Rock Prodigy

Chapter 34

Wow. Just oh man. Longest chapter ever. Gah. Next chapter = crossover chapter with Just What I Needed so I'm dedicating this one to chooseitwisely so you guys can go to her profile and check it out!!!!! It's also a form of apology to Kelsey cause yeah, I suck.

Woot woot. Gah. Happy reading!

 Chapter 34

New York City

It was New Year’s Day and the streets were bustling with activity even at nearly eight pm. It was vibrant and beautiful and every building we passed made my palms sweat a little bit more. My breathing was coming fast and my heart was pounding in my chest as I kept my eyes glued to the passing scenery, part of me wishing I could just get out right there and walk away.

But another part of me, a somewhat braver part, knew that this is what I wanted, what I needed to let go of the woman who’d raised me for the past four years.

“Nervous?” Mac whispered close to my ear, leaning towards me in the backseat of the cab.

My lips stretched into a slightly wobbly smile as I tore my gaze from the window to look at him, my heart clenching at the sight of his unruly hair that could not be tamed falling over his vibrant blue eyes that were looking at me with love and concern. “Horribly. But I’ll be okay.”

“You don’t have to do this, Rose,” he said softly, reaching out to grip my hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “No one would blame you.”

“No one would blame you,” Sheldon said from the front seat, his eyes warm as he turned around in order to look at the two of us. “But it wouldn’t be a good idea to back out now, Rose.”

“Why are you even here?” Mac growled, glaring at Sheldon who just gave him a mild look in return.

“I’m here to support my protégé,” Sheldon said, his pale blue eyes shifting towards me and softening slightly.

Mac snorted and leaned forward slightly, his shoulders stiff as he scowled at Sheldon. “She’s not your protégé, Sheldon, if anything, you’re the one who’s learned from her.”

Sheldon looked over at Mac again and opened his mouth to say something but he snapped it closed, his eyes darkening slightly as he considered his response. He tilted his head to the side and an unreadable expression came into his eyes as he said in a softer voice, “It pains me to admit it, but you’re right, Mackenzie.” He looked over at me again and I frowned, trying to figure out what he was thinking but I’d never seen that particular expression on his face before. “I’ve learned a lot from Rose.”

“We’re here,” the cab driver said, breaking the odd tension that had been filling the vehicle as he pulled to a stop in front of the ritzy hotel that the benefit was being held in. My heart lurched in my chest as nerves stomped through my body, making it hard to breathe.

“Thank you,” Sheldon said, handing the cab driver some money and getting out to open my door.

“This is it,” I whispered, eyeing the hand that Sheldon was holding out to me, waiting for me to take but I couldn’t seem to make myself reach out to him.

“You can do this, Rose,” Sheldon said softly, giving me a reassuring smile, his faith in me shining from his light blue eyes.

Sucking in a deep breath, I gave Mac’s hand one final squeeze before letting it go and reaching out to grip Sheldon’s, letting him pull me to a standing position, my dress pooling out around my legs softly.

“You okay?” Sheldon asked, leaning in closer to me and gently brushing a piece of hair off my cheek.

“I’m good,” I replied, my voice coming out a little breathy as I looked past him to the front steps of the hotel, seeing people in evening gowns heading inside obviously there for the same reason I was.

“Hands off,” Mac growled as he stepped out of the cab and scowled at Sheldon who just gave him a half smile in return.

“Relax Mac,” Sheldon said, taking my hand and wrapping it around his forearm. “I’m just playing the part. Thanks to your record launch party, everyone already thinks Rose and I are a couple.”

“But you’re not,” Mac said, his voice low as he stepped in front of Sheldon, his fists clenched at his sides and a muscle ticking in his jaw.

“Maybe I’m interested in changing that.”

“Sheldon,” I snapped, removing my hand from his arm and placing it on my hip as I watched Mac’s eyes turn murderous. “Stop joking around.”

“I’m just trying to lighten the mood,” he replied with a shrug, grinning down at Mac who looked like he was about to throw a punch.

“How’s that going for you?” I grumbled, reaching out to wrap my fingers around Mac’s wrist, giving it a gentle tug but he wouldn’t budge.

“Great,” Sheldon said cheerfully but his eyes were a shade too dark as he looked back at Mac, neither of them moving.

“I’m going in,” I said, turning away from the two of them in frustration, letting my fingers slip from Mac’s wrist as I stomped towards the front of the hotel, feeling a shiver of nerves running up and down my spine, making each step feel a little wobbly. It didn’t help that I was wearing heels.

“Rose,” Mac said as his arm wrapped around my waist, making me lose my breath even as my legs stopped wobbling and my stomach settled slightly. “I’m sorry,” he said softly, close to my ear as he matched his steps to mine, walking with me towards the stairs.

I shook my head, letting out a long breath as I leaned a little closer to him, needing his warmth at the moment. The thick jacket that I was wearing wasn’t doing anything to keep the chill from settling deep in my bones and I was getting the feeling that it had nothing to do with the winter weather. “You take him too seriously, Mac. He has no interest in me like that and you know it.”

He was silent for a moment as we walked through the front doors of the lobby and moved past the front desk, following the signs that pointed towards the ballroom the party would be in. “Before the launch party, I would’ve agreed with you but something changed. He looks at you differently now and I don’t like it.” He stopped walking just inside the doors and shifted so that we were facing each other. Slowly he lifted his hand the brush the backs of his fingers over my cheek, making a shiver that had nothing to do with the cold run up and down my spine. “He’s starting to really see you, Rose.”

“Doesn’t matter,” I whispered, going on tip toe to plant a soft kiss on his cheek. “I love you, Mac.” I moved back from him, feeling a little light headed and when I looked up at him, his eyes were glazed over and there was a half smile on his lips. I felt my own lips curve into a goofy grin as my heart did a flip flop in my chest even as it continued to beat rapidly. “So no fist fights tonight, okay?” I said, my voice coming out a little breathless.

His eyes darkened and his lips turned down in a scowl as his gaze shifted to look over my shoulder but he nodded. “Okay, no fist fights. Tonight.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, realizing that he’d given me no promises beyond that evening but before I could speak, Sheldon was there, grinning broadly at the two of us and gesturing towards the ballroom. “Coat check is this way,” he said easily, brushing past us and moving forward without looking back.

Mac let out a long breath and shrugged his shoulders a bit, releasing the tension there before looking down at me with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You ready for this?”

“I think I am,” I said softly, meaning it. Losing Olivia had been shattering but I’d gained so much since then and I knew there were people standing behind me that I could lean on if I needed to. We moved towards coat check together, not touching each other but standing close enough that our hands brushed every once in a while.

I vaguely registered a few flashes going off around us, realizing that the press had made an appearance and not caring. I ignored any reporters who called my name, focused only on getting to the ballroom without throwing up.

I let out a long breath when we made it to coat check where Sheldon was standing talking to Dan and Troy who had arrived in a cab just before us. Troy and Dan gave me hesitant smiles, obviously not sure how to act around me, afraid that I was going to fall apart at any moment.

I smiled back at them and something in the gesture must have put them at ease because their smiles softened and they moved a step closer to me.

“Let me take your coat,” Dan, Mac, and Sheldon said at the same time.

“I’ll get it,” Mac growled, glaring at the other two boys as he reached up and eased my long jacket off my bare shoulders, revealing the strapless dress that shimmered in the dim lighting. Jenna had managed to pick out the perfect size and the colour complimented my pale skin. I’d gotten my hair done because I was hopeless at doing my own. The stylist curled it and pinned some of it up, leaving the majority of it to fall down my back in loose curls that brushed against my skin. She’d done my make-up too, lightly lining and shading my eyes to bring out the golden colour and make them appear larger.

“Wow,” Troy said after a moment of silence, his eyes wide as he took in my outfit. “Rose, you look amazing,” he said, closing the distance between us and giving me a gentle kiss on the cheek.

I let out a long breath and gave him an appreciative smile. “Thank you and so do you.” I looked him up and down, admiring the suit he was wearing that actually fit his broad shoulders and bulging arms. His long blond hair was brushed back off his face and he was even wearing a tie, making him look more like a businessman than a surfer.  

“Rose,” Dan said, moving to stand next to Troy, giving him a little shove that did nothing to move the much more solid boy. “You look beautiful.” Dan stepped in front of Troy and rested his hand on my upper arm before planting a kiss on my cheek, lingering a bit longer than Troy had.

“Thanks,” I said quietly, sucking in a deep breath as I watched a few people move past us, dressed formally and heading inside the ballroom, obviously attending the same party we were. “I’m so glad you guys are here,” I said, starting to feel panicked at the thought of seeing Jocelyn, Riley and Patrick Reese but knowing that the feeling would’ve been much worse if I had been there alone.

“Could I get a quick picture of Burn to Shine before you head inside?”

I blinked over at the reporter who’d stepped close to us and realized that I recognized her as Bonnie Jenkins, the woman who’d accused me of playing the piano without emotion in the past. Her frizzy red hair was in a high bun and she was wearing a blazer and a skirt. Her eyes were lit with excitement and her mouth was tilted into the same smug smile that it had been last time.

“No,” Mac said, scowling at the woman and taking a half step in front of me.

“It’s okay,” I said, not taking my eyes off the woman as I shifted so that I was facing her squarely, somehow unbothered by her presence. “One picture won’t hurt.”

She blinked, her smug smile wavering slightly as she lifted the camera into her hands, adjusting the zoom as Dan, Troy, Mac and I shifted so that we were standing in a row facing her. I didn’t smile, just looked directly at the camera until she was done snapping her shots. Finally, she lowered the device and I saw the disappointment in her face.

“Are you attending the benefit, Ms. Jenkins?” I asked, keeping my arms linked with Mac’s and Dan’s on either side of me.

“I am,” she said, her smug smile returning. “I figured it would be a good idea to get as much information as possible before I completed the article I’m writing about you four. I must admit that I have a particular interest in you, Rosemary. I’ve been wondering if maybe I just caught you on an off day the last time I heard you play the piano and I’m willing to give you a second chance.”

“I don’t care,” I said flatly, my polite tone disappearing completely. “Whether you’re giving me a chance or not doesn’t matter to me in the least.” Her eyes widened and her mouth opened but she didn’t say anything as I inclined my head at her. “I’m here to play for a woman who meant the world to me, not for you.” I looked back at the boys to see them all staring at me as if I had grown an extra head. “Ready?” I asked, my stomach twisting with nerves as I spoke, realizing that I was moments away from facing Olivia’s family.

They all nodded and Mac and Dan moved to either side of me again presenting me their arms but I gave them a soft smile and gripped their hands instead, needing to feel the connection of skin on skin.

“Let’s go,” I said softly, turning my head as we started to walk away. “Enjoy the performance, Ms. Jenkins.”

I turned my head from her before she had a chance to reply and together, we all stepped into the ballroom.

My heart stopped for a moment as my eyes shifted over the crowded ballroom that was tastefully decorated in golds and silvers for the New Year but I barely noticed. People were milling about, socializing with glasses of champagne in their hands and I recognized quite a few of them from my life as Rosemary Keen, concert pianist and piano prodigy.

I swallowed hard, blindly following where Mac and Dan were leading me, not really paying attention as my mind wandered back to similar parties I’d attended and played at in the past, feeling like a showpiece to the rich people who paid top dollar to have me at their parties, my name meaning more than the music.

“Brings you back, doesn’t it, Rose?” Sheldon said, his voice and the soft smile on his face telling me that he understood exactly how I was feeling at that moment.

“It does,” I said quietly, gripping Mac and Dan’s hands a little tighter as we moved through the crowd towards the table designated as ours.

A few people gave me curious looks, obviously recognizing me and I even heard a few whispers here and there but I ignored them, not worried about what people were saying, my mind too focused on my impending meeting with the Reese’s.

“Thank you,” I mumbled when Mac pulled my chair out for me and I settled into my seat, feeling like there wasn’t enough oxygen in the huge room. I tilted my head back to look at the vaulted ceiling, wondering if there was a ventilation problem as I fidgeted with my dress.

“Rose,” Mac said quietly close to my ear as he gripped my hand in his. “Take a deep breath.” I did as I was told, sucking in a huge lungful of air and releasing it on a wheeze.

“God, I’m nervous,” I said shakily, glancing over at him with a lopsided smile that faded quickly as my doubts came to the surface. “What if they hate me?”

“Impossible,” Mac said, reaching up to brush a strand of hair back from my forehead.

I let out a choked laugh and shook my head. “I already told you, you’re biased.”

He shook his head and his eyes were serious when he said, “I’m right. They won’t hate you because there’s nothing to hate you for, Rose. What happened to Olivia wasn’t your fault.”

“I know,” I whispered, letting my eyes drift over the crowd trying half heartedly to find Jocelyn and her family. “I know that.”

“Do you?”

My eyes jolted back to Mac’s and I felt my forehead wrinkle in a frown as I thought about it, not sure what to say because inside, there was a part of me that still couldn’t forgive myself for taking a woman away from her family.

“Rosemary.”

I stiffened at the sound of the deep voice behind me, recognizing it immediately even though I’d heard it only a handful of times in the past.

Slowly, I turned in my seat to face Mr. Reese who was standing a short distance away with his two children on either side of him. I swallowed hard and stood, feeling all the blood drain from my face as my eyes locked on his light brown ones, remembering the last time I’d seen him, crying in the waiting room of a hospital in Chicago, holding his children as if they were the only thing keeping him attached to the earth.

I opened my mouth to say something but instead of words, I released a strangled sound, my throat locked up tight and my heart pounding slow and hard in my chest. I placed a hand on my stomach and tried to suck in a breath but it didn’t help. I was starting to feel dizzy and the room around me disappeared until the only thing I saw was Patrick Reese whose cheekbones stood out a little more starkly than they had before and whose eyes held a deep sadness that I recognized.

“Sweetie,” he said hoarsely, his mouth turning down in the corners as tears gathered in his eyes. A moment later, his arms were wrapped around me tightly, giving me a firm squeeze that knocked whatever breath I’d had in my lungs out of them. “It’s so good to see you, Rose.”

“You too,” I managed to choke out past the huge lump in my throat.

“I’m so glad you could make it,” he said, pulling back and letting me go until only his hands were gripping my shoulders warmly, his wet eyes locked with mine and holding a sincerity and kindness that I never expected to see. “I was so happy to hear that you changed your mind. Olivia would’ve wanted you here.”

I nodded and made another strange sound but words were once again beyond me.

“It’s been hard on you, hasn’t it?” he asked softly, giving my shoulders a gentle squeeze that made the lump in my throat grow.

I nodded again, feeling my eyes get a little moist as my lips stretched into a wobbly smile. “How are you?” I choked out.

“We’re managing,” he said with a crooked smile and a shrug of his broad shoulders. “We’re lucky to have each other,” he said, glancing over his shoulder at his children before looking back at me, his light brown eyes filled with concern. “I’ve been worried about you, Rose. Olivia was all you had and when she passed away, I should’ve done more to get in contact with you, to help you through everything.”

Astonishment and an odd sense of peace settled in my chest as I looked him directly in the eye and saw none of the blame I’d expected there. I gave him a small, genuine smile and shook my head, gesturing behind me, in the direction of the table I’d been sitting at. “I haven’t been entirely alone.”

His lips widened into a smile as he looked over my shoulder to where my band was sitting with Sheldon. “This must be Burn to Shine. Riley is actually a big fan,” he said, shifting to the side slightly and dropping one hand from my shoulder as he gestured for his twelve year old son to step forward.

“Hi,” I said softly when Riley hesitantly moved to stand next to his father. Mr. Reese wrapped his arm around his son’s shoulders and I was struck by how alike they looked, both with golden hair and light brown eyes, wide, prominent cheekbones and long, straight noses.

“Hello,” he said with a slight nod, his cheeks turning a bit red as he looked behind me at the rest of the band before his eyes shifted down to focus on his own hands, obviously unsure how to act in this situation.

“If you’re really a fan, we could get you some tickets for our Chicago show,” Troy said, making Riley’s head whip up and his eyes glow with delight.

“Seriously?” Riley said, his lips stretching into a wide smile. “That would be awesome!”

“We might even be able to swing some backstage passes,” Troy said with a wink.

“That’s great,” Patrick said, dropping his other hand from my shoulder to reach back towards his daughter who was still standing back from the rest of us, her eyes focused on the ground and her hands fisted at her sides, her long brown hair falling in a curtain over her face, hiding her features from me. “The three of us would love to go see you perform.”

Jocelyn took a slow step forward, stepping under her father’s arm and letting herself be tugged to his side but she kept her face down the whole time. “I’m not going,” she mumbled after a moment, her voice laced with the same hatred that it had been on the phone.

“Jocelyn,” Mr. Reese said, his tone sounding a little shocked at her attitude.

“I’m not a fan of her music,” she said bluntly, giving a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders.

Mr. Reese gave me a slightly panicked look, opening his mouth and closing it again, obviously unsure of what to say. “That’s okay,” I said after a moment, sending him a reassuring smile. “It’s not for everyone.”

“I’m going to sit down,” she said abruptly, shifting out from under her father’s arm and stalking through the crowd and out of sight.

“I’m sorry,” Mr. Reese said, running a hand through his hair, making the short golden locks stand on end. “She’s been having a really hard time lately.”

“It’s fine,” I said softly, my eyes locked on the place I’d last seen her, wanting to talk to her but I had no idea what to say.

“We should go too. I think things are about to start,” Mr. Reese said, giving me a smile that warmed my heart and when I glanced over at Riley, he was giving me a tentative smile too that helped to lift the weight off my shoulders that I’d been carrying since the night Olivia died. “I’m looking forward to hearing you play, Rose.”

I nodded and watched as they walked away before turning back to my seat and plopping down into it, feeling a little dazed from the encounter.

“Mr. Reese seems pretty great,” Dan said, reaching over to grip my hand in his.

“He’s amazing,” I croaked.

“Stop holding her hand,” Mac grumbled, glaring over at his brother who just grinned back at him.

“She needs our support, Mac.”

“You just want to hold her hand.”

Dan shrugged and grinned but he didn’t deny Mac’s words.

The muscle in Mac’s jaw started to twitch as he stared at his brother’s grinning face and I couldn’t stop the smile from stretching across my lips, feeling my heart skip a beat at the sight of Mac’s familiar scowl. “Hey,” I said, reaching out to grip Mac’s hand too. “Maybe just for tonight you could let it slide? He may have ulterior motives but I really don’t mind having the support.”

His eyes softened and his scowl disappeared as he looked at me. “All right,” he said, linking his fingers with mine and placing our hands on the table but I shook my head and put our joined hands on my lap instead, not wanting any more rumours about our relationship to spread. It was bad enough that everyone thought I was dating Sheldon but if word got back to Dom that Mac and I were an item, it could jeopardize the band and I didn’t think I could handle that right now.

Something flickered in Mac’s eyes when I hid our joined hands but he looked away too fast for me to understand it and before I could ask him about it, the MC started talking. For the next hour and a half, I was consumed with listening to the musicians they’d asked to play, completely engrossed in their music as the notes floated over me, bringing me to that familiar place that music always brought me.

I jumped slightly when the MC called my name, introducing me as Rosemary Keen, the sound of the name sending a slight stabbing pain to my chest but it was overshadowed by the horrible lurch my stomach gave when I stood up. I swallowed hard and with one last wobbly smile at my band and Sheldon, I headed towards the stage, feeling everyone’s eyes on me as I made my way up the stairs and managed not to trip in my high heels which I was definitely not used to wearing.

I gave a slight bow to the audience who clapped politely as I took my seat at the bench in front of the piano, my wobbly knees grateful that I didn’t have to support my own weight anymore. My palms were damp and my hands were shaking as I brought them up to rest my fingers on the piano keys, feeling their familiar smoothness beneath my fingertips.

I let out a long breath, the nerves that had been pooling in my stomach disappearing as I played the first note and lost myself to the piece.

It started off smooth and slow, the minor key making the sound melancholy but there was a hint of something more, something that I hadn’t quite understood when I’d first started writing the piece. I’d started writing it before Olivia died. My plan had been to move away from my usual fast paced sound, to release something that had more meaning to me but when she’d passed away, I’d forgotten it completely but ever since I’d started playing piano again, the melody had been floating in my mind, prodding me to complete it.

I let out a long breath when my fingers moved smoothly to the lower register, crossing one hand over the other to hit the low notes, feeling my chest tighten with pain and sadness as I thought of the woman who’d brought music to my life, who showed me what love was even though I hadn’t always been willing to see it.

I made a soft sound when I felt a tear slide down my cheek but I barely registered the moisture as my hands moved up the keys again, reaching the turning point of the piece where the key changes and a hint of hope enters the sound, lifting my heart and settling over my skin, making it tingle as the tempo increased slightly.

To me, the piece was a thank you to the woman who’d taken me from my bleak, music free life and brought me to where I was today, with a family and the strength to face whatever came my way. She’d reached out to me countless times and though I’d resisted her and pushed her away, she never once gave up on me. I felt my lips stretch into a soft smile as I thought of Olivia Reese, with her shoulder length, dark brown hair and her beautiful deep green eyes that were more often than not lit with laughter, even as she kept her phone glued to her ear, constantly working, finding me gigs and making sure that I was set for the future, whatever I chose to do. She’d been an amazing woman and I owed her so much more than a piece of music but somehow, it felt right. I felt like this is how she would want my farewell to be. Our lives had always been connected by the piano so it made sense that our goodbye would be the same.

I held my breath as I reached the end of the song, my fingers hitting the keys so softly that the sound was almost inaudible but it resonated within me nonetheless. My heart clenched in my chest when my fingers hit the last note, the strong, major chord sounding like a farewell to my ears and when I pulled my hands off the keys, they were shaking and I felt like I’d run a marathon but it wasn’t a bad feeling.

I opened my eyes, realizing that they’d been closed the entire time I’d played, my attention focused inward, not on the keyboard in front of me as I’d put everything into the song, everything that I’d never said to Olivia, every thank you I should have given her. When I opened my eyes, I felt like I was very slowly returning to earth and for a second, everything was silent except for the resonating buzz of the final notes, hitting the vaulted ceiling and bouncing back, echoing their goodbye until they faded into nothing.

When the crowd began to clap, the sound was so booming that I jumped slightly, my head whipping to face them, a bobby pin, coming slightly loose with the movement making a piece of my hair slip out and land against my cheek. My eyes landed on Mac’s first, seeing the astonishment there as he remained still in his seat, not clapping along with the others even when Troy nudged him in the ribs. In that second, I felt like he’d heard my music the exact way I’d intended it and I didn’t need his applause. He understood what I’d been saying with each note and the amazed look in his eyes gave me all the reassurance I needed.

My lips tilted into a small smile and I stood from the piano bench, forgetting to bow as I took my first step towards the edge of the stage, intent on going back to my band when I felt a hand grip my wrist, halting me. “Rosemary Keen, everyone,” the MC said, smiling broadly at the crowd who broke into even louder applause and when my eyes drifted over them, I saw quite a few people with their tissues out, including Patrick Reese but when my eyes found him and Riley, they weren’t looking back at me. Instead, their gazes were focused to their left, searching for something and I had an idea of what when I noticed the empty seat at their table.

“That was beautiful, Miss Keen,” The MC said, smiling down at me and wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I vaguely recognized him as the editor of a music magazine but I couldn’t remember which one at the moment.

“Thank you,” I muttered, not bothering to correct him, sending a half hearted smile to the crowd before my eyes once again focused on the same place that Patrick and Riley were staring at.

He started introducing the next performer, loosening his arm from around my shoulders just as a young woman with a long, sparkling black dress came to guide me to the backstage area. “The door back to the hall is right over there,” she said, pointing in the right direction. I nodded and took a step towards it but stopped when she spoke again. “Hey,” she said softly, her hesitant voice drawing my full attention for a second. “Aren’t you Rosemary Adams? From Burn to Shine?”

My lips spread into a wide smile and I nodded again. “Yeah, I am,” I said, feeling pleasure pool in my stomach at the sound of my real last name.

“Wow,” she said, her cheeks turning red slightly as her smile widened. “I wish I had something to write with because I would love your autograph.”

“What’s your name? I’ll leave it at the front desk for you.”

“It’s Celia,” she replied, her wide smile fading slightly and her pretty blue eyes turning serious as she reached out and touched my arm. “I don’t want you to think I’m a crazy fan or anything but I’ve wanted to tell you this ever since I first saw you perform in that online video where you were on the rooftop. Your music inspires me. When I hear you guys play, I feel like the music reaches inside of me and becomes a part of me.” She shook her head and gave me a sheepish look. “So much for not sounding crazy.”

I gave a little chuckle as her words warmed my heart even further. “I know exactly what you mean, Celia and you have no idea how happy it makes me that our music could reach you the way that it reaches us so thank you.”

“No problem,” she said, her grin widening again before it vanished. “Oh crap, I’ve got to go,” she said, looking over her shoulder in panic. “Can you make it out on your own?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, you were really amazing tonight by the way,” she said as she turned away from me, sending a small wave over her shoulder as she disappeared behind a curtain taking her deeper into the backstage area.

I shook my head, my lips stretched into a soft smile as I made my way towards the door but before I made it, it opened from the other side, the bright lighting from the ballroom illuminating the area for a moment, sending the small woman into shadow before the whole place was plunged into darkness, my eyes struggling to adjust to the sudden assault.

“Excuse me,” I mumbled, taking a step forward, able to make out the outline of the woman and the door just behind her but her features were still in shadow.

“You look happy.”

I froze at the sound of Jocelyn’s cold voice, recognizing it immediately. “Jocelyn,” I whispered, my voice sounding breathless as my eyes latched onto her face, my eyes slowly adjusting to the much dimmer lighting, finally able to see her features more clearly.

“That was a very moving performance,” she said, her tone laced with sarcasm and disgust as she crossed her arms over her chest and moved a step closer to me. “You had everyone on your side, Rosemary.”

I frowned and shook my head. “There are no sides, Jocelyn.”

“Sure there are,” she spat out, her voice coming out a little hoarse before she cleared her throat. “There are sides and you and I, we’re not on the same one.”

“Jocelyn, I─”

“Don’t!” she said, her voice coming out a little shrill. “Don’t tell me that you’re sorry, I’m sick of hearing it.”

“Me too,” I said, my voice firm and steady as something in my heart solidified with resolve and even though her words hurt, they didn’t have to same devastating effect that they used to. I’d been through enough and although I was sorry that Jocelyn had lost her mother, I no longer placed the blame on my own shoulders. “I’m sick of apologizing for something I can’t change and that I had nothing to do with in the first place.”

She let out a short laugh of derision but I heard the pain in the sound. “Yeah, you had nothing to do with the fact that my mother was never home, that she chose you over her family because she felt sorry for you.”

I shook my head, feeling my heart squeeze in my chest at the pain in her voice. “I was her job,” I said softly. “She spent time with me because she had to for work but trust me when I say that she loved and missed the two of you more than anything. You’re all she would ever talk about and I know that she called you every day. You’re lucky─”

“Lucky?” she spat the word.

“Yes,” I said firmly, my eyes locked onto hers as I tried to explain to her that the tiny bit of love that Olivia gave to me was only a fraction of the love she felt for her own children but it was more than I’d felt for as far back as I could remember. “You’re lucky because your mother loved you with all her heart and you father would move the earth for you. You’re lucky because you had something so beautiful and amazing to lose in the first place and it’s awful and shattering to lose it but it would have been so much worse to never have had it.”

“It would have been better!” she shouted, her voice laced with tears that shone in the dim lighting as they dripped down her face and off her chin. “It would have been so much better because then I wouldn’t feel like this every single day! I hate you for taking her away from me and I hate you because she loved you damn it!” She finished on a shrill note, her chest rising and falling rapidly, her fists clenched at her sides as tears continued to stream down her face that looked so much like Olivia’s.

“Okay,” I said after a moment, feeling at a total loss as I watched the raw emotion this young girl was feeling, wanting more than anything to soothe her but I knew I couldn’t do it, that anything from me would feel like an attack.

She let out a sob and covered her mouth with her hand as she glared at me, clearly unable to speak at the moment but slowly, her eyes lost some of their heat and when she lowered her hand, her shoulders were slumped forward and she just looked sad. “That piece you played,” she said quietly, her voice husky with tears. “It sounded like her.”

My eyes widened at her words, not sure how to take them. “I wrote it for her.”

She nodded and let out a long breath, straightening her shoulders and looking me directly in the eye. “I liked it. I wanted to hate it but I didn’t. I couldn’t.” She shook her head slightly and there was something like defeat in her eyes. “A part of me sees what I’m doing, you know. A part of me knows that I’m behaving like a lunatic whenever I talk to you but I can’t stop it,” she said, her voice cracking slightly as she placed a hand on her chest. “I can’t think about you and not see her and it kills me because she’s gone. Because you got to see her more than I did and that’s unforgivable.”

“I understand,” I said softly but when I continued, my voice held a hint of steel, “but I didn’t kill your mother. That crash was not my fault and I hope one day, you’ll be able to see that.”

Her eyes flashed with pain and a hint of anger but after a moment she nodded and turned around, placing her hand on the door but before she left, she paused, turning her head slightly and presenting me with her profile. “For fighting to get here tonight, for playing the music that she loved, thank you.”

Then she was gone, leaving me half blind in the dimly lit room again, wondering if I’d heard her correctly or if my mind had made it up.

“Rose?”

I jumped at the sound of Sheldon’s voice and watched as he said something to Celia and she gave me a curious look before walking away. “What are you doing here?” I asked, trying to get my brain to catch up to the situation.

“I just finished playing. Have you been back here the whole time?” he asked, moving closer to me with a frown on his face, his eyes lit with concern.

“Yes,” I said simply, tilting my head to the side to look up at him, my eyes running over his familiar features.

“What is it?” he asked, his voice slightly hoarse as his frown deepened.

“Thank you, Sheldon,” I said softly, my lips moving into a warm smile as I thought of the way he’d pushed me to do this, to face my past and to say goodbye. “I wouldn’t have come here if it wasn’t for you.”

His eyes softened and his lips moved into a small smile. “It was my pleasure, Rose,” he said, reaching out to brush the strand of hair that had come loose from its bobby pin behind my ear.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, raising my own hand to make sure the hair was secure behind my ear as he lowered his. “I guess we won’t be seeing each other too much in the next six months with the tour and everything.”

“Probably not,” he said, his voice a little quieter and more sincere than I’d expected. “Are you going to miss me?”

I let out a chuckle and rolled my eyes at him. “Yeah, right.”

He let out a dramatic sigh and slumped his shoulders forward in mock dejection. “Well I’m going to miss you, Rose.”

I laughed again and reached out a hand to push his shoulder but as soon I touched him, he reached up to grip my wrist in his hand and the teasing glint in his eyes disappeared. “Sheldon?” I said, tugging lightly on my arm and he blinked before letting me go. I lowered my hand to my side and frowned up at him, wondering what was going on with the atmosphere between us and why he was looking at me with such a serious expression.

Before I could ask him, the backstage area was once again lit when the door opened and when I looked over, I could see Mac’s familiar silhouette, my heart rate picking up as soon as I recognized the set of his broad shoulders and the outline of his unruly hairstyle.

I opened my mouth to call out to him, wanting to hear what he’d thought about my performance, his opinion mattering more than anyone else’s but before I got any words out, Sheldon’s arms were wrapped around me and I was being tugged against his chest firmly. “Sheldon,” I muttered just before I heard a low, growling sound and suddenly I was standing alone and Mac had Sheldon by the lapels of his tux.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Mac asked his voice wavering slightly with anger, his eyes narrowed on Sheldon who just gave him a mild look in return.

“I’m just hugging my friend, Mac. No need to overreact.”

“The problem is, you don’t see her as just a friend and we both know it,” Mac said, bringing his face closer to Sheldon’s, his eyes lit with anger.

Sheldon’s lips quirked into a half smile as he looked down at Mac in consideration.

“Just stop it, both of you,” I said, my voice tinged with frustration but they both ignored me.

“What about you, Mac? What exactly is your relationship with our Rose?”

“She’s not your anything,” Mac snarled through gritted teeth, tightening his hold on Sheldon’s lapels but Sheldon’s expression didn’t change. He just kept the mild look on his face as if he was waiting in line at a grocery store. “

“Not yet,” he replied with an easy shrug of his shoulders.

Mac let out a low growl and shoved Sheldon slightly, using his forearms so he could retain his grip on his lapels.

“Enough,” I hissed, but they both ignored me and as I watched the mild look in Sheldon’s eyes gained a hint of anger that I hadn’t seen there before.

“I’m just saying that I think Rose and I would be a good match,” Sheldon said, his grin widening.

“Never,” Mac growled, shoving Sheldon again.

“Stop provoking him, Sheldon!” I said, trying to keep my voice below a shout, conscious that the stage crew was probably not far away and I didn’t want word of the altercation getting to any of the reporters. “Mac, please ignore him, he’s just trying to get under your skin.”

Sheldon’s head swung in my direction and when his eyes met mine, they weren’t teasing or smug, just perfectly serious. “I’m not just messing with him, Rose. I mean it.”

“What are you saying?” I asked, frowning at him as my brain tried to catch up to the situation.

“I’m saying that I’ve developed a crush on you, Rose,” he said, grinning over at me, barely even acknowledging Mac when he gave him a final shove, letting go of his tux completely. “More than a crush, actually,” he continued, taking a step towards me, still smiling as I frowned up at him in confusion, frozen to my spot on the floor as my brain stopped functioning entirely. “I think I’m fal─”

Sheldon was interrupted by a fist colliding with his jaw, making his head jerk to the side suddenly and stopping any words from escaping his lips.

“Mac!” I gasped, taking a startled step towards Sheldon who was straightening slowly, wiping away the small trickle of blood that was leaking from the corner of his mouth. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Kicking his ass,” Mac growled, taking a threatening step towards Sheldon but I reached out and gripped his arm, halting his movement and making him scowl down at me.

“Are you serious right now? Do you know where we are?” I asked, my voice low and laced with anger as I stared at him in disbelief.

He winced, some part of his brain obviously beginning to function again and some of the anger went out of his eyes replaced by guilt that did nothing to erase the irritation I was feeling at the moment.

“That was rude,” Sheldon said mildly but his eyes weren’t as calm as usual as he smirked at Mac. “But I can see why you did it. You must be mad because you realized you’ll never understand her the way I do.”

I blinked down at my empty hands when Mac suddenly lunged forward and swung his fist at Sheldon again hitting him on the cheekbone this time, the sound of bone on bone making me wince.                                                                           

“What a violent guy,” Sheldon said, giving his head a little shake and blinking his eyes a few times. “Are you sure about him, Rose?”

“Idiots,” I said through gritted teeth, feeling anger burn in my stomach as I looked at the two of them, facing off with each other backstage at Olivia’s benefit concert. “The only thing I’m sure about right now is that if I look at either of you for one more second, I’m going to lose it,” I hissed giving them both one last glare before moving past them and heading towards the door.

“Rose,” Mac said, his hand wrapping around my wrist, sending the familiar tingles up and down my spine but my anger dulled the effect.

“Let me go,” I snarled, not bothering to turn and look at him at the moment, too lost in my own anger to even think about facing him.

“I’m sorry─”

“I don’t care,” I said firmly, yanking on my arm until he let me go and without a backward glance I pushed open the door and left, staying to the edge of the ballroom until I reached our table.

“Rose, you’re back,” Troy said in a hushed voice, not wanting to interrupt the cellist who was currently performing. “You were amazing, by the way.”

“Thank you,” I said, sending him a half hearted smile, feeling the weight of Dan’s eyes on me, obviously sensing that something was wrong.

“Mac went to find you. You didn’t see him?” Troy asked and I couldn’t stop myself from sending him a glare, feeling my gut churning with anger at the thought of Mac. “Whoa,” he said, shifting back from me slightly, his eyes lighting with surprise. “Did I do something?”

I let out a breath and closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down. “No,” I grumbled, shaking my head and when I opened my eyes, I was looking right at Dan.

“Mac?” he asked, his eyes lighting with disapproval.

“Yeah,” I muttered, looking up in time to see Mac and Sheldon exiting the door next to the stage, walking about ten feet from each other, both with tense shoulders and angry expressions.

“Are you okay?” Dan whispered close to my ear and I tore my eyes from Mac to give Dan a grateful smile.

“I’ll be fine.”

“Wishing you’d picked me right about now?” he said with a smirk and a wink.

I chuckled lightly, feeling some of my anger disappear as my eyes drifted from his over to the cellist onstage, her bow moving furiously over the strings and creating such beautiful music that I couldn’t help but be consumed by it. “It wasn’t exactly a choice,” I mumbled, only vaguely registering the scraping of two chairs as Sheldon and Mac took their seats, neither of them sitting next to me because I’d sat between Troy and Dan.

“Rose,” Mac said quietly his voice strained and when I glanced over at him, his eyes were filled with guilt.

“Sh,” I whispered, looking back at the stage as the cellist began the last movement of the piece, playing it with expert precision and so much emotion that it was totally consuming. “Just listen,” I murmured, my lips stretching into a soft smile as I forgot my anger and simply let the music flow over me, proud that the woman was playing with all her heart for the cause.

For the rest of the night, I lost myself in the music and spent the time in between performances, completely ignoring Mac and Sheldon, determined not to let them ruin my night any more than they already had. I’d finally made some progress with Jocelyn and I’d even managed to say goodbye to Olivia in a way that gave me some much needed peace but the two of them had to come and ruin it.

When the evening was winding down, I left the ballroom and headed to the front desk to leave my autograph for Celia. I didn’t bother going back into the ballroom as people started milling out, heading towards coat check and talking about the performances. A few people stopped to congratulate me on my piece and offer their condolences for my loss and I thanked them all politely, playing the part that I’d always played, letting people ask me questions and giving them the shortest answers that didn’t come off as rude but really, all I wanted to do was leave.

When Bonnie Jenkins walked by me, she didn’t pause to say anything but there was a hint of respect in her eyes when she gave me a passing nod and I gave her a polite smile in response.

“Rose,” Patrick Reese said when he stepped out of the ballroom, his red rimmed eyes immediately falling on me. “Honey, you were incredible up there.”

I gave him a genuine smile, putting my lingering anger on the backburner for the moment, focusing instead on this man whose kindness had gone a long way to healing a part of me that had been deeply bruised. “I’m so glad you enjoyed it,” I said softly, feeling a lump grow in my throat. “It means so much to me, Mr. Reese.”

“Call me Patrick,” he said, his eyes a little moist as he reached out to grip both my hands in his, giving them a little squeeze. I nodded in response and his smile widened even as his eyes turned a little sad. “Olivia would’ve loved that piece, Rose. This might sound strange but, it sounded like her.”

“Your daughter said the same thing,” I whispered.

“She did?” he asked, his eyes widening in surprise even as his smile broadened. “I’ll admit that I’ve been at a loss with her and she seems to hold so much anger against you but I think tonight helped a bit, made her see that you’re not the one to be blamed. I’m not sure what else to do for her.”

“Just be there for her,” I croaked past the lump in my throat. “Just love her the way you always have and she’ll get better.”

His smile faltered and his eyes flashed with guilt before he said, “Oh Rose, it must have been so hard for you, to have no family to turn to.”

I shook my head and gave him a wry smile. “I found a family and even though they can be incredibly irritating at times, I know they love me.”

“I’m happy for you, sweetie,” he said, leaning forward to wrap his arms around me in a quick but warm embrace. “I’ll talk to you soon,” he said pulling back and giving me one last kind smile before heading through the crowd to where his children were waiting for him. When my eyes connected briefly with Jocelyn’s, I didn’t see the same hatred in them and even though her look wasn’t entirely friendly, it wasn’t downright malicious either.

I sighed when they were out of sight, suddenly feeling bone tired as over a week with very little sleep started to catch up to me and my fingers itched to hold a guitar until I fell asleep playing it.

I groaned when I caught sight of Sheldon walking towards me, his eyes filled with intent as he moved through the crowd, pausing every so often to say a quick goodbye to someone he knew before making his way towards me once again.

“I owe you an apology,” he said when he finally stopped in front of me, his lip and cheek swollen slightly and I couldn’t bring myself to feel bad for him. He’d deliberately provoked Mac on more than one occasion and even though I would’ve preferred to have made it through the evening without any fist fights, I couldn’t deny that if the roles had been reversed, I would’ve acted in much the same way as Mac had. “I shouldn’t have started that fight with Mac tonight,” he said smoothly, inclining his head in apology and his eyes were sincere but his wording was off.

“Tonight? You shouldn’t have started that fight at all,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him.

His lips curved into his usual smile as he raised an eyebrow at me. “It was bound to happen eventually but I didn’t mean for it to happen tonight. For that, I’m sorry but I’m not sorry for what I said. I meant it, Rose. It took me a while to realize it but you’ve turned into an amazing woman and I’ve completely fallen for you.”

“Sheldon,” I said in a pained voice, wincing at his heartfelt words, not sure how to respond.

“It’s okay, I’m not an idiot,” he said with a shrug, his grin widening as he glanced over his shoulder at where Mac was standing, glaring a hole in the back of Sheldon’s skull but he managed to restrain himself from coming over to us. When Sheldon turned back to me, his grin was still in place but there was a slight look of disappointment in his eyes. “I can see that you love him and I’d be stupid if I thought I could come between that.” His grin widened and he leaned a little closer to me before saying, “I just wanted to give him a hard time and to make sure he deserved you. Which he doesn’t but you seem to like him so I’ll let it slide just this once.” His grin shrank slightly, becoming more genuine as he leaned in and planted a gentle kiss on my cheek. “Good luck on your tour Rose. Call me if you need anything, okay?”

“All right,” I said, giving him a small smile even though I hadn’t quite forgiven him yet but I could tell it wouldn’t be much longer before I did. With one last grin and a wink in Mac’s direction, he left, moving through the crowd with his easy stride and confident air and I couldn’t stop my smile from stretching slightly as I watched him disappear.

I pushed off the wall I’d been leaning against and headed towards the coat check, waiting in line behind an old woman who was busy telling the man beside her all about her cats. The man looked like he was in physical pain when the woman started to discuss their diet and how it affected their bowel movements and I had to cover my mouth with my hand to smother my laughter.

“I forgot something inside,” he mumbled and with a polite incline of his head, he gave up his spot in line and escaped towards the ballroom.

When the air stirred next to me, I turned to my left in time to see Mac take his spot by my side, his face set in a frown as he looked down at me, his eyes swimming with uncertainty and a bit of anger.

He opened his mouth to say something but before he could speak, I cut him off, “Mac, weren’t you saying that your cat hasn’t had an appetite lately?”

“What?” he asked, his frown deepening as his eyes became totally confused. “My ca─”

“Oh no dear,” the elderly woman in front of us said, spinning on her heel quickly and bringing her hand up to rest on Mac’s upper arm. “What kind of cat is it? Isn’t it just awful when your pet is sick? You feel so helpless.”

“Um, yeah,” Mac mumbled, looking over the woman’s shoulder at me and narrowing his eyes.

I bit my lip to keep from laughing and moved up as I heard the woman advising Mac to feed the cat human food but to make sure to chew it first. “Thank you,” I muttered, my voice wavering with restrained laughter as I took my jacket from the coat check guy.

I walked quickly through the crowd, intent on catching a cab and getting to my hotel room so I could sulk for the rest of the night in peace but I didn’t even make it out of the lobby before Mac gripped my wrist and spun me around. “We’re not even going to talk about this?” he growled, his eyes blazing with anger and hurt as he looked down at me.

“Not now,” I hissed, eyeing the crowds warily, looking for reporters and seeing a few but mostly they were in interviews with other musicians. “Let go,” I said, tugging on my wrist but he kept his hold.

“We need to talk,” he said firmly, his jaw setting stubbornly but I could see the pain in his eyes, mixed with a bit of panic. “I screwed up. I know that but please don’t shut me out. Let me explain.”

My eyes widened when they connected with Bonnie Jenkins’ inquisitive gaze, her eyes moving up and down and resting for a moment on Mac’s hand wrapped firmly around my wrist before she took a step in our direction, forgetting the string quartet that she’d been interviewing. “No,” I snarled, using my free hand to shove at Mac’s while I tugged the wrist he was holding.

He let out a hiss of pain and released his hold, making me look up at him in curiosity but his eyes were focused on his hand and I shifted my gaze there as well in time to see the red and swollen knuckles on his right hand before he shoved it into his jacket pocket.

“So we’re not going to talk about this?” he asked, his voice devoid of emotion and his eyes flat when I looked up at him.

I shook my head, my eyes scanning the crowd to see Bonnie Jenkins just a few feet from us, her eyes alight with greed as she locked onto us like a homing device, obviously sensing the atmosphere. “I’m leaving,” I said, turning on my heel and walking away from him, knowing that I was probably hurting him but it was better than staying there to listen to Bonnie’s questions about our relationship and if Mac kept looking at me with pain in his eyes, I’d probably end up saying something way too revealing and then it would all be over. Dom would find out and I could lose Mac and the band, our music, everything.

I wouldn’t let that happen.

Cabs were lined up outside of the hotel and I got into the first one I saw, telling him which hotel I was staying at absentmindedly. I let out a sigh and relaxed into the seat, my head starting to hurt from the pressure of the night. I rubbed my eyes half in frustration and half in exhaustion and remembered too late that I was wearing make-up and probably now looked like a raccoon.

Inwardly I groaned and let my head fall against the seat, staring up at the ceiling but my eyes weren’t focused on anything. Instead, I was replaying the moment when I’d pushed Mac’s hand away from me, seeing the red and swollen knuckles on his right hand, hoping he was okay.

“I’m such a sap,” I grumbled.

“Excuse me?” the cab driver said, glancing at me in the rear view mirror as he dodged through traffic so fast that I had to look away to keep from having a panic attack.

“Nothing,” I said breathlessly, gripping the door handle until my knuckles were white. “Thank god,” I mumbled when we pulled up outside of our hotel.

“Pardon?” the cabbie asked, turning in his seat to look at me curiously.

“I said, thank you,” I replied, digging in my clutch for some cash and handed it to him, including a big tip because I was feeling generous.

“Oh, you’re welcome,” he said cheerfully, giving me a huge smile. “Happy New Year.”

“You too,” I said politely, stepping out of the cab and waving through the window before walking up the steps to the lobby, wanting to get out of my heels and into one of Mac’s shirts as soon as possible.

I breathed a sigh of relief when the door to my room was shut behind me and I finally kicked off my shoes, wondering why I’d listened to Jenna when she’d insisted that I buy them. I made my way to the washroom, intent on washing off my make-up and winced when I saw my reflection. I really did look like a raccoon. A raccoon with blood shot and swollen eyes who looked like she hadn’t slept for days. Sleep hadn’t come easily the past week, mostly because I hadn’t spent any nights with Mac since Christmas Eve and I had struggled to sleep that night after meeting Ben and Sarah.

After washing my face, I changed into a pair of pyjama shorts and one of Mac’s t-shirts, wishing it smelled less like detergent and more like him as I sank onto the king sized bed with my acoustic guitar on my lap, just playing random notes until I realized I was playing a song, recognizing it as Just Breathe by Pearl Jam and when I got to the chorus, it hit me that no matter how upset or tired I was, I needed to see Mac, to make things right between us because even though he’d been a bit of an idiot, I’d hurt him when I walked away and my heart rebelled at the thought.

Setting my guitar aside, I stood and grabbed the plastic laundry bag in the closet before leaving the room. After making a quick stop at the ice machine, I headed to Mac’s room, glad that Dom had splurged and let us get separate rooms because it would be the last time any of us would have any privacy for a while. When the tour started, we were all going to be on the same bus, spending every waking moment with each other until it drove us crazy but I couldn’t help but feel excited. My last tour had consisted of flights and long car rides with only Olivia as company and every time I’d tried to talk about music with her, she’d give me a blank look, her expertise lying in getting gigs rather than actual music.

When I knocked on Mac’s door my heart was pounding and I was feeling oddly nervous at the thought of seeing him, afraid that something had changed between us because of the way I’d acted in the lobby.

I lost my breath completely when he opened the door and my train of thought went out the window when my eyes rested on the enticing slice of chest exposed by his unbuttoned dress shirt. “Um,” I said, licking my lips as my fingers tingled with the need to touch his chest, to get closer to him and wrap my arms around him.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, the tone of voice making my heart jerk painfully in my chest and my eyes swing to his. “I thought you said everything you wanted to say already.”

I frowned, hating the way his blue eyes were so cold. “I was worried about your hand,” I said quietly, holding out the bag of ice I’d gotten for him and placing my other hand against the painful spot on my chest that throbbed every time he looked at me so dispassionately.

He let out a short, humourless laugh and grabbed the ice, tossing it carelessly onto a nearby table without even glancing at it. “Thanks.”

My eyes rested on the ice pack for a second before shifting back to Mac. “Okay, so it’s safe to say that you’re mad at me.”

He just shrugged, his face expressionless as he looked down at me and crossed his arms over his chest.

Hurt pooled in my stomach along with indignation. “Fine,” I said, pushing past him into the room, unwilling to just let this go. “So you’re mad at me, but let’s review this evening, shall we? It started off with a few heated words between you and Sheldon and then a promise not to get into a fist fight, if you recall,” I said, pacing in front of the king sized bed, bumping my knee on the desk as I turned around but I didn’t even notice. “Then, we all sat at the table and you h-held my hand and you were there for me, just like I needed you to be and when I went onstage, you gave me the strength I needed to play tonight. That was hard for me, Mac.” My eyes connected with his in time to see his expression waver, guilt crossing his eyes for a moment but I turned around to continue pacing. “When I got off stage I saw Jocelyn.” I heard his sharp intake of breath but I didn’t give him a chance to say anything.

“She was there, waiting for me backstage and at first it was awful. At first she told me how much she hated me but then...” I paused in my pacing for a second, my eyes focused on the memory of the young girl who’s seemed so sad and broken but I couldn’t help but think that she’d be okay, that she’d heal because she had people to depend on. “Then it got better. She liked my song,” I said softly, my lips quirking into a small smile as my eyes connected with Mac’s again.

His lips turned up into a smile too and his eyes softened. “That’s so great, Rose.”

“It was. It was amazing to hear her say that and then you and Sheldon showed up and he provoked you, I get that, I really do but Mac, don’t you think you could’ve tried a little harder to control yourself? I don’t have any feelings for Sheldon. Even he can see that which is probably why he enjoys irritating you so much.”

“I know that,” he growled and when I whipped my head over to him, his fists were clenched at his sides and his eyes were blazing with fury and something like hurt.

“Do you? Because as soon as he’s anywhere near me, you lose it.”

He shrugged and shifted his gaze over to his bed, suddenly looking tired. “It doesn’t matter,” he said, his voice going flat again, sending a knife into my chest. “Let’s just talk about this some other time, okay?”

“No,” I said firmly, no longer pacing as I stood in front of him with my hands on my hips. “I hate it that you’re mad at me and I want to make this right, so let’s just talk.”

“I thought you didn’t want to talk,” he said, his eyes narrowing on me and I saw the hurt mixed with the anger. “I tried to talk to you but you brushed me off and practically ran away from me so forgive me if I’m not really in the mood anymore.”

“There were reporters everywhere! It didn’t seem like the best time to have a heart to heart.”

“You had no problems talking to Sheldon in public,” he snarled, his eyes narrowed and shooting daggers at me.

“What is your problem?” I shouted, taking a step closer to him and pushing on his chest in frustration. “I just didn’t want any rumours to start about you and me.”

“But you’re fine with the rumours about you and Sheldon?”

“It’s not the same, Mac and you know it. God, why are you acting like this?” I asked, my forehead wrinkled in a frown and my heart beating wildly in my chest from the anger I was feeling.

“Because there’s something between you two!”

I lurched back as if I’d been slapped, feeling my heart stutter painfully in my chest as my stomach dropped. “What?” I asked hoarsely, my tone laced with disbelief. “What did you just say? Do you seriously think there’s something going on between me and Sheldon?”

When he hesitated, I let out sound of disbelief and brushed past him, intent on leaving the hotel room, disgusted with him.

“Rose,” he said, his strained voice holding a hint of panic as he grabbed my arm, stopping me before I reached the door. “Wait, you misunderstood.”

“I don’t know, Mac,” I hissed, tugging on my arm but not looking back at him. My gaze fell on the bag of ice that he’d so carelessly tossed aside and a fresh wave of anger burned through my gut as I remembered how worried I’d been about him. The asshole. “It kind of makes sense, right? The way I keep telling you that I love you and spending all my time with you, telling you about my past because I finally feel like I can trust someone, well obviously I must be carrying on a relationship with Sheldon, that’s the only explanation, isn’t it?”

“No,” he growled, still not letting go of my arm and when I tugged again, this time he tugged back, spinning me around so I was facing him but I stubbornly kept my gaze locked on his chest, refusing to look him in the eye. “I didn’t mean that you guys were having a relationship. I know it’s not like that between you.” He let out a long sigh and raised his free hand to run his fingers through his hair, the familiar motion sending a pang through my chest as I tried to ignore the hurt that was quickly replacing the anger I’d been feeling. “There’s a connection between the two of you that I’m not a part of. Something that comes from spending so much time together when you were younger and tonight when he said that thing about how I’ll never understand you the way he does, it hit a nerve.”

“What are you talking about? What connection?” I asked frowning at his chest, a small chunk of my brain thinking that it looked really good in the dimly lit room but I resolutely focused on the conversation.

“You don’t see it because it comes so naturally to you but I do. You’re at ease when you’re with him and with all the reports about the two of you being a couple, it just got under my skin.”

I lifted my eyes to his, seeing the vulnerability there and a tiny bit of my anger fled. “I’m at ease around him because he saw me when I was a broken and damaged preteen and he didn’t run away screaming. I’m not going to apologize because we have a past.”

“I’m not asking you to,” he said, releasing a short breath of frustration as he ran his hand through his hair again. “I just wish he’d keep his feelings for you to himself.” His eyes flickered with guilt and his voice was softer when he spoke again. “I shouldn’t have done that tonight of all nights. I know how much this meant to you and I screwed it all up. I’m so sorry.”

“You didn’t screw it all up,” I said quietly, reaching my hand up to gently brush that persistent lock of hair aside only to watch it fall back over his forehead. “Sheldon knew how you’d react and he hugged me on purpose to get you mad but he knows what you can’t seem to get into your stubborn head.”

His eyes flashed with irritation and his features turned down in a scowl. “What does he know?” he growled.”

“That I love you.”

He blinked and his scowl disappeared, replaced by a crooked smile. “Oh,” he said hoarsely, his eyes softening as he lifted his hand to brush a piece of my hair behind my ear. “I love you too,” he said softly, leaning in to plant a kiss on my forehead before he leaned back again, crouching slightly to look me in the eye.

“Good, so next time Sheldon gets annoying, you can just ignore him, right?”

“No promises,” he said his eyes lighting with humour as he leaned close and planted a kiss on my lips, making my mind go completely blank.

When his lips shifted to my neck, lightly brushing against the pulse point there, I lost my breath along with my brain and my heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest. I made an involuntary sound in the back of my throat when I felt his hand slip under the hem of my shirt, his rough fingers creating a tantalizing friction against the smooth skin of my lower back, making me shiver.

He whispered my name close to my ear, trailing kisses across my cheek until his lips found mine again and he used his right hand to tilt my head to the side, deepening the kiss and sending my already pounding heart into overdrive.

I slipped my hands under his dress shirt, loving the way his muscles shuddered when I ran my hands over them, telling me that he was as affected by me as I was by him.

Suddenly something occurred to me and I pulled back, blinking my eyes a few times to try to jump start my brain again but it was hard when Mac barely registered my movement and simply shifted his lips back to my neck, kissing and nipping gently until my knees wobbled. “Mac,” I said breathlessly.

“Mm,” he replied, shifting the hand on my lower back a little higher, bunching the fabric of my shirt as his fingers and palm ran gently over my spine, making my eyes drift closed once more but I forced them open.

“Mac,” I said again, my voice coming out a touch more forceful than before.

“What?” he whispered, his voice rumbling up from his chest in a way that made me shiver.

“Um,” I mumbled, losing my train of thought again as he raised his hand a little higher on my back before bringing it down again, leaving a trail of fire where his skin touched mine. I cleared my throat lightly, feeling like I’d lost several IQ points in the past few minutes.

“What is it, Rose?” he asked huskily, moving his right hand further into my hair, making my scalp tingle.

“Huh?” I said, tilting my head further to the side to allow him better access to the sensitive skin on my neck.

“Weren’t you going to say something?” he murmured against my skin and the hint of laughter in his voice helped to bring my brain back from the clouds.

“Your hand,” I said, trying to focus.

“Which one?” he asked, shifting his hand on my back so that his fingers brushed over my rib cage just below my breast while the hand in my hair moved until his fingers brushed lightly down my neck making me release an involuntary moan.

“Hurt,” I whispered, not even paying attention to what I was saying.

“What?” he asked, his tone filled with alarm as he pulled back from me. “Did I hurt you?”

“Huh?” I asked, blinking at his concerned face, trying to figure out what he was talking about. “Oh,” I said after a moment, realizing what I’d said. “No, not me, you. You hurt your hand when you hit Sheldon, didn’t you?”

He let out a sigh of relief and stepped closer to me again, planting a kiss at the corner of my mouth. “It’s fine,” he murmured.

“No it isn’t,” I said, planting my hands on his chest and giving him a little push. “I brought ice,” I said, my voice a little breathless as my eyes shifted down to see my hands on his impressive chest and my mouth tilted up in a goofy grin.

“Ice?” he asked, his tone laced with humour making me jerk my eyes up to his, seeing his raised eyebrow and crooked grin, obviously amused at how easily distracted I was.

“Yes,” I said, jerking my hands back, ignoring the way my heart twisted at the loss of contact. “Ice,” I muttered, moving to the table and grabbing the plastic bag he’d tossed there before sitting on the bed and patting the spot next to me in invitation.

He let out a disappointed sigh but sat down next to me anyway. I reached out and grabbed his right hand gently, examining the red and swollen knuckles carefully, searching for any sign of a break. “How badly does it hurt?”

He just shrugged and curled his fingers into a loose fist. “It’s not bad, Rose. You don’t have to worry.”

“You should be more careful,” I said, placing the ice on his hand gently. “We’re starting our tour in a few days and you need your hand to play guitar.”

“Next time I’ll hit him with my elbow,” he said wryly and I sent a narrow eyed look at him.

“No you won’t.”

“I guess I could kick him.”

“Mac,” I said sternly.

His lips twitched but there was a hint of reluctance in his eyes when he leaned forward and planted a quick kiss on my mouth. “I know he’s important to you, Rose so I’ll try to get along with him but if I have to fight for you, I will.”

My heart clenched in my chest as his words hit me hard. “Oh,” I said, touched.

“Why do you look so surprised?” he grumbled, scowling at me.

“I’m not,” I said quietly, keeping my eyes on his wound.

“You are,” he said more softly but his voice was still a bit gruff as he placed a finger under my chin and lifted my gaze to his. “I’m not like your foster parents, Rose. I’m not giving you up.”

My heart jerked hard at his words and I couldn’t stop the goofy smile from spreading across my face as I gazed up at him like a star struck fan. “Oh,” I croaked after a moment of just staring up at him.

He let out a light chuckle and shook his head, leaning in to plant a kiss on my cheek before moving even closer to rest his forehead on my shoulder. “You’re supposed to tell me that you’ll never give me up either,” he said quietly, his voice laced with exhaustion as his shoulders relaxed and the fingers of his injured hand lost all tension beneath the makeshift icepack.

“Am I?”

“Mmhm.”

“Well I can’t say it now,” I said softly, thinking that maybe he was falling asleep with his head on my shoulder but suddenly he pulled back to glare down at me, his eyes half exhausted and half angry.

“Why not?” he growled.

“Because you told me to. You  might think I’m being insincere,” I said, biting my lip to keep from laughing at the way his eyelids kept drooping.

“You’re impossible,” he grumbled but his voice lacked conviction and his lips were stretched into a crooked, sleepy grin that made my heart flip flop in my chest.

“You’re exhausted,” I said and he nodded before shifting upwards to the top of the bed, resting his head on the pillow and stretching his legs out, gesturing for me to join him.

“You haven’t been sleeping?” I asked when my head was comfortably resting on his left arm and his right hand was planted on the bed between us with the ice pack on his knuckles.

“Worried,” he mumbled, tangling his legs with mine and making me lose my train of thought for a moment.

“About what?”

“You. Tonight. Didn’t need to though. You were amazing,” he said softly just before his eyes closed completely and his breathing deepened, telling me he was asleep.

“Thank you,” I said softly, lifting my hand and brushing my fingers lightly through his hair, loving the silky texture as it sifted over my skin, half terrified of the strong emotions running through me. I’d never felt anything like this before, this all consuming love and though this moment was perfect, what would I do if I lost it?

“Why is this happening?” I grumbled the next morning. I was sitting in a stylist’s chair being poked and prodded by a frantic crew of make-artists and hair experts and it was barely eight am.

“Pardon?” one of the frazzled girls asked, her wide brown eyes shifting to look into mine quickly before focusing on layering my lips with gloss once more.

“Nothing,” I mumbled, trying to stay still so they could just get it over with.

“Everyone ready?” A guy said, poking his head into the dressing room, looking just as frantic as the girls who were buzzing around me.

“I did my best,” the wardrobe specialist said, eyeing my strategically faded designer jeans that were quite a bit more snug than I was used to and the black tank top that was a bit too low cut for my liking. I tugged on the neckline of the top, hoping to cover a bit more of my skin but the stylist slapped my hand away. “Stop that,” she said, glaring at me.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, feeling way too drowsy to be going on a talk show this early in the morning. “Where’s my guitar?” I asked, casting my bleary eyes over the room, searching for my electric guitar, wanting to hold it so that the nerves would go away.

“It’s already on the set,” the guy who’d come to the door said before his eyes went unfocused and he replied to something said through his headset. “On our way.” He turned his eyes to me and gave me a plastic smile. “Ready Miss Adams?”

I shrugged and followed him out of the dressing room towards the set of Ferrari Brown in the Morning hosted by Ferrari Brown who had apparently called Francis when the original guest for this morning had cancelled because of a flight delay. Francis had immediately agreed to the show and had called us only a few short hours before to inform us of our TV interview.

“Hey guys,” I said weakly when I saw the three boys leaning against a wall close to the opening at the side of the set.

All three of them straightened and gave me tired looking smiles as I walked up to them and took my spot next to Mac, brushing my arm against his lightly, wishing I could just hold his hand but unwilling to in public.

“Ready?” the guy with the headset asked, not really paying attention to us as we all mumbled our responses and he nodded, sending a thumb’s up towards the set but I didn’t see anyone there.

I was too tired to care anyway and I vaguely registered the sound of the studio audience as they cheered for Ferrari who walked on set confidently, waving at her audience and smiling broadly as she took her seat.

My eyes rested on the tall woman with long red hair as she folded her jeans clad legs underneath her and addressed the audience, giving them an overview of what was going to happen on the show. I tuned her out and took in her relaxed appearance as she talked to the audience like she was talking to an old friend and I wondered if I’d ever be that comfortable in front of a crowd.

My stomach twisted with nerves when she mentioned our band name and the crowd cheered loudly, signalling our entrance.

“Okay, you’re up,” headset guy said, gesturing for us to walk onstage to where our instruments were set up. We’d be opening with a song after which point there would be a commercial break and then a question period with Ferrari.

Silently sending a thank you to the stylists for putting me in a pair of stylish combat boots rather than heels, I followed the boys onto the stage, giving the audience a little smile and a wave, feeling kind of robotic and nauseous at the same time.

“Hey,” Dan said, nudging me with his shoulder as he strapped his bass on. “Five bucks says Troy pukes after the show,” he said, grinning and jerking his head to where Troy was sitting behind the drums, looking pretty green.

I let out a short bark of laughter and nodded, seeing the shaky smile that Troy had planted on his lips and I decided that he’d be okay. “Ten bucks says he’ll hold it in,” I replied, grinning over at Dan.

“You’re on,” he said, taking his spot to Mac’s left while I stepped up the microphone on Mac’s right and strapped my guitar over my shoulders.

My grin turned into a satisfied smile as I felt the comforting weight of my guitar in my hands, listening as Troy opened the tune with a killer drum solo that sent my pulse racing. My eyes connected with Mac’s and his were alight with the same joy in music that I felt and with a wink in my direction, he stepped up to the microphone and let out a scream that made me tilt my head back and laugh even as my fingers slid expertly over my guitar, playing the complicated chord progression as if it were second natures, which it was considering how many times we’d played it. Counterfeit was track six on our record and it had a bit of a different sound to it. Heavier with more complicated guitar riffs and solos. Mac’s vocals were a bit rougher, his voice sounding harsh as he sang the words with his usual passion and I forgot all about my nerves as we played it through, loving the way we sounded onstage and when we were done, I felt a pang in my chest that we only got to play one song.

The crowd stood and cheered wildly as Ferrari moved up to Mac and wrapped her arm around his waist, the stage tech gesturing for Dan and I to move closer as well so the camera could get a good shot of us as they went to commercial break.

“That was great guys,” Ferrari said, taking her arm from around Mac’s waist she could shake his hand, her eyes lighting with interest as she smiled up at him.

When she finally shifted to Dan and gripped his hand, I decided that I didn’t like Ferrari Brown with her long red hair and delicate features. She was probably in her mid twenties but she didn’t look a lot older than us and I could almost read her mind as she looked the two brothers up and down one last time. “Rose,” she said when she finally managed to tear her gaze from the brothers. “It’s nice to meet you.” She stuck her hand out for me and I shook it with only the slightest of hesitation, getting an odd sinking sensation in my stomach at the bloodthirsty look in her eyes when they connected with mine.

“You too,” I said politely but I didn’t mean it.

“You guys can just put your instruments down and take a seat over there,” she said, gesturing to the long couch next to her chair that was angled so that the audience could see all of us.

We did as instructed and I ended up between Mac and Troy, the cushions of the couch not as comfortable as they looked. My nerves were starting to return as Ferrari looked at us and shuffled her cue cards around in her hands, her eyes alight with something that didn’t sit well with me but there was no running away now.

When the music signalling the return from commercial break started and the cameraman counted us back in, I started to feel a little sick but I resolutely ignored it, telling myself that I’d have to get used to this if I was going to be a part of Burn to Shine.

“Welcome back to the Ferrari Brown show,” Ferrari said, grinning at her audience before turning her fake smile to us. “Today we have Burn to Shine with us and you just heard their brand new song, Counterfeit which is on their debut album so if you don’t have it yet, go get it because it is amazing,” she said, holding up a copy of our CD for the audience.

“Now tell me,” she said, turning back towards us, focusing on Mac when she spoke, “who are your biggest influences for your music, Mac?”

“We try not to focus too much on one sound or one band but we do like to look back at older music a lot because frankly, lots of the music today...well, let’s just say, we disagree with it.”

“Not all of it,” Dan said, leaning forward so he could look over at Mac who was sitting at the opposite end of the couch from him.

“No, of course not,” Troy said, his voice coming out strong without a hint of nerves and I leaned forward to grin over at Dan, sensing that I’d be ten dollars richer once the interview was over. Dan narrowed his eyes slightly back at me before I shifted back in my seat, my eyes meeting Ferrari’s before she looked back at Troy. “There are bands that are truly talented like the Foo Fighters and Close All Doors. NSR just came out with a new album that is incredible and Keely Staub is great too. These are the bands that have actual talent, that don’t need to electronics to make their voices good or to play their instruments for them. We’re just trying to be one of those bands.”

“Well, you’re doing a good job if that performance was any indication,” Ferrari said, smiling at each of us, her eyes lingering for a second on me before shifting over to Dan. “So Dan Parker, as the youngest member of the group, do you ever feel like you have to work harder to pull your weight?”

Dan crossed his arms and grinned at Ferrari charmingly. “Not a chance. Everyone knows I’m the real talent in the band.” I snorted and Mac let out a short laugh as Troy elbowed Dan in the ribs, making him laugh and put up in his hands in defence. Chuckling, he said, “All right, all right, all jokes aside, we all worked very hard to make this album and each of us is improving every day so I don’t think there’s any added pressure on any of us to ‘pull our weight’ because we understand each other as a band.”

She nodded and her lips quirked up slightly in the corner before she asked her next question. “So, any girlfriends for you, Dan?”

He chuckled easily and shook his head. “No, not at the moment.”

She smiled warmly at him and shifted her gaze to Troy. “And you Troy?”

“I have a girlfriend, yes,” he said, his cheeks turning slightly red as the audience let out loud boos. “She’s pretty great,” he said when they’d quieted down and I couldn’t help but smile, thinking that Cindy was a lucky girl.

“I’m sure she is but who’s going to keep you in line while you’re on tour?” Ferrari asked, sending him a wink.

“I am,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. “She’s a good friend of mine so I’ll be keeping a close watch on him,” I said in mock seriousness, nudging him with my shoulder as he grinned over at me.

“What about you, Rose?” Ferrari said, her tone a bit sharper than it had been, drawing my eyes back to her. “Who’s going to keep an eye on you? How does your boyfriend, Sheldon feel about being away from you for so long?”

I felt Mac stiffen beside me but I just met her gaze calmly and said, “Sheldon isn’t my boyfriend. We’re just good friends.”

“That’s right,” she said, snapping her fingers as her eyes sharpened on me and I felt like I’d fallen right into her trap. “He knew you back when you played piano. So you’re probably the most experienced one in the group,” she said, her polite smile turning into a smirk as she sat forward in her chair. “That is to say, you’ve done your share of traveling for music, you must be getting bored of it by now. I hear the music world is filled with parties and I’m sure you’ll be seeing a few. Considering that you have no parents, who’s going to keep you from getting into trouble?”

I let out a short breath and gave her a disbelieving look, trying to compose myself as I saw Mac’s hand clench into a fist on his lap. “I’m really not that kind of girl,” I said as calmly as I could but I could hear a thread of anger in my reply.

“This lifestyle changes people,” Ferrari said, latching onto me with delight in her eyes. “With no parental restrictions holding you back, don’t you think you might give into temptations like drugs and alcohol like so many other young artists have?”

I swallowed hard and shook my head, giving her an incredulous smile as I tried to formulate an answer that would satisfy her but I came up with nothing.

“Rose can take care of herself and has been for a while now. If she ever needs anything, she can just ask us for help,” Mac growled, his eyes narrowed dangerously on Ferrari who shifted her gaze over to him, obviously not hearing the tone of warning in his voice.

“What if that’s not enough?” she said snidely.

“It will be,” he replied, his voice even deeper and rougher than it had been.

“What makes you so sure?”

“Because I love her.”

Silence.

My heart stopped beating and nobody even breathed for what felt like an eternity as his words registered. When they finally sank in, my heart started pounding furiously in my chest and panic like I’d never felt before climbed up my throat, choking off my air supply and turning my vision black. “He means the band,” I croaked, clearing my throat and giving Ferrari what I hoped was a smile but it felt more like a grimace. “The band loves me so they’ll be there for me.”

“Is that what you meant, Mac?” Ferrari asked as the audience started whispering amongst themselves, coming up with their own conclusions.

When Mac didn’t reply immediately, I nudged him in the ribs with my elbow, needing him to deny it so that we wouldn’t get caught but he still didn’t speak and when I looked over at him, his eyes were focused on me. “Mac,” I whispered desperately, silently begging him not to ruin this, not to rip everything away from me when I felt like I’d finally gotten things right for once.

His eyes were swimming with a mix of emotions as he looked down at me, uncertainty, reluctance, determination and worst of all, apology just as he opened his mouth and said softly, “No, that’s not what I meant.”

I closed my eyes as wave after wave of panic moved through me, making my heart beat frantically and my ears ring.

“What exactly did you mean?” Ferrari asked, breathless with anticipation.

“I love her,” he said clearly, his voice coming out smooth and calm as he reached over and grabbed my hand in his.

Numbly, I let him, barely even feeling his touch as my world crashed down around me.

Dom. Dom was watching this right now. He was probably furious with us for going against his wishes. What would I do if he took me off the label? Just how many times did I have to start over?

“Well Rose, you’re one lucky girl,” Ferrari said, sending a wink in my direction, her mouth curled into a satisfied smile that turned my stomach as she faced the audience once more. “And there you have it. Mac and Rose of Burn to Shine officially a couple. Sorry ladies, Mac’s taken,” she said with a chuckle as the audience let out a sad “Aww” before clapping politely as the theme music came on and Ferrari started talking about her next guest but I stopped listening.

“And we’re out,” she said, standing from her chair and holding her hand out for Dan to shake. “Well, I must say you guys make good TV,” she said excitedly, leaning forward more to grab Dan’s hand because he had only held it out a short distance, looking almost as dazed as I felt. “I didn’t really expect much at first, thought you’d be really nervous,” she said, shaking Troy’s hand before moving to me. “Sorry about the questions, Rose but I have to get my ratings up. No hard feelings?” she said, holding out her hand which I just stared at for a second before slowly raising my eyes to hers as I pulled my hand out of Mac’s.

Without another word, I turned on my heel, pushing past my band mates towards the edge of the set, desperately needing air.

“Watch out!” a girl carrying a tray of donuts said when I almost bumped into her but I just picked up my pace, looking for an exit with wide eyes.

Finally, I saw a large metal door with an exit sign hanging above it and I jogged to it, pressing on the bar with enough force to send the door slamming against the brick wall of the alleyway it revealed.

“Oh god,” I mumbled, taking deep breaths as I bent over, letting the door slam closed behind me, not even jumping at the loud bang that echoed up and down the alleyway. I wrapped my arms around my stomach trying to physically hold myself together but it was no use. I moved to lean against the wall, pressing my forearm to the bricks, barely even noticing the abrasion against my skin as I leaned my head against my forearm, trying to breathe.

When the door beside me opened again, I knew it was Mac. I didn’t even look at him as I straightened and looked at the wall in front of me without really seeing it.

“Rose,” he said cautiously, taking a step towards me but something in my posture must have stopped him from coming any closer.

“Why did you do that?” I asked in a steady voice, my brain hearing it as if I was a bystander listening in, not the speaker. I felt strangely out of body as I continued to face the wall, my heart beating steadily in my chest as I waited for him to say the right thing, to tell me that it was all a dream that when I woke up, none of this would be true.

“I couldn’t lie,” he said softly, shifting towards me again and I didn’t move away.

My lips stretched into a humourless smile that I didn’t even feel as I slowly turned to face him. His eyes widened slightly when they met mine and I tilted my head to the side wondering what he saw there. “Why not?” I asked, my voice sounding merely curious to my own ears.

He scowled and took a step closer to me, gripping my wrist in his big, warm hand. “Because I’m sick of denying our relationship!” he growled in frustration, his eyes lighting with conviction as he tried to tell me that he did the right thing but he was wasting his breath. “I love you, Rose and it shouldn’t matter who knows it. It’s been a while now and it hasn’t affected our career so I don’t see why Dom would be against it.”

“What if he is?” I asked, my voice completely flat.

“He won’t be.”

“But what if he is?”

Mac’s eyes met mine steadily, filled with certainty as he gave me a warm smile that did nothing to melt the ice around my heart. “We’ll figure this out, Rose,” he said softly, giving my wrist a gentle squeeze.

My gaze shifted to where he was touching me and slowly, I reached out with my free hand and wrapped my fingers around his wrist, pulling on it until he let me go.

“Rose,” he said, his voice sounding broken and faraway as I let go of him, some tiny part of me knowing that this had to be hurting him too but my pain was selfish and consuming, leaving no room for compassion as I stepped back from him.

“I need some time,” I said quietly, my voice cracking at the thought of having all the time in the world and no band to spend it with. I’d even passed calculus and graduated high school. What would I do if Dom kicked me out?

I turned around and winced as a sharp pain stabbed me repeatedly in the chest and nausea turned my stomach. I stopped moving when I heard Mac’s footsteps behind me and turned my face to the side, unable to face him fully at the moment. “Don’t follow me.”

“I know you’re mad at me but you can’t wander around New York on your own. You’re not even wearing a jacket,” he said, his voice filled with hurt and I cursed my own heart for going out to him even just a tiny bit.

“I’m not cold,” I snarled, angry at myself for being so willing to forgive him. “Don’t follow me,” I said, my voice colder than I’d ever heard it as I started to walk away again and this time, he didn’t follow me.

DN fans, don't kill me.