LIKE A LITTLE BITCH!" screamed back Simon.
"DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT! DON'T YOU THINK I BEAT MYSELF UP EVERYDAY FOR LETTING HIM GO? DON'T YOU THINK I HATE EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING FOR GIVING IN TO HIM? HOW IN THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN! I COULDN'T PREDICT IT SIMON! I couldn't..." he screamed back, his voice breaking at the end.
I felt a tear fall down my face as I heard Simon start to tear into Josh again. I did my best to tune them out, knowing that the reason they were fighting was because they were hurting, just like everyone else and just like everyone else, they were handling it the wrong way.
At least they haven't punched each other like JJ and Ethan did last time. Thankfully, the boys never really turned to physical violence, except for the two hotheads, but the other boys were good about not letting it go too far. Most of the time.
"FUCK YOU, SIMON! WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO OUT AND FIND ANOTHER FUCK BOY TO FUCK?"
"YOU KNOW WHAT JOSH, MAYBE I WILL!"
I sighed pausing for a second to breathe, another tear falling down my face.
I tried not to think about Simon cheating, even though it ate me up inside. I know it hurt the other boys too, it just made their wounds deeper and hurt even more.
Why? Why did this have to happen to them? Why do they have to suffer? Why couldn't they just have been happy? Why did Rob have to exist?
I was pulled from my thoughts by a voice calling out to me from the doorway of the kitchen,"Sarah?".
I paused what I was doing and turned to see both Harry and Tobi standing there, their hands linked together. It was a rare sight to see any of the Sidemen give each other affection, so I was ecstatic to see the two doing something seemingly so small and insignificant but so wonderful at the same time.
I am sure it would have made Vik very happy.
"Hey guys, what's up?" I asked as I pulled my hands out of the sink, reaching for the towel, making sure to bring it up to wipe my eyes.
"Not much really." muttered Tobi. Harry stood next to him quiet, his eyes looking to the ground solemnly, "We just had to get away from upstairs, Simon and Josh..." the dark skinned boy trailed off.
"I know, I can hear them." I said, looking up towards the ceiling.
"I bet everyone within a 10 km radius could hear them." muttered Harry.
I looked back at the two and observed them, an ache forming inside my chest. They looked so broken and worn down, this last month has been a living hell for them and I felt my heart break all over again and I wanted to help them, but I wasn't sure what I could do. I mean, I knew nothing and no one who I could even begin to ask without fear of Rob's retaliation if he found out. We have all seen how unstable he is so we all decided it was best to proceed with caution, being sure to hide the letter in a safe place, just in case we needed evidence one day.
The first few days after the kidnapping, all the guys came together to try and figure out a way to get the boys back, throwing out different ideas and strategies, none of which were approved by the whole group, except the one about killing Rob. That was never turned down. In the end though, everything crumbled and they all began fighting, storming off, their anger taking over every rational thought.
The fans noticed right away that something was wrong. When 12 people, who used to upload almost every other day, just suddenly stop, millions of people are bound to notice. None of the boys respond to their questions though, even Manny has stopped. He doesn't know what to say. They all knew that if they hinted something was wrong, the swarm would form and the hunt would begin. As much as all the boys would have loved that, it wouldn't have helped. Maybe when this is all over, they can just make Rob's life a living hell. That would be nice.
I hope we can figure out what to do soon. The boys guiding lights were gone and everything was just falling apart leaving broken hearts, minds, and bodies.
"Sarah?" called Tobi.
"Yes?" I asked, finally pulling myself from my thoughts, again.
"Do you think we will get them back?" he asked, his eyes staring deep into mine. They looked deep into my soul, those brown, hopeful eyes, filled with such pain at the same time. Tobi was the one who fought the least with everyone, he didn't try to keep the peace though and I didn't blame him, it would be hard to do. Believe me, I've tried.
"Yes Tobi." I said, walking over to him and Harry, putting my hands on their shoulders, "I believe you will get them back. You will get Vik back. He is your Little Star, he may be gone for now but he will always come home to you."
"Do you really believe that?" asked Harry softly.
"Yes, yes I do." I said honestly.
Harry didn't reply and instead nodded at me.
Suddenly my phone began to go off on the counter, signalling that I had to go to work.
"Shit, sorry guys. I've got to go. I'm off tomorrow though so I'll be able to be here for longer."
I moved away from them and went to phone, picking it up and turning off the alarm.
"You don't have to, Sarah." said Tobi, "You've been here and the Tower every day since..." he paused and I turned to look at him, noticing how his eyes had gone darker. Tobi shook his head, taking a deep breath before he continued speaking, "You have been taking care of us a lot. Take tomorrow and spend time with Danielle, please."
I looked at Tobi, taking in the pleading tone of his voice, deciding it might be best to stay home tomorrow. I could tell if I didn't, it would upset Tobi and I didn't want to cause them more pain than I already had.
"Are you sure?" I asked in a small voice.
"Yes, I am sure."
"Please, Sarah?" Asked Harry in a small voice.
"Okay, I will." I relented, "Just promise you guys will call me or text me if you need anything."
"We promise." answered Tobi. Harry remained quiet next to him, which was fine. At least Harry was out of his bed. The youngest spent much of the last week in his bed, not doing anything, just staring at the wall, lost in his mind in his quiet room, much like Landon, minus the phone thing. I still wish I knew what was going on with that.
"Alright, I won't be over tomorrow, but I will the day after. I will probably call y'all, though."
"Of course." Replied Tobi with a small, very rare, smile.
I smiled back at him, tears welling up in my eyes. I was pulled from my happiness by my phone going off again, this time Daniel letting me know he was here.
"Shit, sorry guys, I've got to go. I'll talk to you guys later."
Both boys nodded but made no move to step closer to me.
"Bye Sarah." said Tobi.
"Bye." added Harry with a small tear falling down his face.
"Bye guys." I said, getting my stuff together and walking out of the kitchen towards the front door, my heart breaking all over again.
These poor boys...they have be,en through so much in such a small amount of time...I wish there was something I could to help bring Vik, Preston, and Lachlan back. I would do anything...
Anything.
-End Chapter-
A/N: And it's back. Finally. I know you guys have been missing this a lot, so here it is.
Now, a few things real quick.
1. I don't have a planned upload schedule.
2. This book is going to be mostly sad, depressing, and rage inducing. I need you all to accept that now. Okay? Okay. There will be some happiness, but not much. I will put trigger warnings in the begining. Promise.
Well, I think that it is it.
I hope you enjoyed reading this and may your day be filled with love, smiles, and laughs.