A.N// enjoyyyy ;-)
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Luke's POV
Kate cried for a solid ten minutes more, and when she was finished, I led her to the couch so we could sit down and talk. I didn't know what I was going to say. I'd tried to plan it out before I came over, but now I was drawing blanks.
She sat close to me, so close that our legs were touching. It was such an odd concept to me at this point because it felt like I hadn't seen her in so long. Honestly, I just wanted to cuddle, but there were more important things that needed to happen right now.
Kate let out a deep sigh after another minute passed of me trying to figure out what to say. I reached over to put my hand on her upper thigh, but I ultimately decided against that move and retracted quickly.
A few more beats of silence went by before I just asked what was really on my mind. I wanted to start this whole thing off slowly.
"How are you feeling?" I questioned, trying to make the concern in my voice evident. I wanted her to know that I cared, a lot more than she would ever know or understand.
"I don't know," she answered simply. I didn't think she was being honest, but that's what I needed right now. We both had to lay all of our cards on the table, no more secrets.
"Kate, you just had a breakdown, and you know we need to sort this out. Please talk to me," I pleaded. This wasn't going to get anywhere if either of us were being difficult. It was never hard for us both to convey our feelings towards each other once we actually did get into a relationship, but I could understand why it may've been hard now.
She reached over and placed her hand on top of mine, which was unexpected. It sent a strange tingling feeling up my arm, not like the one I usually felt. It was better, and I had no idea why.
"Luke, I love you, but I don't know if I can ever trust you again," she finally replied. Her words stung, a lot. It was definitely not something I wanted to hear, but we were getting somewhere.
"What?" I questioned, only slightly confused. "Of course you can trust me, you know that."
"You said the same thing at the beginning of our lessons, but you were lying to me the whole time. How do you think that makes me feel? It sucks, Luke, so bad." Her voice cracked in the middle of her sentence, and I could tell she was trying to hold everything in. I don't think I could emotionally handle her crying again tonight.
"I wasn't lying to you," I tried defending myself. "Everything I've ever said to you has been honest, everything. All of the 'I love you's', all of the kissing and touching, it's all been genuine. All of those feelings were real." I looked over at her, and her face was blank like none of this was fazing her. She'd seemed to be that way since all of this blew up, emotionless, until a half an hour ago.
"I get that, but your initial intention wasn't. It was just to take my virginity so some other guy wouldn't have it, and Luke, that's honestly so messed up," she said, her voice still wavering a bit.
"Yes, and I will admit that I went about it the wrong way, but I was just trying to protect you. I didn't want you to get hurt," I countered. My voice raised slightly without me meaning for it to, and it scared me. This could easily turn into something that would really hurt our relationship instead of helping it.
"Then, you should've just told me. This all could've been avoided if you would have just been honest with me from the start. We were best friends, and we were supposed to tell each other everything." My head dropped.
I knew she was right, and I knew that I'd messed up, but it made it seem a lot worse coming form her perspective. I couldn't even imagine what it would be like to be in her position.
I realized this would be harder than I thought, and that Calum was right when he said a simple 'sorry' wouldn't fix it. I didn't know what I was going to do to get us back to where we were, but like I told her, I was going to try.
"I know, and it was stupid of me to pursue you with the wrong intentions, but I never wanted this to happen. I felt like the only way to keep you safe was to get him out of your life. I felt like that was my job as your best friend," I argued. I didn't want to fight, and I was sure she didn't want to either, but we had to get through this rough patch one way or another.
"I can handle myself, I'm a big girl. If I knew what was going on, I wouldn't have put myself in certain predicaments," she told me softly. "I just feel like this is all one big lie, everything we've ever done."
All that she was saying was slowly crushing my heart because she sounded so hurt, and it was all my fault. I think everything important that I had to say, I put it in my letter to her. I couldn't think of anything else at worst possible time.
"It hasn't been, I promise. I just want you to be happy," I responded.
"I just want to be happy too," she agreed. "We were doing so well." Kate brought her legs up to her chest, and rested her head between them. I knew she was upset, but I didn't know the extent of it until today.
"Yeah," I sighed. The conversation was dying out, but I still felt like there was more to be said. I was trying to think things to keep it alive, but I was out of options. Just when I was on the brink of giving up, she spoke.
"I didn't want to fall in love with you again," she confessed. "I somehow knew this would happen to me. Apparently friends can break your heart too."
"Again?" I questioned, not understanding. I didn't know Kate was ever in love with me aside from recently. "And how could have possibly known that? You thought I was going to hurt you?"
"Yeah, the first time was a couple years ago, but I thought you didn't like me, so I built a wall against those feelings for you. Also, I knew this was all to good to be true because everything that happens to me is just that. There was no way I could be happy without a catch," she explained. It was painful to hear and even more painful to be aware of someone you loved so much enduring that amount of self doubt.
"Why didn't you tell me, Kate?" I asked first. "You deserve to be happy and nothing less. It's my fault you're upset, and I"m stupid for being the one who got us into this mess." She lifted her head to look directly at me for the first time since we started this talk.
"I was afraid of getting rejected. It was a lot easier to run from my feelings than face them, the same as you said. I thought we would've been better off if I just kept quiet." A deep sigh left her parted lips, and I just felt the strong urge to hug her and never let go.
"I've loved you for a long time," I admitted out loud. It was a lot harder to say those words than to write them, but it felt so natural to say.
"Same," she sighed again. I really hated seeing her this way.
"Did my letter explain some things a little bit better?"I asked. I just wanted to make sure because I wanted to know that we covered everything and that we weren't avoiding certain topics. I felt like we cleared up most of the thing we could and the rest would fade out over time.
I didn't know where we would go from here.
"It did, and it was really sweet. I loved how open it was, thank you," she complimented. This would've been the part where I kissed her, but that was only a thing of my imagination at this point. You never really know what you have until it's gone.
"Yeah, once I started writing, I couldn't stop. My heart was just poured out onto that page," I revealed, which caused her to giggle very softly. That sound was like music to my ears, and I would give anything to hear it more often.
"I could tell," she replied simply. A silence blew over the room, and it wasn't too awkward. It was kind of tense, but that was to be expected. We were on track to a resolve though, and that was all I could ask for. "I'm really tired," she spoke all of a sudden, a yawn following.
I laughed a little before saying, "Today's been a long day. I think sleep is a good idea." On that note, she stood from her position on the couch and headed out of the room.
"Goodnight Luke," she called on her way out. I returned the 'goodnight', and once I heard her door shut from upstairs, I let out a sigh and stretch out over the length of the surprisingly comfortable lounge chair.
It felt odd to not tell her that I loved her at the end of a conversation, but I guessed that was how it was going to be for now. I closed my eyes to try an get a little rest from the long day I'd just had. I was an emotional wreck for most of it, but I pulled it together by the end to make sure the one I loved the most was okay.
Slowly, sleep started to pull me in, and I was grateful for that. It was my only escape right now, not that I really needed it anymore, but it was a good break. It took a few minutes for me to finally slip into a shallow sleep that should've gotten me through the night.
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A woke up, and the light in my eyes was blinding. I thought it was morning, but I was wrong. It was just the light in the room shining because I'd fallen asleep with all of them on.
I sat up and rubbed my eyes. There was no way I was going to go back to sleep, and it would've been a good idea to just go home and get in an actual bed. I didn't feel like leaving though, not when I knew she was only a staircase away.
I got up to check the time, and I wanted some water, so I went to the kitchen. There, I found it to be three in the morning, and then I realized that it was Christmas morning. This had by bar been the strangest Christmas I'd ever experienced.
Once I'd poured myself a glass, I sat at the island in the kitchen to drink it. It took about two minutes because I wanted to take my time, and when I was done, I put the empty glass in the dishwasher.
I left the kitchen after turning out the lights, and I was about to make my way back to the couch in the lounge room. Just before I got there, I felt this strong urge to go up to her room. I couldn't not do it because I was so used to sleeping up there with her whenever I was here.
I took the chance and crept my way up the stairs. As soon as I was outside of her room, I started to grow nervous beyond explanation. I rose a hand and twisted her doorknob slowly, pushing the door open and being careful not to make any noise.
My plan was to just check in on her and leave, nothing more. I didn't want to set my feelings up for something I wasn't sure what would happen or not.
I practically tip-toed in, and what I didn't expect was for her to be awake.
"Luke?" she called out. I nodded, but then I realized she couldn't really see me because it was dark in her room aside from the television screen giving off the slightest bit of light.
"Yeah, sorry. I just came to check in," I said honestly. "What're you doing up?" If she wasn't getting any sleep because of this, I would feel way more awful than I already did. This entire thing was draining her more than I thought.
"I couldn't sleep," she answered. "What about you?"
"Same," I replied.
"Oh." We kind of left it at that, the room growing silent. I didn't know what to say, and it seemed like she didn't either because I was just standing here awkwardly. She finally spoke again about a minute later. "Come lay down with me?"
"Um." I was a little hesitant, but I couldn't stop my feet from gravitating towards her bed. It was so natural for me to do that. "Are you sure?" I asked for confirmation.
"Yes," she verified, waving me over. I walked slowly to the side of her bed, and I pulled my shirt off. I also took off my pants, but I got a pair of my pajama bottoms out of the drawer across the room. I came back and she had the duvet open and ready for me to slide into.
I hesitated to climb in, but once I was, I relaxed a little. Then, I noticed that she had a shirt of mine on.
"Are you wearing my shirt?" I questioned, calling her out. I could see her nod through the dark of the room.
"It helps me sleep, but for some reason, it didn't work tonight," she acknowledged. I hummed in content, but I didn't say anything. She pulled the cover over us and had me scoot in closer to her. I tried my best to not be stiff, but it was easy to get acclimated with her.
Kate was warm, and it felt good against my body. Her hand found mine, and I quickly interlaced our fingers. This was such a natural position for us, but it felt like I hadn't been in it for a while. It felt nice, relaxing.
"I missed this," I said quietly after about ten more minutes passed, thinking she was already fast asleep. "I missed you," I added, ignoring the compulsion to kiss her neck or shoulder. We weren't at that point yet, and I was going to respect the slow pace we were going to go at.
"Same here. I love you, Luke," she said sleepily. I could tell her eyes were going to shut any moment now. Her words sent so much heat throughout my body, there were no descriptive words for it. I didn't think I was ever hear those words fall from her mouth again, and they sent me back to sleep with a smile on my face.
"I love you too."
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Kate's POV
I woke up with a secure pair of arms wrapped around me and another hand in mine. That was the best I'd slept all week, and I was grateful for him being here. Last night, we'd cleared mostly everything up, but everything was awkward now. I could tell he was unsure of what to do, and so was I.
I didn't want to rush things because I wanted to make sure we were taking our time getting back to where we were before. There was a lot of work that had to be done to fully repair our relationship at this point, but I was willing to work for it. I loved him way too much not to.
Last night was a good start to getting back, and all that was left to do was go at a steady pace and make sure we were communicating the whole way through.
Luke's letter for my Secret Santa gift was the thing that really swayed my opinion. He said most of everything I wanted to hear, and he was so open with all of his feelings. I didn't know about most of the he expressed to me in that letter, but to now about them now made it even more sweet.
However, if I would've known about some of those things earlier, we could've been in a totally different place at the moment.
It was Christmas morning, and at first I thought it would be the worst Christmas I'd ever had, but with Luke here and sleeping behind me, I felt that there was hope. Luke was my hope, my security. I could always go to him when I needed, and he was always there whether I needed him or not.
Part of the reason for my breakdown last night was because I was upset, confused, and just the slightest bit happy and relieved. I was just letting all of those emotions that I'd kept cage in, rush out of me, and that may not have been the best idea, but it happened. Thank goodness he was there for me, to comfort me when I needed it the most, and he was right. That was probably up there among the worst breakdowns I'd ever had.
I was confused because of the information that was revealed to me in the letter, and sad because it was Christmas Eve and my parents weren't home and my boyfriend and I weren't on good terms. I was happy and relieved, though, by his letter. It was exactly what I needed, and there wasn't a more perfect way to express it to me.
I wanted to get up and take a nice, relaxing bubble bath and then make some breakfast for Luke when he finally woke up. His hold on me was a little bit looser than when I first opened my eyes, so I used that as my opportunity to discretely slip away from him and out of my bed.
I walked across my room to grab my robe and towel before heading to the bathroom. Once I got there, I brushed my teeth and ran some warm water in the tub. I poured in some bubbles and just let the water rise.
As soon as the bath was to my liking, I took off my clothes and got in. It was hot, but just right for relaxing my tensed muscles. I was sitting in fat enough that the bubbles were covering my entire body. My plan was to only stay in here for twenty minutes, then I would get out and start up the Christmas breakfast.
Usually, it was my mom who would be making the breakfast. I would wake up and come downstairs to the smell of maple syrup and bacon. There would be an entire table of food set up for the three of us to indulge in. Then, we would open presents. That's what I wanted to do today, with Luke.
I got a car from my parents this year, and I was really grateful for that. I was probably going to have to start babysitting again to be able to pay for my gas. Even though I knew my parents would most likely cover all of my car's expenses, I still wanted to feel like I was contributing and not just getting a free ride.
I laid my head back against the top of the tub, and I closed my eyes. Most of the time, I used baths like this to think, and right now, there was a lot I needed to be thinking about.
All of my main worries were about Luke and I and where we were supposed to go from here. He said that we could go at my pace, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to go extremely slow, like the beginning of our relationship, or pick up right where we left off.
About halfway through my bath, there was a knock on the door. My eyes shot open, and I sat up slightly, but the bubbles were still covering me.
"Kate?" he called from the other side of the door. Then, the knob turned slightly and he peeked in to make sure the coast was clear before walking in. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'll be out in a second," I told him. He closed the lid on the toilet and sat down on that.
"No, I mean, are you okay? Like, how do you feel about what happened last night?" he clarified. I ran a hand through my half wet hair and sighed before speaking, attempt to gather my thoughts and explain them in the simplest form possible.
"I think it was good for us. We needed to talk about it, and I'm glad we sort of came to a resolve," I elucidated. Luke nodded in response, understanding.
"Me too," he agreed quickly. A few beats of silence passed before he said, "So, what now?"
"I don't really know," I responded honestly. "I guess we can just see what happens," I suggested. "You don't have to change anything you'd already been doing, but we can just go slower and see where it takes us."
"Okay, that's sounds good," he said in a low tone. He was being extremely careful, I could tell. It was so much softer than his normal demeanor, and I had to admit that it was kind of odd to witness, but I liked it a little. "I'm going to go downstairs and watch something on Netflix in the lounge room," he informed me after the room went up in a rather comfortable silence.
"Alright, I'll be out in a second." With that, he stood up and left, closing the door behind him. By now, the suds were dissolving, so it was definitely time to get out. I did my best job of rinsing off before I got out and tied a towel securely around myself.
I turned the lights out in the bathroom and made my way to my bedroom so I could get dressed.
I dried my hair first so it wouldn't soak my clothes. Then, I put on my undergarments and more pajamas, which consisted of cotton shorts and a matching shirt. I decided to just wear my hair down instead of pulling it up like my original intention.
Once I was finished, I went downstairs to the lounge room to find Luke. He was just watching a Christmas movie on Netflix, so I left him to that.
"Luke, I'm going to make us some breakfast," I told him before actually going to the kitchen.
Upon arriving, I pulled the pancake mix out of the pantry and I get the rest of the ingredients out to make them. Pancakes were Luke's favorite thing for breakfast, so I thought he would enjoy that day just a little bit more by starting it off with something he liked.
I also took some bacon out of the fridge and I prepped all of my pans. I made the the batter, and I poured medium sized circles in the pans as soon as if was done warming up.
About five minutes went by and I was flipping a pancake when I felt arms wrap around my waist from behind. Then, Luke rested his chin on my left shoulder. A warmness spread throughout me, and the gesture brought a smile to my face.
"Is this okay?" he asked for reassurance.
I nodded and said, "Yeah, it's nice." He hummed in response and we stayed like that until I finished cooking everything.
Being in Luke's arms was the best thing ever, and I loved every second of it. I didn't know what I'd be like if I couldn't have it, probably a wreck, just like this past week.
Once I was done, I set everything up in the island and I got some fresh fruit out of the fridge. I chopped a variety of it up, and I put it into some small bowls. I also took out the syrup, and the Christmas breakfast was finally ready to be eaten.
We pretty much ate in silence, aside from him thanking and complimenting me on meal. I was actually proud of myself for how good it tasted. It was probably the best I'd ever made pancakes.
Of course he finished before I did, but when we were both done, I collected the plates and put all of the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I got everything together and started the machine so the dishes would be cleaned without much work or effort.
Luke was just sitting in his same seat, watching me as I returned the kitchen to normal. I wiped down all of the countertops and the island to finish everything off. I then walked around to where he was, and I grabbed his hand, pulling him up to follow me to the lounge room.
"Where are we going?" he asked confusingly. I couldn't wait any longer for him to open his gift because it was by far the best thing I'd ever bought for anyone.
"To open your Christmas gift," I informed. I turned back at him to see his face still unsure. "What's wrong?"
"I don't have your gift with me. It's at my house," he told me. My eyebrows scrunched together, it being my turn to be confused, before I relaxed again.
"That's okay. I just want to see your reaction when you open mine." I smiled to reassure him, and he smiled back. I didn't mind that we would get to open our gifts together like we usually did. After all, nothing was usual about this Christmas.
"Are you sure?" he questioned. I nodded instead of speaking and he just smiled again.
As soon as we got into the lounge room, I led Luke to the tree so he could gather his present. It was in a large rectangular box, so he would have no idea until he took the wrapping paper off and pulled it out.
Meanwhile, I sat down on the rug with my back against the bottom of the couch, just watching. He looked at me again for confirmation.
"Go on, open it," I encouraged him. Luke pulled the large box from under the tree and sat it down on the floor. He sat down behind it and proceeded to tear the paper off. Once he saw the plain brown box, I could tell he was confused again. "Keep going."
I didn't bother to tape the ends shut, so he easily pulled the flaps apart and looked inside. Eagerly, he stuck his hand in the box and pulled the black casing out. His eye lit up instantly, and he hadn't even finished pulling out the actual present.
He looked up at me.
"You didn't," he said in disbelief, the shock clear on his facial features.
"I did indeed," I reaffirmed. He pulled the rest of the black case out and his jaw drop as he unlocked the latches and opened the case.
Inside was the brand new, black and white electric guitar that I bought him for Christmas. I could already tell that he was loving it. The guy at the shop helped me pick it out, and I was satisfied with my decision, especially now that I saw he liked it so much.
Luke picked it up and gave it a quick examination. He fiddled with the strings and ran his hands along the neck and the sides, and when he was done, he put it back in the case and the biggest smile broke out into his face.
"Thank you so much, Kate," he stated as he made his way over to me. He engulfed me in a hug that lasted for a couple minutes. We just sat there, him in between my legs, just embracing each other and savoring the feelings we gave each other.
"It's no problem," I assured. He pulled away first, and he looked me right in the eyes. They were blue, just like they's always been, but this morning, they shined a lot brighter. His eyes flickered back from mine to my lips, and I was extremely aware of what he wanted to happen.
I didn't even know if I was ready for it, but I guessed we would find out.
Luke initiated it by leaning in ever so slightly, while still checking my face for any signs of discomfort or discontent. There was none. I wanted this to happen just as much as he did.
My own lips parted involuntarily as he used one of his free hands to tilt my chin upward with his thumb and forefinger. He brought his face just that much closer to mine and carefully pressed his lips to mine. They were soft, and he hummed in response.
My insides heated up in the best way, something I'd been dying to feel all week. It seemed much more intense than before, but that was probably because I missed him so much. The butterflies just went raging inside my stomach, and I got this dizzy feeling that I could only associate with the word love.
I could taste that faint hint of mint on his tongue as he slipped in into my mouth and deepened the kiss further. After about a minute, he pulled away and rested his forehead on mine, planting another short, but sweet, kiss on my lips before stopping all together.
A smile broke out on my face, and I just started giggling. Maybe it looked crazy, but at this moment I couldn't have cared less. I was so in love with the guy in front of me, the guy I called my best friend.
My arms were rested on his shoulders, and my hands were tangled in his hair. I didn't even remember putting them there, but it was fine.
"Merry Christmas, Luke," I said once I calmed myself down from the wild adrenaline rush he seemed to always give me. He smiled and wrapped my legs around his waist, taking me with him as he stood up. He proceeded to sit me on the couch, and I knew there were two different things that could possibly happen.
"Merry Christmas, baby," he responded, connecting our lips once again and laying me back on the couch. It was true too. This really was a merry Christmas.
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A.N// ayyyyeee
THE OTP IS BACK TOGETHER, I REPEAT THE OTP IS BACK TOGETHER THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i hope you guys enjoyed this cutesy little chapter bc it was really fun to write ajdbjfikadf
also,, this is the fastest i've updated in a while so i deserve an award. thank you thank you
alrighty so you can follow me on the snap if you wanna @/camisnotonsnap...my story is pretty cool!! *dabs*
i don't really have much else to say because i just update not too long ago, but i really hope you enjoyed this sweggy chapter bc i wrote it in like a day-ish
favorite part?
that's it, i gtg do some homework and go to sleep bc i have a big day tomorrow (everyday is a big day tbh idk how i survive)
ily all, stay breezy
- cam <3