I can't let this happen again. I have to end it before Aryana gets used to Everett, before I get attached to him. I clung to Luke when my parents passed...I'm not going to use Everett as a crutch.
Luke stayed with me for years because he felt sorry for me, for suffering both my parents' deaths within months of each other. For that, he was noble, generous, even a gentleman for staying simply because I needed him. Once Aryana was born, she filled the giant hole my parents left and then some. We both understood that the single reason our relationship lasted so long was trumped by Aryana's arrival. She was my flesh and blood, and nothing could ever change that. Our relationship didn't stand a chance.
I admit that I needed Everett last night. I needed him to stay with Aryana while I saw Sophie in the hospital, to safely accompany us up to my apartment after seeing the police tape less than fifty feet from my building, to hold me in the protection of his arms while I slept soundly, while Aryana slept down the hall. Everett is a gentleman, and would undoubtedly stay with me as long as I needed, out of a sense of obligation. That's not a good base for a relationship. I know how that type of relationship ends.
When Everett slams the door to my apartment I feel my heart ache with a hollow sense of loss I haven't felt in a long time. He probably sees me as some sort of lunatic at the peak of a menstrual cycle. Maybe that's a good thing...cut my losses while I'm ahead. I doubt he's ever dated a control-freak, single mother with an extreme distrust of men. I'm doing him a favor.
Maybe I should have been straight forward, maybe a bit more open about my reasons, but I seriously don't have time for this. I have to see Sophie, take Aryana to school, send out a few emails, and adjust my schedule for the rest of the week. Sophie needs me, Aryana needs me...I don't have time for any selfishness, no matter how much I want it.
If Aryana hadn't interrupted us last night, the evening would have unfolded into the kind of night I haven't had in years. Just recalling the way Everett leaned on me between my thighs makes me hunger for him. The sucking sounds he made as his teeth grazed my neck, the moan he released when he kissed down hard on my lips...the simple thought of what could have been is working me up into a frustrating frenzy, and I find myself untying and retying Aryana's boots.
Within minutes we are speed-walking to her school. I take a cab to the hospital and arrive at the entrance to the ICU by nine. When I head towards Sophie's room, I hear laughter. At first I thought I was mistaken with the room, but then I see Isaac bending forward and smiling towards where Sophie's bed is stationed.
"Jubilee!" Sophie shrieks softly. She grunts slightly as she adjusts herself in her bed. "You have to kick Isaac out, he's making me laugh and it hurts. My stitches are about to burst."
"She's a good audience. I'm really not that funny," he says.
"No, you're not." Sophie winces, and then smiles. "You are so paying for this later."
"How did you get in? I thought only family was allowed in." I ask quietly, confused by their jovial moods.
"I lied." Isaac whispers back. "I told them I was Sophie's cousin. The nurse let me in." He shrugs his shoulders. "She looks great doesn't she?"
"Stop it. I look horrible." Sophie says playfully.
I storm out of the room to hunt down a nurse, ready to scream at whoever called me this morning. An older, heavy-set nurse with a thick Jamaican accent picks up a clipboard from behind the counter before explaining. "She was placed on the dialysis machine at two in the morning, because her kidneys weren't functioning properly. Usually there is treatment for this, but because of the threat of sepsis, the doctor decided to put her on the machine immediately."
"I received the call at eight," I state bitterly.
"Yes, I called you," she says before lifting her clipboard to show me a hand-written note that requests a nurse to call me for an update in the morning. "The nurse at the time probably didn't think it was necessary to wake you, since her condition has been improving. I called you as soon as I got in, but you hung up before I had a chance to explain."
I grunt a thank you to the nurse, shake my head at my horrendous behavior this morning, and walk back into Sophie's room.
"I should get back," Isaac says. "The nurse said my doctor was going to come around ten to give me the okay to go home."
"So you're going home today?" Sophie asks with that flirtatious smirk of hers that I wish I could copy. Even in a full hospital gown, wearing no makeup, after having abdominal surgery, Sophie is strikingly beautiful.
"Yes. But I'll come back before I go. You're not going anywhere, are you?" He says smiling.
Sophie rolls her eyes and purses her lips. "I'll be here."
Isaac waves at Sophie and then turns to me. "Good to see you again, Jubilee."
His arm rests in a sling under his blue hospital shirt, casted from his wrist up past his elbow. "You too, Isaac. How's your arm?"
"Not too bad. I'll live."
As soon as Isaac leaves the room, I turn to Sophie and shake my head with bewilderment. "I can't believe how much you've recovered."
"Oh girl, I'm in so much pain, you don't know! They are really loading me up with pain killers. I'm totally high right now, but my gut burns." Sophie leans her head back onto the inclined bed and takes a huge breath.
"Wow. That was some top-grade acting. And you look great."
"One of the nurses helped me wash my face this morning. Look at this thing," she points to a beeping box on rolling wheels, "I'm on a freaking dialysis machine."
"I know."
"But the doctor said I was looking good, probably going to be here a few more days." Sophie grins and lifts her eyebrows. "Did you see the way he lingered, like he was waiting for me to say something?"
I shake my head more, getting a bit annoyed. "Do you know how freaking scared I was last night? You were attacked. You almost died. The doctor said you could die overnight. I was planning your freaking funeral."
Sophie's voice drops an octave. "Please don't tell me you called my parents."
"Of course I called your parents! I thought you were going to die!"
Sophie starts groaning, as if her parents' knowledge of the incident is far worse than the incident itself. I explain, in over-exaggerated detail, about how her mom gave me a guilt trip and how her dad saved me, and about what the doctor said could happen overnight. If she had taken a turn for the worse her parents would never have forgiven me for not calling them immediately. I had to tell them last night... I couldn't wait and see.
"Hold on, back up," Sophie says with her hands up as if stopping traffic. "You're skipping a huge part about last night. What happened with Everett? Isaac said you guys were coming together this morning. He said Everett was with you last night."
I let out an exhausted breath and plop myself down on the hard recliner next to her bed. After I recount the events of the past twelve hours, which could have easily been an episode on General Hospital, Sophie purses her lips and shakes her head.
"I told you he was obsessed with you. Damn...that red dress was hot."
"I wouldn't call it obsessed."
"Jubilee!" Sophie slaps her right hand down on the hospital bed and winces when she realizes she slammed against tubes jutting out of her forearm. "Damn it!" She exclaims.
"It was Luke all over again."
"What?" Sophie shrieks as she rubs her arm.
"He heard the doctor tell me that it may get worse overnight, that an infection would lead to major organ failure, and he was there when I called your parents...I was a crying mess."
"Jubilee," Sophie says softly, stretching out her sore arm towards me.
"Everett was just being a gentleman, just making sure I was safe. He was just taking care of me."
"How horrible, however ever did you manage?" Sophie says mockingly.
"I don't want him to look at me and think, 'Oh, poor Jubilee, I have to take care of her."
"So you kicked him out."
"Yes."
"Did you tell him why?"
"No."
"You're such a coward."
"He probably thinks I'm crazy now."
"Why?"
"Because last night we were...we slept together...and he was so...and I was..." I search the ceiling, the walls and the floor of the ICU room for the words to express the tidal wave of emotions I have felt since Saturday morning.
"You were letting him in." Sophie whispers.
I shake my head, dumbfounded at my behavior this morning. "He must think I have some kind of psychological problems."
"He would be correct on that assumption. Girl, you have trust issues."
"It was all moving so fast. I was having all these feelings, with all the drama of you in here, and remembering what it was like when my parents died, when Luke left, it was all just so intense. It shouldn't be that way, right? It should be slow, and steady, and grow normally at a mellow pace. I shouldn't wake up to him having breakfast with Aryana on the first night he spends in my apartment."
Sophie coos in a light voice. "Aw...he had breakfast with Aryana?"
"They had cereal. He didn't want to wake me up."
"Wow. He is such an ass." Sophie says. "I can see why you threw him out."
"I already told you why I threw him out."
"Because you're scared to let him into your life! You're scared because he's perfect for you and you know it. Who cares how fast it's moving, as long as it's mutual?"
I sit back in the recliner. "It's not just that. Remember when Aryana asked me about her father last year? Then I saw Everett with her...I just didn't want to go through that again."
"Jubilee," Sophie's tone softens. "Everett is not Luke."
"I know, but he isn't exactly a given either. He can leave whenever he chooses, and he wouldn't just be leaving me, he'd be leaving Aryana too.eHe"
"You should have at least explained this to him. Just tell him you want to take it slow, that you can't allow Aryana to get close to him until you're comfortable. I think he would understand."
"I doubt he'll listen to me now. This whole weekend has been like a Spanish soap opera. He must think I'm such high maintenance."
Sophie lets out a loud guffaw, as if concurring with my assessment, and makes me laugh so hard I start tearing. The tears flow long after we stop laughing.
"So tell me...how was it?" she asks in a mischievous tone as soon as I wipe my face dry.
"How was what?"
"The sex!" She whispers with her eyes wide.
"We didn't sleep together. I mean, we slept in the same bed, but Aryana came in and... I just had a lot of things on my mind. Even then, he was such a gentleman. I suck."
Sophie slams the bed, this time with her left hand, and shouts, "Jesus Christ, Jubilee, I almost died. What do I have to do to get you laid?"
The next thing I hear from Sophie makes my skin crawl. "Oh...hey...Isaac."
"Hey," Isaac says from the foot of her bed.
I cover my face with my hand and lean back into my seat. I concentrate on icebergs, snow, winter landscapes, and other cold thoughts to cool the burning sensation on my neck and cheeks. My entire head feels like it's on fire. How much of our conversation did he overhear? How long was he standing behind the curtain before Sophie saw him?
"I was just coming back to ask Jubilee if she knew where Everett was. He said he was coming to the hospital with her."
I look up at Sophie who purses her lips at me. I finally look at Isaac. "I don't know where he is. He left my apartment earlier this morning."
Isaac glances over to Sophie, who shrugs her shoulders, and then back at me. "Did he say where he was going?"
"She kicked him out." Sophie says.
"Sophie." I interrupt.
"Why?" Isaac asks, half smiling. "What did he do?"
"Nothing. He got too close. She's terrified of trusting him."
"Sophie!"
"What?" she shouts back. "He's not going to tell Everett, right?"
Isaac suppresses his smile. "I won't say a word."
I glare at both of them.
"Oh come on Jubilee," they both say in unison as I pick up my purse and storm out of the room. I can't believe I spent the entire nights worried to death about Sophie, and she betrays me like that.
"Jubilee," Isaac's voice irritates me and I walk faster, passing the elevators and following the signs to the staircase. "Wait, my arm, I can't run," he shouts.
I turn abruptly to face him, making him stumble to a halt. "What?"
"Sophie asked me to get you. Seriously, I didn't overhear your conversation, I swear."
I cross my arms and roll my eyes.
"Okay, I heard a little, but you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Come back to the room. Sophie is in a lot of pain and she almost got up to chase after you."
"Really?"
"No." he says, and smiles playfully. "But that's messed up that you would want her to."
I shove him on his good arm and he inches backwards. "You have no idea how miserable I was last night. I seriously thought she was dying."
"I have no idea?" Isaac says with his eyebrows raised high. "I was there. I held her when..." he pauses, takes a step backwards and narrows his eyes at me. "She was unconscious when the ambulance took her away. They wouldn't let me see her last night, and this morning I woke up wondering if she was even alive."
I feel like the size of a walnut...no...an acorn. What am I upset about? It's incredible that Sophie is in such good condition, that Isaac is well after sustaining such an injury from fighting Sophie's attacker. Isaac's jeans are covered in dried blood, probably Sophie's blood. I'm thankful he was there to save her life.
"Look," Isaac says, "I don't know what happened this morning, between you and Everett, but if what Sophie says is true-"
"I don't think we should be talking about-"
"All I want to say is...Everett is a decent guy. He'll be upfront, no games. He's brutally honest, almost to the point of being an asshole, but honest. And...I think he would understand."
Isaac heard everything.
"Thanks," I whisper, desperately trying to mask the ocean of regret stirring up inside of me. I walk back to Sophie's room so swiftly that I leave Isaac behind.