Hang on...lemme do one of those things they do on TV...
Previously on 'Posing As Mariah'...
Roc and Roe ran up to me, with their arms outstretched, "Bye, Auntie B!"
"See y'all later, my little rascals!" I smiled, hugging them back.
........
A man came through the door, with a clipboard in his hand, "Mariah Carey?"
"That would be moi, Monsieur Chapelle!" I chirped, standing up and walking over to the man in question.
Pray to God, that you got it right, Bianca...
The man chuckled to himself, before pulling me in for a friendly hug, "Mariah, how are you doing?"
........
The man put his hands up, "Woah! Mariah, is that you?!"
Oh yeah - still wearing this wig...
I threw the wig off my head and took the net from my hair, revealing my dark brown locks. His jaw dropped to the floor. I put the gun in my pocket.
"Who the heck are you?!" He demanded.
*******CONTINUED******
*Present time*
"Um, what are you doing in my apartment, b****?!" I asked, avoiding his question.
"YOUR apartment? This is Mariah's apartment, not yours b****!" Nick responded.
"Well, I live here, so technically this is my apartment." I retorted, "I do pay my rent around here, broke ass."
"Oh yeah? What's your name?"
"Bianca. Miss Carey to you."
"Wait...weren't you-"
"Yup, I was in the 'Heartbreaker' video & the 'Boy (I Need You)' video too."
"Soooo...if your last name is 'Carey' and you live here...how are you related to my wife?"
Wife? Per-lease, y'all separated last year!
"Number one, Mariah is not your wife anymore...you're just too scared to sign the divorce papers because you are broke and lame af...And two, I am her sister." I explained, rolling my eyes.
"Are you Alison?"
"Do I look like a drug addict and prostitute?" I asked him. He was silent, so I spoke again, "Yeah, I didn't think so either."
"If you are her sister and you're not Alison...Morgan, are you transgender?"
Seriously, he CANNOT be any dumber than this!
I've probably seen his child-ass on 'Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?'
I slapped my hand to my forehead, dragging my hand down my face in presence of such stupidity.
I walked closer to him, grabbed him by his shirt collar and looked deep into his eyes, "Look...I'm not transgender, and I'm most certainly not giving HIV to people."
"Th-Then wh-who are you?" Nick stammered in fear.
I chuckled at his response. I let him go, causing him to fall on the floor.
"Ow! Watch it!" Nick yelped, rubbing his head in pain.
I couldn't help but laugh, "Oh, come on...a real man wouldn't have felt that!"
"Oh, shut up! You're just here because you wanna rob the place or something..." Nick whined, crossing his arms like a child.
"I told you, I live here, moron!" I pulled my gun out and pointed it at him, "Don't make me shoot your brains out...if you have any left..."
Nick shot his hands up again, "Okay, okay, I'm sorry...why do you live here?"
"I'm her twin-sister." I told him.
"Wh-what?"
"I'm Mariah's twin-sister." I repeated, "Our family, one of the dancers and the kids are the only ones who know...well...and you..."
"Why are you wearing Mariah's clothes, then?" Nick questioned me.
Welp. Here goes nothing.
"I dress up as Mariah and stand-in for her whenever she's busy with the kids or when she's going through a hard time. I've done interviews, photoshoots and appearances for her perfumes and stuff...I can't sing though..." I explained.
"Soooo...have you just come back from a photoshoot or something?" He asked.
"Yup, and I am exhausted!" I nodded, fanning myself.
"How come the kids knew but I didn't?" He questioned.
"Oh, that's because Mariah was around you the whole time...I wouldn't try to actually be her...I've got my own life you know." I replied.
"Do you have a job?"
No, I'm just stealing all of Mariah's things for money!
"Of course I do." I answered, finding that a bit rude of him to ask, "I work part-time at a game shop, since the 'stand-in' stuff takes up a lot of my time."
"Do you get paid to stand-in for Mariah?"
"Yeah...it's still a job, asshole...I know you are unemployed, but please have some common sense!"
This guy just can't stop asking me questions, "When do you wo-"
"None of it is your damn business, okay?" I snapped.
"Sorry..." He murmured.
I put my hand to my ear, "You're what?"
"I'm sorry...for being an asshole..."
Just then, Mariah burst through the door. The kids followed her, Moroccan's hand clinging tight to hers. She gave Nick and I a suspicious look. She knew something was going on.
"Alright...what happened here?" She asked, crossing her arms, "Care to explain, husband?"
Oop, she heard that!
Lemme just get my tea ready for the shade that's about to surface...
"W-Well...I-I was waiting in h-here for you, baby-"
"So you just broke in and helped yourself to my popcorn and movie stash?" Mariah cut him off.
"Uh..."
I did my best to stifle my laugh, but it was just getting too difficult for me to handle. My laughing had caught Mariah's attention, and she turned to me for an explanation.
"What happened, sis?" She asked me.
"Sis? Babe, is that Alison-"
"Boy, shut the f up!" We cut him off in unison.
Obviously, we couldn't say the actual f word in front of the kids.
I was getting a migraine from listening to his high-ass voice though...So, unfortunately, we just had to resist...it was either that or kick him out...
But Mariah wasn't done yet. I could see the anger in her eyes. Her face looked slightly red, but she seemed calm. For two months, we had not even talked to him, and with good reason - he's a complete prick!
I lived in England for a while.
Silence had filled the room. Not even the kids dared to say anything, as they saw their mother, father and aunt giving daggers to one another. Soon, the silence was getting hard to bear and I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. Mariah and Nick looked it too. They were both fidgeting like they were about to build a replica of the Eiffel Tower.
"Mommy, Auntie B...why is Daddy here?" Monroe then asked.
Mariah picked her daughter up, balancing her on her hip, "It's okay sweetie...he's not gonna hurt you."
"Yeah, he didn't just break into our apartment-" I pointed out.
"Bianca!" Mariah scolded with gritted teeth.
"What?" I asked, as everyone glared at me, "Don't look at me...but then again who can look at him anyway?"
"And to be honest, you're like the female, antichrist Roman Zolanski-"
"You want me to kill you?" I asked, pointing the gun at him.
"C'mon you guys, not around the kids." Mariah interjected, "Bianca, hand me the gun."
"But, M, it's not even real." I moaned, starting to pout.
"Ha! Weak ass!" Nick teased.
"Bianca...I'm not telling you again...the gun, please?" She demanded, extending her hand to me.
I sighed and gave the gun to her, "Ugh, fine."
Mariah took the gun and chucked it out the open window.
"Excuse my language but, Mariah, what the hell are you doing?!" I asked her.
"Don't lie, B. You know you don't need that piece of sh...shoes...piece of shoes..."
Lord, I effing need Jesus!
"Shoes, Mariah? Really?" Nick repeated, "You just threw a replica gun out of your window!"
"Yeah, no wonder what the damn cops will think is happening now." I remarked.
Mariah covered the kids' ears and began escorting out of the room, "Okay, kids, we best be getting ready now!"
Slam!
Great. Now it's just me and MC Nickelodeon again. Thanks, Mariah!
Nick just stood there clueless as can be. Like, if we were on Noah's Ark, he'd be the fly that never sees the motherf***ing door. Internally, I sighed. Why, Mariah, why? Why did you have to marry this trick? The only good thing that's come out of this marriage are the kids - and thank Jesus they're not as stupid as their father. Those two are turning five soon and they're the smartest kids, in pre-school, I know!
I swear though; if he does anything else I'm getting my real gun and killing him right there. He can bleed his guts on the new floor, for all I care. We've got money.
"You better not tell anyone about this...and I mean it." I told him.
Nick laughed, "Oh no, what are you gonna do? Shoot me with a nerf gun?"
"Oh, so you think this is a joke?" I threatened, "Well, listen here...I'm not just saying this for your good, because to be honest I couldn't give a damn about you...but it's best to keep your mouth shut, for the sake of Mariah...and your kids..."
"You are crazy-"
"Oh, really? I'm crazy because I know that if this secret gets out, our family will be destroyed?" I asked.
"Did you just say 'our'?" Nick asked me.
"Yes, I did just say 'our'...because technically you're still my brother-in-law."
"Oh yeah...what do you mean, 'our family will be destroyed'?"
"My sister is a prostitute? Mariah's fans? Ring any bells?" I reminded him.
"Oh...of course..." Nick nodded cluelessly...
"You've never really been told about our family, have you?"
"No, she was always quiet about it...how do you know?"
"I figured...plus I can tell you're s***ting yourself, right now."
"Whatever...Mariah just...she doesn't like putting attention on herself."
"Yeah...look, you tell no one about the whole 'stand-in' thing, and I'll tell you."
"Okay, I won't tell nobody about you. What will you tell me, though?"
"I'll give you a little more detail on what really happened...with my other siblings."
"Alright...deal...just don't shoot me or nothing, because I'm kind of scared of you."
"Ha! You still scared of me? I won't...unless you make me do so..."