Somewhere You Belong (SoulXMaka)
[Based on the song, A Place Where You Belong- Bullet For My Valentine]
Soul stared down at the cracked cement sidewalk as he aimlessly wondered down the streets of Death City. He looked hallow and empty....broken.... He was searching, looking, for her.... He still didn't want to come to grips with what had happened... But he knew he couldn't pretend it didn't happen....
His normally bright scarlet red eyes had faded into a dim and dark crimson color. His signature playful smirk had vanished into a solemn pained neutral expression. He just looked utterly broken.... He couldn't fathom the situation...... He didn't want to. He didn't want to believe she was actually gone....and there was nothing he could do about it...
He pushed open the rusty cemetery gate, walking down the path to two familiar grave sites. He wanted to check.... Maybe, it was all just an elaborate prank?...... Maybe he had just dreamed the entire thing up... He wanted to believe that, but his heart shattered once again as he read both names like expected on the still almost brand new gravestones.
"Maka," Soul whispered barely audible as tears streamed down his face. He slumped down to the ground and leaned his back against her gravestone fisting his own hair with gritted teeth as he tried to force back sobs.
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He had always known he liked Maka, but with her permanent absence he realized some other things. One, he had loved her......... He still loved her.... And two, he blamed himself for her suicide. He blamed himself for not being there for her, even if she had pushed him away. To him, it was still his fault. And lastly, he didn't want to let her go, he couldn't......
He fisted his hair tighter as flashbacks of the weeks before played in his mind. Maka had seemed distant, staring off into nothing at random times, seeming to be worried or anxious and lost in thought, but nothing too major. Nothing too unusual that it didn't seem to be anything to be majorily worried about... But then the day came, with the news of Maka's mother's death and Maka's entire world shattered into a million little pieces...
Maka had been fighting with herself for awhile and Soul had always known that. She was strong-willed, independent, but ultimately she was as broken as Soul is now.... The only difference is, she could force a smile and play it off like she was fine. She had always been emotionally unstable. People with broken smiles, they're masters of deception. You never really know what they're thinking about...
Maka had always been close to her mother, she loved her dearly. With the news of her death, Maka instantly felt alone... She knew she had Soul to lean on and cry to, but she didn't want to. She didn't want to burden anyone else with her problems. She thought he would push her away, laugh at her or not even care.... She was aware she was in love with Soul, but she said nothing of it for fear rejection...
Everyone tied to Kami felt the sting of her absence... And things just seemed to get worse for Maka in the days that followed...... Spirit went back to drinking alcohol, being a man-whore and formed other habits... Maka, herself, went into a spiraling depression... Soul would get sent on a missions, with another compatible partner, since Maka was on relief for mourning.
Soul jokingly made a comment about not needing her to watch his back anymore; he was strong enough to take care of himself and he liked not getting hit with a book by his other partner... His normal nonchalantly said comment was the final straw for her. She had finally come to the conclusion, he didn't need her and he would be fine without her.
With that said, Maka finally understood she was replaceable and not really needed by anyone. Soul would have a new partner and she could just fade into nothing like she wanted... She had made a Death Scythe, to her, she accomplished her goal in life; to become infamous like her mother, that was her goal.... She had no reason to live...or so she thought.
Soul gritted his teeth staring down into soft green grass beside the grave as he started thinking back to what happened that day. Soul had left on a mission with Kid, his other compatible partner at the DWMA, which Maka never knew the name of Soul's other partner. On that day, Maka stared at up at her ceiling for a few minutes. She smiled happily at her resolve. She pulled out a piece of paper and a pen, after getting up, before walking into the restroom and opening the medicine cabinet.
She begin writing a letter for everyone to read... After satisfied with what she had wrote, she looked at herself in the mirror before laughing, "I'm pathetic....I deserve to burn in hell.... I'm not needed here....." She opened the bottle of pills and poured about 50 or so into her palm as tears streamed down her face. She forced them all in her mouth crying and swallowed with one last regret on her mind, I regret not telling Soul I loved him....
She stared into the mirror for a few more seconds before realizing if she didn't write it, he'd never know... Maka grabbed the pen slumped down to the floor and begin to add to her work of art as she started to explain to Soul.
Many hours later, Soul would return to their apartment to find her.
He thought it was a joke... Until he saw the pill bottle almost empty on the sink and the paper folded in half beside her. She looked like she was sleeping peacefully on the on bathroom floor. Soul called 911 immediately after trying to her to wake up a few times.
Soul stood up from beside her grave and shoved his hands in his pocket as the tears still streamed down his face. Why, he mentally yelled inside his own mind, even though he knew the answer... He slowly made his way back to their empty apartment.
He gulped back the lump in his throat as he neared the apartment door. He carefully pushed open the door to see darkness and feel emptiness throughout the place. Normally he would have been greeted with Maka's smiling face and a, 'welcome home,' but he knew he'd never get to experience that small daily greeting again...
"I never even said goodbye," Soul thought closing the door slowly as he walked into the bathroom and turned on the light. He saw images of Maka laying the floor with the letter.... He forced back tears remembering that morning he left. That morning, he didn't tell her goodbye. On normal occasions, Maka would be up and make him breakfast, but that day.... she wasn't up... Feeling like she deserved rest, Soul checked on her before leaving, but didn't say a word....... Maka had told herself she wouldn't have done anything, if Soul would have talked to her anytime throughout that day, but he never did......
Soul looked down at the floor remembering exactly what the letter had said,
'To who ever finds me,
I'm sorry for the trouble I'm causing. I never thought I would actually be brave enough to actually take my own life. I've always thought about it, but I've always made myself find some reason to not to. I guess, I just couldn't find a reason anymore. With my mom gone and my dad, well he's dealing with his own issues, I just can't find a reason anymore. I'm sorry, Maka.
To Soul~
I have a feeling you're going to be the one to find me. I'm sorry, I hope you can forgive me. I just want to tell you a few things... First of all, I know you said, if I ever wanted to talk, I could talk to you, but I just couldn't..... There's just some things you can't talk to someone about and this was one of those things..... Secondly, I want to tell you, I love you. I don't except you to take that to heart, but you're one of the only guys I actually decided I could trust. You were one of the best friends I could have asked for and you always stayed by my side, so for that, I love you and thank you. I couldn't bring myself to tell you myself, I was scared, but now you know and I might get to see my mom. Please don't hate me, love Maka.
P.S. we had a dream together and we made it come true. You're a Death Scythe and I'm a Death Scythe's meister. Please go on with your life, I'm happy where I am, no more pain and no more disappointments. Soul, don't feel bad about this, I wouldn't have listened to you anyway. I pushed you away, you were the best friend I could have ever asked for. Tell the others I love them too. Most of all though, I really did love you...'
He shook his head staring into the bathroom mirror. Why Maka, he mentally screamed, we could have fixed this! Whatever problem you had, we could have gotten through it!
Soul blinked back a few tears and his face started to brighten as he calmly walked out the bathroom into his own room. He opened his closed room door and casually walked to his dresser. He pulled open the too drawer and pushed back a few shirts to see his shiny silver pistol that his older brother had given him for is eighteenth birthday.
He picked it up and rested his index finger on the trigger gently as he walked out his room and back into the dimly lit bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror before turning off the safety and pressing the pistol to the side of his head. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, "will I see you on the other side?..."