songs for this chapter:
cool by troye sivan
author's note: i haven't updated in like three billion years and i'm sorry. there's time jumps and a BUNCH of questions that haven't been answered and situations/problems that aren't resolved yet but i figured that we all deserve a good little chapter that will repair luke and ava's messed up relationship. basically this is pretty lazy writing but it's actually more planned out than it seems, my ideas just haven't been flowing recently.
to recap: luke and delilah bumped into each other right after luke and ava accidentally kissed. luke isolated himself for (what is now) a month and continuously ignored ava whilst breaking her heart as he tried to fix himself and fully repair himself from delilah's damage, and delilah has yet to explain herself. (delilah is luke's ex girlfriend for those of you who don't remember.) ava is very sad because luke is one of her best friends and although she hates him for pushing her away, she wishes him the best and hopes he feels better about himself and grows stronger mentally. however, she gets a call from her mom and things become an even bigger mess...
chapter twenty two: happy halloween, you filthy animals.
Luke wiped his eyes and grumbled angrily under his breath as Calum and Ashton made him put on a leather jacket and dress up for their friend's bogus Halloween party that Luke didn't even want to go to. It had been months since Luke left the house or talked to anybody other than his family or his roommates or, occasionally, Leonardo Geraldinni the mailman who would use up his free time by talking to whoever's mail he was delivering. (He was a sweet guy in his mid-thirties with pearly white teeth who had a habit of quoting mafia movies and Queen songs.)
"See, don't we look cool?" Calum persuaded, combing up his hair and popping the collar of his jacket and making faces as all three of the men stared into the mirror. "We're Thunderbirds!"
"We look incredibly beautiful," Ashton agreed, grabbing his car keys from the kitchen counter as he and Calum prepared to push Luke out of the house and make him have a fun time on possibly the best night in the entire year. "Michael's Halloween party is going to be amazing."
"Yeah," Calum agreed, "In more ways than one."
"Since when have you been friends with Michael?" Luke questioned, ruffling his blonde hair so that it was messy again, ruining the amount of brushing Calum spent on it. He knew that the boys just wanted to party and drink and hang out, but that's not something he wanted to do. He hadn't wanted that for a while. So, why is it that he was still going? He didn't know, but he was and his friends were sure of that.
"Michael's great," Ashton shrugged as they all walked out the door, much to Luke's dismay. Ashton's smile then slowly turned into a smirk and he glanced at Calum, "And he's really good at planning."
Luke scrunched his eyebrows and pondered to himself, ignoring the weird look his friends were giving each other at the moment, only focused on his never-ending dread of attending a social event that included a club against his will. Was he even ready for going out? It's undeniably clear that Luke was slightly more mentally and emotionally stable than he was a couple months ago, and he regretted and was ashamed of a lot of his not thought-through decisions, yet he was just as equally as embarrassed to confront the consequences of what he's done. And to face seeing so many people at once just seemed overwhelming, but then again he could probably wash that feeling down with a couple shots of vodka.
They got into a car and Luke made himself comfortable in the backseat, listening to the gentle humming of the radiator, so lost in himself that he almost missed Calum's question.
"You ready?"
Luke answered in a breath.
"I guess I have to be."
•••
Booming places with loud music were always bad calls for Ava, but ever since she's had more time for herself and gave up smoking as a coping mechanism, she's allowed herself to live more and not let her social anxiety control her. She's been healthier, that's a given, but it doesn't mean she didn't still feel the nervousness running through her bones. She also felt as though she deserved a break from the real world and thought it would be nice to dress up and be someone else for a change.
She was put on kitchen duty for Michael's party since she arrived to his apartment (which looked exactly how you'd expect it to, except a lot bigger) early with Becca to help prepare and she claimed that the kitchen was where she felt most comfortable. The party had started half an hour ago, yet people had a habit of being "fashionably" late and just started showing up now, which relieved Michael considering this was the first themed party he threw since he became an adult and his fear was that people weren't going to show up. The party turned up quickly and Ava could barely hear herself think with all the thick clouds of marijuana and loud trap music playing, and she fixed her Pink Lady jacket that was too thin to keep her warm.
Several people also raided Michael's kitchen, including Michael (who thought it'd be hilarious if he dressed up as himself), Becca, and this pretty girl with dark hair named Natalia who said that she didn't even celebrate Halloween, but came anyway since she thought Michael was cute. Ava refilled drinks nonstop and she had to hold the urge to down a shot as a de-stressor since she was still underage and she wasn't about the life of law-breaking.
Becca smiled at her flowing phone, probably reading a text message from her overly-romantic boyfriend. She was also in a Pink Lady costume, corresponding with Ava's. For some reason, Becca was very persistent on choosing this costume theme, and Ava, too tired and out of time to argue, just went along with it.
"Michael, shouldn't we get the door? I think someone's ringing the doorbell," Becca said after staring at her phone, glancing up at Michael who raised a brow before nodding. She then stood up and went up to him.
"Oh, yeah! It's hard to hear stuff over all this music. I don't know whose playlist this is, but it sucks. If I don't hear one good song I'm leaving my own party," he responded before the both of them left the kitchen quickly, the door letting in burst of cheers and chants before closing.
What was that all about? Ava wondered to herself but stayed silent until a terrifying idea popped into her head, almost making her drop the red solo cup filled with coke that was in her hand. She felt so unbelievably stupid that she hadn't realized sooner and she knew that she couldn't just flee the party without making a scene. It was obvious that Michael was friends with Calum and Ashton, and that for some unknown reason all three of them just clicked, but for them to be together so consistently and constantly in the past weeks had to involve them doing something other than playing video games and going shopping.
"God, what have I gotten myself into?" She whispered and immediately searched for Becca's car keys, the words pressure, pressure, explosion incoming... repeating over and over in her head. It didn't take rocket science to realize that Luke was most likely going to come to this Halloween party and just that thought alone made her heart thump into her stomach.
Stopping her rummaging, she paused and sank by the kitchen sink and stared into space. She'd have to suck it up. She wasn't seventeen anymore and she couldn't treat every situation like the world was shutting in on her, especially when it came to facing people. Okay, that was a lie. If she had any other choice, she would've chosen the flight option in fight or flight. But now she didn't exactly have any other choice but to push away her complicated feelings of both love and hate towards Luke and talk things out or at least face him. Or, maybe she could jump out of the window and hopefully land on the soft roof of the convenience store below.
"Are you alright?" Natalia asked quietly, her voice high-pitched and soft, making her sound permanently sweet. She had a bottle of beer in her hands that remained unopened, but she held it tightly like she might drink it, eventually. "You appear as though you've seen a ghost."
Ava sighed and shrugged, allowing the dim light that she sat directly under to drown her in its rays and perhaps give her the superpower of invisibility. She looked at the Natalia girl and found her quite cute in a lost puppy type of way, taking in her attire. The girl wore blue jeans and a Troye Sivan t-shirt and a pair of sneakers—and she wore glasses that fit nicely on her face. She didn't look like someone who wanted to drink a whole bottle of Corona, but who was she to judge.
"There's someone here that I haven't talked to in a while and I'm nervous," Ava confessed, allowing herself to trust this stranger. She had a habit of doing that, giving parts of her soul to people she barely knew when she probably shouldn't have. It was a trait she had called a blessing and a curse, but mainly a curse. She was a book with half of the pages missing since she had thrown them to whoever would read. "And I'm also scared."
"Well, you should try to think less and live more," Natalia advised nonchalantly, smiling at her. "I've decided to do that tonight."
"You have?"
"Absolutely. Michael and I have been neighbors for nearly three years and we always used to hang out before he started working more," Natalia revealed, and then started moving closer to Ava as she was about to admit more, "I've grown a crush on him I guess, but who wouldn't? He's cute, sweet, and a feminist. What more could you want?"
Ava couldn't argue with that. If only her problems were as simple as Natalia's, maybe then she could take the advice of thinking less and living more. The door opened, interrupting their short-lived conversation and she held in a breath at the sight in front of her. Luke Hemmings, in a leather jacket, black skinny jeans, with his hair in curls. He looked so incredibly amazing that she Ava has to stop herself from drooling. Lucky that Luke hadn't seen her yet, she whirled around and ducked her head down, hoping that he wouldn't notice her.
After not seeing someone for a month, she expected her feelings for Luke to somehow diminish and gradually go away for ever, but having him just a few feet from her made her become aware of just how much she wanted to make out with him. Make out! Ava hardly wanted to make out with anyone!
"Is that him," she heard Natalia whisper subtly, and she nodded causing the short girl next to her to gasp. "He's staring at you. He's coming towards you. Oh, I can't be here in this awkward situation. I gotta pee, good luck!"
Feeling Natalia's presence vanish as her footsteps faded and feeling Luke's to appear, Ava played with the sink valves absentmindedly, thinking that if it looked like she was busy doing something that he would walk away. It was in vain really, but you can't blame a girl for trying.
(In all honesty, she wanted to see if Luke would talk first, if he had grown confident in the numerous weeks and days that she hadn't seen him.)
"Do you know where the beer is?"
Her heart was confused. Should it drop? Should she feel sad that he didn't recognize the back of her head? Or should she feel relieved that he didn't know who she was so she could still make attempts to try and ignore him? Instead of doing something, she stood there and did the exact opposite: nothing. She silently prayed that if she did this long enough, he'd go away or think that she was weird and forget about the beer.
Her hopes were shattered when Michael called her name.
"Ava! I need you to go have some fun, or something," Michael urged, a bunch of people trailing in after him into the kitchen, probably in search of more alcohol.
At her name, Luke's eyes widened and he backed away a few steps, like she was toxic and being too close would endanger him. Turning around, Ava's eyes met his and their stares locked for a second until she forced herself to look at Michael and plaster on a fake smile. But not before she really noticed Luke's costume. A costume that was purposely matched with hers. She sighed. They had planned this.
She was furious and nervous and she made a mental note to lecture her friends about emotions and how to not fuck with them. Her eyes trailed to the door as Calum walked in with Becca, and several other people she didn't know came in after them. She frowned as Becca didn't even try to act like she wasn't surprised that Luke was here and just gave Ava an apologetic smile with hint of sympathy.
"You're right," she grumbled through gritted teeth, pushing past drunk people who made it their goal to grind against each other in the kitchen (of all places), "I need air."
Ironic, that she was trying to find air in a place that was so crowded (honestly, she did not expect her video-gaming friend who never leaves his man cave to have this many friends), but it was even more ironic that the person that she was trying to both avoid and face up to was the one was followed her. She knew that Luke was behind her, she could hear him attempting to reach her and call out her name over the music which had now changed into a new indie genre rather than the previous rap/trap music. COOL by Troye Sivan filled Ava's ears and she used it as a way to further drown out Luke's yelping and find a safe place. She also smiled at the thought that her new acquaintance Natalia was probably enjoying the song right now.
Nearing a space that few people gathered by, she took a deep breath and turned her head over her shoulder, losing the sight of Luke, which made her feel satisfied in some way. It was a messed up kind of feeling, because she did still wish him the best and was glad that he seemed happier, but a part of her wanted him to struggle to come back into her life, even though they had some weird unbreakable bond that would cause them to fall together anyways (according to her therapist).
There was a small balcony that was empty and Ava made that her thinking place, finding this new atmosphere much more different than the last and took deep breaths before sitting down on the concrete that held her up twenty feet off the ground. She sighed and thought; she needed to think. However she never got the chance to—since this entire night seems to be plotted against her—because the one, the only Luke Hemmings had finally found her and had begun awkwardly staring at her.
"You look pretty," he blurted out, fiddling with the zipper to his leather jacket, then touching the fabric of the Thunderbird logo near his left shoulder.
Ava squinted her eyes at him, got up, and glared the best she could. She resembled an angry bull, red face and all—which she had every right to look like. She was beyond agitated; first her family begins to stress her out, then her friends do this behind her back, and—"The first thing you say to me after you haven't made any attempt to talk to me is You look pretty?! You're fucking ridiculous!"
Luke gasped at the unexpected outburst, but it was quickly followed by a feeling of shame. His face grew red and hot as he muttered a sorry.
"Yeah, you better be sorry," she whispered more to herself than anyone else, but he still heard. He didn't hear how fast her heart was beating though.
"I see you're not surrounded by your usual cloud of smoke," he started, observing that she didn't have a cigarette in her mouth like she usually would in times of anxiety. He felt happy about that. It meant she was taking better care of herself.
"Yeah I quit," she replied, a grin threatening to rise on her face though she tried her best to fight it, "Apparently they're not good for you."
She wanted to slap the herself and him for how cheesy they were. They had just quoted 10 Things I Hate About You, one of the best movies of all time in Ava's opinion (and it wasn't just because the main character Kat Stratford was a punk rock feminist) despite the slight kinks and girl vs. girl drama.
"I missed you," Luke admitted, moving closer to her, leading up to the two of them leaning against the thick metal railing, staring out into the dark sky. The stars were never visible, but Luke didn't need them. His sun was right beside him.
Silence stayed between them after that, only interrupted by noises from the inside. His nervousness grew as he waited for a response that may or may not even come, and he ran his hand through his hair multiple times to occupy himself.
Ava opened her mouth. "If you missed me so much, why didn't you talk to me?" It broke both of their hearts when she said that aloud, but it was the truth. He made no attempt to actually respond to her, but to be fair he wasn't in the best state of mind either.
"We need to talk about everything," he answered instead, moving around the question. "I want to be...us again. I promise to explain everything and have open communication this time. I know this isn't much of an apology but I promise it's coming." He paused as a girl began to spill her drink and walk over to the balcony. "Can, can we just go somewhere more private?"
Ava disobeyed her grudging mind who was still upset and sighed, nodding. This guy was her best friend. She had to at least hear him out. "Fine. If you pull another stunt like this, you'll never hear from me again. I don't do toxic relation or friendships."
Luke was washed over with a surge of gratitude that she was giving him another chance when he wasn't quite sure if he really deserved it. He gave out his hand and by his surprise, she took it, wrapping her warm fingers around his, allowing him to lead. Tingles sparked up when she moved closer to his body and it reminded him of a time where they didn't have to talk about things over and could just be together. He loved her a lot, but he didn't know how to deal with it just yet. He wrapped his arms around her to shield her short body from the groups of drunk people, keeping his gaze on her the whole time. He thought she looked absolutely beautiful and couldn't take his eyes off her, but she didn't notice. She was too busy thinking of how her body fit so well with his and wanted to gag at her cliche thoughts. She also made a mental note to text Becca where she was, but didn't know that Becca already knew.
They all knew. Michael, Calum, Ashton, and Becca stared at Luke and Ava as they made their way to the door and left, holding each other's hand. Michael smiled and immediately proceeded to give everyone a high five, Calum and Ashton joining in. Becca felt uplifted. She knew that Ava had been going through a lot and that Luke was the least of her problems, but she knew that if Ava fixed things with Luke then she'd have one less thing to worry about. Becca knew that her best friend deserved something to feel better.
And Luke was good for her. Ava was good for him.
They just didn't quite know it yet.
•••
this update is really late and it kinda sucks and idk how to feel?? i know i know - SO MANY UNANSWERED QUESTIONS but i thought we all deserved a break.
this will continue into the next chapter, so just pretend that this doesn't suck ass and that it's still halloween okay? also- the song cool by troye sivan will kind of set the mood for the next chapters and set the tune for luke and ava's relationship as of now. they will talk about their feelings soon as well, don't worry.
and i thought "coincidental" matchin costumes would be cute even though what calum, ashton, michael and becca did was super fucked up.
i will try to double update so that i can grow more consistent so hopefully the next chapter will be up either tomorrow or the day after :)
i know that this is super messy but whatever i will advance as a writer soon.
that's all! love you guys.