A return is supposed to be joyous, with sound and colour. It's supposed to bring relief. People coming back together; being around loved ones you've missed. But the moment I'm let out of the prison gates and see Darlene, the anxiety returns.
Not that I wasn't anxious while I was in prison.
I wasn't expecting much from this release. I wasn't expecting sunshine and birds chirping. I know that scenario would be impossible, because when I woke up that day, the sky was cold and grey.
Leon's words come back to my mind. "You see Whiterose, make sure you say I did you good."
I go up to Darlene, whose eyes are full of relief. She hugs me, although she knows I don't like being hugged. But this is the first time I've had friendly contact in a month and a half.
"What happened?" she finally asks when we're a few blocks away from the prison. It's better when we're not being heard. I want to tell her everything, but I know she has enough on her plate right now.
"I don't know," I respond, unsure what her question refers to. Maybe she's questioning why I was suddenly released without an explanation. That's when I remember I left my mythology book behind. But it had nothing of value in it.
Whiterose has been on my mind since Leon mentioned her name to me. What did he mean when he said that?
Does he know about the Five/Nine hack? How much does he know about me?
Darlene and I make it back to my flat, which has been left in ruins since I was last there. No one's been here since I left, which surprises me. I thought Dawn would have visited.
The first thing I do is check QWERTY is alive. That fish has been alive for two years. I don't think he'll be dying anytime soon.
Darlene hasn't stopped talking about what happened this past month. She mostly repeats information she had already told me before, like when Angela was taken into questioning for the Anonymous hack.
"I wonder who tried framing her," Darlene says, sitting down on my couch. I stand awkwardly in front of her, my hands in my hoodie pockets. I haven't taken off the hood since I got my hoodie back, after I was released.
"Darlene," I ask, changing the subject. "do you know why I was released?"
"I don't know," she says, her tone as serious as mine. "It's definitely someone who needs you."
But who would need me right now?
I hear a knock on the door. I begin to panic. Am I being arrested again? Is it Tyrell? Mr Robot, who I haven't seen since I broke into Ray's office?
"Well? Are you gonna answer that?" Darlene asks, impatiently. That's when I realise I zoned out. I walk over to the door, my heart stopping when I see Dawn. Am I imagining this?
I had no idea she would be here. Maybe Darlene told her. The wave of relief that hits me is too strong. I don't even realise I've started kissing her. I've kissed her in front of Darlene.
"That is so not you," Darlene says with a snort, but I ignore her. I gaze at Dawn, who I haven't seen in what feels like years. I cup her cheeks gently, her smile lighting up the whole room.
But suddenly her smile dims. I know she's angry at me for pleading guilty when I could have just avoided it. But I'm back now.
"I missed you so much," she whispers, her hands running through my curly hair. How many times did I daydream about this, in the tightness of my cell?
"I missed you too," I say as she hugs me tightly again.
How did I forget she was Darlene's childhood best friend?
Dawn grabs my hand softly, leading me to the couch where Darlene is. I know she wants to be alone with me. I do too. I need it.
"Okay, so we need to talk. A lot of shit has happened," Darlene says, gazing at me.
"I need to talk about something first," I say. "I need to see Whiterose."
"What does she have to do with this?" Dawn asks, puzzled.
"I know the Dark Army was involved in the Evil Corp conference party massacre," I reply, making Dawn's eyes widen.
"That's bullshit," Darlene scoffs, rolling her eyes.
"No. Listen, Darlene. I saw the shooters. They had dragon masks," I explain. Dawn furrows her brows, as if remembering something.
"Maybe it was a coincidence. The Dark Army don't let themselves be known. As a matter of fact, I've never met any of them, besides Cisco," Darlene speaks.
"But it does make sense. The Dark Army would have known about the witness," Dawn says in defence.
"How could they have known that?" Darlene asks. She sighs, getting up from the couch. "I think we're overthinking all of this. It was just a shooting."
"No, it wasn't. It was intentionally planned. Dawn was shot. That has to mean something," I say, gazing at Dawn, whose eyes are focused on me.
"Elliot. We have more important shit to deal with. Come on, dude," Darlene insists. She presses her lips together in frustration.
"No. This is just as important," I say, nodding slowly. I get up from the couch, letting go of Dawn's hand. I turn on my desktop computer. I've missed having the freedom to use it.
"What are you doing?" Darlene asks.
"I need to talk to Cisco. He will know."
"No. Elliot, you can't fucking talk to him," she says as I open up the chat room. I feel Dawn eyeing the screen over my shoulder, but I don't mind.
"I wanna prove it was them. I have to," I say, making Darlene scoff.
"I'm fucking telling you. We have more important shit to deal with!" Darlene exclaims.
"Darlene... Just let him. He knows what he's doing."
"Goddamn it, Dawn. You're always on his side," Darlene yells, sighing.
users online: 思科 , 艾略特.
思科 :艾略特? 你在幹什麼，兄弟？
cisco: elliot? what are you doing dude?
艾略特: 我要跟你說話
elliot: I need to talk to you.
"Look, Elliot. AllSafe has been closed. No one could support it after Gideon's death and the crisis. You no longer have access to Evil Corp's servers," Darlene says.
"It won't matter. That just means they won't have backups on AllSafe anymore. It's an advantage," Dawn says, as if she heard what I was thinking.
"They can always shift to another method of cyber security. They'll go back to Steel Mountain backups," Darlene replies.
"We've got time to think about that," I respond, gazing at the screen.
"What's Cisco saying?" Darlene asks, looking over my shoulder.
思科: 我不知道。我無法訪問此信息.
cisco: i don't know. i don't have access to that information.
I read out the message to her in English, since the chat is in Mandarin.
"How did you even learn Mandarin?" Dawn asks.
"I don't know," I reply, typing back an answer.
艾略特: 他們戴口罩. 我知道他們必須, 這是一個黑客的逃脫.
elliot: they wear masks. i know they have to, because that's a hacker's best escape.
"This is really fucking risky, Elliot. Do you wanna go back to that prison?" Darlene says.
"No," I shake my head. "I can do this."
思科: 我被嚴重。我不知道，如果他們是大屠殺的背後
cisco: i'm being serious. i don't know if they were behind the massacre.
艾略特: 但是你知道他們穿龍面具
elliot: but you know they wear dragon masks.
思科: 他們可能不
cisco: maybe it wasn't them.
艾略特: 你知道它是。你是其中之一.
elliot: you know it was. you're one of them.
"Elliot, stop," Darlene says. "What are you guys talking about?"
"I'm asking him if he knows about the massacre."
"Jesus Christ, Elliot! That was just a distraction."
"From what?" I ask Darlene, turning around so I can meet her gaze.
"I... I don't know. Look, it got us rid of the witness."
"I was shot, Darlene. Does that not matter?" Dawn asks, her tone sharp. I know she's annoyed because she wants to know who was responsible for it.
"Dawn, of course it matters. I'm just saying, my brother has been in prison for almost two months. We have more important things to talk about," Darlene replies, making Dawn clench her jaw.
"What do you wanna talk about, then?" I ask, furrowing my brows. I hate it when I'm angry. I hate not having control of my emotions.
"God, Elliot. Isn't it obvious? We have to track down Tyrell Wellick. He's the only one we need to find," Mr Robot says. He's standing right behind Dawn, but I know only I can see him.
"I need to find Tyrell," I say with a nod. Darlene sighs.
"See, finally. We need to find him because he's been missing. We think he may have known about the hack."
"Wait, why?" Dawn asks.
"Isn't it obvious? He disappears two days before we hacked the company he works for," Darlene replies.
"But I don't see the connection," Dawn insists.
"Why else would an executive disappear?" Darlene asks.
"Maybe he just did," I respond.
"No. It was more than a coincidence. I know it was," Darlene says, nodding.
"I didn't know you were so interested in him," I respond.
"I'm not. I just know something's off," she replies.
"Does anyone know where he is?" I ask. "Mobley, Romero, Trenton?"
"No. The only thing we know is that he attended an executive party a few hours before his disappearance."
"But wait, I don't understand why we're looking for him," Dawn says.
"I know he's up to something," I reply, suddenly. "I just can't wrap my head around it."
"Exactly," Darlene says in agreement.
"Should we meet at fsociety, one last time?" Dawn asks. That's when I remember the Fun Society arcade, where we created the malware we needed to crush down Evil Corp.
Was all of this worth it? Was this the future that I was fighting for?
I remember the trash on the street from the day after the hack. While I was heading home with Darlene I noticed people cuing up at ATMs amongst the trash, homeless people loitering the streets. Is this what we wanted? What we deserve? Is this the future I was fighting for?
"I don't know. We have to close it down anyway," Darlene responds.
"Wait." I say, remembering something. "We have to remove all evidence."
"I was thinking of throwing a party. End up with people's fingerprints everywhere. It'll be super easy from then onward," Darlene explains.
I get up from my desk, exiting the chat with Cisco.
Darlene walks over to get her coat, sighing deeply.
"Well, I'm off. You two have stuff to talk about anyway. Stay out of trouble, Elliot," Darlene says.
"Bye," Dawn says, her tone emotionless as Darlene walks out of my apartment. I take a seat on the couch next to Dawn. She hasn't said anything, but maybe that's because of Darlene.
"Are you okay?" I whisper, gazing at her.
"I'm fine," she says, exhaling. "I missed you so much, El."
"I missed you too," I say, wrapping my arms around her. I peck her cheek, the pad of my thumb brushing against her lips. She suddenly bursts into sobs. "I was so worried about you."
I hug her tighter for a few minutes, until she stops crying.
"I told Darlene I wanted you to come on Visitors Day," I say, remembering how she appeared that day instead of Dawn. I was crushed.
"I was still in hospital," she says, gazing at her shoulder. I slowly lower the collar of her shirt. That's when I notice her shoulder is fine, without any patches or bruising. Only a faint scar decorates the area.
I kiss the scar before meeting her eyes again.
"I want you to move in with me. You shouldn't be alone when you have someone who cares about you," she suggests. I remember she already told me to move in with her, but I never replied. That was before the hack.
"I don't know if that's a good idea," I reply, gazing at her lips.
"You can bring your stuff, even QWERTY. I was going to say Flipper should come too, but..."
"Yeah," I say, remembering they took Flipper back to that cheating asshole.
"Maybe it will help you, mentally speaking. Just think about it. I don't want you to be alone," Dawn insists, her hand running through my hair. I nod, pressing her lips against mine.
But maybe I deserve to be alone.
***
The rain hits my hoodie as I walk towards the Lower East Side. Angela texted me on Lockchat an hour ago, while Dawn was sleeping. I made sure I didn't wake her up as I left the apartment. It's 2 A.M. I know what she wants to tell me is important, so I left in a hurry I haven't seen Angela since the night of the massacre.
I gaze at the sign that reads Whiskey Tavern before stepping inside. The sound of people talking, shouting and glasses clinking make my head spin. I wish I didn't have to come here at this hour.
That's when I remember I hadn't seen the men in black during the walk here. Maybe prison did do me good.
I spot Angela sitting at the back of the bar, her blonde hair in her usual tight ponytail. I take a seat in front of her at the table. She jumps into my arms when she sees me.
"Oh my God. Elliot!" she says, in shock. She probably thought I was dead.
"Hey," I say awkwardly glaring at her drink.
"I swear, I was so worried about you. I asked Darlene if you were okay and she just told me to fuck off. What's that about?" she says, her words rushed. I give her a tight smile. She notices my discomfort, because she changes the subject.
"Were you in prison because of the hack?" she whispers, leaning towards me so no one can hear us.
"No," I reply. Angela lets out a relieved exhale.
"God, I haven't seen you since the night of the massacre," her tone is breathy. But just her mentioning the massacre brings the memories back. I will never get the image of bodies dropping to the floor out of my mind.
"The reason I was in prison was because of Flipper."
"Flipper?" she asks, puzzled. I nod, lowering my gaze.
"Yeah, I stole him."
"What?" she exclaims in disbelief. I nod. "I'm just glad you're okay," I know she just stopped herself from hugging me, because she knows I don't like that.
"What did you wanna talk about?" I ask, fiddling with the zip of my drenched hoodie. If I don't catch a cold from this; it's a miracle.
"Do you remember the Washington Township scandal?" she asks.
"I don't," I lie. I remember it perfectly. I just don't want to talk about it. "Why?"
"The reason I've been working at Evil Corp is because I want to expose them even further. The hack wasn't enough."
"So you just want revenge?"
"The world deserves to know. You know our parents died unjustly."
"It's risky. They'll know you're onto them."
"But-"
"No. You have to stop looking into this. You need to stay off their radars after the anonymous accident,"
"Elliot, people deserve to know. Maybe our parents won't be the only deaths," she says, but I don't buy it. "So far, I've been onto Terry Colby. I went to his house last week and you know? He actually confessed to me they were all drunk as they signed the documents. I mean, can you believe that? They were having shrimp cocktail before they decided to kill people."
I don't say anything. I don't care about this anymore.
"Do you remember how your father died?" Angela asks.