Warning, this chapter has some violence against women in it.
This glass house is burning down
You light the match, I'll stick around
I'll give you everything you want
And wish the worst of what I was
...."We can be you friend tonight."
"I'd love to be your friend."
"I'd like to be more than friends with you..."
I picked up my pace and tried to turn down a street, only to find it was a parking lot. I turned around and walked in the opposite direction trying to lose the group. I tried to steady my beating heart. I knew that I had walked in Phoenix tons of times by myself before, and nothing had ever happened to me. Why should I be afraid of some boys in Port Angeles? They looked so clean and nice.
"Hey, come back here, we just want to talk to you," another man called out, laughing with his friends. A six pack of Rainier was dangling from his left hand. I turned around to face them.
"I don't really want to talk," I murmured.
"Oh, don't be like that, sugar," the brown haired one said. "We just want to get to know you. Where are you from?"
"Forks, I live in Forks," I replied quietly.
"Forks, huh? Wait, are you Bella?" he asked.
"Yeah, I am. How did you know that?" I squinted at him, confused.
"My cousin was going on and on about this beautiful girl who just moved up from Phoenix. Long brown hair, big brown eyes and a body to kill for."
"Well I don't think he was talking about me, but my name is Bella."
"I'm Donnie," he said.
"Hi Donnie, I need to go," I replied.
"That's crazy talk, we were just getting to know each other." A man said, sneering. He sidled up to me and put his arm around my shoulder. I tried to shrug it off. He had dirty blonde hair and yellow teeth and his breath stunk of weed and cheap beer. He pulled me tighter to him. "I'm Alec, just so you know. Now let's just go in here and get acquainted. Shall we?"
My mind raced with fear. Should I run? Should I go with them and try to get away? Where would I even go? I cursed myself for not getting that cell phone when Charlie offered. I shook my head. These boys weren't that much older than me. They probably just wanted a girl to flirt with. I was overreacting as usual.
"I really should go. My friends are waiting for me," I stuttered.
"Ah, but we've been waiting for longer."
Alec pulled me into the open door of the warehouse. The floor was clear except for a small card table and a few lawn chairs. The sunset filtered through the dingy window panes making shapes on the concrete floor. The men filed around me and sat on the ground. The one named Donnie pointed me to sit in a lawn chair. He held out a beer for me to take. I shook my head.
"Well sugar, please be nice. Take our beer. Most girls would kill for a man to buy her a drink," Donnie said.
"I guess I'm not most girls," I stammered.
"Is that what you think? You think you're better than most girls?" he teased, a menacing smile stretched his features.
I widened my eyes at his tone. I didn't think I wanted to get this guy mad. What harm could a beer do? I took the cool can and popped the top. It fizzed over my hand, and I took a tentative sip. It was bitter and bubbly. Ugh...disgusting. I saw them all watching me drink, so I took another long swig and wiped my mouth off with my sleeve.
"I don't think beer is my thing."
"It's an acquired taste. Maybe you'd like something else," Alec coaxed. He handed me a small glass bottle with a brown liquid inside. I opened the cap and was assailed by a pungent and harsh scent. I wrinkled my nose.
"I don't think..." I started saying.
"Just try it, sugar," Donnie said.
I held it up to my lips and took a big gulp. It burned my mouth and was fire down my throat. I coughed while trying to swallow it. I didn't think they would appreciate it if I spit it out.
I handed the bottle back to Alec. "I think beer is more my style."
I took a long pull on the beer. My stomach started feeling warm. I set the beer down. Alec pulled out a cigarette out of his jacket. He opened it for me and I shook my head.
"Come on, Bella, you've already drank— might as well break all the rules, don't you think?" he said smiling.
I sighed and took one. They were long and white. I put it up to my lips. I used to sneak cigarettes with my friend, Julia, in Phoenix. We would sneak up the hill behind the equipment shed and share one of her mom's Parliaments. Alec held the lighter up and I took a drag. The sweet smoke filled my mouth, and as I blew it out, I watched the smoke curl in the dusk light coming through the window. My fingers felt tingly from the nicotine and whiskey. I took another sip of the beer and watched as the boys began to pass around a joint. This party was becoming too much for me. I cleared my throat.
"So, thanks for the beer and the cigarette, but I really need to go now," I stated, trying to keep my voice level.
"We don't have to drink to have fun you know," Alec said. He pulled out a small knife from his pocket and began to clean under his nails. He watched my eyes become wide in trepidation. The mood had taken a definite change to a dangerous area. My survival instincts began to flare up, and I knew I needed to get out of there. I had my fun tempted fate. Somehow the mood had changed. Suddenly I was terrified of these men. My feet were frozen in place. They were too close for me to run and there was no one around to hear me screaming. I struggled to remember the movements to incapacitate someone. Knee to the groin, poke them in the eyes, and stomp on their foot. Maybe if it was only one man it would work, but this was five large college students. I didn't stand a chance. I tried to stand up and Donnie pushed me back down. He held on to my forearm, tightly cutting off circulation.
"Please don't hurt me," I whispered, the tears began to fall down my face. "My dad is the chief of police, and he will have your ass if you hurt me."
"Is that so?" Alec turned to his friends. "Did you hear that? We have the chief's daughter here."
"I'm not lying, check my wallet. Bella Swan, my dad is Charlie Swan. He's chief of police in Forks," I stated, struggling to keep my voice level. One of the men grabbed my purse and dug my wallet out. He looked at the license and pulled out Charlie's business card. His lips went white against his teeth.
"She's not lying, man, It says it right here. Chief of Police. Maybe we shouldn't be fucking around with her," he stammered.
"Shut up and give me that," Alec roared. The man handed it over. I saw the recognition pass over his eyes. He clenched his jaw and looked at me. Somehow, Donnie tightened his grip and I couldn't feel my fingers anymore. Alec paced up and down the floor, letting the knife swing at his side.
One of the men got up and looked at us. "I'm leaving. This shit is fucked up and I am not going to be part of this. You said we were only going to scare her," he pointed to me. "Don't hurt her."
Alec watched him walk out. "If you fucking tell anyone, I'll come after your whole family. Don't think I won't," he screamed. Two more guys stood up.
"Yeah Alec, I'm not down with this shit. I'm out of here."
"Me too, you are fucked up dude."
They walked out the door leaving Donnie, Alec, and me. I sat there shaking in the plastic chair. These men were going to kill me. I just knew it. My shoulder convulsed in loud sobs, my voice a screeching cry that echoed through the barren room. Alec walked over to me and I watched in slow motion as his hand came down across my cheek. The sting took my breath away. My head turned to the side and I began to fall from the chair. Donnie held on to my arm and was holding me up as if I was a rag doll. The sobs shook my core. Alec began pacing again.
"Hey, you need to shut up. You are being too loud and if you're too loud we'll have to kill you. Shut the fuck up," Alec warned.
"What the fuck are we going to do?" Donnie mumbled.
"How the hell should I know? I didn't plan this," Alec yelled.
"Well I sure as hell didn't either."
"Just let me think for a moment," Alec muttered. He walked to the door and looked outside. I touched my hand to my lip. It was bleeding. The zinc and salt flavor made me nauseous and I gagged into the floor. Donnie stood above me, his eyes clouded with anxiety. Sobs racked my chest as I lay on the floor. Alec walked over to me and bent down over me.
"Get up," he ordered. My limbs were pliable beneath me. I pushed my arm up and fell back down. Alec kicked me in the stomach. "I said get up."
I coughed, trying to catch my breath. I clutched my middle where pain radiated to my spine and tried again to pull my body off the cement. Donnie sighed and pulled me up by my arm. I was wavering on my feet. Alec approached me, a depraved smile on his face. He held the knife up and slowly traced it down my face, never breaking the skin.
"You really are a pretty girl. It would be a shame for someone to ruin that for you." The knife slid down over my breast and stomach. He grabbed the hem and pulled it out. "Are you as pretty under all these clothes?"
"Man, stop it," Donnie said.
"What? What did you say?" Alec hissed.
Donnie straightened up. "I said, stop it."
Alec pointed his knife at Donnie. "Don't tell me what to do."
"Just give me the knife and we'll let Bella here go. We don't want to hurt her," Donnie pleaded.
"Hah!" he snorted. "Maybe you don't."
"Just put the knife down and we can figure this out. Bella won't tell anyone, will you?" Donnie asked, his eyes begging me to go along with it.
"No, urm, no. I won't tell anyone. Nobody has to know," I stuttered.
"You are a lying bitch," Alec said, his eyes narrowed. He pulled my shirt towards him. I came forward falling, past his side and the knife slid across my stomach, slicing my middle. I heard a pop as my arm came down and snapped from the force. I crumpled to the ground, trying to hold in the blood flow. Donnie pushed Alec down, and I watched them wrestle over the knife. Donnie was slashed on the shoulder before getting the knife away. I held my wound as I stumbled to my feet and out into the harsh dusk lit streets. The building blurred past me in a maze of blood and brick. I screamed like a banshee as I ran as fast as I could, trying to clench the cut. I heard Alec yelling at me as I ran.
"You bitch! If I see you again you're dead. Dead, do you hear me!"
I saw the lights of a car and I ran in front of it. I waved my good arm and the car slammed to a stop inches from me. A woman got out and cried in shock.
"Oh my God! Are you bleeding?" she asked, rushing to my side. I fell to my knees in front of her.
Spots flooded my vision until all I could see was darkness. "Charlie...."
Suddenly bright lights were blinding me. I couldn't focus on a certain point. The cool air chilled my legs. Was I dead? Was this heaven? It seemed too cold to be pleasurable but it certainly wasn't hell. I blinked twice. The ceiling began to come into view. Square tiles crisscrossed above me. A low beeping sounded beside me. I blinked again. The bed creaked beneath me. A sigh sounded next to my head and I felt pressure on my hand. I looked over to see Renee sitting in a chair.
"Mom?" I asked.
"Oh, Bella, you're awake. I was so worried about you. I flew up as soon as Charlie called me. Baby, what happened to you?" she rushed.
"Mom, slow down. I'm fine." I tried to pull myself up and was met with crippling pain in my stomach. "Oh, no, no— I'm not."
She grimaced at me, her hand coming to my head and brushing my hair out of the way. "I'll go call the doctor to tell them you're awake, and then Charlie wants to talk to you."
"About what?" I questioned. I was in too much pain to deal with this bullshit. Couldn't she see that?
"What happened to you, of course," she retorted.
"There's nothing to tell. I don't know what happened."
"What? Bella you can't be serious. You got over twenty stitches across your stomach. You lost pints of blood. You broke your arm. We need to know how that happened. Not to mention the fact that you were drinking. You reeked like a dive bar when they brought you in," she explained.
"Whatever, look, I told you I don't know what happened to me. Besides, you aren't perfect. What kind of example were you? So what...I drank. You were never fucking around to tell me not to. I am so sick and tired of having to deal with your bullshit. What, now you want to be my mother? Now you want to try to pretend you care? It's too fucking late, Renee. Now can I have some peace and quiet please?" I snapped.
Renee drew her hand back quickly and placed it on her lap.
"Well, fine. I can see you are having a hard time. I'll just go get the doctor," she replied. She got up and walked to the door.
"Just leave me alone. I don't want to hear anymore of your bullshit." I turned my head to the wall and closed my eyes.
Present day
"I should have stayed away. I never should have placed my trust in small town boys. I shouldn't have gotten drunk with them. If I hadn't done those things, I wouldn't be here. I should have fought the men off right away; instead I was weak and timid. I never told anyone what really happened. I was too afraid to face those men in court. I was too afraid to admit my guilt in putting myself in that position. What kind of girl drank with strangers? " I added. I watched Edward as I shared my story. His face stayed impassive, but his fist curled at his sides. Was he disgusted with me? It was odd sharing the tale with him. I barely knew him, but I felt as if he needed to know. Like there was something between us that required perfect honesty. In the span of one night, he had broken down all my barriers I had spent years building.
"So I guess you know everything that would make you want to leave. I was always the coward; always the monster. The worst thing was that marked the last time my mother was well. I pushed her away because of my own insecurities and fears and refused to see her after that. Now do you see? Do you see why I say that I'm the monster? I hurt one of the only people who loved me, and now I can never apologize. It was spring of junior year. She never told me she was sick. Now she is gone. She died that winter."
Edward took me into his arms. His skin felt especially cold against my hot tear soaked cheeks. "I should have been there. I should have saved you."
Taking Back Sunday - Slowdance on The Inside