I feel horrid. I take a shower and get dressed, brushing my hair and leaving it in its natural waves. I swipe on eyeliner and go downstairs.
I grab an apple from the kitchen and go to work.
I slump into my seat at the register. Today is busy; customers line the shelves of books, perusing the isles.
Liam watches me. "Are you alright?" He finally asks around eleven.
I shrug. "I don't know. I didn't sleep much last night."
Liam nods. "I see."
I look at him. "Do you have a girlfriend, Liam?"
He shakes his head. "I did, but we had a huge fight a couple months ago and broke it off."
"I'm sorry about that."
He shrugs. "Don't be. It was a long time coming."
I nod. "What made you guys break up? If...you don't mind me asking."
"No, I don't mind. We were just fighting a lot and neither of us wanted to put up with it anymore."
"Did you love her?"
"Well...when we were dating, I thought I did, but looking back on it...I don't think it was love that I felt."
"Really."
"Yeah. I think it might have been just infatuation."
"Oh." I look at my nails. "How do you know if it's infatuation or love?"
Liam shrugs. "It's something you just know at a certain time," he says.
I nod. "Why does it have to be so complicated?" I ask.
Liam shakes his head. "I don't know. It doesn't seem like it should be complicated."
"Agreed." I sigh. "Tonight I start my night shifts."
"Did you want me to stay?"
"You don't have to, it's fine."
"Really, I don't mind."
"Liam, I'm sure you have things to do. You can stay another time." I smile at him.
He smiles kindly. "Alright, but just let me know if you need company."
"Thanks, Liam."
"No problem."
The rest of the day goes painfully slow. I keep my phone off, knowing Shawn will get mad if I try to check it for messages from Harry. Liam leaves at five and I lean back in my chair, waiting until the clock strikes nine and I can leave.
I open a book to read and lose track of time. I don't notice when someone walks into the store. A book slides across the counter toward me.
I put my book down and I grab the other book to ring up. I notice it's entitled Hush, Hush.
"Great choice," I say absently as the customer hands me money. "I loved this series." I put the money in the register.
"Did you."
I snap up and lock eyes with Harry.
I swallow and push the book toward him along with his change. Should I be mad at him? I know he's mad at me from the way he told me to leave last night.
"I see you finished Mockingjay," I say, guarded.
"No," he says simply.
"Oh." I look down. "Can...can we talk?" I look up at him, and his eyes unexpectedly soften.
"Alright." He runs a hand through his curls, taking Hush, Hush and hugging it to his chest.
"I get off at nine," I tell him.
"It's nine fifteen."
My eyes flick to the clock and I see that he's right. I grab my things and lock up, all too aware of Harry's eyes on me. We walk out to the parking lot. I cross my arms over my chest, unsure of what I should say.
"I--" We both begin at the same time. I shut my mouth. "Sorry," I say. "You go first."
He shakes his head. "You go."
I take a breath. "I'm sorry about what I said," I say slowly. "It was uncalled for...I know you wouldn't do that...with her--Jane. I'm sorry," I say again.
To my surprise, Harry's features seem to soften quickly, his eyes almost pained. He looks at the ground, avoiding my gaze.
"What's wrong?" I ask him.
"I shouldn't have yelled at you," he says quietly. "I told myself I'd stop yelling at you all the time--"
I silence him with a kiss, wrapping my arms tightly around him. He pulls me close and I know we're both letting go of the things we said to each other last night.
"Why didn't you...why didn't you answer my calls?" I ask quietly.
Harry looks down. "I'm not going to lie to you, Blair. I went to a party and got drunk and--" He looks away.
"What? And what?"
He clears his throat. "Nothing. Spend the night?"
I shake my head slowly. "I don't think that's such a great idea."
"Why?" His eyes are almost urgent as he searches my eyes.
"I just...I'm afraid we'll fight again and I'm too emotionally drained for that."
"We're not going to fight," Harry snaps somewhat forcefully.
"Look, we're verging on a fight right here about how we may or may not fight," I point out.
"It's not a fight, it's a disagreement."
"Well, we sure disagree a whole hell of a lot."
"Oh, bullshit."
"Are you seriously trying to pick a fight here?"
"What makes you think that?"
"You're impossible." I begin to walk away. Why is he so argumentative? Harry grabs me by the arm.
"What?" I snap, sick of his antics.
"You didn't sleep last night, did you?" I turn around, looking at him curiously.
"N-no," I say. "How did you know?"
"I see it in your eyes," he says softly.
I shift my weight. "So?"
Harry looks away. "Just spend the night, Blair," he says quietly. "Please."
I sigh. "Fine," I say. "But only because you're an insomniac."
Minutes later I arrive at Harry's house. His car is already there. He beat me, again.
I toss my stuff onto the kitchen counter, opening the fridge to find something to eat. I wrinkle my nose at the empty milk carton. I pull it out and put it in the recycling.
"Sorry, I didn't get to that one." Harry leans against the doorframe.
"Obviously."
"Blair, why are you mad?"
"You know why I'm mad, Harry."
"Blair, I'm sorry."
"I'm tired. I'm going to bed." I brush past him and up the stairs.
"Don't go in there." I take my hand from the door to Harry's bedroom.
"Why?"
"It's a mess," he says quickly, avoiding my gaze. "Just let me clean up a little."
I sigh. "Fine."
"Go find something to eat. There's goldfish in the pantry."
I roll my eyes and go downstairs. I grab the goldfish from the pantry and help myself. I can't help but smile a little bit. Harry knows I love goldfish.
A few minutes later Harry appears at the top of the stairs. "Alright, it's clean."
I walk into the room and scoff. "You call this clean?" T-shirts and socks are strewn over the open drawers of the bureau. I instantly fold them.
"Clean enough for me."
"You slob."
Harry pulls off his shirt and gets into bed. I watch as he grabs Mockingjay from his nightstand and opens it.
I smile. I quickly hide it when I remember I'm mad at him.
"What?" He snaps when he catches me staring.
"Nothing." I turn back to organizing. I pick up a black shirt from the floor. "Is this clean or dirty?" I ask him.
"Toss it to me." I throw it to him. He sniffs it. "Eh, it can have a couple more wears."
I wrinkle my nose. "Gross."
I fold it and shut the drawers, changing into pajamas and getting into bed next to Harry.
I watch his face as he reads.
His brow is furrowed and his lips are set in a concentrated frown. He turns the pages slowly, gently.
I turn over and decide to fall asleep.
"What happens to Peeta?"
Harry's words startle me. "I can't tell you."
"Why not?"
"It would ruin the story."
"Fuck." I listen as Harry shuts the book and turns the light out. He shifts around for a bit before settling. "Are you going to stay mad at me all night?"
"Most likely."
"What do I have to do to make you forgive me?"
"Be less argumentative all the time."
Harry chuckles. I feel him shift again and seconds later I feel his arms wrap around me.
"Stop."
"Stop what?"
"Holding me."
"Why?"
"It makes me want to forgive you." The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.
Harry doesn't say anything. He hugs his arms tighter around me, brushing my hair over my shoulder toward him. "I love you," he breathes in my ear. Shivers run down my spine.
"Say it," he whispers in my ear. "Say it back."
I keep my mouth shut stubbornly.
"Say it the fuck back," Harry says, digging his fingers into my side, tickling me.
"Harry!" I squeal, pushing his hands away and turning onto my back.
"Say it--"
"I love you!" I yell, out of breath. "I love you!"
A smile sets onto Harry's face. "Good," he says, pulling me into his chest. "Was that really so hard?"
"That's what she said," I say.
Harry bursts into laughter, pulling away from me to look into my eyes. "Good one," he says, putting his hand on my cheek.
I blush.
"I love you," he says, seriously.
"I love you," I reply as he pulls me close. He kisses my forehead and strokes my hair until we both fall asleep.
The next morning I awake to find the sheets next to me empty. I hear muffled voices yelling downstairs. I pull on my clothes for the day and fix my hair, carefully padding down the stairs to listen. I press my body against the wall so I won't be seen.
"What the fuck do you mean?" Jane. I swallow.
"I mean, I love her. Whether you fucking like it or not," Harry snaps.
"You don't love her," Jane almost laughs. "You're incapable."
"Get out," Harry spits. "Get out now before she wakes up."
"Why, what's the problem? Afraid she'll bust you?"
"Get your fucking whore ass out of my house!" Harry yells.
Jane cackles. "Whore ass," she repeats humorously. "You would know." I hear the back door slam behind her and Harry breathes heavily. I bite my lip before running back upstairs. Harry can't know I was listening.
Afraid she'll bust you?
What the hell is that supposed to mean? I splash water on my face and brush my teeth before applying some makeup. I finally pad back downstairs quietly.
Harry sits at the kitchen island with his head in his hands.
"Harry?" I ask quietly.
He shoots up, his eyes wide. "Morning," he says.
"Did you sleep well?" I ask, getting the milk from the fridge and pouring myself a glass.
"Yeah, I slept beautifully," he says.
I take a sip of milk, leaning against the counter across from him. "Are you alright?" I ask him.
He nods. "I'm fine," he says, forcing a smile. He gets up from his seat and walks over to me, taking me into his arms. He kisses my forehead, then my cheek, and finally my lips. "I love you," he says, almost urgently. "I love you so much."
I wrap my arms around him, wondering if this sudden wave of affection is because of Jane's recent visit. I don't question it, I just kiss him back.
"What are you doing today?" He asks me.
I shrug. "I have the night shift again tonight."
"I'll stay with you."
I laugh. "That's loitering."
"I'm a world class loiterer." He grins.
I kiss him again. "Alright," I say. "We can talk about books."
Harry rolls his eyes. "Great," he says, but I know he's as excited as I am.
"What about you?" I ask him. "What are you doing today?"
"I have work," he says. He looks at me. "Did you want to come?"
I shake my head. "That's alright," I say.
"Oh, come on. You can hang out with Ed and Niall."
"I'm fine, Harry. I should spend some time at home, anyway."
"Doing what?"
I shrug.
Harry rolls his eyes. "Fine. I'll pick you up for work then later?"
I nod. "Sure."
I drive home soon after bidding goodbye to Harry. I throw my things onto the couch and pull out my book, deciding to read to pass the time until I see Harry again. I know I have to leave for work at five, and right now it's just past eleven. I read for a few hours before fixing myself lunch and turning on the TV to watch. Before I know it, it's past three.
"Blair!" Louis looks surprised to see me as he walks in.
"Hi, Lou," I say. "How are you?"
"I'm good," he says. "Really good." He sits across from me, on the armchair. The bandage on his arm is gone and his new tattoo is visible. It's a clock with no hands. It's small, maybe the size of a quarter.
"What does your new tattoo mean?" I ask him.
He turns to look at it on his bicep. "It's a clock," he says simply.
"I know, but why doesn't it have hands?"
Louis smiles. "Because time never stops for anything, even hands."
I cock my head at him. "That's...really deep, actually."
Louis shrugs. "It's just a reminder to myself to keep an eye on time, because she sneaks out of nowhere."
I shake my head. "Wow, Louis. I'm impressed."
Louis grins. "What, did you think tattoos were just fire breathing dragons and demons?"
I laugh. "Yes, actually. I never thought about tattoos having any meaning."
"Well, if you're going to get a permanent marking on your body, you're going to want it to mean something to you." Louis looks back at his new tattoo and smiles.
I make a mental note to ask what Harry's tattoos mean. I reach out and touch the small clock. "Do tattoos hurt?" I ask.
Louis snorts. "Oh, hell yeah."
"Then why do you get so many?"
"It's a personal thing. If you think of a tattoo you want to get with this meaning to you, the pain doesn't matter."
I shudder. "I'm never getting a tattoo."
"I bet you will one day. You'll want something to carry with you for your life, no matter what."
"What could I possibly want like that, though? I can't think of deep handless clock designs like you."
Louis laughs. "You'll think of something, Blairbear."
I sigh. "I hope not." Louis laughs.
"So...I see you and Styles are serious, huh?"
I shrug. "I don't want to deny that, but I don't want to say yes, either."
Louis sighs. "As much as I hate him, I'm happy for you."
I look at him in shock. "Really?"
He nods. "Yeah. You deserve someone to make you happy like that. Even if he is a fucking dick."
I smile. "I know about what happened between you two," I say casually.
Louis rolls his eyes. "Of course he'd tell you."
"No, he didn't. Someone else did."
"Oh. Well, that's ancient history."
"Then why don't you guys make amends?"
"It's too much fun to hate him. Sorry."
I laugh. "What about you?" I ask. "Any girls you like?"
Louis shakes his head. "None. Not since Jane, anyway. She turned out to be a real whore, you know that?"
I nod. "Trust me, I know." Louis smirks.
"I kind of want someone," Louis says, looking down. "Like, just someone I can be with. Like Perrie and Zayn, or you and...Harry."
"Why did you mention me and Harry?"
"I see how you look at him, Blair. You love him. And as much as I hate to admit it, he fucking loves you too." I blush. "And I want that, you know? I want someone to call mine."
"I'll help you find someone, Lou," I say. "There's someone out there for you."
"You really think so?"
"I know so! I mean, you may not find her tomorrow, or the next day, but eventually you'll find someone."
Louis smiles at me. "Thanks, Blair. You're the best." I reach out and hug him, happy that he's not too upset about Harry and I. Louis and I watch TV together for awhile before the doorbell rings.
"Hi Harry," I say when I open the door. "Let me just get my things--"
Harry nods and glares past me a Louis. Louis glares back. I go into the kitchen to get my things for work, stopping behind the door when I hear their hushed voices in the living room.
"I have every reason to tell her," Louis is saying.
"I'll tell her," Harry says back. "Eventually."
"I won't allow that."
"Look, just do me a fucking favor for once and let it come from me."
"Fine. But if you don't do it soon...I will."
I swallow and quickly walk back into the living room. I see them glaring at each other in a silent showdown.
"Is there something I'm missing?" I finally ask.
"No," Harry says coldly. "Let's go."
I wave goodbye to Louis and follow Harry to his car.
-
sorry for the late update again, we're trying really hard to get updates to you. thank you for your reads, votes, and comments! x
- lauren and tess